The Gym/Wife/Z. Class of Marriage Stress Part 3/III
d2footballJRC
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The Gym/Wife/Z. Class of Marriage Stress Part 3/III
Well it’s been a couple weeks since I’ve updated on the situation. I was right on my theories, but we will get to that in a second. This is a preface to those who say “I can’t believe I read that or you are evil”…To that I say.. NANANAAA BOOO BOOO I’m like rubber you are glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. Whew… Glad I got THAT off my chest! Tooo the story!!!
It started on a cold rainy and dark night…(Actually It’s been sunny and quite warm around here) I get the bright idea that I’m going to get to the bottom of this situation, even if it kills me. (Luckily it didn’t) Knowing my wife and her ability to face melt and spit fire and on the rare occasion acid I decided the only way to get to the bottom of this was to force it out, but while her thinking she is opening up. Thus the plan was born!
So I already know that Zumba is out of the question but I thought HEY I can bring Zumba to the weight room! No not by making obscene pelvic thrust towards people while they are lifting. (Granted there is a guy at my gym who curls that makes pelvic thrusts when he is curling. That’s another story though!) I’m going to do it by BRINGING in some color and PIZZAZ that is seen by the Zumba crowd. I went to the store and looked around til I saw the brightest part of the store and headed there. There I picked out the crown jewel of clothing to wear to the gym. A shirt that was black but had day glo arm pits, this allowing my arm pits to look like they smell.. BIOHAZARD NUCLEAR FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH! (Sadly I must have extra glands because after the gym they are rank.) Words don’t always do justice so here is EXHIBIT A:
I show my wife and she looks at me, gets those wrinkles on her head and says.. I don’t like it. It’s too bright. TOO BRIGHT I say!!! Do you not realize what you put on your body when you go to the gym. It’s so bright that blind people put on sunglasses, NASA sent an exploration team thinking that a star went super nova. She then gets upset, says “Fine, I just want to look pretty” and goes into the bedroom. I follow her in there and say “hey what the heDOUBLEHOCKEYSTICKS is wrong with you. For 3 weeks I’ve been dealing with you being moody, cranking, and just a pain in my (donkey) to be around. I’m tired of it. Spill it lady!” (Bracing myself to ninja dodge any sharp objects. God Forbid I WILL NOT DIE wearing day glo workout clothes.)
She looks are me and starts crying. I do the dumb man thing and ask her… “Are you pregnant, you got all moody like this last time you were pregnant” After dodging a shoe she yells, “I’M NOT PREGNANT!” then she finally breaks down and tells me the story of her issues.
She had a friend, we will call her Lisa (I have other things I want to call her but I need to keep this PG) that told her at work that she saw me at the gym and I was chatting it up with a lady. EXHIBIT B:
that she watched us talk for about 15 minutes and that we were both smiling a lot. That we really seemed into each other and had a lot to talk about, so since she is such a good friend that spied on us for awhile.
She noticed we talked for a good 20 minutes and then I went and started to lift. She followed the woman to her Pilate’s class. (TALK ABOUT CREEPER.. I really dislike Lisa right now) and just wanted my wife to be aware.
So I look at her and I start laughing. That lady she saw me talking to, that would be my cousin. Not in the least someone I’d sleep with or cheat with. (I’m FROM MISSOURI not ARKANAS…sorry anyone from Arkansas….Truly!) My wife then immediately calmed down and then told me that she felt like I was being distant with her lately even when we were out and about. I decided it was best to leave the part out the reason I was distant was I was tired of getting my head bit off, spit out, and then having to sew it back on anything I said anything. Instead I said what was probably the smartest thing that ever came out of my mouth.. “I’m Sorry” Things got better to an extent.
After talking I headed to the gym with my new found shirt of pure awesomeness. I took a step into the weight room and a friend of mine goes.. “Zumba class is that way --->” I haven’t put the shirt on since.
Well that is it for this edition of Gym, Stress, Zumba, Crazy co-workers of your wife, and general life can never be boring. Thank you for reading!
Well it’s been a couple weeks since I’ve updated on the situation. I was right on my theories, but we will get to that in a second. This is a preface to those who say “I can’t believe I read that or you are evil”…To that I say.. NANANAAA BOOO BOOO I’m like rubber you are glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. Whew… Glad I got THAT off my chest! Tooo the story!!!
It started on a cold rainy and dark night…(Actually It’s been sunny and quite warm around here) I get the bright idea that I’m going to get to the bottom of this situation, even if it kills me. (Luckily it didn’t) Knowing my wife and her ability to face melt and spit fire and on the rare occasion acid I decided the only way to get to the bottom of this was to force it out, but while her thinking she is opening up. Thus the plan was born!
So I already know that Zumba is out of the question but I thought HEY I can bring Zumba to the weight room! No not by making obscene pelvic thrust towards people while they are lifting. (Granted there is a guy at my gym who curls that makes pelvic thrusts when he is curling. That’s another story though!) I’m going to do it by BRINGING in some color and PIZZAZ that is seen by the Zumba crowd. I went to the store and looked around til I saw the brightest part of the store and headed there. There I picked out the crown jewel of clothing to wear to the gym. A shirt that was black but had day glo arm pits, this allowing my arm pits to look like they smell.. BIOHAZARD NUCLEAR FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH! (Sadly I must have extra glands because after the gym they are rank.) Words don’t always do justice so here is EXHIBIT A:
I show my wife and she looks at me, gets those wrinkles on her head and says.. I don’t like it. It’s too bright. TOO BRIGHT I say!!! Do you not realize what you put on your body when you go to the gym. It’s so bright that blind people put on sunglasses, NASA sent an exploration team thinking that a star went super nova. She then gets upset, says “Fine, I just want to look pretty” and goes into the bedroom. I follow her in there and say “hey what the heDOUBLEHOCKEYSTICKS is wrong with you. For 3 weeks I’ve been dealing with you being moody, cranking, and just a pain in my (donkey) to be around. I’m tired of it. Spill it lady!” (Bracing myself to ninja dodge any sharp objects. God Forbid I WILL NOT DIE wearing day glo workout clothes.)
She looks are me and starts crying. I do the dumb man thing and ask her… “Are you pregnant, you got all moody like this last time you were pregnant” After dodging a shoe she yells, “I’M NOT PREGNANT!” then she finally breaks down and tells me the story of her issues.
She had a friend, we will call her Lisa (I have other things I want to call her but I need to keep this PG) that told her at work that she saw me at the gym and I was chatting it up with a lady. EXHIBIT B:
that she watched us talk for about 15 minutes and that we were both smiling a lot. That we really seemed into each other and had a lot to talk about, so since she is such a good friend that spied on us for awhile.
She noticed we talked for a good 20 minutes and then I went and started to lift. She followed the woman to her Pilate’s class. (TALK ABOUT CREEPER.. I really dislike Lisa right now) and just wanted my wife to be aware.
So I look at her and I start laughing. That lady she saw me talking to, that would be my cousin. Not in the least someone I’d sleep with or cheat with. (I’m FROM MISSOURI not ARKANAS…sorry anyone from Arkansas….Truly!) My wife then immediately calmed down and then told me that she felt like I was being distant with her lately even when we were out and about. I decided it was best to leave the part out the reason I was distant was I was tired of getting my head bit off, spit out, and then having to sew it back on anything I said anything. Instead I said what was probably the smartest thing that ever came out of my mouth.. “I’m Sorry” Things got better to an extent.
After talking I headed to the gym with my new found shirt of pure awesomeness. I took a step into the weight room and a friend of mine goes.. “Zumba class is that way --->” I haven’t put the shirt on since.
Well that is it for this edition of Gym, Stress, Zumba, Crazy co-workers of your wife, and general life can never be boring. Thank you for reading!
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Replies
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You are the reason I live!!! BWAH HA HA HA HA ~~~ Keep your posts coming!!!!0
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Awesome - glad you were able to clear the air! Love the shirt, by the way.
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bumpin' for later0
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I loved your story, especially the visuals...they really helped me to understand what you were saying, especially once blinded by the Zumba shirt and unable to read the tiny print!
ETA: If I were closer, I would volunteer to kick "Lisa" in the taco for you, but that would probably give the wife more ideas.0 -
Awesome - glad you were able to clear the air! Love the shirt, by the way.
All it took was a day glo workout shirt!0 -
You are totally one of my favorite people on this whole pixel plane.0
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for the record, i love the dayglo shirt hah. i have shoes that would go perfectly with that. and yes, i blind oncoming cars at night
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I have followed your story for a while. May I say bravo my man... Bravo0
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Well played, sir. If only all of the world's problems could be solved by FABULOUS shirts.0
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You left out where you bought the shirt- strictly for informational purposes, you see. I'm not going to go to said store and buy one or anything. Also- was it affordable?0
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Love this story glad it had a good ending for now 0
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Well I'm glad you FINALLY got to the bottom of this! BUT why wouldn't your wife just come out and tell you this. I can't play cool and just go about my business after hearing my spouse maybe flirting with another woman. I come out and ask right away - things would get ugly if I didn't talk it of my concerns right away. :devil:0
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You left out where you bought the shirt- strictly for informational purposes, you see. I'm not going to go to said store and buy one or anything. Also- was it affordable?
At a wonderful store called Burlington's Coat Factory in Omaha, Ne. The shirt cost a grand total of $9.99 and it's made by PUMA.0 -
So glad it's going well! Love the updates!0
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Oh wow! Thanks for the update and the giggles. So glad you got things worked out. Your wife seems to be of the type that let things that bother them stew for a while.......keep that in mind next time she's in a "mood". I hope she gives her "friend" crap for putting her through that. Awesome story! 0
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Well I'm glad you FINALLY got to the bottom of this! BUT why wouldn't your wife just come out and tell you this. I can't play cool and just go about my business after hearing my spouse maybe flirting with another woman. I come out and ask right away - things would get ugly if I don't take it of my concerns right away. :devil:
I wouldn't call it playing cool.. It's more like living near a volcano and it's rumbling and you know it's going to erupt, you just don't know exactly WHEN.0 -
Happy ending but the wifey could have avoided all of it by saying something right away! Then we wouldn't have had a great story though.0
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Well I'm glad you FINALLY got to the bottom of this! BUT why wouldn't your wife just come out and tell you this. I can't play cool and just go about my business after hearing my spouse maybe flirting with another woman. I come out and ask right away - things would get ugly if I don't take it of my concerns right away. :devil:
I wouldn't call it playing cool.. It's more like living near a volcano and it's rumbling and you know it's going to erupt, you just don't know exactly WHEN.
My eruption would be the moment I see my beloved. (
the reason I say ugly) 0 -
good for you for talking to her - i hope she tells her "friend" that she is not helpful by being nosy and intrusive. Hope its all roses from here on!0
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I love your "updates." And the photos this time were a definite plus. Is it wrong of me that I am kind of hoping Lisa sticks her big nose in again, just so I have something interesting to read? :laugh:
Seriously, glad you got to the bottom of it and were able to work things out.0 -
Aww...what a great update. Meanwhile, if Lisa was going to be such a stalker and was thinking she had your wife's back, she should have just walked over and said hello to you. It's usually a pretty easy way to see if someone is guilty of something. And when you said, "Hey - this is my cousin, so-and-so," that's the end of that. Women can be so freaking dumb.0
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I ♥ your posts!0
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these are always so long, but too funny and entertaining to not read - thanks for the laughs!0
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I love your "updates." And the photos this time were a definite plus. Is it wrong of me that I am kind of hoping Lisa sticks her big nose in again, just so I have something interesting to read? :laugh:
Seriously, glad you got to the bottom of it and were able to work things out.
You're a cruel woman! Lisa is not getting a Christmas card this year!0 -
Aww...what a great update. Meanwhile, if Lisa was going to be such a stalker and was thinking she had your wife's back, she should have just walked over and said hello to you. It's usually a pretty easy way to see if someone is guilty of something. And when you said, "Hey - this is my cousin, so-and-so," that's the end of that. Women can be so freaking dumb.
I agree Lisa could have said "hey I know your wife right"?0 -
Those silly meddling Lisa's and nepharous conversaitons with "cousins" ruin everything!0
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I've read all three installments - and love love them all. You have a brilliant style of writing. Life is always better when you pretend it's a sitcom!0
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looove it! not Lisa, but the rest of it, of course! Happy glowing0
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CLASSIC!0
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Hahahaha.
Lisa sounds like a gem, and it also sounds like she is showing early warning signs of CBS (crazy b*tch syndrome).0
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