Dating or Deceit ??
Why is it that you can date someone for a while, spend quality time and have deep conversations, and then they change into everything the weren't before? Is that just the crap people in their 20s have to deal with or is there something in the water that's causing crazies to appear?
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This is why dating sucks and should be avoided at all costs.
A bit like herpes.
When you date you don't meet the real person but their representative. The truth of their personality always comes out with time though....0 -
When you date you don't meet the real person but their representative.
very well put msf0 -
When you date you don't meet the real person but their representative. The truth of their personality always comes out with time though....
nice...I might just use this as a Facebook status some day lol0 -
I stopped "dating" in my mid 20s because it was lamer than a hobo's dog.
Instead I just did things I was interested in doing and invited a lady I liked along for the ride *ahem* The change in mindset made the whole experience a lot more enjoyable and took the pressure off.
Ironically, it seems the more laid back I was about getting a woman's interest the more I got laid...
Zen dude.0 -
I stopped "dating" in my mid 20s because it was lamer than a hobo's dog.
Instead I just did things I was interested in doing and invited a lady I liked along for the ride *ahem* The change in mindset made the whole experience a lot more enjoyable and took the pressure off.
Ironically, it seems the more laid back I was about getting a woman's interest the more I got laid...
Zen dude.
Dating sucks.. I agree with the above.0 -
I refuse to thing dating is a lot cause lol...just wishing there were more normal female out there. I mean, you gotta date in order to get married...soooo, i'm not gonna just give up. I just wanna know where the normal people live lmao0
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When you find normal land...please map the path because i am 42 and yet to find it.0
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Because people do the whole "I'm gonna act exactly how he'd want me to act so he'll totally like me and be into me!" thing and put up a good front to get you to be with them, then they think "Sweet! I got him! Now I can totally be myself and since he already likes me, this will totally work out."
People are dumb like that.0 -
i wouldn't advocate acting like someone else (saying they like something that they don't), but i certainly understand people putting their best foot forward at the beginning of a relationship. like it or not, you do tend to cut more slack for people you like rather than people you don't know.
people need to be eased into the crazy.0 -
There are some fantastic replies to this post and they are OH so true!! I have been married, and in a few long-term relationships and the "true personality" tends to rear its ugly head right after about the six month mark!! Needless to say, that has been what inevitably ended these relationships. In retrospect there were "red flags" in the early stages I chose to ignore because I was "love blind." I have not given up though ~ I am choosing to be single at the moment to find myself, appreciate my own space and freedom... and hopefully in the future a mate that accepts me for me and vice versa. There are good ones out there....I know it!0
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I have a first date on Friday - I hate dating - would rather meet people through friends or something. I also hate meeting guys at a bar. I feel like dating is unnatural.
nfran where are you? I'm normal, we should "date"! haha0 -
people need to be eased into the crazy.
Exactly. I am not going tell someone on a first date that I am crazy.... let them figure it out on their own. :laugh: :laugh:
this is the reason I always try to scan a date's bookcase to see what they read. I look for the well worn book, not the shiny new ones. You can find out a lot about a person that way. What if they don't have a bookcase, you ask?. then, in my book, they are not worth dating.
things to be wary of: more then 5 self help books, a large number of books on the occult unless that is their major or they are an Goth, more then one edition of D&D books ... oh wait that is my crazy
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Trust me...Happened twice to me in the last 8 months. I mean from everything a great relationship has to offer then Bam! I just want to be friends! I am 54 for God's Sake! Stop meesing with poeple's minds.... Just Say'n....0
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Just wait until you get divorced and then start dating again! :drinker:0
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My brother had great quote the other day, "We're all going to be divorced....It's just "when" that is the question!"0
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Because people do the whole "I'm gonna act exactly how he'd want me to act so he'll totally like me and be into me!" thing and put up a good front to get you to be with them, then they think "Sweet! I got him! Now I can totally be myself and since he already likes me, this will totally work out."
People are dumb like that.
This is hilarious!
Mostly because...it's when women realize they got precisely what I was advertising from the word go...that they freak out and decide that it wasn't what they told me 72,000 times, in about 200 different ways...over however long we were together, that they wanted.
Go figure lol.0 -
Because people do the whole "I'm gonna act exactly how he'd want me to act so he'll totally like me and be into me!" thing and put up a good front to get you to be with them, then they think "Sweet! I got him! Now I can totally be myself and since he already likes me, this will totally work out."
People are dumb like that.
This is hilarious!
Mostly because...it's when women realize they got precisely what I was advertising from the word go...that they freak out and decide that it wasn't what they told me 72,000 times, in about 200 different ways...over however long we were together, that they wanted.
Go figure lol.
I was celibate for 15 years. (Yes you read that right.. by choice.. had some selfwork to do). But coming back to the men and women relationship world has been a huge learning curve. I am who I am, warts and all. I'm very honest and up front. I have found that guys are too - at least verbally. The part I get stumped on is when their actions seem to say more (or less as the case may be) than their mouth.
I think women 'feel' their way through relationships and men just kinda take it one day at a time so that we are never in the same spot until and when ... we are. Did that make sense?
As for the dating question, I don't do it anymore because I think it is a vehicle that forces people into being not quite the person they are. Kinda like going on a job interview. You are more professional during the interview than you might be 3 years into the job. It's just human nature.
I just make lots of friends and let the relationships take me where they will. I've had much better luck that way because we know each other as friends as well as more honestly.0 -
I would recommend doing what I did.. be friends with someone. Don't date them. You can do date like things and get to know the real person. After time goes by you will see who they are. My husband and I were friends for 2 years before we dated and I married my best friend and that was the best decision I ever made (other than having our babies!)0
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Dating doesn't suck at all, it's a blast! I think when it sucks, it's time to stop and evaluate the type of man or woman you're choosing to date. Just stop and reevaluate yourself, not the other person.
Best advice I ever heard...that most people like to pretend doesn't apply to them...."you attract what you are."0 -
I've not long started dating online and got a message the other day from a guy saying 'you look like trouble and that's exactly what I'm after' huh - you got that from one photo of me, where none of my tattoos are visible and with sunglasses on? WTF!!!!
Looking into his profile further, he wants a relationship to start in the bedroom and go from there. I give him credit for being honest, but definitely do not like his chances of finding anyone. Oh, and he wasn't some deluded 21 year old, the guy was 33.....0 -
When you date you don't meet the real person but their representative. The truth of their personality always comes out with time though.
Yup. I love dating, because it's fun meeting new people and I'm not in a rush to get married...but too many people do the "I'm gonna act exactly how he'd want me to act so he'll totally like me and be into me!" thing mentioned above so as much fun as I have dating I always give it 2-3 months before I start thinking so-and-so is great.
I'm also a "truth in advertising" kind of person, so what you see is what you get and most dates don't even make it past the first week, let alone 2-3, because they're so used to women who pretend to be Ms Perfect for the first couple dates.0 -
Because people do the whole "I'm gonna act exactly how he'd want me to act so he'll totally like me and be into me!" thing and put up a good front to get you to be with them, then they think "Sweet! I got him! Now I can totally be myself and since he already likes me, this will totally work out."
People are dumb like that.
The way your ticket is situated....looks like the stars are censoring something out. Bahahaha, sorry but that cracked me up.0 -
a gentleman I met through POF calls them meets, not dates...
made sense to me. 0 -
A little bit of everything above and it is every age group that does it. I'm divorced and trying to date again is scary. Having been divorced I see how important it is to be myself from the first moment. Most people who play that fake thing in the beginning haven't realized how it will hurt things in the long run.0
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We are all screwed, and not in the good way. 0
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people get too comfortable in relationships after a while..and the morals people teach their kids are going to hell..glad im married and dont have to worry about it anymore, but i worry about my boys going thru it one day:frown:0
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Why is it that you can date someone for a while, spend quality time and have deep conversations, and then they change into everything the weren't before? Is that just the crap people in their 20s have to deal with or is there something in the water that's causing crazies to appear?
maybe you are looking in the wrong places. I mean I am 100% me upfront. I don't play games and I always call guys out on their BS.
It's works for me some of the time. A lot of guys are intimidated by my personality, which is fine by me, I'm weaning out the weak ones.
but maybe I am one of those crazy ones and don't realize it, there must be a reason i'm single, :bigsmile:0 -
people need to be eased into the crazy.
Exactly. I am not going tell someone on a first date that I am crazy.... let them figure it out on their own. :laugh: :laugh:
this is the reason I always try to scan a date's bookcase to see what they read. I look for the well worn book, not the shiny new ones. You can find out a lot about a person that way. What if they don't have a bookcase, you ask?. then, in my book, they are not worth dating.
things to be wary of: more then 5 self help books, a large number of books on the occult unless that is their major or they are an Goth, more then one edition of D&D books ... oh wait that is my crazy
LOL!!! Made me laugh.0 -
I have to say...all of you guys have great points and some are you a hilarious. @ Myslissa- Normal "land" does exist we just all have broken compasses LOL but if I happen to crash into it, i'll shoot a few flares lol. @ jac264 - Good luck with your first date...don't give it up too quickly! Men get bored by women who do that so don't let him get you drunk :-) @ bebreli - your situation is a rare find and i'm actually very happy for you. Most people don't know how to be friends first. I've actually tried that method and it always backfires because people can't wait to experience it all...and then the friendship is ruined...and then you stop calling...then you stop texting...then you just STOP lol...certainly sucks. But if I could find that, I would absolutely be thrilled to follow through with it.
YOU'RE ALL QUITE THE THOUGHTFUL PEOPLE (except for a few ppl lol) but still...thanks for the posts....brings a little more hope to my quest :-)0 -
it's because they put on an act when they first meet you, then when they 'get' you, they show who they really are and operate on the theory (experience) that you 'love' them now & will accept it. and no, it's not just 20-somethings.
Here's what I'm doing about it. I NEVER date exclusively. I see who I want as often as I want - even date 2 diff ppl on the same day. The very instant they SHOW THEIR *kitten* (and they always do) I dump that one. no prob cause I always have back up.
NEVER, EVER tie yourself to ONE *kitten* (since they're all *kitten*) and you NEVER EVER have to worry about how deceitful, low and spineless they are.
DO NOT give them keys to your home. DO NOT give them money. I don't give them any damn thing at all & kick them to the curb for the smallest infraction.
works for me.
rest of the dumb *****es can kiss man *kitten*. I'd rather die0
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