Should I seek professional HELP?!?

NatasPV

I'm afraid I have an Eating Disorder and I know this is best cured the sooner it's treated.
I've done a few tests online and they all tell me I have an ED, besides that I can also tell you myself that my eating pattern isn't normal.

First of all: I Love FOOD!
But I don't like my body...and ever since I've started trying to lose weight I started disliking food. Not for its taste, but for how it makes me feel when I put it in my mouth. I feel disgusted with myself/my body when I eat, therefor I've started eating less and less...

Some facts
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 130-132 lbs
Highest Weight: 148 lbs (Last Christmas)
Age: 18

I know my body needs food, but since I didn't lose any weight eating 1200 kcal a day I decided it was time for more "restrictions"
Now I'm down to eating as few calories as possible while still kinda eating 3 meals a day.. this comes down to 600-800 kcal a day. Besides that I work out 5 days a week by doing Track and Field(at least 1.5 hours) and most times I add exercise to the weekends too.. When I don't exercise I feel like a failure...

Some things I do that worry me: I use laxatives, I've started purging recently, I try to postpone eating as long as possible (so that I maybe am able to have a previous meal counting as a current meal), I weigh myself every day, I hate eating in front of other people, I know the calories of everything and I'm already planning my meals far ahead of time.

I know I'm going in the wrong direction and I don't want too... I don't wanna end up being a skeleton, I don't wanna end up in the hospital... I used to love eating, but now I'm obsessed with it...especially with how NOT to eat or get rid of it...

The only side of me that's telling me not to post this message is the side of me that knows if this keeps going: I WILL BE SKINNY...

Help Me?...

mayerel

If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer. Get some help, you'll feel much better after you do. Are you nervous to go get some help? You won't necessarily end up in the hospital, but you will get the help you need to be healthy!

Sidesteal

I would seek professional help immediately.

NatasPV

If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer. Get some help, you'll feel much better after you do. Are you nervous to go get some help? You won't necessarily end up in the hospital, but you will get the help you need to be healthy!

I feel like I'm not skinny enough to have an ED and that I'm just a poser...
I keep telling myself I'm fine and that I shouldn't be such a wimp

Elizabeth_C34

I would seek professional help immediately.

This.

Go now before it gets any worse or harder to manage. Kudos for you recognizing the issue and considering getting help early. That takes serious gusto, and you should be proud of yourself.

Sidesteal

If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer. Get some help, you'll feel much better after you do. Are you nervous to go get some help? You won't necessarily end up in the hospital, but you will get the help you need to be healthy!

I feel like I'm not skinny enough to have an ED and that I'm just a poser...
I keep telling myself I'm fine and that I shouldn't be such a wimp

ED has nothing to do with how skinny you are. Being ultra skinny is sometimes a symptom of an ED, not the cause.

Elizabeth_C34

If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer. Get some help, you'll feel much better after you do. Are you nervous to go get some help? You won't necessarily end up in the hospital, but you will get the help you need to be healthy!

I feel like I'm not skinny enough to have an ED and that I'm just a poser...
I keep telling myself I'm fine and that I shouldn't be such a wimp

ED's have nothing to do with your size. It's a mental/psychological issue.

naner824

You should definitely get some help. You are already beautiful, no matter your size! You will feel so much better when you do not feel guilty eating (which sustains life). Please get some help! Good luck!

NatasPV

I would seek professional help immediately.

What I forgot to say: I'm afraid to seek help, because I'm afraid I'll go back to my old eating habits of "Loving Food" and not watch what I eat and just enjoy life...but then I'll gain weight again....

And for some reason I need to have full control...or no control at all and not worry about what I eat. That's how I know I'll go back to "Loving Food" when I seek help...

NatasPV

I would seek professional help immediately.

This.

Go now before it gets any worse or harder to manage. Kudos for you recognizing the issue and considering getting help early. That takes serious gusto, and you should be proud of yourself.

I feel like such a failure...
I know it's totally wrong but this crossed my mind when I read this: "You can't even have an ED without failing"
How pathetic am I....

Sidesteal

I would seek professional help immediately.

What I forgot to say: I'm afraid to seek help, because I'm afraid I'll go back to my old eating habits of "Loving Food" and not watch what I eat and just enjoy life...but then I'll gain weight again....

And for some reason I need to have full control...or no control at all and not worry about what I eat. That's how I know I'll go back to "Loving Food" when I seek help...

First of all it's not like you're going to wake up tomorrow as a 400lb tub. Secondly, if that's your actual picture you're already lean and look great.

You're eventually going to need to learn how to eat the "appropriate" amount of food to maintain whatever body composition you desire. Part of that learning process means getting over your disorder because doing the behaviors you're describing will not yield a sexy looking body.

KaleidoscopeEyes1056

If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer. Get some help, you'll feel much better after you do. Are you nervous to go get some help? You won't necessarily end up in the hospital, but you will get the help you need to be healthy!

I feel like I'm not skinny enough to have an ED and that I'm just a poser...
I keep telling myself I'm fine and that I shouldn't be such a wimp

ED's have nothing to do with your size. It's a mental/psychological issue.

I agree. You can have an ED at any weight. I think you should seek help before it's too late.

cior

You are not a failure. You deserve to be a healthy size and have a healthy lifestyle. Please seek help! It is a mental issue that you need to get help before it gets worse!

fit4evaR

Please please go seek some help. This is not healthy for your body and your long term well being.

cygnetpro

I think you already know the answer. There are many red flags in your message. I work with some students with eating disorders. It is, by far, the deadliest psychologiical disorder there is. A few of my friends have struggled in the past with a dianosed and treated eating disorder. It's tough, but treatable.

I'm encouraged that you seem to be recognizing it, even if part of you doesn't want to. I hope that you walk to your phone now and call your doctor. Good luck to you. :flowerforyou:

katsmo

Yeah, I think you need a little help, sweetie. Even if it's not a professional, can you talk to a friend, your mother, a nurse you're comfortable with? You're so young, and I wish I knew this at your age: Be good to your body. Giving your body the healthy, nutritious food and activity it needs is smart; severely restricting yourself and making yourself exercise just to be below 1200 calories is not. You need to find that balance. Diet and exercise should never be about punishing yourself. If you weren't seeing results at 1200 calories, it's because your body wasn't getting enough. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but upping your calories would probably be more effective than lowering them below 1200. I used to think I should never eat after dinner, and I just felt like I went to bed starving some nights. I've loosened up and allowed myself a small snack at night, and I've moved past my plateau. Hang in there, and be well

Hellbent_Heidi

I would seek professional help immediately.

What I forgot to say: I'm afraid to seek help, because I'm afraid I'll go back to my old eating habits of "Loving Food" and not watch what I eat and just enjoy life...but then I'll gain weight again....

And for some reason I need to have full control...or no control at all and not worry about what I eat. That's how I know I'll go back to "Loving Food" when I seek help...

Why does it have to be one extreme or the other? Getting professional help might teach you to find a balance between the two extremes.

KaleidoscopeEyes1056

I would seek professional help immediately.

What I forgot to say: I'm afraid to seek help, because I'm afraid I'll go back to my old eating habits of "Loving Food" and not watch what I eat and just enjoy life...but then I'll gain weight again....

And for some reason I need to have full control...or no control at all and not worry about what I eat. That's how I know I'll go back to "Loving Food" when I seek help...

If you get help thought, you may learn how to love food in moderation. It's good to love food, but it's also good to be healthy. Maybe you can find the happy medium.

81Katz

You either want to get help or not. The fact that you're asking is a very obvious cry for help in my eyes.

Good luck.

seekingstrengthX2

I would seek professional help immediately.

What I forgot to say: I'm afraid to seek help, because I'm afraid I'll go back to my old eating habits of "Loving Food" and not watch what I eat and just enjoy life...but then I'll gain weight again....

And for some reason I need to have full control...or no control at all and not worry about what I eat. That's how I know I'll go back to "Loving Food" when I seek help...

You have to make a choice.
Continue as is and you will likely die at some point from this. I'm being very serious. Eating disorders kill women every day.
OR
Get help and risk gaining a little weight.

You need professional help from a psychologist.

Right now.

NatasPV

I would seek professional help immediately.

What I forgot to say: I'm afraid to seek help, because I'm afraid I'll go back to my old eating habits of "Loving Food" and not watch what I eat and just enjoy life...but then I'll gain weight again....

And for some reason I need to have full control...or no control at all and not worry about what I eat. That's how I know I'll go back to "Loving Food" when I seek help...

First of all it's not like you're going to wake up tomorrow as a 400lb tub. Secondly, if that's your actual picture you're already lean and look great.

Yes, that's me.... I know it's not fat...but I also know I'm not happy with how it looks... It keeps me kinda motivated...

claricecollins

Go for help before it gets worse. Take it from personal experience. Once it starts, it's the hardest thing to recover from. I battle it every day because I didn't think I was skinny enough to have an ED either. But it's a mental illness just as well. Stop it now before you spiral out of control. You're worth it.

NatasPV

I would seek professional help immediately.

What I forgot to say: I'm afraid to seek help, because I'm afraid I'll go back to my old eating habits of "Loving Food" and not watch what I eat and just enjoy life...but then I'll gain weight again....

And for some reason I need to have full control...or no control at all and not worry about what I eat. That's how I know I'll go back to "Loving Food" when I seek help...

You have to make a choice.
Continue as is and you will likely die at some point from this. I'm being very serious. Eating disorders kill women every day.
OR
Get help and risk gaining a little weight.

You need professional help from a psychologist.

Right now.

You know what's ironic...My mom is a psychologist.
GUESS WHAT SHE TREATS....

XXXMinnieXXX

Your NOT pathetic! You do need help. Good for you for realising and better you do it now before you become really ill physically. Good luck x

dirtbikegirl5

Everyone here is right. You must seek professional help. I suffered with ED's since I was 9. It is no way to live. I know what you mean about being afraid, but believe me that after all of these years, I have to suffer the consequences of what ED's have done to me. ED's are about control. I can promise you that it has nothing to do with how skinny you are and people who have these will never believe that they have one because they aren't like the others - aren't thin enough, simply don't have an ED, etc.

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk or vent. All the best to you. You deserve it.

shiseido_faerie

If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer. Get some help, you'll feel much better after you do. Are you nervous to go get some help? You won't necessarily end up in the hospital, but you will get the help you need to be healthy!

I feel like I'm not skinny enough to have an ED and that I'm just a poser...
I keep telling myself I'm fine and that I shouldn't be such a wimp

Everyone with an ED started at a healthy weight at some point. Given your current feelings towards food and your weight I would definitely recommend talking with someone about it! Good for you for recognizing potential issues though, HUGE step!! Definitely speak to someone, they can help you find a balance so that things don't get out of control.

lizard053

Definitely see out professional help! They can help you develop a healthy relationship with food, so that you don't gain too much nor lose too much. The goal of most ED treatments is to develop a healthy view of eating, your body and what you're fueling it with! There is no shame in admitting you need help, the strongest people always know when to ask for help. Don't let pride tell you otherwise!

strongandhealthy78

Yes. Here's a place to start:

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-help-today/

You are not alone. Help is just a call or click away.

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, we are here to help. Call our toll free, confidential Helpline Monday-Friday, 9:00 am- 5:00 pm, Eastern Standard Time:
1-800-931-2237. Our helpline volunteers will be there to offer support and guidance with compassion and understanding.

BlueInkDot

Yea that's an eating disorder. Getting professional help is definitely what you want to do. Don't worry, you're not alone. There are doctors who know how to help you out and help you become healthy and strong and comfortable in your own skin. You'll be okay, just get the help you need before this gets any worse, okay?

- Mary

kristen6022

130 and 5'10 is skinny, 148 and 5'10 isn't heavy at all. I'm 5'11 and 155 (after losing 35 pounds, and I've never been considered overweight) and honestly I wouldn't want to be much thinner. You need to get help. Loving food isn't a bad thing. You just have to love it in moderation. Excessive workouts and excessive undereating isn't good.

carrieliz81

I also recommend talking to a professional. Are you in college? One of the wonderful advantages is that there is often easier access to mental health supports on a college campus. Everyone I have talked to who has sought out counseling services for a number of different issues has had nothing but positive results. I know it can be scary to take the first step, but I am confident you will feel a sense of relief if you give it a chance.