MEN.. HELP..!! (maybe women moms of pre-teens or teen..)
Replies
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Just to catch you up on the poll here; the majority of the males are telling you to drop the subject, leave your son alone and move on. The females want you to pull out charts and graphs and have an intense conversation with him about a topic that really is not needed at this time.
Simple IMO, Do not have a discussion with him at this point in time
You stated in your profile that you have a husband {unless deployed} tell him in private tonight about the event and let
him handle the discussion at a later point in time.0 -
Just to catch you up on the poll here; the majority of the males are telling you to drop the subject, leave your son alone and move on. The females want you to pull out charts and graphs and have an intense conversation with him about a topic that really is not needed at this time.
Simple IMO, Do not have a discussion with him at thois point in time
You stated in your profile that you have a husband {unless deployed} tell him in private tonight about the event and let
him handle the discussion at a later point in time.
We have a winner!0 -
I'm not sure why some are saying not to have the "talk". He is 12 and chances are he has already had the discussion. I teach 5th grade and the girls get the talk in 4th and 5th and the boys get it in 5th. Masturbating is part of sexual activity. If he is masturbating, then he needs the "talk" from an adult parent/guardian, if he hasn't already had it so that he understands how his body works, etc. I'm assuming he is in middle school. As a parent of a middle school child, some children are already sexually active, have seen some sexual activity on tv/movies, etc. Lack of information and misinformation is how many babies are born.0
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I have to agree!!Just to catch you up on the poll here; the majority of the males are telling you to drop the subject, leave your son alone and move on. The females want you to pull out charts and graphs and have an intense conversation with him about a topic that really is not needed at this time.
Simple IMO, Do not have a discussion with him at thois point in time
You stated in your profile that you have a husband {unless deployed} tell him in private tonight about the event and let
him handle the discussion at a later point in time.
We have a winner!0 -
Just to catch you up on the poll here; the majority of the males are telling you to drop the subject, leave your son alone and move on. The females want you to pull out charts and graphs and have an intense conversation with him about a topic that really is not needed at this time.
Simple IMO, Do not have a discussion with him at this point in time
You stated in your profile that you have a husband {unless deployed} tell him in private tonight about the event and let
him handle the discussion at a later point in time.
I know I am not the only woman who said leave him alone about it.0 -
Just to catch you up on the poll here; the majority of the males are telling you to drop the subject, leave your son alone and move on. The females want you to pull out charts and graphs and have an intense conversation with him about a topic that really is not needed at this time.
Simple IMO, Do not have a discussion with him at this point in time
You stated in your profile that you have a husband {unless deployed} tell him in private tonight about the event and let
him handle the discussion at a later point in time.
0 -
Just to catch you up on the poll here; the majority of the males are telling you to drop the subject, leave your son alone and move on. The females want you to pull out charts and graphs and have an intense conversation with him about a topic that really is not needed at this time.
Simple IMO, Do not have a discussion with him at this point in time
You stated in your profile that you have a husband {unless deployed} tell him in private tonight about the event and let
him handle the discussion at a later point in time.
Pretty much this. Let the male in the family talk about it. Not you. The male in this thread are NOT against the talk (which you already have had) and we certainly want the kid to know about safe sex and everything but NOT by a woman, most of all, certainly not by the childs mother0 -
Yup- this!Just to catch you up on the poll here; the majority of the males are telling you to drop the subject, leave your son alone and move on. The females want you to pull out charts and graphs and have an intense conversation with him about a topic that really is not needed at this time.
Simple IMO, Do not have a discussion with him at this point in time
You stated in your profile that you have a husband {unless deployed} tell him in private tonight about the event and let
him handle the discussion at a later point in time.
Pretty much this. Let the male in the family talk about it. Not you. The male in this thread are NOT against the talk (which you already have had) and we certainly want the kid to know about safe sex and everything but NOT by a woman, most of all, certainly not by the childs mother0 -
I'm not sure why some are saying not to have the "talk". He is 12 and chances are he has already had the discussion. I teach 5th grade and the girls get the talk in 4th and 5th and the boys get it in 5th. Masturbating is part of sexual activity. If he is masturbating, then he needs the "talk" from an adult parent/guardian, if he hasn't already had it so that he understands how his body works, etc. I'm assuming he is in middle school. As a parent of a middle school child, some children are already sexually active, have seen some sexual activity on tv/movies, etc. Lack of information and misinformation is how many babies are born.
Please, read the OP's thread. He was given the talk already. And all the men in here are encouraging the talk about sex and the talk about safe sex with the kid, just not by the mother. I know it must be hard to realize but not everything in the childs life have to be done by the mother. If the father isn't present, have some other male role in the family have the talk to him. Or his teacher at school or something. NOT his mother0 -
Leave that kid alone....a mom shoulx NEVER talk to a son about this....0
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ok well just an update here.. He broke the ice by first asking me about if its ok for him to ask a girl to go to the movies withus next weekend.. i said sure but we might need to ask the parents ok first.. then i just told him that next time he needs to "scratch" lock the door because i wouldn't want his baby brothers to walk in on him and see something they wouldn't understand. I forgot who mentioned it but yes i am married but hes not the biological dad and my husband doesn't do well with these situations.. so anything that has to do with my oldest i take care of. and a for the sex talk i have explained how babys are made without the wwhole penis and vagina introduction. he knows i wouldn't want him to have sex till hes mature enough to deal with the consequences of pregnancy or anything like that.. he knows about stds and all. i just felt he is way to young for this already i didnt think it would happen till maybe when he was 15 or older..0
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15? oh no. 12 years old is definitely normal.0
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He's 12 years old. Let him discover what his body is suppose to do. It is normal for boys this age to start to discover what their man parts are really for. Just tell him that it is normal, to not be embarrassed and if he has questions refer him to a male he looks up to and trusts.0
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ok well just an update here.. He broke the ice by first asking me about if its ok for him to ask a girl to go to the movies withus next weekend.. i said sure but we might need to ask the parents ok first.. then i just told him that next time he needs to "scratch" lock the door because i wouldn't want his baby brothers to walk in on him and see something they wouldn't understand. I forgot who mentioned it but yes i am married but hes not the biological dad and my husband doesn't do well with these situations.. so anything that has to do with my oldest i take care of. and a for the sex talk i have explained how babys are made without the wwhole penis and vagina introduction. he knows i wouldn't want him to have sex till hes mature enough to deal with the consequences of pregnancy or anything like that.. he knows about stds and all. i just felt he is way to young for this already i didnt think it would happen till maybe when he was 15 or older..
I dunno how other men vote in this matter but I think you acted appropriately with the situation at hand. You weren't direct but you sent the message to be discreet about these things. 15 is way too old, 12 sounds about the typical age. You should ask the bio father or your husband to talk to him about safe sex though. At this age reminding him again about the dangers of these things isn't a bad idea0 -
ok well just an update here.. He broke the ice by first asking me about if its ok for him to ask a girl to go to the movies withus next weekend.. i said sure but we might need to ask the parents ok first.. then i just told him that next time he needs to "scratch" lock the door because i wouldn't want his baby brothers to walk in on him and see something they wouldn't understand. I forgot who mentioned it but yes i am married but hes not the biological dad and my husband doesn't do well with these situations.. so anything that has to do with my oldest i take care of. and a for the sex talk i have explained how babys are made without the wwhole penis and vagina introduction. he knows i wouldn't want him to have sex till hes mature enough to deal with the consequences of pregnancy or anything like that.. he knows about stds and all. i just felt he is way to young for this already i didnt think it would happen till maybe when he was 15 or older..
Mom you've done great. Situation handled beautifully without the awkwardness. And thank god no charts and graphs!
They grow up so much faster than we think. It's always a little sad.0 -
ok well just an update here.. He broke the ice by first asking me about if its ok for him to ask a girl to go to the movies withus next weekend.. i said sure but we might need to ask the parents ok first.. then i just told him that next time he needs to "scratch" lock the door because i wouldn't want his baby brothers to walk in on him and see something they wouldn't understand. I forgot who mentioned it but yes i am married but hes not the biological dad and my husband doesn't do well with these situations.. so anything that has to do with my oldest i take care of. and a for the sex talk i have explained how babys are made without the wwhole penis and vagina introduction. he knows i wouldn't want him to have sex till hes mature enough to deal with the consequences of pregnancy or anything like that.. he knows about stds and all. i just felt he is way to young for this already i didnt think it would happen till maybe when he was 15 or older..
Mom you've done great. Situation handled beautifully without the awkwardness. And thank god no charts and graphs!
They grow up so much faster than we think. It's always a little sad.
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ok well just an update here.. He broke the ice by first asking me about if its ok for him to ask a girl to go to the movies withus next weekend.. i said sure but we might need to ask the parents ok first.. then i just told him that next time he needs to "scratch" lock the door because i wouldn't want his baby brothers to walk in on him and see something they wouldn't understand. I forgot who mentioned it but yes i am married but hes not the biological dad and my husband doesn't do well with these situations.. so anything that has to do with my oldest i take care of. and a for the sex talk i have explained how babys are made without the wwhole penis and vagina introduction. he knows i wouldn't want him to have sex till hes mature enough to deal with the consequences of pregnancy or anything like that.. he knows about stds and all. i just felt he is way to young for this already i didnt think it would happen till maybe when he was 15 or older..
Mom you've done great. Situation handled beautifully without the awkwardness. And thank god no charts and graphs!
They grow up so much faster than we think. It's always a little sad.
lol.. omg he would've bolted if i had pulled out charts ike these.0 -
i think its my realization that hes no longer the little boy who woud sit and watch barney and eat crackers as i snuck out to work Hes growing and I cant stop it..
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Just apologize and tell him you will knock next time. I'm sure he is probably just as mortified as you.
^^^This^^^0 -
I'm not sure why some are saying not to have the "talk". He is 12 and chances are he has already had the discussion. I teach 5th grade and the girls get the talk in 4th and 5th and the boys get it in 5th. Masturbating is part of sexual activity. If he is masturbating, then he needs the "talk" from an adult parent/guardian, if he hasn't already had it so that he understands how his body works, etc. I'm assuming he is in middle school. As a parent of a middle school child, some children are already sexually active, have seen some sexual activity on tv/movies, etc. Lack of information and misinformation is how many babies are born.
He's had "the talk" according to the OP. But to your question it really quite simple. This is NOT something a boy wants to discuss with his mother. Period.0 -
I say drop it.
I promise you he is more upset about it than you are......
I wouldn't be concerned about the "activity" ......... i got interested in girls when i was 8 so..............0 -
ok well just an update here.. He broke the ice by first asking me about if its ok for him to ask a girl to go to the movies withus next weekend.. i said sure but we might need to ask the parents ok first.. then i just told him that next time he needs to "scratch" lock the door because i wouldn't want his baby brothers to walk in on him and see something they wouldn't understand. I forgot who mentioned it but yes i am married but hes not the biological dad and my husband doesn't do well with these situations.. so anything that has to do with my oldest i take care of. and a for the sex talk i have explained how babys are made without the wwhole penis and vagina introduction. he knows i wouldn't want him to have sex till hes mature enough to deal with the consequences of pregnancy or anything like that.. he knows about stds and all. i just felt he is way to young for this already i didnt think it would happen till maybe when he was 15 or older..
I dunno how other men vote in this matter but I think you acted appropriately with the situation at hand. You weren't direct but you sent the message to be discreet about these things. 15 is way too old, 12 sounds about the typical age. You should ask the bio father or your husband to talk to him about safe sex though. At this age reminding him again about the dangers of these things isn't a bad idea
hi bio dad left when he was 1 and never heard from him again. As for my husband his idea of the talk is bringing out a stack of playboys to explain anatomy and porn to explain the act and birth control..0 -
I say drop it.
I promise you he is more upset about it than you are......
I wouldn't be concerned about the "activity" ......... i got interested in girls when i was 8 so..............
8?? wow thats young mysoon to be 7 likes girls but only older ones because he says he likes how boobies look omg0 -
You probably can't tell him anything he already hasn't learned from people at school. He'll figure out most of it on his own. It would probably be more comfortable for him to have the talk with his dad though.0
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I wondered the same................!?
And 2) make sure you emphasize not to do it too often, lol. Serious physical damage could happen here, but I think that would be the end of that talk.
Not sure if serious?
Lol, actually, I am serious.
By 'too often' I'm talking like, 5+ times per day...but by then I would assume you would be sore...
I don't know where you got that info from.
If that caused physical damage i would have died before i turned 16........ my first girlfriend / wife later on 5 times was a slow day lol0 -
I say drop it.
I promise you he is more upset about it than you are......
I wouldn't be concerned about the "activity" ......... i got interested in girls when i was 8 so..............
8?? wow thats young mysoon to be 7 likes girls but only older ones because he says he likes how boobies look omg
Older women are hot.......... it was a "bad" 14yr old babysitters daughter who um "educated" me lol0 -
I'm a mom of 5, the oldest 4 are boys, ages 24, 22, 19 and 16 now. This is a topic that has come up at least a few times in my house, as you can imagine. :-)
I like that you mention you have an honest and open relationship with your son. That is great! As others have mentioned, this is a normal age for these personal explorations to begin (or have already begun) and it's nothing to be worried or concerned about, unless it seems to you that he develops an obsession about it. The only thing I would mention to him, if at all, is that as he seemed to have figured out, *kitten* is best done in private, as he was doing. This may be a good time to instill a "knock before entering rooms with closed doors" policy amongst your whole family, if you haven't already had that in your home, too. Otherwise, continue to love him, hug him, tell him you love him, and carry on as usual. Let him know that you are always there if he wants to talk. If his father or a male role model is in his life, you might want to let him know that your son may approach him with questions if he hasn't already.
Enjoy this amazing journey as your son enters his teenage years. I found it to be interesting, challenging at times, amazing, and hilarious, even. Their true nature really begins to shine at this point in their growth, as does a great silliness while at the same time they are trying to show they are grown up. Tempers may flare, tears may flow, he may "hate you" one day and adore you the next. It's all part of the fun of having a boy in his teenage years, but it all starts to settle down as he gets into the later teen years.0 -
bumping this for later because I have a boy about to turn 13 and having same issues.. great replies thus far0
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I have a 13 year old son.
He knows all there is to know. I would honestly just leave it alone. You don't want him getting the impression that it is wrong or dirty.
He is at a good age to have the safe sex/no sex whatever you talk about in your home though.
Just leave *kitten* out of it. That is something he needs to discover on his own.
And hey, at least you didn't catch him with a girl0 -
Actually I have 5 nephews and am quite close to them and my sisters, I would tell you just to apologize for walking in on him, tell him you are sorry to have embarrassed him and that while he may be embarrassed you do not think poorly of him or feel it was wrong. Let it go, by apologizing you give him his pride back a little. By openly stating you dont think it was wrong, you ease some of the guilt. Nothing more humiliating than getting caught in an embarrassing position by your mother, and I dont even think it matters if you are 12, 20 or 40. At that age his body is going through some pretty wild stuff. "perfectly natural, perfectly natural" (I thought American Pie too).0
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