Caught Red Handed
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Have you checked his browser history lately? I bet he's looking at internet porn too.
Doesn't everyone? Is this a problem?0 -
I think you should let him know how you feel about it everyday until he stops. Not directly, but by doing little things like letting out big sighs at random times and withholding sex.
He'll change in no time.
I disagree with trying to manipulate him into changing. He will stop if an when he is ready, but have a talk with him.
Your sarcasm filter is broken.....................
You gotta change 'em out every 10,000 miles....0 -
The better question is why aren't you smoking? All the cool kids are doing it!0
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Here's the real thing: marriage is based on trust. Once trust is broken, it's very hard to rebuild it back up. Hiding things from your spouse is lying and even cheating, in a sense. If he feels that he must go to the basement to smoke and hide it from you, then there is something very wrong. There must be absolute trust in a marriage or it won't work... if I caught my husband doing ANYTHING behind my back, I could never trust him again. My husband and I share everything, every dirty little secret, even the ones that embarrass us to death! We are accepting of each other and don't judge each other for what we think or do. He has been there to watch me on this weight loss journey... I never once lied about when I was eating a cookie.... I didn't go hide and eat it... I ate it right there in front of him. He would just look at me and say "it's your choice what you do to your body". Non-judgemental... and he was there to help me get over the guilt and get back on the wagon. I'm sorry, but I think that if you're husband is hiding something, then you need to sit down and have a long conversation with him about what is causing him to hide his behavior. It could be that he's ashamed of himself, or it could be that he is afraid you will judge him. Whatever the reason, there is NEVER an excuse to sneak around behind your spouse's back.0
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Support your man. It's an addiction. Tell him how much he means to you and you want him around!0
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One more thing: checking his browser, his wallet, his phone, and going through his things is wrong... it violates his privacy and will make him distrust you. Besides, if you do these things, he will just find a better way to hide things. You must address the real issue at hand, not just try and "catch" him to get him to stop. He'll just become a better liar.0
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What a tragic story.0
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One more thing: checking his browser, his wallet, his phone, and going through his things is wrong... it violates his privacy and will make him distrust you. Besides, if you do these things, he will just find a better way to hide things. You must address the real issue at hand, not just try and "catch" him to get him to stop. He'll just become a better liar.
::senseofhumorforyou::0 -
My husband and I quit smoking 2 years ago this month.
For the last 3 weeks I've had my suspicions he was smoking again. So this morning (which happens to be his birthday) I come downstairs and he's not in the house at 7am so I went looking for him and sure enough if I didn't find him in the basement smoking.
Any thoughts?
Maybe he was just holding it for a friend.0 -
Talk to him!
He's obviously struggling and needs some more support!0 -
I think you should let him know how you feel, but don't be angry. It's HIS body, after all. I knew a couple that used to smoke together and quit together. The guy started smoking behind her back and she FLIPPED sh|t which only made him want to smoke even more. DON'T be "that girl". No one likes that girl, especially not your husband. Be supportive of him quitting again... who knows, maybe he just wanted a birthday cig?0
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Spray him with Windex.
That was so random it cracked me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :laugh:0 -
Thread title is misleading...0
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what is it that you do for him to walk on eggshells for you?0
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He's smoking in the house and you had to actually catch him in the act to know he was doing it?0
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Follow him everywhere he goes to see what other secrets he is keeping.
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Tell him to man up and stop acting like he is 14 hiding from his parents.0
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Have you checked his browser history lately? I bet he's looking at internet porn too.
Midget Porn at that....0 -
Divorce him. He was obviously never right for you in the first place.
-wtk
I truly hope this was in jest. Anyone who would suggest divorce so flippantly is not someone who should be giving advice.
Ed.0 -
My guess is that he is hiding it from you because he is ashamed and he doesn't want his smoking to lead to you smoking again. So I wouldn't be hard on him about slipping. Talk to him about what made him start again and be supportive.0
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That was my first reaction, too... lolHe's smoking in the house and you had to actually catch him in the act to know he was doing it?
Also, maybe start treating him like a man, rather than one of his parents.Tell him to man up and stop acting like he is 14 hiding from his parents.0 -
Tell him not to smoke around you or in the house. Man, what a waste of money it is, too. (I quit last April)0
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It's harrder for some people than for others. "Divorce him. He was obviously never right for you in the first place." is probably the worst advice I have ever heard. I've stopped and started more times than I can count.
As far as actual practical advice goes - has he tried using an electric cigarette? As far as NRT aids go, I've found that to be far the best - since you are essentially smoking in every respect but setting something on fire, without the nifty cancer and emphysema.
I could NOT agree with this more!!
I quit 9 months ago and my fiance said he quit as well.....he didn't and I caught him. Why would you divorce him over something silly?! After talking to him he told me he lied about it because he felt weak and selfish for starting back up and didn't want me thinking the same things about him! We obviously had to talk about that lol because of course that was not how I felt. He has that electric cigarette thing and it works out well for him, maybe he could give that a try. Good luck too you and really, just have a talk with him and stay calm. :flowerforyou:0 -
Sounds to me like he needs to learn to hide it better. I mean, really? Smoking in the house? What an amateur.0
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This is one of the funniest threads I've read in awhile. OP, I hope you have a good sense of humor.
I think it would feel pretty terrible to find out your partner that you made a commitment with was breaking that commitment and hiding it from you.
You asked for thoughts. Here are my thoughts about your story. Others have pointed out some important things. But a lot of what people are posting is focused on your husband. And you are the one that posted. There is one issue that I haven't seen mentioned, and I find the most troubling.
You suspected something for three weeks and waited to "catch" him in the act. You don't state whether you asked him during those three weeks if he was smoking, but based on your story, and based on the thread title, I'm going to assume you suspected for three weeks, became resentful/upset, then caught him in the act. I think that behavior pattern is a real problem. I think you may be angry with your husband about other things, and this was a very real, very concrete way to put him in a position of being wrong so you can feel justified in your anger.
That's just a guess based on what you posted. You didn't post much, and that's a lot of assumptions. I hope I'm wrong. Sorry I couldn't come up with something funny.0 -
I think you should let him know how you feel about it everyday until he stops. Not directly, but by doing little things like letting out big sighs at random times and withholding sex.
He'll change in no time.
You mean that WORKS??? :noway:0 -
Have you ever just asked him if he did it when you suspected? He may have been ashamed that he started again and was hiding it, but I bet if you asked him he would have told you the truth.0
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Divorce him. He was obviously never right for you in the first place.
-wtk
I truly hope this was in jest. Anyone who would suggest divorce so flippantly is not someone who should be giving advice.
Ed.
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By all means have THE TALK with him. Most of us men really look forward to these! It lets us vent,emote and sometimes yes, even cry....Nothing is resolved, but we feel so much better just talking about it (make it a long talk 'cause it prolongs the fun!).
lighthearted sarcasm button off now...
Support him, it is an addiction....as you can attest. Good on you for quitting!0 -
Is your basement detached from the house? Otherwise I don't see how you wouldn't smell it in the main are of the house.0
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