Breaking the "Fat Girl" Mentality

divacat80

Yeah, today while shopping, I literally forced myself to look in the misses section. I felt very uneasy, like I was trespassing or something. I don't know another way to explain it...For me, I believe, that my lack of self-esteem is creating this wayward thinking. I, also believe this way of thinking is fueling my addiction to cardio. I've been on this journey for over a year now, and my brain is not even close to catching up with the whole weight loss thing. It's crazy....

I know exactly what you mean. Yesterday while out shopping for Christmas gifts, I passed this store called Hollister (I think). I remember over the summer, I ventured in there fairly upbeat and confident with my forty pound loss, only to be scandalized by how small their sizes were! So yesterday, without my husband (who is so supportive), I glanced to the left. Glanced to the right. Nibbled my lip. And stepped back into the land of Tiny Sizes. I glanced suspiciously at the girl folding sweaters and didn't meet her eyes when she greeted me. I stared, debating the stacks and stacks of Little People jeans, again nibbling my lip. The girl comes over to ask me if I need help and I very nearly jumped out of my skin! Like I'd been caught about to steal the diamonds out of a showcase.

I thought for sure, she was going to look at me in pity and tell me that perhaps nothing would really fit. I steeled up my gumption and picked a variety of sizes in random jeans (I'm surprised I could find the courage to grab anything, to be honest) and this pretty white, shimmery sweater in an /ambitious/ medium.

I make my way back to the dressing room (at this point, I discovered their dressing rooms kind of suck with no bench or chair or /anything/ and for an upscale place, they need SOMETHING) following the dressing room attendant's lead. I stare at the jeans I have hung on the hooks and proceed to try things on like I'm about to be yelling, "LET THEM EAT CAKE" as the proverbial guillotine is about to come down on my fat booty.

One size didn't fit (and it was comical how badly this was going), but the middle size (yes, I did the goldilocks thing: small-not-to-be-really-expected, the-just-right-hopefully-please-Lord medium, and the-please-not-this-size-but-I'll-take-it-because-it's-their-largest-size-in-store. I was amazed! The medium-just-right size fit! And the medium sweater fit!

Still, once undressed and back into my street clothes, as I was leaving, and they were like "nothing worked?" making those cluck-cluck-please-spend-your-money noises, I STILL felt like I was in a land that I was outclassed in.

In the end, I didn't get chased out of the store and I fit into something I've been gearing up the courage to try to fit into for a few months now.

LOL!!!!! What a good story, thank you so much for sharing! I can relate to it so well XD

when I was almost morbidly obese I knew I was obese but I had the dismorphic disorder all the way around. Instead of seeing myslef larger than I was in the mirror, I used to see myself tinier than I truly was. It wasn't until I saw pictures taken of me that My real size slapped me on the face.
Now I think I see myself the way I am, no dismorphia. But I'm having a hard time realising I'm not fat anymore. I have fat I'd love to lose, but I know I'll never get the perfect body society pushes us to have.
But I'm always going into misses stores to check what they have and I amaze myself when I see I fit into regular sizes.

It's going to be hard to realise I'm not fat anymore
But you know what? I think we feel this way because we know how easy it is for us to go back to our old eating habits and back to our old selves.
This is going to be a lifelong battle, at least for those of us who reached morbid obesity at some point in our lives.

Lisah8969

55 pounds ago, I avoided looking at myself in the mirror as much as possible. I knew I looked terrible and didn't want to admit it. Now I do look in the mirror and I do like what i see (in comparison to what I was), but I notice new things. I was doing the stepper at the gym last week and was staring at my calves. One of them looked bigger than the other! WTF? So I got home and measured and sure enough one is an inch bigger than the other! Now I am afraid to look in the mirror again! LOL!