Dealing with an abusive person...

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  • campbellcjdm
    campbellcjdm Posts: 97
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    Couple of thoughts here:
    - There are people like that everywhere - YOU are in control and can work where YOU want to. If he was like that to you in the interview, I guarantee he was like that to others and THEY are still working there and dealing with that kind of person. If that is not who YOU are, then you would probably not get along with those who took the job and are willing to be pushed around by someone like that and stand that kind of language and 'playing' with the pay rate. You have to love what you do for a living, or at least not hate going in to work. Good for you for being strong enough to be comfortable with who you are.
    - Have you talked with your doctor about a mild anti-depressent medicine for a while. Even though you went thru trauma in your life, there are sometimes hormone / chemical imbalances that just need a 'jump start' to get back where they should be. Maybe a talk with your doctor will get you something to get you thru those frustrating 'crying phases'. Been there, done that. Mine was hormones, I took them for a couple years, got off, and fine now. I would just cry over anything. Just a thought. (Hope this does not offend you - not intended that way - just a thought).
  • thomassd1969
    thomassd1969 Posts: 564 Member
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    He needs reported, Is there a boss over him or the owner of the company? Thats unacceptable. Call the better business bureau they can tell you who to get ahold of. None of this was your fault, at all!
  • CherylGardner
    CherylGardner Posts: 75 Member
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    Your instincts were spot on. The 0.25 IS a big deal, in the long run, and they most definitely do have to pay for any time you spend in a dedicated training program that they require. If this guy was this big of a jerk on the first day, there was absolutely no way he was going to "work around your schooling". Which would just make you more stressed.

    First, it sounds like this guy was NOT the guy who interviewed you/offered you the job. If that's the case, I would most definitely get on the phone with whomever did. Explain to them what happened... you want to make sure they get the "real" story as to why you only worked that day. God know what that guy will say about you... and that could lead to him doing this to other people.

    Second, don't bother putting this one-day job on any applications/resumes. It most likely wouldn't ever come back on a background check -- I work in HR and we do background checks on our employees... and it's only to verify that you worked the position, so if you don't tell us about it, we can't verify it. And most companies that do background checks these days use a 3rd party to conduct the check and they are only confirming the facts - dates worked, titles, salary, etc. Not performance or recommendations.

    Third, absolutely do NOT beat yourself up over this. There's no way working for that guy would be a good fit in your situation. You did the right thing.
  • SirBen81
    SirBen81 Posts: 396 Member
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    In future interviews, explain it just how you did here. Deciding to quite a job after the first couple days is not uncommon, and any reasonable employer would understand this.
  • SpankyBuns
    SpankyBuns Posts: 24 Member
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    If someone is going to be like this from the start, I would tell them see-ya
  • lisag2007
    lisag2007 Posts: 130
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    Why do you need to mention this in job interview? You didn't actually work there so it doesn't need to go on your resume.

    Is this a large firm? You should contact the Head Office or if they are a small firm the HR department and report this person for his behaviour.

    THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. <3

    I agree with the above....and also that you do not need to disclose this information to any future employer. Hang in there and friend me if you need more support. :)
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    You made the choice that was right for you. As far as future job interviews, no one has to know about this. You don't need him for a reference. Don't even worry about it. Just get out there and find the job that is right for you! Feel better and best of luck! :flowerforyou:
  • rprussell2004
    rprussell2004 Posts: 870 Member
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    Technically I worked there for one day...wouldn't this show up on a background check?

    It wont show up so don't worry about it

    Especially if they never issued a paycheck. No worries.

    PLUS, if you don't have a history of "job hopping" then even if the topic DID come up, the aberration is the company and not you.

    After your description, you couldn't pay me enough to work for that man. He didn't want an employee - he wanted a whipping-girl.
  • monty619
    monty619 Posts: 1,308 Member
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    so one altercation with a rude boss and it makes him an abusive person?

    The behaviour described sounds like he's an abusive boss. It's not merely "rude" to scream and curse and call employees stupid. Combined with the bait-and-switch on the hourly pay, I think there are plenty of red flags for an abusive bully.

    ..or he could have been having a bad day. its a one time interaction with one person. people need to be given more than one opportunity/ conversation before you report them and wreck their lives by getting them fired. if there is one thing i have learned from going from fat to fit its that its never good to be quick to judge others. the guy was undoubtedly an *kitten* hole, no reason he cant be the greatest boss tomorow. one situation is not enough to assess a person.

    my opinion
  • delilah47
    delilah47 Posts: 1,658
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    The first thing you should do is find out what the minimum wage is in your state. Here in WA is $9.04. You can find out easily by googling. Then if he wasn't offering minimum wage, report his *kitten* and tell everything you observed. It's against the law to abuse your employees by verbal abuse or intimidation. Report him. You will be doing many people a favor.
  • daphnegetnfit
    daphnegetnfit Posts: 175
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    Be proud of yourself for getting out of a bad situation and do not disclose it on future interviews, did not work there long enough. That employer has a major problem and you had the strength to stand up for yourself. :smile:
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    I try not to promote things. But I read one book on management. This thing pretty much changed my entire way of thinking.
    I think you should read it. But basically you can't train someones personality, but you can train their skills. If your boss was a *** then he was just going to be an *** and you make the right call 100%.


    http://www.amazon.com/The-*kitten*-Rule-Civilized-Workplace/dp/0446526568
  • delilah47
    delilah47 Posts: 1,658
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    so one altercation with a rude boss and it makes him an abusive person?

    The behaviour described sounds like he's an abusive boss. It's not merely "rude" to scream and curse and call employees stupid. Combined with the bait-and-switch on the hourly pay, I think there are plenty of red flags for an abusive bully.

    ..or he could have been having a bad day. its a one time interaction with one person. people need to be given more than one opportunity/ conversation before you report them and wreck their lives by getting them fired. if there is one thing i have learned from going from fat to fit its that its never good to be quick to judge others. the guy was undoubtedly an *kitten* hole, no reason he cant be the greatest boss tomorow. one situation is not enough to assess a person.

    my opinion

    A bad day? It is unlawful to intimidate employees; and especially by the business owner. When you manage people you don't get a "bad day". You must abide by the law. Like if you robbed a bank you could say you had a bad day and only did it once? Right.

    People who talk about other stupid people that have worked for them? I was on the management team for an international company. I KNOW this person. Not personally, but I have known many people like this. He has no business managing his own employees. This guy wouldn't last 5 minutes working for a law abiding company. You don't yell at people. You don't insult people. You don't talk about people behind their backs. You don't lie to your employees or new hires. You can't make hourly people take "training" paperwork home to do on their own time. There are so many violations here, based on what the OP has revealed.
  • CherylGardner
    CherylGardner Posts: 75 Member
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    Especially if they never issued a paycheck. No worries.

    PLUS, if you don't have a history of "job hopping" then even if the topic DID come up, the aberration is the company and not you.

    After your description, you couldn't pay me enough to work for that man. He didn't want an employee - he wanted a whipping-girl.

    They have to pay her for any time she worked. It would be illegal not to. If she worked one day, they need to pay her for it.
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
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    Red flags GALORE.... from being shifty on wages to agitated about your questions of being paid for training to the way he treats his employees. I would have done the same thing (or even walked out before). No one needs to work in that environment and he is using the high unemployment rate as leverage ("Do you want to work here or not?" and such).

    Isn't minimum wage $8 something?

    I wouldn't even list it in other job applications and such unless you really feel the need (even with no work for the past several years ... I'm in the same boat here, I know how silly it feels to having nothing to put for work experience). You never really worked for that company so it isn't pertinent to job applications.
  • leomom72
    leomom72 Posts: 1,797 Member
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    dont tell future employers about this job..i did this at my last job..i thought it was some place i wanted to work since i had the same job in a different city, but when i got there, i basically had no rights, and since i got no training, and things had severely changed since the last time, i was scolded for everything i did..i decided i was done, so i called the next day and said my husband was going to be working longer hours, and i could not accept the job, and the manager told me i needed to bring my uniform in, and talk to the lady that hired me..the next day i came in, and the manager i talked to on the phone looked at me when i came in, and under his breath, i heard him say "oh no" in a tone that was like why are you here..then the hiring manager looked at me, rolled her eyes at me, and asked if i was there to turn in my uniform, i said yes, and she said in a rude voice, hold on a minute. i waited for about 5 minutes, then she said put it down, goodbye..the second she rolled here eyes at me, i knew i made the right decision..it just made me nervous to have to deal with her..as for your situation, that sucks..you can always tell when a place is wrong for you..i have another story of a $hitty job offer, and how i knew it would be a horrible place, but i will save that for next time..good luck, doll:flowerforyou:
  • leomom72
    leomom72 Posts: 1,797 Member
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    Isn't minimum wage $8 something?



    no, i think min wage goes up to only $7.50 this year or something
  • tdmcmains
    tdmcmains Posts: 227 Member
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    You totally did the right thing. If it comes up in the future, you can simply say you left after one day because the boss was abusive. I think that would shut anyone up pretty quick.

    Do the right thing for yourself. I dated a horribly abusive person for years. I felt worthless and like I couldn't leave, like nobody would ever put up with me because I was utterly worthless. THIS was after losing a fabulous, wonderful boyfriend to a drunk driver. It was the WRONG rebound relationship to have. I was in a terribly fragile state and he took advantage of it. Eventually I found out he was cheating on me and I left ELATED. I was THRILLED to finally have a reason to leave (because the abuse wasn't enough). You did the right thing. Leaving is wonderful. Don't regret it for a second.
  • Argent78
    Argent78 Posts: 151 Member
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    Hey girl, you did the best!!! It is a huge step for you to want to get your life together again, and you should be PROUD of yourself for being able to run away from a situation that you knew it would be bad for you. You are choosing to be happier, and not destroy yourself accepting working for a person that will make you feel horrible! I think what you did was amazing, and requires strength. :)
    If this shows up on another work interview, just tell the truth, that this person was abusive, etc... and probably another boss will value somebody that values herself.
  • Jude1064
    Jude1064 Posts: 83 Member
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    My mom committed suicide when I was pregnant with my first child. I had struggled with infertility for several years. With the help of fertility treatments I had finally become pregnant. I felt totally betrayed that she would do that to me during what was supposed to be the happiest time of my life. It took me a long time to realize it wasnt my fault for the choice she made. You need to believe that too. As for the a- hole boss. Forget him. Chances are you are not the first one he has done this to. Sounds like he is the one with the problems. Don't blame yourself. Take it as a learning experience and move on to bigger and better things!

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