What is up with my husband???

brandillyn
brandillyn Posts: 105 Member
in Chit-Chat
It's been about a month since he's said anything like, "Hey, you're looking good." or anything remotely relating to.. you know... ummmm.... sexual things. I'm ALWAYS the one who has to start it. Then after the ...sexual stuff.. he says to me, "I've been wanting to for days now." But he DOESN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!
So this week I haven't started anything just to see what he'd do, he doesn't even seem remotely interested..
Sure, I don't have a job so I don't feel the need to put make up on and get dolled up when no one is gonna see me. Does that really matter to guys?

I need input..
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Replies

  • Cindym82
    Cindym82 Posts: 1,245 Member
    My boyfriend is the same way since we moved in together...
  • SafireBleu
    SafireBleu Posts: 881 Member
    Just ask him. It always helps to just come out with it.
  • Shelbert79
    Shelbert79 Posts: 510 Member
    My husband has his moments where he's that way too. I think they like to be seduced but I don't think they realize its a turn on for US to be seduced by them too.
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    Is your husband also 19 (give or take)? In my opinion that is a very young age to be married ^^ Maybe he is just changing. It's not necessarily a bad thing, he might simply not feel like speaking that way anymore because his mind is still developing.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    These mind games couples play with each other is sad, really.
  • brandillyn
    brandillyn Posts: 105 Member
    When he says, "I've been wanting to do that for days" I always say, "Then why don't you do anything about it?"

    Then he says, this is an exact quote, "I try."
  • nikkicarter13
    nikkicarter13 Posts: 231 Member
    Talk to him about it. Communication is the KEY to a great relationship
  • dlwyatt82
    dlwyatt82 Posts: 1,077 Member
    That's not terribly uncommon in a relationship, from either partner. Just talk to him and let him know that you like for him to initiate things sometimes too.

    Once that happens, be ready to respond (and I mean, REALLY respond... give him a crazy, sweaty, holy *kitten* hour) when he tries it the first few times. If you've told him you want him to start it, then give him an "I'm busy" or "I have a headache" type of answer, he'll probably back right off again.
  • foxy2311
    foxy2311 Posts: 179
    I remember in a past relationship where this happened. He said because he was waiting for me to do the seducing cause he had the feeling that he was the one who started it all the time. (I didn't agree with that, but who knows)
  • mrsmerrithew
    mrsmerrithew Posts: 74 Member
    Not a dude.... but...

    Maybe he's got something on his mind?

    I know with my husband if he's stressed out, then sex is out of the question.

    I'm most often the pursuer anyway. I think sometimes men just want to be wanted. (Just like us ladies!)

    Don't take it personal.

    And if you do want him to absolutely ravish you without you having to instigate it, then want not make the extra effort and make your self desirable? Lace and heels go a LONG way... ;o)
  • loislane22
    loislane22 Posts: 71
    If you want it, then go get it.
  • Linda_Darlene
    Linda_Darlene Posts: 453 Member
    Yes, it does!
  • brandillyn
    brandillyn Posts: 105 Member
    Is your husband also 19 (give or take)? In my opinion that is a very young age to be married ^^ Maybe he is just changing. It's not necessarily a bad thing, he might simply not feel like speaking that way anymore because his mind is still developing.

    No, he's 21 in a few months. I know i'ts very young.*^^* I've heard it many a time. I'm a Marine wife.
    But that's good input.
  • mvat839
    mvat839 Posts: 9 Member
    It's been about a month since he's said anything like, "Hey, you're looking good." or anything remotely relating to.. you know... ummmm.... sexual things. I'm ALWAYS the one who has to start it. Then after the ...sexual stuff.. he says to me, "I've been wanting to for days now." But he DOESN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!
    So this week I haven't started anything just to see what he'd do, he doesn't even seem remotely interested..
    Sure, I don't have a job so I don't feel the need to put make up on and get dolled up when no one is gonna see me. Does that really matter to guys?

    I need input..

    I feel as though it does make a difference, whether you look presentable or not...but most of all...you should be discussing these personal matters with your husband. Maybe he has things on his mind that is just making him not that into it. Just a thought...I know my husband tends to internalize things and I begin to feel a little rejected sometimes, until I bring up a nice convo and suddenly, I realize he's got lots on his mind. Just a thought~ :)
  • mslack01
    mslack01 Posts: 823 Member
    Maybe something is up with his self esteem. I know there are lots of times I think about it and want to, but I don't initiate because I feel insecure.
  • shiseido_faerie
    shiseido_faerie Posts: 771 Member
    I would say mention it to him. I know sometimes my bf will say "well, you didn't seem like you'd be in the mood" or something similar, he just anticipated that because of my mood or something that had gone on that day etc. that I wouldn't want to and so didn't try.

    If your husband is saying he does try, but you're not seeing it/feeling it, then maybe suggest ways that it would be a little more obvious to you??
  • nikkijay25
    nikkijay25 Posts: 42 Member
    Men are visual people. You say you don't get all "dolled" up, maybe you should.
  • stephaneb74
    stephaneb74 Posts: 151 Member
    Wife’s Journal

    Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.

    On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’ When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep – I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

    Husband's journal

    Jeep won’t start…can’t figure out why.
  • Natty0506
    Natty0506 Posts: 103 Member
    My husband and I have been together since we were 19 and got married at 20. It's a very tough time to be in a seriously committed relationship. We're now both 27 (or almost 27 in my case), and we've matured a LOT. I think that communication is the key. You HAVE to talk about what's bothering you. Playing games isn't going to get either of you anywhere. Start by asking him if there's anything bothering him or if he has anything he wants to talk about. Most of the time, just opening that door works wonders.
  • stephaneb74
    stephaneb74 Posts: 151 Member
    Not trying to make a joke of your couple issue, but really you should just, talk.... could be really something on his mind.....
  • volleypc
    volleypc Posts: 134 Member
    Just talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel. No games.. just honesty. It will make things get much better much faster.
  • Ebwash89
    Ebwash89 Posts: 180 Member
    Sometimes guys like to feel wanted too and for the girl to start it. Its the chase or the excitement. Every now and then you have to shock him or switch the routine. Sometimes you start or sometimes he does.
  • solarpower03
    solarpower03 Posts: 12,161 Member

    Maybe he's got something on his mind?

    I know with my husband if he's stressed out, then sex is out of the question.

    I agree with this bit totally. Does he have a stressful job?
  • MmmDrop
    MmmDrop Posts: 160 Member
    To be totally honest lady, my husband is the same way - and has been the same way since we first met 6 years ago. I think its a Marine thing. Sometimes they're hot, sometimes they're cold. They have a lot on their minds a lot of the time, so try not to take offence. :D

    When it comes down to a boiling point though, I normally just have to be extra aggressive to get his mind to come back down to earth. :D
  • brandillyn
    brandillyn Posts: 105 Member
    I've talked to him plenty about it. It's been going on longer than a month, now that I think about it it's been going on for like 3 or 4 months.
  • Lolli1986
    Lolli1986 Posts: 500 Member
    When he says 'I try' ask him 'and how do I respond?' or tell him 'honey, if i'm not responding with an obvious yes, then grab me and kiss me or something because i can guarantee i will be feeling the same way'.

    my ex felt like i didn't initiate, but i felt that i did, and that he rejected my advances (probably because he didn't understand that affection is an advance).
  • umachanxo
    umachanxo Posts: 926 Member
    Like others said, talk to him about it. Communication is SO important in a marriage and so often forgotten. You may find something is bothering him. And ignore the comments about being in a young marriage. It doesn't much matter the age - just how mature the situations are handled.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    I don't feel the need to put make up on and get dolled up when no one is gonna see me.
    Ouch, you just called your husband "no one".
  • thomassd1969
    thomassd1969 Posts: 564 Member
    I had the same problem with my fiancee, I finally just got brave and asked him if he wasnt turned on by me, He said no that he wasnt sure if I wanted him so he just let me come to him if I wanted it. Crazy but mens brains are so insecure.
  • tig_ol_bitties
    tig_ol_bitties Posts: 561 Member
    Communication. Yes, sometimes it's good to get input from others (like a message board), but the person you should REALLY be talking to is....your husband.

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