Question for the married/long-term relationship folks

pinuplove

Do you guys have any subjects that you just agree to disagree on? I love my husband dearly but there are a couple of subjects that I KNOW, as soon as we start discussing them, he is going to go into a huge long ranty rant trying to convince me he's right, and we're just going to argue. So I've started heading him off at the pass by telling him if he wants me warming his bed tonight he needs to shut it. He gets the message Just wondering if that's the norm.

BTW we've been married 12 years and have been through help and high water together He's a great guy, just wrong, in my opinion, on a couple of theoretical, arbitrary points that don't really affect our day to day life.

eatherhey

Oh yeah, that is completely normal. xD You can't be in perfect agreement over everything.

scott091501

Married 10 years. There are some issues the wife and I disagree on. We tend to just agree to disagree. There really is no point in ranting and raving about stuff that in reality isn't all too consequential to our every day life. We agree on what matters, or have come to an agreement on a joint stance, so the differences of opinion on various issues just keeps the conversation lively.

tamsinwhitfield

Oh yeah, that is completely normal. xD You can't be in perfect agreement over everything.

^ This. If you were, life would be incredibly boring.

tabi26

You betcha! My hubby and I "agree to disagree" on more topics than I care to list here lol. One that he's been bringing up lately is " You're going to catch a cold if you don't wear a jacket." No, Hunny, you're going to catch hypothermia if you don't wear a jacket.....a cold is a virus, you have to come into contact with it at some point to "catch" it . You can't fight science!.....wait......my hubby can lol. Anyway, I just let him say/believe what he wants too, with most of the things we disagree on....except how we feed the kids.....that's a fight to the death! Haha.

LorinaLynn

Our way to end disagreements like that is to say, "You just like arguing with me!" Because that's the one argument you can't win. And it's our cue that it's become pointless to argue.

pinuplove

Our way to end disagreements like that is to say, "You just like arguing with me!" Because that's the one argument you can't win. And it's our cue that it's become pointless to argue.

That's cute, I'll have to try it next time!

beckyinma

Money and housework, which I spend too much of and don't do enough of... those are our two biggies. Otherwise, we don't disagree on much, and we're together nearly 24 hours a day, so it's good that we agree on a lot or we wouldn't be going on 17 years together, 12 years married. LOL

Mazzyx

Our way to end disagreements like that is to say, "You just like arguing with me!" Because that's the one argument you can't win. And it's our cue that it's become pointless to argue.

haha! Love it! :laugh:
Together 8years, agree to disagree on lots of things (But I am actually right ):laugh: It is completely normal
xxx

kellybean14

Just remember that your sweetie is more important than a topic of discussion. You can tell them you love them too much to spend time fretting over something ultimately not as important as your relationship.

StephieWillcox

There's actually a great book - "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman & Nan Silver that explains that something like 80% (I forget the actual amount) of married couples arguments are about things that you essentially disagree on, and will never be resolved - so heading it off at the start is definitely the way to deal with it!

christyd4

My boyfriend and I are polar opposites so there are many things that we don't agree on but we both know those subjects though we tend to both like "discussions" and have learned to not take the fact that we have different opinions on something personally.

digitalbill

Tiffany loves to rearrange things.
Rooms, cabinets, tool shed.. you name it.
About every other month, it is like coming into a new house.
It makes me CRAZY!!!!!!
However, it is one of those things I have learned to live with.

I am sure I do things that make her just as nuts.

Oh.. we are celebrating our 13th anniverary this weekend.

SassyCalyGirl

let him think he is right-you know better! So much easier that way.

LovingLisa2012

you will have different opinion simply because we are all unique .. deff normal

me and hubby doesn't even like *all* the same movies, music, food etc ( we have some in common but not all)

together 12 yrs 6 months, married 11 years ( but whose counting)

garita93

Married 12 years, still argue about who loves who more. :smooched:
There are other things too but sometimes you both have to just let go for the mere fact that it is counter productive.

Dtho5159

Yep!! Ive been with my husband since I was 18 and we have been married almost 8 years. We agree to disagree on a few subjects. Its how life is.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

We definitely have differences of opionion, how can you not have some differences? We generally either 1) agree to disagree or 2) use the approach that is more conservative see if it works and reassess. There are just things that are more important to me than they are to him in which case the final say goes to me, there are just things that are more important to him in which case I defer to him. If things get nasty (which they rarely do anymore) we're pretty good at finding a way to get the other one to reign it back in, pre-marital counseling was key for our communication. We're not by any means perfect, but I think we do pretty good.

ickybella

Oh man, my husband actually ENJOYS arguing. He calls it debating, but it is definitely arguing when you get two very competitive people going at it about something. I have come to realize now, though, that he doesn't always believe what he's saying. He just likes to play devil's advocate and get me riled up. I used to think this made him a bad person because he knows I hate to argue but now I just refuse to engage him. When he starts talking about things I know we will NEVER agree on, I either change the subject or leave the room. Also, like an above poster says, I used to say "You just like to argue" but his reply was always "Stop changing the subject." Not that I get frustrated or anything. :grumble:

squishycow7

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years... hopefully that counts as kiiiinda long-term?

there's only one thing we have to agree to disagree on, and that is EXERCISE! he doesn't do it. I've tried every single thing I can think of and I can't spark one bit of inspiration out of him. he's skinny-fat, so it's not like he LOOKS so bad. I can get him on board with eating well, but go for even a short walk? pffft. yeah right.


do I get extra credit for making my answer MFP-relevant?

edit to add - I also really loved Lost (the tv show) and he's not as convinced. *sigh*

farmgirlsuz

Some times I wish we DID fight! We are both alike in the fact that we hate confrontation so we both keep it bottled up inside and after five years i can feel the resentment building both ways. Maybe once a year we both blow up, spend a couple of days in silence with no resolve until we both "get over it". Disagreement is normal. It is how you resolve it that defines the relationship.

RunnerBlonde808

Married 24 years this year, together 26.

If you didnt' disagree on some things I would think there was something wrong. You are not going to agree 100% on everyone with someone. It's normal.

My husband is all into politics, me not so much. : ) We don't see eye to eye on several things but we make it work.

squishycow7

Our way to end disagreements like that is to say, "You just like arguing with me!" Because that's the one argument you can't win. And it's our cue that it's become pointless to argue.

ahhh I love it.

FaugHorn

Trying to think of anything that my husband and I actively disagree on...maybe whose turn it is to do dishes?

I dated someone once that we disagreed on everything (politics, theology, etc.) it was exhausting and boring

*edited for typo

bangersnmash90

Tiffany loves to rearrange things.
Rooms, cabinets, tool shed.. you name it.
About every other month, it is like coming into a new house.
It makes me CRAZY!!!!!!
However, it is one of those things I have learned to live with.

I am sure I do things that make her just as nuts.

Oh.. we are celebrating our 13th anniverary this weekend.

I do this! I rearrange things all the time, usually doesn't bother the OH but he is forever looking for things because I've moved them to a more sensible place haha!

I also like to rearrange the fridge...

2bFitNTrim

Married 29 years, and yes, there are topics which we agree to disagree & avoid to keep the peace. Every once in awhile though, a 3rd person may bring up one of these topics (innocently enough) & BOOM!, the rockets go off. Example, women in the military. He and I definitely do NOT see eye to eye on this one. But I love him anyway ( Even when he's wrong :bigsmile: )

lindseym1983

Been with husband 8 yrs married 6 1/2 and we argue about the two biggest things: money and parenting. We find a middle ground for the most part. On other smaller matters that we will not see eye to eye on sometimes you have to agree to disagree. But I do understand being right all the time and the man not getting that! lol

mandi2r

It all sounds normal to me... I look at my grandparents. They agrue and grunt at each other all the time, and they never leave the room without saying how much they love the other.
I've only been with my SO for 3 1/2 yrs and hope to make it as long as we live. My mother strongly believes I've met the one who I can't live without and when she agrees with me, then I know I made a good choice.

NicolettetheGreek

Me-Nah, I would never even suggest wihholding sex..I like it too! I think you have to pick ur battles. Mot of hem, if you really think about it, aren't worh the effort. We don't fight, and rarely argue. We've been together 21+ years. Not all of them perfect, but it is a give/take relationship.

Hope you work it out!

Nicolette

pinuplove

Oh man, my husband actually ENJOYS arguing. He calls it debating, but it is definitely arguing when you get two very competitive people going at it about something. I have come to realize now, though, that he doesn't always believe what he's saying. He just likes to play devil's advocate and get me riled up. I used to think this made him a bad person because he knows I hate to argue but now I just refuse to engage him. When he starts talking about things I know we will NEVER agree on, I either change the subject or leave the room. Also, like an above poster says, I used to say "You just like to argue" but his reply was always "Stop changing the subject." Not that I get frustrated or anything. :grumble:

Ooh, that sounds just like mine! Especially politics :grumble: He knows I hate politics. And with it being an election year...yeah. I think he should have been a lawyer. He loves arguing a point and proving he's right, lol. I'm much more live and let live.

vmbourg

We are still babies and are only going on year 5 but So far he has learned that I some how was not granted the strength to close a lid tight. And I also can tidy and pick up things but always rearrange how I do it. He can not for the life of him keep his shoes in a closet. I have given him 2 closets to choose from. And I am a ray of sunshine in the morning and it takes him an hour to talk in he morning.... Oh and we both coincidently know everything so rants occur Often and are usually opinions not facts so it's just always a debate. I'm the ranter unfortunately about opiniOns. Lol we just accept the quirks bc I would be lieing if I said as much as it may aggrevate me , I'd miss it.