Caught Red Handed

KickassAugust
KickassAugust Posts: 1,430 Member
in Chit-Chat
My husband and I quit smoking 2 years ago this month.

For the last 3 weeks I've had my suspicions he was smoking again. So this morning (which happens to be his birthday) I come downstairs and he's not in the house at 7am so I went looking for him and sure enough if I didn't find him in the basement smoking.

Any thoughts?
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Replies

  • UponThisRock
    UponThisRock Posts: 4,519 Member
    I think you should let him know how you feel about it everyday until he stops. Not directly, but by doing little things like letting out big sighs at random times and withholding sex.

    He'll change in no time.
  • PapaverSomniferum
    PapaverSomniferum Posts: 2,670 Member
    Men need their secret lives and naughty adventures. Most of them never grow out of that adolescent skipping-school and hiding-girlie-mags-under-the-bed stage. Smoking in the basement is unhealthy, sure, but it serves two purposes

    it feeds a physical addiction

    it gives that naughty little "breakiing the rules" thrill

    If I caught my man doing something so silly, i'd have a blast "almost" catching him every time. He'd love the adrenaline rush.
  • ket_the_jet
    ket_the_jet Posts: 1,257 Member
    Divorce him. He was obviously never right for you in the first place.

    I don't smoke, but my roommate casually smokes at bars, etc. He always says, "Last cigarettes are the best. I've had a million of them."
    -wtk
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,860 Member
    I would get a propane tank and just before leaving for a trip out of town, hide it in the basement and open the valve just enough to let it leak out slowly. It'll fill the basement and when he goes down there to light up it'll solve the problem. You have insurance, right?
  • Tiff587
    Tiff587 Posts: 264 Member
    I would talk to him, he might be stressed or this might be a one off slip.
    He may have hid it from you so he didn't affect your 2 year success.

    I'm kinda upfront so prob would have yelled busted! :laugh:

    Well done you for quitting!

    :flowerforyou:
  • Charliesuccess
    Charliesuccess Posts: 181 Member
    Love him through it. He's yours no refunds, exchanges or returns. He's going to have his challenges and battles and your going to have yours. maybe he never quit smoking and your just finding out...who knows, but im sure that it wont change the reasons you fell in love with him, after all you were a smoker also. It will be ok. He's just going to have to learn to respect your lungs.
  • GasMasterFlash
    GasMasterFlash Posts: 2,206 Member
    Spray him with Windex.
  • tamsinwhitfield
    tamsinwhitfield Posts: 135 Member
    It's harrder for some people than for others. "Divorce him. He was obviously never right for you in the first place." is probably the worst advice I have ever heard. I've stopped and started more times than I can count.

    As far as actual practical advice goes - has he tried using an electric cigarette? As far as NRT aids go, I've found that to be far the best - since you are essentially smoking in every respect but setting something on fire, without the nifty cancer and emphysema.
  • squishycow7
    squishycow7 Posts: 820 Member
    Love him through it. He's yours no refunds, exchanges or returns. He's going to have his challenges and battles and your going to have yours. maybe he never quit smoking and your just finding out...who knows, but im sure that it wont change the reasons you fell in love with him, after all you were a smoker also. It will be ok. He's just going to have to learn to respect your lungs.

    well put.

    I mean, definitely discuss it, but I wouldn't say blow him up!! lol
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    Have you checked his browser history lately? I bet he's looking at internet porn too.
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
    Be understanding. As a ex-smoker you should understand the pull to have the cigarette. That old habits are hard to break.
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,860 Member
    Spray him with Windex.

    Is he Greek?
  • julieh1973
    julieh1973 Posts: 121 Member
    My advice: Be supportive (i.e. non judgemental) if he feels he can not come to you when the going gets tough he will just alienate you and do it behind your back. He probably feels ashamed allready you have probably been telling him how proud you are and he has let you and himself down. Make sure he knows just because he has fallen off the wagon does not mean he can not get back on it. I hope you don't allow this to break your will power. Good Luck, I know it is a hard addiction to break both mentally and physically.
  • callmeBAM
    callmeBAM Posts: 445 Member
    If he is smoking IN THE HOUSE, he probably wasn't really trying to hide it.

    Maybe get him one of those smokeless fake cigarette thingys for his birthday! Say, if you wanna smoke, use this. I have a friend who has one and he loves it.
  • ElHombre23
    ElHombre23 Posts: 126 Member
    Have you checked his browser history lately? I bet he's looking at internet porn too.

    Even the most novice of browsers know to clear cache nowadays...LOL
  • horndave
    horndave Posts: 565
    I think you should let him know how you feel about it everyday until he stops. Not directly, but by doing little things like letting out big sighs at random times and withholding sex.

    He'll change in no time.

    I disagree with trying to manipulate him into changing. He will stop if an when he is ready, but have a talk with him.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Check his texts.
  • CountryBoy65
    CountryBoy65 Posts: 908 Member
    I would get a propane tank and just before leaving for a trip out of town, hide it in the basement and open the valve just enough to let it leak out slowly. It'll fill the basement and when he goes down there to light up it'll solve the problem. You have insurance, right?

    Nice.

    however, beware...I have been unfriended for making sarcastic posts not nearly this violent.....
  • GasMasterFlash
    GasMasterFlash Posts: 2,206 Member
    I wonder what other naughty activities he's keeping from you. Is he doing naughty things in the shower?
  • UponThisRock
    UponThisRock Posts: 4,519 Member
    Have you checked his browser history lately? I bet he's looking at internet porn too.

    While you're at it, get an idea about what he's into and make things interesting
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  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    http://www.Provape.com

    I have the ProVari version and the BF has the regular Provape model.

    Not nearly as annoying as some of the other e-cigs out there. They run off of high voltage batteries, not USB charge, which can get annoying. Just buy enough batteries to make sure you always have a charged one. There's no stink, no risk of dropping embers anywhere, and it's better for you... not as good as quitting entirely, but definitely better.

    I think these are the best e-cigs on the market right now, and it did help me quit for several months before.
  • dalildevil
    dalildevil Posts: 55 Member
    I will never bug anyone about quitting smoking.

    I have never smoked (a couple times in University, but never became a habit), but my parents smoked all the time I was growing up. and they used to both smoke in the house.

    When I moved out I went from a totally smoked soaked environment, to a smoke free environment. I stated University in September of that year, and by November, I was craving a cigarette. Remember, I had never had a smoking habit growing up. So if a total non-smoker can have nicotine cravings just because she's no inhaling second hand smoke I can soooooooo empathize with smokers who are finding it very difficult to quit. Or quit and start again.

    Nope, Not me. I will never get on anyone's case for smoking.
  • _HeathBar_
    _HeathBar_ Posts: 902 Member
    Have you checked his browser history lately? I bet he's looking at internet porn too.
    I would check his text messages too!

    Don't forgot to check his email too. Sometimes they make a separate email just for their naughty business, so be on the lookout.
  • chrikoko12202007
    chrikoko12202007 Posts: 141
    i wouldnt be upset that he back slid, rather that he hid it from u....ppl are gonna have bad habits but part of being married is being able to tell the other person what ure struggling with so you can fix it, together. hiding it just shows how immature he is, and that he knows he's screwing up
  • WifeNMama
    WifeNMama Posts: 2,876 Member
    Tell him to smoke outside and quit stinking up the house. It travels and everyone who comes over ends up leaving smelling like an ashtray. Gross.
  • j4nash
    j4nash Posts: 1,719 Member
    Why don't you figure out why he is smoking? Smoking relapses typically occur due to stress. What's causing stress for him?
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
    Men need their secret lives and naughty adventures. Most of them never grow out of that adolescent skipping-school and hiding-girlie-mags-under-the-bed stage. Smoking in the basement is unhealthy, sure, but it serves two purposes

    it feeds a physical addiction

    it gives that naughty little "breakiing the rules" thrill

    If I caught my man doing something so silly, i'd have a blast "almost" catching him every time. He'd love the adrenaline rush.

    Yeah sure, men need something to call 'their own', but smoking probably isn't the best option, ya know, due to the 5 million people who die each year from it?...

    Don't make him feel bad about it, he had a slip up, which is expected when quitting smoking. Just tell him you understand how hard it is to quit, you're so proud of him for trying, and you're going to support him along the way.

    Just don't nag.. my boyfriend nagged me when I was a smoker so a couple times when I tried to quit and we would get into a fight, I'd start smoking again just to spite him.
  • CountryBoy65
    CountryBoy65 Posts: 908 Member
    Did he REALLY want to stop...or did he just try to do it to support you or because its what you wanted. Ask him, and support him in his decision.
  • galegetsthin
    galegetsthin Posts: 1,340 Member
    I think you should let him know how you feel about it everyday until he stops. Not directly, but by doing little things like letting out big sighs at random times and withholding sex.

    He'll change in no time.

    I disagree with trying to manipulate him into changing. He will stop if an when he is ready, but have a talk with him.


    Your sarcasm filter is broken.....................

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