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Question for the married/long-term relationship folks

pinuplove
pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
in Chit-Chat
Do you guys have any subjects that you just agree to disagree on? I love my husband dearly but there are a couple of subjects that I KNOW, as soon as we start discussing them, he is going to go into a huge long ranty rant trying to convince me he's right, and we're just going to argue. So I've started heading him off at the pass by telling him if he wants me warming his bed tonight he needs to shut it. He gets the message :wink: Just wondering if that's the norm.

BTW we've been married 12 years and have been through help and high water together :smile: He's a great guy, just wrong, in my opinion, on a couple of theoretical, arbitrary points that don't really affect our day to day life.
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Replies

  • eatherhey
    eatherhey Posts: 147 Member
    Oh yeah, that is completely normal. xD You can't be in perfect agreement over everything.
  • scott091501
    scott091501 Posts: 1,260 Member
    Married 10 years. There are some issues the wife and I disagree on. We tend to just agree to disagree. There really is no point in ranting and raving about stuff that in reality isn't all too consequential to our every day life. We agree on what matters, or have come to an agreement on a joint stance, so the differences of opinion on various issues just keeps the conversation lively.
  • tamsinwhitfield
    tamsinwhitfield Posts: 135 Member
    Oh yeah, that is completely normal. xD You can't be in perfect agreement over everything.

    ^ This. If you were, life would be incredibly boring.
  • tabi26
    tabi26 Posts: 535 Member
    You betcha! My hubby and I "agree to disagree" on more topics than I care to list here lol. One that he's been bringing up lately is " You're going to catch a cold if you don't wear a jacket." No, Hunny, you're going to catch hypothermia if you don't wear a jacket.....a cold is a virus, you have to come into contact with it at some point to "catch" it ;). You can't fight science!.....wait......my hubby can ;) lol. Anyway, I just let him say/believe what he wants too, with most of the things we disagree on....except how we feed the kids.....that's a fight to the death! Haha.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Our way to end disagreements like that is to say, "You just like arguing with me!" Because that's the one argument you can't win. :tongue: And it's our cue that it's become pointless to argue.
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    Our way to end disagreements like that is to say, "You just like arguing with me!" Because that's the one argument you can't win. :tongue: And it's our cue that it's become pointless to argue.

    That's cute, I'll have to try it next time! :smile:
  • beckyinma
    beckyinma Posts: 1,433 Member
    Money and housework, which I spend too much of and don't do enough of... those are our two biggies. Otherwise, we don't disagree on much, and we're together nearly 24 hours a day, so it's good that we agree on a lot or we wouldn't be going on 17 years together, 12 years married. LOL
  • Mazzyx
    Mazzyx Posts: 131
    Our way to end disagreements like that is to say, "You just like arguing with me!" Because that's the one argument you can't win. And it's our cue that it's become pointless to argue.
    haha! Love it! :laugh:
    Together 8years, agree to disagree on lots of things (But I am actually right :wink: ):laugh: It is completely normal :smile:
    xxx
  • kellybean14
    kellybean14 Posts: 237 Member
    Just remember that your sweetie is more important than a topic of discussion. You can tell them you love them too much to spend time fretting over something ultimately not as important as your relationship. :heart:
  • StephieWillcox
    StephieWillcox Posts: 627 Member
    There's actually a great book - "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman & Nan Silver that explains that something like 80% (I forget the actual amount) of married couples arguments are about things that you essentially disagree on, and will never be resolved - so heading it off at the start is definitely the way to deal with it!
  • christyd4
    christyd4 Posts: 191
    My boyfriend and I are polar opposites so there are many things that we don't agree on but we both know those subjects :) though we tend to both like "discussions" and have learned to not take the fact that we have different opinions on something personally.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    Tiffany loves to rearrange things.
    Rooms, cabinets, tool shed.. you name it.
    About every other month, it is like coming into a new house.
    It makes me CRAZY!!!!!!
    However, it is one of those things I have learned to live with.

    I am sure I do things that make her just as nuts.

    Oh.. we are celebrating our 13th anniverary this weekend.
  • SassyCalyGirl
    SassyCalyGirl Posts: 1,932 Member
    let him think he is right-you know better! So much easier that way.
  • LovingLisa2012
    LovingLisa2012 Posts: 775 Member
    you will have different opinion simply because we are all unique .. deff normal

    me and hubby doesn't even like *all* the same movies, music, food etc ( we have some in common but not all)

    together 12 yrs 6 months, married 11 years ( but whose counting)
  • garita93
    garita93 Posts: 267 Member
    Married 12 years, still argue about who loves who more. :smooched:
    There are other things too but sometimes you both have to just let go for the mere fact that it is counter productive.
  • Dtho5159
    Dtho5159 Posts: 1,054 Member
    Yep!! Ive been with my husband since I was 18 and we have been married almost 8 years. We agree to disagree on a few subjects. Its how life is.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    We definitely have differences of opionion, how can you not have some differences? We generally either 1) agree to disagree or 2) use the approach that is more conservative see if it works and reassess. There are just things that are more important to me than they are to him in which case the final say goes to me, there are just things that are more important to him in which case I defer to him. If things get nasty (which they rarely do anymore) we're pretty good at finding a way to get the other one to reign it back in, pre-marital counseling was key for our communication. We're not by any means perfect, but I think we do pretty good.
  • ickybella
    ickybella Posts: 1,438 Member
    Oh man, my husband actually ENJOYS arguing. He calls it debating, but it is definitely arguing when you get two very competitive people going at it about something. I have come to realize now, though, that he doesn't always believe what he's saying. He just likes to play devil's advocate and get me riled up. I used to think this made him a bad person because he knows I hate to argue but now I just refuse to engage him. When he starts talking about things I know we will NEVER agree on, I either change the subject or leave the room. Also, like an above poster says, I used to say "You just like to argue" but his reply was always "Stop changing the subject." Not that I get frustrated or anything. :grumble:
  • squishycow7
    squishycow7 Posts: 820 Member
    I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years... hopefully that counts as kiiiinda long-term? :)

    there's only one thing we have to agree to disagree on, and that is EXERCISE! he doesn't do it. I've tried every single thing I can think of and I can't spark one bit of inspiration out of him. he's skinny-fat, so it's not like he LOOKS so bad. I can get him on board with eating well, but go for even a short walk? pffft. yeah right.


    do I get extra credit for making my answer MFP-relevant?

    edit to add - I also really loved Lost (the tv show) and he's not as convinced. *sigh*
  • farmgirlsuz
    farmgirlsuz Posts: 351 Member
    Some times I wish we DID fight! We are both alike in the fact that we hate confrontation so we both keep it bottled up inside and after five years i can feel the resentment building both ways. Maybe once a year we both blow up, spend a couple of days in silence with no resolve until we both "get over it". Disagreement is normal. It is how you resolve it that defines the relationship.

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