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HOW DO YOU TELL SOMEONE THAT YOU DON'T LOVE THEM ANYMORE

2

Replies

  • iam_thatdude
    iam_thatdude Posts: 1,266 Member
    So u want his 1/2 the rent but dont want him. Classy
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Does he deserve to be in a relationship with someone who's just going through the motions or do you think he deserves to find someone who loves him?

    Cause he wont fill the void until there is one.

    You guys are comfortably numb and that's no way to go through life :(
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
    Obviously, you can tell US how you feel.......now, get your nerve together, and tell him.

    Time to poop or get off the pot, so to speak.

    Much luck.
  • Bronx_Montgomery
    Bronx_Montgomery Posts: 2,284 Member
    Get him in a room and say "raise your hand if you're in love with someone in this room," and then don't raise your hand.



    HAHAHAHAHAHA WOW!!!
  • _Elemenopee_
    _Elemenopee_ Posts: 2,665 Member
    Sit him down and talk seriously. If he doesn't get that, write it down and give it to him to read and digest. If he still doesn't get it - you need to start worrying.

    It is a horrible thing to have to do but it is best done sooner rather than later. x

    agreed
  • k2quiere
    k2quiere Posts: 4,151 Member
    This sounds like an episode of Friends waiting to become a talk show headline.
  • adrian_indy
    adrian_indy Posts: 1,444 Member
    Just to play devil's advocate....in most relationships....that "in love" feeling fades after a while. It also reappears at times. That's why relationships are hard. If everyone ran around with that "in love" feeling we get in the beginning, not only would there be no break ups, we would all die from heart attacks from the drama of it all. If you want to leave, leave, I don't know enough of the situation to give great advice....but if he hasn't done anything wrong, then what changed your mind....and what will your next relationship look like?
  • kandyjo
    kandyjo Posts: 4,493 Member
    So u want his 1/2 the rent but dont want him. Classy

    ^^^ this
  • Bumdrahp
    Bumdrahp Posts: 1,314 Member
    Sit him down and tell him exactly what you just told us, yes he's gonna hurt but if you want out, you're gonna have to do it.

    girl look at those freakin' abs!! Jealous is an understatement!

    oh.. sry carry on..
  • getfitdiva
    getfitdiva Posts: 1,148 Member
    Get him in a room and say "raise your hand if you're in love with someone in this room," and then don't raise your hand.

    HILARIOUSNESS
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Cut them loose from yout FB page.
  • Bumdrahp
    Bumdrahp Posts: 1,314 Member
    Cut them loose from yout FB page.

    hahaha yeah that will work! Delete them!! They will catch the hint!
  • kwith1014
    kwith1014 Posts: 144
    If he will have no where to go, why don't you move out?

    Because it's my house... my name on the mortgage.
  • kwith1014
    kwith1014 Posts: 144
    Get him in a room and say "raise your hand if you're in love with someone in this room," and then don't raise your hand.

    lol it's kinda cruel but I had to laugh
  • Bumdrahp
    Bumdrahp Posts: 1,314 Member
    Get him in a room and say "raise your hand if you're in love with someone in this room," and then don't raise your hand.

    lol it's kinda cruel but I had to laugh


    me too, hey at least you have a sense of humor.. In all seriousness, I hope something works out.. no one deserves to feel trapped or unhappy.
  • ItsMeRebekah
    ItsMeRebekah Posts: 909 Member
    sometimes its hard to tell somebody you love true feelings.
    any time i have felt this i always write it out and give them my letter and let them know how i really feel.
    its a great way to not argue and actually be able and get out what you feel and need to say.

    good luck to you
  • kwith1014
    kwith1014 Posts: 144
    So u want his 1/2 the rent but dont want him. Classy


    No, actually when I first told him in the beginning of April -- I told him to keep his money so he could use it to find a place.... I haven't taken any money from him since I first told him.... so yea I am classy, thanks ;)
  • Nikki_42
    Nikki_42 Posts: 298 Member
    My guy and I have been together for about 5 years... we have been through A LOT of ups and downs and we have been living together in my home for the last 3 years. He didn't do anything wrong, no cheating or lying or anything... and I do care about him and love him but I am not in love with him and I haven't been in a long time. I've continued with our relationship and living situation for two reasons... convenience for BOTH of us and because he doesn't really have anywhere to go.
    How do I talk to him and tell him that I think he needs to move out? I have tried to tell him how I feel but I don't think he believes me. I don't want to be a *itch but sometimes it's like I have to be cold hearted to make him see that I'm serious about things. I don't want things to get ugly or turn things into something that they aren't... like I said, there was nothing done wrong but I'm just not feeling like this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with... I feel a lot of guilt when I think about making him leave but I feel a lot of unhappiness if I think about him staying and continuing things how they are.

    Any advice would be great

    Not to be mean, but to be blunt.

    I'm confused, why do you care if he believes you? You're breaking up with him, of course he doesn't want to believe it. Sit down with him, treat him like he's an adult with a brain and tell him politely what you told us "I'm not in love with you and this is over. I need you to move out by xyz date."

    Two, what are you feeling guility for? I presume he's a grown *ss man, and life happens. If he has no where to go, he'll figure it out pretty quickly.

    Three, if you 'tried to tell him', then you haven't. Don't just be honest with him, but yourself.

    Four, it's not being a b*tch to tell someone what is and isn't working for you and moving on.

    Hope you get what you really want. Good luck.
  • Nikki_42
    Nikki_42 Posts: 298 Member
    Get him in a room and say "raise your hand if you're in love with someone in this room," and then don't raise your hand.

    We need to be friends. Lmao!
  • Tropical_Turtle
    Tropical_Turtle Posts: 2,236 Member
    Cut them loose from yout FB page.

    That and change your FB status to single!
  • kwith1014
    kwith1014 Posts: 144
    Thank you all for the advice... As one of you has put it comfortable numb is how I feel. I've never been on my own, which scares me but I know I will be ok. I know it sounds like bull but I think the reason I haven't fully put my foot down on this is because I'm worried about what will become of him... and that's the guilt that I feel. We get along great and sometimes I feel like I wish we would fight because then it might be easier... HE deserves someone and something better than what I can give him and vice versa...
    I have told him a little bit of how I'm feeling and I did give him a deadline but seems like he must not be taking me seriously because he hasn't packed anything or called anyone. I've tried being honest and telling him how I feel but he keeps saying that he hasn't done anything wrong. I'm not the type to hurt ones feelings and that's why I'm having so much trouble I think.
    And I have been having these feelings for a long time, maybe even a couple of years. I feel like I have tried but it's just not working. It hurts that I'm going to lose someone that I care about and has been my best friend... trust me, I have thought about it all but I really feel like it's something that needs to be done.
  • kyle4jem
    kyle4jem Posts: 1,400 Member
    Sit him down and tell him exactly what you just told us, yes he's gonna hurt but if you want out, you're gonna have to do it.
    This gets my vote.

    I know the house is yours and you mention he helps with the bills, but to what extent? Has he lived with you rent-free for the past three years or have you split the bills 50/50? If so, then it might be a nice gesture to help him get the deposit together for a place of his own.
  • aleciafeustel
    aleciafeustel Posts: 9
    5 YEARS HUH??? you must have loved him when you moved in together.
    Love is a choice and a committment, you are not choosing to love him or be committed to him anymore.
    I think you should try and work it out, figure out whats inside of you that you don't love him anymore.
  • Nikki_42
    Nikki_42 Posts: 298 Member
    This is me being your internet friend and off the top of my head....
    I know it sounds like bull but I think the reason I haven't fully put my foot down on this is because I'm worried about what will become of him... and that's the guilt that I feel.

    He'll be fine. He'll get over you, find someone that does love him, and be happy. Now unless he has some psychotic or mental issue where you're actually afraid he'll Darwinize himself you need to let this crutch of an ego excuse go.

    I have told him a little bit of how I'm feeling and I did give him a deadline but seems like he must not be taking me seriously because he hasn't packed anything or called anyone.

    And? Don't get frustrated, that's his issue when he comes home on the deadline date and you've changed the locks and his stuff is in boxes on the front porch.

    And if you don't do that, then I wouldn't take you seriously either, sorry.
    I've tried being honest and telling him how I feel but he keeps saying that he hasn't done anything wrong.

    Once again, and? What are getting out of this that you keep engaging him in the same conversation over and over? if you've actually told him clearly and fairly "you're right, it's not you, it's me", ignore him when he brings it up again.

    I'm not the type to hurt ones feelings and that's why I'm having so much trouble I think.

    Well if you're priority is his feelings over yours, their are other self-esteem issues that need to be addressed.
    It hurts that I'm going to lose someone that I care about and has been my best friend... trust me, I have thought about it all but I really feel like it's something that needs to be done.

    Is the priority getting him out and moving on in a healthy way or sucking it up to keep his friendship? You may want to decide that because if you're sending this many mixed messages in a post, imagine how you're coming across to him. Ala, may be why he's not taking you seriously or planning to move any time soon.
  • paulsmisses
    paulsmisses Posts: 178
    There is really no easy way to do it.... But being honest and sincere is the best way to do it rather then continue a broken relationship.

    i think this is good advice, always be honest and clear about how you feel and makes sure he understands you are serious xx
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    just sit him down, turn off the tv and any other distraction and be honest with him. Tell him how you feel and why. Tell him what you told us, exactly. Good luck!!
  • Jade17694
    Jade17694 Posts: 584 Member
    "I'm sorry, I don't feel the same way about you anymore. I don't love you like I used to. It's time for you to move out. I know you don't have any place ti go right now, so I will give you two months to find someplace. I am not going to be changing my mind. I'm sorry if this hurts you." Then stick to your guns. Don't feel guilty....you are not his mother or caretaker. He is responsible for his own life and his own feelings.

    Pretty much what i'd say :)

    Just get it over and done with and it'll hurt less. Good luck.
  • sammi402
    sammi402 Posts: 232 Member
    While he's at work, move all his stuff into the spare bedroom and put a lock on your room door.
  • KCoolBeanz
    KCoolBeanz Posts: 813 Member
    It won't be easy, but you'll have to put your foot down. Especially if he's not taking you seriously. If you can, maybe try talk to a counsellor. It's something I found very helpful before I initiated the split between my ex-husband and I. She didn't tell me what to do, but sometimes having your feelings re-affirmed by an impartial third party is what you need to realize you need to make a move for a happy future for you.

    Just know, that after he leaves, and you feel like garbage (because chances are, you will - it's human nature),there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and if you can just hang tight, one day at a time, the bad days will be few and far between, and you'll be happy that you made the right decision for yourself.

    Best of luck to you :-)
  • dakitten2
    dakitten2 Posts: 888 Member
    Well I could tell you a few fun ways.......serve him with an eviction notice.......tell him your a lesbian.......put Nair hair removal in his shampoo (just dont use his by mistake.

    I lived in that condition for many years because we had children together. It was like living with my brother. I loved him as a person and a great Dad but felt no love for him like I should. Once my last child was in college for a couple of years, I decided it was my time and just sat down and had an honest talk with him. Our divorce was amicable and we still talk on occasion. I'm a whole lot happier and I hope he is too. That was 11 years ago. My only regret, staying married for 24 years and not leaving years earlier instead of staying together for the kids to be adults. We had no intimacy whatsoever in the last 7 years of our marriage. Life is to short to waste that much time.
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