MEN.. HELP..!! (maybe women moms of pre-teens or teen..)

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  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    As a former 12 year old boy I can tell you the last thing he wants to do is talk about it. Prepare yourself for 6 years of "ignoring it". Also you're going to be seeing a lot less of the boy. He'll be taking a lot of"naps".
  • jennkain97
    jennkain97 Posts: 290 Member
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    Almost felt like a moment on those american pie movies..
    LOL!! :)

    lol.. just remembered the pie moment.. lmbo.. okay i have to see this with humor.. Ill worry when he asks for a warn cherry pie.. lol ok ill stop..

    glad you're able to look on it w/ humor :laugh:
  • Jordant107
    Jordant107 Posts: 218 Member
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    Almost felt like a moment on those american pie movies..
    LOL!! :)

    lol.. just remembered the pie moment.. lmbo.. okay i have to see this with humor.. Ill worry when he asks for a warn cherry pie.. lol ok ill stop..
    And his dad says 'we'll just have to tell mom that............................that we ate the pie!!' :)
  • justicetumblr
    justicetumblr Posts: 11
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    Yes, talk to him. Tell him those feelings are normal, give him the sex talk if you haven't. I am no mom, but I live with an 8 year old, and a 12 year old brother. I'm 19 and my mom and dad is gone most of the time so I give them these talks. Just tell him those feelings and what he is doing is perfectly normal. It will be awkward, but you'll be glad it's done.
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
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    Definitely time for 'the talk'. If there is a dad or male figure in the picture it is really a good idea to have him take care of this one. It makes things slightly less awkward and you were never an adolescent boy so you can never really understand. Just don't make him feel ashamed or embarrassed, because he should know he is completely normal, it is a normal thing to do, and everyone does it.
  • ARDuBaie
    ARDuBaie Posts: 379 Member
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    I have a 26 year old son and walked into the same thing. Obviously, he is interested in feeling pleasure and will seek it out, maybe even with a girl. If you don't talk about it, he may think of it as dirty. Sex isn't dirty and no one should see it that way. Since he is interested and curious, now is the time to talk about it. In its entirety.

    Some tips:

    1. Get pictures of male anatomy.
    2. Explain how things work down there.
    3. Explain the primary purpose of intercourse.
    4. Explain that it is okay to please oneself, but clean up the mess. LOL Better yet, he isn't too young to do his own laundry, mom.
    5. Explain about how girls get pregnant. In other words, intercourse and the fertilization of eggs to produce a baby.
    6. Explain that it only takes one sperm.
    7. Explain that there are diseases associated with sex. Reading material from a clinic can help in this department.
    8. Explain your expectations. In my home, this included an agreement that my son would not have sex before the age of 17 and that when he did, he would use protection. Also, my son could not have sex under my roof when I was home. This was in recognition that if I wasn't home, I wouldn't know and I didn't want him to lie. Additionally, if a child was a product of his having intercourse with someone, he would assume responsibility and support that child.

    The result of all that teaching is that my son is 26 years old, moved out early (he's in the military) has had sexual intercourse with a few girls, says he uses protection except with long-standing relationships, has never had a sexually transmitted disease, and no girl has gotten pregnant by him.

    The alternative is ignorance, getting a sexually transmitted disease, getting a girl pregnant, and a whole lot more.

    Hope this helps.
  • Montanarush
    Montanarush Posts: 76
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    It will just get more awkward. i would leave it be. Its pretty normal, around that age.
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
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    Just apologize and tell him you will knock next time. I'm sure he is probably just as mortified as you.
  • Jordant107
    Jordant107 Posts: 218 Member
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    Ditto to the "no talk needed" comments. Nature will do it's thing. Just expect him to disappear a little more often, and be sure to make plenty of noise when approaching his room so there are no awkward encounters.
  • nwhitley
    nwhitley Posts: 619
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    I have a 26 year old son and walked into the same thing. Obviously, he is interested in feeling pleasure and will seek it out, maybe even with a girl. If you don't talk about it, he may think of it as dirty. Sex isn't dirty and no one should she it that way. Since he is interested and curious, now is the time to talk about it. In its entirety.

    Some tips:

    1. Get pictures of male anatomy.
    2. Explain how things work down there.
    3. Explain the primary purpose of intercourse.
    4. Explain that it is okay to please oneself, but clean up the mess. LOL Better yet, he isn't too young to do his own laundry, mom.
    5. Explain about how girls get pregnant. In other words, intercourse and the fertilization of eggs to produce a baby.
    6. Explain that it only takes one sperm.
    7. Explain that there are diseases associated with sex. Reading material from a clinic can help in this department.
    8. Explain your expectations. In my home, this included an agreement that my son would not have sex before the age of 17 and that when he did, he would use protection. Also, my son could not have sex under my roof when I was home. This was in recognition that if I wasn't home, I wouldn't know and I didn't want him to lie. Additionally, if a child was a product of his having intercourse with someone, he would assume responsibility and support that child.

    The result of all that teaching is that my son is 26 years old, moved out early (he's in the military) has had sexual intercourse with a few girls, says he uses protection except with long-standing relationships, has never had a sexually transmitted disease, and no girl has gotten pregnant by him.

    The alternative is ignorance, getting a sexually transmitted disease, getting a girl pregnant, and a whole lot more.

    Hope this helps.
    Agreed!
  • DesignGuy
    DesignGuy Posts: 457 Member
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    Like others have said, leave him be.

    In fact, don't even talk about it to your friends or relatives. Put it far, far out of mind.
  • Jordant107
    Jordant107 Posts: 218 Member
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    As a former 12 year old boy I can tell you the last thing he wants to do is talk about it. Prepare yourself for 6 years of "ignoring it". Also you're going to be seeing a lot less of the boy. He'll be taking a lot of"naps".
    And long showers;)
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    My son was 10 when I walked in on him (in all fairness, his door was open and he was supposed to be cleaning his room before we went someplace). I turned around and left the room. It was no big deal, just a bit unexpected at his age. I never felt the need to talk to him about it. If he had questions, he'd come to me. Otherwise, it's a natural thing and not a big deal.

    Edited to add, from then on, I'd call his name down the hall as I headed to his bedroom if the door was open or knock if it was closed.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    I lost my virginity at 11. I started very young. Here's my thought son the topic

    He's going to do the business no matter what the culture in your household is (conservative or more modern and open about this kinda stuff). If you've had "the talk" with him then let him be. If he has a male role-model in his life (father, uncle, somebody else) then you can ask him to have a more detailed talk with him about being cautious etc.

    These things are gonna happen. I would suggest that YOU yourself donot talk to him for couple of reasons. First, he is embarrassed enough as it is, talking to his mother would make it worst. Second, no boy should be talking this stuff with his mother mainly because you're a woman and even though you know whats going on and stuff, you cannot possibly understand it completely so definitely see if some other male can have a more detailed talk.
  • ajohn252
    ajohn252 Posts: 158
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    I was 14 and my now fiancée 13 when we
    actually had sex and we've been fine. I get why
    you're worried but it's totally natural and it could
    be way worse at this point.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    As a former 12 year old boy I can tell you the last thing he wants to do is talk about it. Prepare yourself for 6 years of "ignoring it". Also you're going to be seeing a lot less of the boy. He'll be taking a lot of"naps".
    And long showers;)

    Basically this. VERY long showers :o
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    Like others have said, leave him be.

    In fact, don't even talk about it to your friends or relatives. Put it far, far out of mind.

    LOL. What every boy hopes his mom will do if she ever walks in on him.
  • TheDoctor90
    TheDoctor90 Posts: 461 Member
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    I don't know why people think he needs to be spoken to...
    That 'act' doesn't necessarily mean he's thinking about sex. When I started I didn't even know what sex was.
    The argument that 'he might think it's dirty'...No, people think it's dirty when you're told it's dirty. He won't automatically assume what he's doing is bad, therefore absolutely no need for anyone to explain anything.
  • TheAncientMariner
    TheAncientMariner Posts: 444 Member
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    It's perfectly natural and I know that I will catch my son doing it someday (my mom embarrassed me and told my whole family while laughing about it the first time I got caught). In either case, as long as he is in his room and is being "clean" about it then there is nothing to talk about. I will probably talk to my son if I ever catch him, but I'm just going to tell him not to use the good lotion and leave it be. By then, he will know all about sex, the male and female anatomy because there is no need to wait all the way until he is a teenager to discuss that with him. Even my two girls are decently familiar (for their age) because it's not ostracized in our home. It is what it is and we'll leave it at that. I agree with the others, there is nothing that needs to be said. As long as he's in his own playground, it's all good :) Good luck!
  • PANZERIA
    PANZERIA Posts: 471 Member
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    If you want to talk to him, I don't see the harm. Just tell him that 1) it's natural to have those urges, but that there is a time and place for them.

    And 2) make sure you emphasize not to do it too often, lol. Serious physical damage could happen here, but I think that would be the end of that talk.

    The 'sex' talk comes later, and that's a whole different bundle of things he needs to know - doing it safely, respecting his partner, pregnancy being a reality, etc.

    It's nothing to be ashamed of and as long as you emphasize that it's a NORMAL part of life, it shouldn't be a problem. If you don't feel comfortable, talk about it with a male figure in his life and tell him what you would like him to know, and then get him to talk about it. Whatever works. Just don't demonize it, and I can't stress that enough.

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