How much family is too much family!

rextcat

:bigsmile: when your in the lows parking lot with a tuck bed full with shovels, qwick lie, concreat, tarps, and towing a chipper shreader....you may have reached the "to much family time" time:bigsmile:

kaymarie78

I come from a family who isn't close at all, and my boyfriend's family is super close. I was really overwhelmed at first and wasn't really sure how to act around them. I didn't want to look snooty, but I didn't really know how to function within a family unit without being totally awkward. I just started doing little things with them, and over time I got more comfortable. I still don't interact with them as much as does, but I think that's okay. Do as much as you feel comfortable with...and you may even find yourself wanting more of a relationship with them. But if you compromise then I think he should too. Obviously you aren't trying to keep him from them, but I don't think cutting out the phone calls while you are trying to sleep, on a date, or stuff like that is too much to ask.

TrailRunner61

I'm not close to my side of the family and it upsets me. I'd love to have my sisters as best friends and be close to my brother and do things with them. It'll never happen.

However,,, my husband comes from a LARGE family. We have lost count of how many nieces and nephews (greats included), but we know there are over 80 now! I LOVE, love, love that we get together with them often. I even hosted Christmas at our home the year before and we had over 100 guests. It was crowded and a little crazy but we all had fun and made memories.

I'd also like to add that my husband talks to his family everyday. Not every single one of them because that's impossible but they talk to each other enough to know what's going on in their families. I haven't talked to one of my sisters since our father's funeral 2 years ago and if she wouldn't have been there, I wouldn't have seen her then.

I agree that yours talks to his family too much but maybe you can find a way to compromise with him and let him know it's a bit overwhelming for you, considering your experience with your own family. I know that when I met my husband 35 years ago, I felt like Sunday dinner at his house was like Christmas at mine and it was a weekly event! It took a while to get used to but now I love it, love his sisters and brothers better than my own and wouldn't change a thing. Get to know some of his family, learn the language,, find something in common with them so you can enjoy time with them.

Good luck and I hope you can find a happy medium with your hubby!

AndiJoy812

I come from a very close family - my husband does not. I don't see it talk to my Mom or sister daily - but several times a week. We also have big family get-togethers with all of the Aunts, Uncles and cousins and it is a loud, joyful time and I enjoy every minute of it. They are some of my favorite people on this planet. We have been married for 8 years, and my husband is still overwhelmed at times - but he also knows my family would drop everything to support us if we needed them. His family could care less.

Here are my thoughts on it: boundaries can be a good thing, especially when it comes to phone calls late at night. I agree with you there. But here is where I differ...instead of thinking that his family is too close and weird for wanting to spend time together, why not be thankful for them? After all, they are the people that shaped him into the man that he is, and aren't you in love with him? Why not respect him for his sense of loyalty to those that he loves - because isn't that what you also want from him? You can't fall in love with someone that has those types of qualities and then be aggravated when they are demonstrating those same qualities to others. Seems like a double standard. I also don't think that it is fair of you to ask him to change who he is. You also knew this going into it - if it was a concern before you were married, why did you think the ring was going to change his behavior? I'm not saying that to be snippy - but this is who he has been for years. You're not going to be able to change that overnight.

Talk to him. Set boundaries if you need to for your comfort, and make sure you are really communicating your concerns from an "I" voice - as in, "Honey, I know you love talking to your Mom late at night, but I really need to sleep. Could you please talk in the living room instead of the bedroom?" I bet, just from reading just this little bit about him, he would gladly move to the other room.
Best of luck to you. I know that it took my husband quite a while to get used to my family. And I love it when he joins us, but I am not offended when he doesn't want to go either. This will work out - just make sure you are communicating with him.

nicholettebell

Just tell them all that you hate them the next time you are all together, then they probably wont want you around anymore anyway. You're welcome.

:laugh: :drinker:

AbbeyRysMom

I can TOTALLY see where you are coming from!! I love my husband's family, but sometimes, it can be overwhelming. Sometimes you want to start your OWN family traditions, instead of being a part of already existing traditions. Try to remind him that YOU are his family, he should respect your wishes not to attend EVERYTHING.

I don't know what your plan is with children, but just know that it does NOT get better. You will only be expected to attend more family functions since you have children with someone in their family. I hope its better for you than it is for me. I will always be "the kids' mother" regardless of the 13 years I have spent trying to get them to like me. Such is life.

wstokes28

Thank you all for you advice. However it was apparent that many of you didn't read all that I said. My issue is not with my husband spending time with his family. Indeed, what I said was that I have no problem with that because that is what he was doing when we met. My issues is that after telling him I'm not down for that kind of time with his family, he now wants me to be involved in a greater degree than I am comfortable with. That is not going to happen. I am quite content with my life. I love his family, but I've learned that its all about them. Since we have been married, I've graduated from college, a 20 year mission, my daughter has graduated college and not only did they not attend either, they didn't even give us a cards.I personally can't see them there in the event something happened and we needed support. Actually, I think my family would be there with open arms and a helpful hand. Yet, his family wants a card and dinner for every birthday and us to spend all holidays with them. I don't think so. I have a family that I adore and although they are in a different state, I shouldn't be forced to be at his familys house simply because mine is in a different state. I enjoy my own house on the holidays, I don't need to go visit someone else, especially after I told him this before we were married.