Have you tried GLP1 medications and found it didn't work for you? We'd like to hear about your experiences, what you tried, why it didn't work and how you're doing now. Click here to tell us your story

how without upsetting her do i...

245

Replies

  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    I'd say the best way is to go slowwww. Before you spark the convo, maybe ask her to go on a few active dates- kayaking, biking, dancing at a club- whatever suits your lives. Also, cook! Cook some healthy stuff, go to a farmers market and enjoying making a fresh meal. Tell her YOUR excited about it, and see what, if anything, sparks her interest.

    If you start by saying 'you don't blah blah' or 'you're not blah blah' she's likely going to feel attacked any time you bring up eating healthier, exercising etc. She may end up resenting your comments and protesting the whole thing. Make it about things you want to do with her, and maybe she's hit the ground running and pick up activities and healthier eating solo too!

    Good luck!
    This is the only correct answer.
  • ritajean3
    ritajean3 Posts: 306 Member
    My husband spent 2 months telling me this and every time he opened his mouth all I heard was him wanting me to be thinner. Seriously it wasn't until I saw that my fitness and health had dropped that I did anything. So I have no idea, good luck though
  • nikkiprickett
    nikkiprickett Posts: 412 Member
    oh dear lord, this is a tuffy!
    I'm married and I tried getting fit so many times without my hubby-he didn't want any part of it.
    So I got us a gym membership and told him I was throwing out all of the junk in the house and that we
    were making this life-change together because I've failed too many times just trying by myself and seeing
    him eat whatever he wants w/o caring and it worried me for the future.
    He's a man though, I mean men are sensitive about this subject too, but you don't want to give the girl low self esteem and make
    her feel like you don't like her body anymore!

    If I were you, i would do the same and just say you're too tempted and get her to workout with you! it's great to challenge yourselves with each other-share progress and inspiration! It's just all around better if the people in the same household or who spend a lot of time together are on the same page about fitness. I would also just tell her the negative effects things like too much sodium/sugar and all those have on her body, health and future!
    Good luck! be gentle :)
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,423 Member
    Don't even go there. ANY way that you choose to tell her that she is too fat, will hurt her and very likely make her resentful and want to go and eat cookies.

    Just lead the way - by eating healthy, invite her along to do fun stuff that involves moving, cook healthy meals, make smart choices when you eat out etc. This way you can get her involved and show her that being healthy isn't a chore... without having to say "you're too fat".

    When she is ready to make that choice for herself, you have shown her some great strategies.
  • sipseyab
    sipseyab Posts: 56 Member
    You don't say anything..you do. Cook her a healthy meal, if you eat out choose places with healthier dishes. Plan dates for healthier activities..maybe ones that push her just a tiny bit and maybe get the gym thing to be her idea. Just include her in your new, healthier lifestyle.

    Yup. Say nothing, just set an example. She probably already knows she's out of shape, she doesn't need someone telling her. Buy her some cool workout clothes, bring home some fruit and make her a big fruit salad to keep in the fridge, suggest the two of you start a new sport together (hiking, tennis, etc).
  • MaryBowen27
    MaryBowen27 Posts: 132
    My husband spent 2 months telling me this and every time he opened his mouth all I heard was him wanting me to be thinner. Seriously it wasn't until I saw that my fitness and health had dropped that I did anything. So I have no idea, good luck though

    This brings me back to my original point. You cant unring a bell. Until you make a concerted effort to involve her in your healthier lifestyle, really tread lightly. Otherwise they may end up being your famous last words.
  • sl1ngsh0t
    sl1ngsh0t Posts: 326 Member
    you can't make someone do what they don't want to do. period.

    thus said, you can ask her to accompany you so you can both pursue your fitness goals....but I would leave it if she says no. bringing up weight & fitness are the proverbial "third rail" of relationships. Don't touch it, man, cause you will live to regret it...
  • r1ghtpath
    r1ghtpath Posts: 701 Member
    i have no clue if there is a good/ delicate way to approach this. it's her body, regardless of what you think of it, it's HERS. she gets to do with what she wants.....

    that said, my ex stated making comments, but it was years into our marriage, and after i had several children back to back. i wasn't gaining weight, but i couldn't lose any weight after my 3rd. i stayed the same weight, but he started commenting about how i should be spending my "down" time. all it really did, was aid my thinking in NOT eating.

    when we were in college he would ask me to work out with him. i wasn't gaining weight or anything, but he made it seem like something he really wanted to do, so i agreed. it was fun!! he was the reason i started lifting weights in the first place :-)
  • Snow__White
    Snow__White Posts: 1,650 Member
    You find a new girlfriend. You can't make someone like the same things you like and do the same things you do. Love her for who she is or find someone new.
    I'm a vegetarian and my husband isn't. I've never tried to push my eating habits on him. I love him for who he is.
    yeah This^^
  • seehawkmomma
    seehawkmomma Posts: 815
    without a heated arguement or having her be upset I have to agree with the previous statements of not SAYING but doing.

    "Hey babe look what I cooked for us tonight"

    "Wanna go to the gym with me?"

    "Lets get something from the store instead of eating out"

    Good luck
  • supermom2002
    supermom2002 Posts: 180 Member
    unless you want your balls in a pickle jar....i wouldn't say a word.

    either do what some have suggested and start cooking healthy meals, going and doing active things...

    or find a new girlfriend.

    cuz beotches be crazy
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
    A couple years ago, way before I started trying to lose weight, my husband told me, "He wants to know what its like to have sex with a skinny woman. If I lost weight I would be more flexible to try different positions." that was really his approach it really pissed me off. So don't go that route.
    As a lady, maybe slowly swap out or suggested healthier snack, like I love veggie chips, mini rice cakes, sun chips, Twizzlers, are all a little healthier for you. If she asks why just say it's too temping for you to have the other junk food around. If your gym has classes available she might be into, try doing a cardio class with her, on a day you aren't strength training. You could say that you miss her on when your at the gym, and would love it if you could make it into something for the two of you to enjoy together.
    DO NOT, by any means tell her, she is unhealthy, fat, chunky, or any of the above!
  • nonafit
    nonafit Posts: 582 Member
    How with out a heated argument; one that you can not win do I tell my girl she ain't as fit as she use to me and has put on a little weight and want her to come to the gym with me so she becomes more healthier also she eats junk how to make her eat better its a tough conversation to have of course ill love her no matter just want her to love fittness as much as me plus if she's healthier she will have a better life so if u was me how would u go bout it?and have you ever had the convention with your partner to get fitter aha

    I know I digress. But really how did you about completing a whole para without a single punctuation. No dots or commas. :frown: Ehmm 'impressive'.
  • angelashay42
    angelashay42 Posts: 286
    How with out a heated argument; one that you can not win do I tell my girl she ain't as fit as she use to me and has put on a little weight and want her to come to the gym with me so she becomes more healthier also she eats junk how to make her eat better its a tough conversation to have of course ill love her no matter just want her to love fittness as much as me plus if she's healthier she will have a better life so if u was me how would u go bout it?and have you ever had the convention with your partner to get fitter aha

    I know I digress. But really how did you about completing a whole para without a single punctuation. No dots or commas. :frown: Ehmm 'impressive'.

    That is the evolution of our society's youth... it's the excessive texting where no puctuation is needed and the thing autocorrects your spelling mistakes.
  • AngryDiet
    AngryDiet Posts: 1,349 Member
    I don't recommend making "moo"ing noises at her. At all.
  • cardiokitten
    cardiokitten Posts: 401 Member
    Tell me the secret if you find it out! My boyfriend looks skinny and super fit from no effort whatsoever, but I want him to come to the gym/do walks with me/eat healthier but he has no motivation because he LOOKS good, but he's definitely not healthy. It's very hard to motivate someone to do something that they don't care about... lol
  • mes1119
    mes1119 Posts: 1,082 Member
    My boyfriend told me he'd break up with me if I hit 150. I hit 150, he didn't break up with me.

    BUT it did really upset me. I know he meant well; he knows I'm happiest when I'm in shape, but men have the tendency to go about things wrong.

    It really depends on her though. My boyfriend tried to get me to work out and eat right but it just made me want to listen to him even less.
  • mes1119
    mes1119 Posts: 1,082 Member
    How with out a heated argument; one that you can not win do I tell my girl she ain't as fit as she use to me and has put on a little weight and want her to come to the gym with me so she becomes more healthier also she eats junk how to make her eat better its a tough conversation to have of course ill love her no matter just want her to love fittness as much as me plus if she's healthier she will have a better life so if u was me how would u go bout it?and have you ever had the convention with your partner to get fitter aha

    I know I digress. But really how did you about completing a whole para without a single punctuation. No dots or commas. :frown: Ehmm 'impressive'.

    That is the evolution of our society's youth... it's the excessive texting where no puctuation is needed and the thing autocorrects your spelling mistakes.

    I punctuate my text messages! THANK YOU VERY MUCH. :smile:
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
    Jab and move mate, jab and move..

    Perfection!
  • Lolli1986
    Lolli1986 Posts: 500 Member
    You don't say anything..you do. Cook her a healthy meal, if you eat out choose places with healthier dishes. Plan dates for healthier activities..maybe ones that push her just a tiny bit and maybe get the gym thing to be her idea. Just include her in your new, healthier lifestyle.

    this.


    And for goodness sake, if she has a legit reason to be unfit at the moment, do not even consider it.

    My ex tried to have the 'i'm worried about your health' conversation with me... or at least that is how he framed it. what he meant was 'i hate how your *kitten* looks and i don't give a crap how much you need to starve or risk injury to make it look how i want it to look'. The reason i know this is what he meant is that i had spent the last two years barely able to walk and eating sub 1400cals.

    if it comes from genuine care and concern, go for it, but if it's for your own benefit then reconsider who you're with.

Categories