I feel stupid but...

ILoveJesus72

i think it is so hard to make friends as an adult. i have friends from work, but outside of work i feel like i have no clue how to make a friend. it was so easy as a kid, you see another kid and boom youre friends. anyone have any ideas?

I agree! I'm 40 and I have 3 really good friends. My hubby is my best friend but I'm not counting him in that #. I think that as adults we are more discerning (hopefully) and we just don't want to put up with alot of BS and silliness and that keeps our number of friends down. I mean, that's the way I see things.

As a Pastor's wife I can't have alot of friends within our congregation because it creates alot of problems. I've learned the hard way who I can trust and who I cannot so I am not as quick to invite someone into my life as a confidant and friend.

So, my advice would be to focus on quality and not necessarily quantity.

taxidermist15

Im too much of an introvert. If I meet new people, ill just listen rather than say much.

*stands around awkwardly*

*whispers* hi *shuffles about while looking at shoes*

*doesnt say anything, just nods head*.....

Neahpata

Glad it's not just me. Always felt like a strange outsider everywhere I go. Some of these suggestions for meeting people have been really good and I am going to use them. Also, as others have said, I did have an easier time meeting people when I was part of an organization where we had common interests.

Another thing, online games can be a great way to meet people. You spend a lot of time talking and getting to know people and in some games you can use voice chat and keep talking after the game is over. I know people who have met their fiancee/fiance, spouse, bestie, etc. online. Then if you like each other enough you can meet, relocate, etc.

AngryDiet

Whenever I try to make a friend, the person just stares at me, unblinking, in dumb terror.

I swear, I could only take so much before it turned my heart to stone.

Sissy4EverX3

I have difficulty, too. Most of my friendships are those I've had since I was a young child or young adult (like 18 or 19).. I'm friendly with the people I work with and their wives, but other than that? I do like I'm doing right now.. sittin in my living room all alone! Sometimes I prefer it that way.

Articeluvsmemphis

lol, who needs friends? just kidding. it is hard unless you have people from an early age you grew up with. i met my best friend right after freshman year in college. that's pretty much how I operate, I always have like one best friend at a time, I can't deal with too many personalities, I'm kind of quiet. I have a job that calls for me being very outgoing but I'm rather chill otherwise, so I say the best way to make friends is just to get involved in stuff you like. so maybe (since this is a fitness website) get involved in active activities and you will likely find a buddy who would love to do things with you.

AngryDiet

Now, a serious reply.

Noting the proximity theory, go join social groups. Find a book reading club, or join a gym. Or something like that. Hang around in bars. Don't try too hard or people will think you're creepy.

Personally, I avoid making friends with people at work. Work is work, and personal is personal. I do my best to not mix them. I avoid socializing with work people as a rule, beyond what is strictly necessary. First, you can't trust anybody at work. Work is warfare, and friending someone puts you at risk of a good backstabbing. That's a bit paranoid, but it doesn't hurt when your family and home are what you are protecting.

The other reason is that when I leave work I want to "switch off." It's a state of mind, happiness and well being sort of thing. Mixing keeps me from doing that.

I have walked away from many friendships because the person was too self centered. If they only talk about themselves and never care about you, they aren't worth it. And no, I'm not saying that because they were interfering with me talking about myself. It's a pet peeve. I just can't stand people who are like that. So I would second the suggestion to get the person talking about themselves. If they can't stop, then you know...

jayayach

Another thing to consider is the degree of "friendship" you are looking for. I have one really great friend who I go to about everything; she gets mad with me, cries with me, laughs with me, etc. She is my "go to" gal. I also have other friends who I do not share as much with, but visit with frequently and we share a lot. I then have acquaintances that I see regularly and acquaintances that I smile and chat with whenever I run into them. And then there are people with whom I will chat if no one else is around to talk to; we get along, but they aren't my favorites and I'm not theirs.

How you meet each type of friend will differ and the people you meet will go through stages. My best friend was not that way in the beginning. She was just an acquaintance who worked with someone I knew. The two of them don't talk at all anymore, but seven years later, she and I are very close. You can't expect to meet someone and WHAM! they're your new BFF right off. It just doesn't work that way.

Personally, I have no trouble meeting new people. I am very extroverted. I have no trouble speaking to complete strangers and drawing them out of their shell. Increasing the number of encounters with that person increases the amount of time I have to discover their inner awesomeness and for them to discover mine. Increasing the number of different circumstances allows you to meet a more diverse set of people. I work, I go to school, I am involved in a non-profit twice a week, I take classes outside of school such as pottery, painting, etc. Most importantly, I will talk to anyone, anywhere. I don't discriminate against who I talk to, period. There is no situation where I find that I am in a room full of people and have no one to talk to. If one person is not friendly or open to chat, then I simply approach someone else. (Careful not to come across as needy though, that's a big turn off too! If they are the only one around, I will entertain myself other ways.) I am not afraid to butt right into someone else's conversation. Once I do it, I make a joke about it, they laugh. People like people who make them laugh! It's just about how you approach people. A lot of the time you are shooting in the dark, but hey, even a blind man will hit one now and then. You just have to put yourself out there and see who takes the bait.

Griderrr

I took some business cards and put a pretty flower- my name - cell phone and email-- only and give to people I meet at the gym or the apt pool area who see to be also looking for some one to talk to. With so many nuts out there, it is getting harder n harder, but if they see you week after week, and you always speak it seems to be better. I have to say I LOVE my gym, (first one was not full of plastic gals) --I really have found some friendly ladies in there and I am all for asking names and giving my name. Not all will connect, but someone will at some point. I rem when I asked folks to get on our MFP banders circle and here we are... sometimes just need a something to do to hook up,,, They gyms try to have a social even to promote business and have some theme thing,, try that and church,, Im still looking there,,, regulary,,,but not made that connection.

ReneeElizabeth26

When I first moved to Kansas from Alabama I made a New Years Resloultion to meet people. I got involved in beach volleyball and indoor soccer!!! Friend now for 3 years with them!

Sockimobi

I asked my very social bff how she does it ...I am a bit introverted...she said you always ask people questions about themselves. It's the subject they know best and find most interesting...from there you build...good luck hun....take a chance...ya never know!

That used to be my tactic. Then I ended up with a bunch of self centred booooring friends who only talked about themselves - and even spoke over me :sad:

sullrico18

You are not alone! Glad you started this topic...glad to see everyone's suggestions!

Il_DaniD_lI

When I first moved to Kansas from Alabama I made a New Years Resloultion to meet people. I got involved in beach volleyball and indoor soccer!!! Friend now for 3 years with them!

That is a great idea. I have been on a roll with New Years resolutions...this will be my 2013 resolution

territhefrog

I thought I was one of the only ones with this problem. I have never really been able to make friends easily.

budhandy

My only adult friend irl is my wife besides that nope no rl friends

Griderrr

and that's a GOOD thing!

Elizabeth_C34

Get involved with some hobbies like recreational sports or join a meetup group. I've met some wonderful people via my meetup group.

I don't have a big posse of friends, but the one I do have mean a lot to me, and I think it's important to have friends outside your immediate circle.

gpstrucker

I don't bother trying to make friends. I am friendly towards other people and if a friendship develops it develops. I don't go out of my way to make it happen.

Flamenquero

IMO a man makes his last set of friends in his last school (college or high school) or in his first duty station in the military. Everybody after that is usually just a competitor or colleague.

katief1982

It is a lot harder as an adult. I have a lot of people I am friendly with, but no one I have thought "you understand me!" since school. Not sure why but no trouble chatting with people but whether its that I am to friendly and jokey or something else, they seem to end up flirting and its definately not down to my good looks ;o)

christine24t

Just got out of college and I have no idea how I am going to make friends. It was easy in the dorms - just live next door to someone and boom you're friends. And my whole dorm floor was friends all though out college. But now I am stumped. How to meet people? I'm tired and I don't really go out at night anymore, I work most of the day and people are not friendly at the gym.

odusgolp

1. Parenting groups if you're a parent
2. Athletic based groups if you're into that
3. Church if you're into that...
4. Direct Sales (no joke, I've made a ton of REAL friends when I started selling food.)
5. Classes on something you enjoy - art, photography, jewelry making, physics, underwater basket weaving...


That's all that's springing to mind at the moment...

Ready2Rock206

I thought I was the only one. I have some acquaintances but no one I could ever call if I needed anything. I was just thinking about this today too - I think I'm really fun - people are missing out by not knowing me!

AngryDiet

Actually I don't really want many friends. There are a number of friends with whom I've deliberately drifted away. Not because they were bad friends or because I didn't like them, but simply because I value my personal time far too much. I have a family which gets my shared time (gladly!), and I'm too stingy with what's left to give it out to others.

The few friends I've allowed to stay close are very special. I feel like they are well worth sacrificing personal time to be with.

I've watched others fail, and from my own experiences, it's better to have even just one really good friend than a hundred crappy friends who will invariably let you down.

EmCarroll1990

I can totally relate. The only "real life" friends I've got are ones I've had since elementary school and our interests have changed so much, it's more like they're acquaintances. My only good friends right now, are my fiancé and my mom - so sad lol.

amynicole83

I agree with you. I think that it is even harder for women, we become catty. When I started dating my BF and we would hang out with his friends, I would try to make nice with their wives/GF but I got the feeling they had plenty of friends and didn't even try to know me. Needless to say we don't really do date night with them any more.