HOW DO YOU TELL SOMEONE THAT YOU DON'T LOVE THEM ANYMORE

kwith1014
kwith1014 Posts: 144
edited December 18 in Chit-Chat
My guy and I have been together for about 5 years... we have been through A LOT of ups and downs and we have been living together in my home for the last 3 years. He didn't do anything wrong, no cheating or lying or anything... and I do care about him and love him but I am not in love with him and I haven't been in a long time. I've continued with our relationship and living situation for two reasons... convenience for BOTH of us and because he doesn't really have anywhere to go.
How do I talk to him and tell him that I think he needs to move out? I have tried to tell him how I feel but I don't think he believes me. I don't want to be a *itch but sometimes it's like I have to be cold hearted to make him see that I'm serious about things. I don't want things to get ugly or turn things into something that they aren't... like I said, there was nothing done wrong but I'm just not feeling like this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with... I feel a lot of guilt when I think about making him leave but I feel a lot of unhappiness if I think about him staying and continuing things how they are.

Any advice would be great
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Replies

  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
    Charge him rent
  • kwith1014
    kwith1014 Posts: 144
    LOL He helps with the bills --

    And I don't think we can live together just as roommates. I think that's pretty much what we have been doing for a long time now. I think it's time to move on.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    I had to do this once. It was a little easier for me because our lease was up on our apartment and I told him I was moving elsewhere and that it was over between us. Since this is your home it's a bit more complicated because it's not like you can just leave! If you are feeling this way now there's just no point in continuing the relationship where you might end up getting married and having to deal with the difficulties of divorce :(
  • shelbynicole32
    shelbynicole32 Posts: 179 Member
    There is really no easy way to do it.... But being honest and sincere is the best way to do it rather then continue a broken relationship.
  • Smuterella
    Smuterella Posts: 1,623 Member
    Sit him down and talk seriously. If he doesn't get that, write it down and give it to him to read and digest. If he still doesn't get it - you need to start worrying.

    It is a horrible thing to have to do but it is best done sooner rather than later. x
  • beckylawrence70
    beckylawrence70 Posts: 752 Member
    Sit him down and tell him exactly what you just told us, yes he's gonna hurt but if you want out, you're gonna have to do it.
  • _HeathBar_
    _HeathBar_ Posts: 902 Member
    Charge him rent

    LOL!

    Seriously though, be honest with and give him a deadline of when he needs to be out.
  • Psychoanalytic
    Psychoanalytic Posts: 261
    Meh, I was in a similar situation before. He didn't think I was serious. I didn't want to leave him on the streets though. (In the long run, I ended up moving out and leaving our place we were renting to him since it was an affordable option to his lower income) He got the point when I started seeing who is now my husband. Don't come home until the wee hours of the morning for several nights in a row after explaining how you feel. Even if you're just counting objects in Walmart's aisles. :wink: He'll get it.
  • SlinkyNewMe
    SlinkyNewMe Posts: 213 Member
    You just have to tell him, and give him a period of time to find somewhere else to live. The longer you leave it, the harder it will become and the worse it will be when he realises how long you have felt that way.
  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
    You only get one life, you should enjoy it and do the things that make you happy, it's over sooner than you know it, remember that when you're giving yourself your next guilt trip. Just tell him, it's better to get it over with than drag it out until you both despise each other. Oh yeah and maybe talk to people you know instead of people on the internet because I guarantee you'll get some weird and wonderful answers here :wink:
  • ChristiH4000
    ChristiH4000 Posts: 531 Member
    I stayed with my ex in part because I thought he would have nowhere to go, but how is it ok to sacrifice your happiness for his? Are your feelings/wants/needs worth less than his?
    You may have to be cold for yourself because it would be too easy to give in when he asks you the tough questions. Romance is one area where sometimes we just lose romantic interest and it doesn't mean it's fair or nice or fun, but it happens. He may tell you that you're a b**ch and how evil what you're doing is, but that's ok. You're not doing it as a favor to him, you're doing it because it is what is right for you.
    Just remember that your happiness and ability to move on is worth just as much as everyone else's.
  • Articeluvsmemphis
    Articeluvsmemphis Posts: 1,987 Member
    do it now and get it over with
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    I sat down with him and told him that, although there were a lot of qualities I admired about him as a person, I did not love him anymore.

    Pretty much just like that.

    Granted, it was after I'd already asked for a separation and a divorce, so he probably had a bit of warning, but I've always thought honesty is the best policy.
  • LoggingForLife
    LoggingForLife Posts: 504 Member
    "I'm sorry, I don't feel the same way about you anymore. I don't love you like I used to. It's time for you to move out. I know you don't have any place ti go right now, so I will give you two months to find someplace. I am not going to be changing my mind. I'm sorry if this hurts you." Then stick to your guns. Don't feel guilty....you are not his mother or caretaker. He is responsible for his own life and his own feelings.
  • 1shauna1
    1shauna1 Posts: 993 Member
    If he will have no where to go, why don't you move out?
  • Fubar_Bill
    Fubar_Bill Posts: 120 Member
    Word of advice: If you are worried about things turning ugly, then invite him out for dinner and tell him there.

    Make sure you have alternative plans that you can fall back on for your safety. Your close friends should be aware of what is going on.

    Good luck!
  • JBott84
    JBott84 Posts: 268 Member
    Pretending isn't benefiting anyone here...get a REAL roommate if you want after you guys break up and he moves out. But, not saying something is just a punishment for both of you....

    I know I wouldn't want someone to be with me if they didn't want to be...That's not fair to either of you.

    He deserves someone who WANTS him and you deserve someone you WANT. That simple....
  • UponThisRock
    UponThisRock Posts: 4,519 Member
    Get him in a room and say "raise your hand if you're in love with someone in this room," and then don't raise your hand.
  • kristy6ward
    kristy6ward Posts: 332 Member
    OP your story is mine word for word, seriously. I don't know what to do either.
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member

    Granted, it was after I'd already asked for a separation and a divorce, so he probably had a bit of warning,

    lol...I hope he saw that as a bit of a warning
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    You just have to rip off the bandaid and tell him your relationship is over and you want him to find a new place to live within 30 days or whatever is reasonable.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
    Sometimes being blunt is all you can do. I don't mean "be a b*tch" blunt, I mean just don't sugar coat it, state the facts and tell him what you want to happen which in this case would be for him to move out. You can beat around the bush until you're blue in the face but sometimes people can't take the hints or think if it's addressed that way only once or once every few weeks/months, it must be a passing thing. In the end it is your home and while he's not being a bum, you still have the right to ask him to find lodging elsewhere if you believe that things couldn't continue on as they are after the breakup and that's understandable.

    It happens. People fall out of love all the time, reason or not and it's just better to say "hey we had a good run but it's over now."
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
    Put everything in boxes and move out. Refuse to answer their calls. Or just grow a pair and say, "I don't love you anymore. We've gone different ways. It's not you, it's me. Can we still be friends?" That usually works.
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
    My ex husband did it like this: I don't love you. I never loved you. I only married you because you're pregnant.

    You could try that with him.....but I'm not sure if he'll buy the whole "pregnant" part. Maybe you could blame it on his food baby.
  • Bronx_Montgomery
    Bronx_Montgomery Posts: 2,284 Member
    This may be out there but....how about just telling them. Honesty is the best policy. No sense of beating around to bush when it comes to someones emotions especially if they love you. The reason people are afraid to tell someone is because they are worried about their own feelings and how that person would react to them. Its bad to give someone the run around if you do not feel the same way
  • msradio
    msradio Posts: 165 Member
    I think alot of us have been there, One I think you really need to make sure this is what you truly want because once you close that door you may not be able to open it back and 5 years is a long time, but if you are sure you just need to be staright up with him honesty is the best policy and most people want the truth not the sugar coated version, I think if ur a spirtial person you should pray on it because the man upstairs can help you more than any of us can. God bless.
  • msradio
    msradio Posts: 165 Member
    This may be out there but....how about just telling them. Honesty is the best policy. No sense of beating around to bush when it comes to someones emotions especially if they love you. The reason people are afraid to tell someone is because they are worried about their own feelings and how that person would react to them. Its bad to give someone the run around if you do not feel the same way
    So true !
  • 1WorkoutAtATime
    1WorkoutAtATime Posts: 719
    Get him in a room and say "raise your hand if you're in love with someone in this room," and then don't raise your hand.


    LOL
  • GasMasterFlash
    GasMasterFlash Posts: 2,206 Member
    Poop in his shoes. That'll send a clear message.
  • morganhccstudent724
    morganhccstudent724 Posts: 1,261 Member
    Get him in a room and say "raise your hand if you're in love with someone in this room," and then don't raise your hand.

    best. answer. ever.
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