Would you move anywhere for your lover?

SweetDorothySweat
SweetDorothySweat Posts: 114 Member
in Motivation and Support
Just wondering what other married people, people with kids, and people in serious relationships would do for a lover.

I feel a bit unloved at the moment due to my man saying he cannot stay in the relationship if I am not willing to move.

Especially offended since I have already told him that I don't mind moving next year when money is saved etc.

I love him to death and would move to Zimbabwe or the equator with him if it made him happy. =(
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Replies

  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,258 Member
    Why does he want to move?
  • shammxo
    shammxo Posts: 1,432 Member
    Unless there's a ring on my finger, I'm staying where I am.

    Where did he get this idea that you wouldn't move for him?
  • kristelpoole
    kristelpoole Posts: 440 Member
    Why is that so important to him? Does his job require it? Is it something he wants?

    I live with my boyfriend and I'd move for/with him probably. It depends on the reason. If it was like, "Hey, let's move to Montana because I just feel like it, and if you don't, we're through." I would probably send him on his way. But if it was for his band, or a good job, or school, I'd do it.
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
    To most places yes, but if we're talking Afghanistan or something, no way.
  • Cathy7794
    Cathy7794 Posts: 223 Member
    Yes, I would (and have) move anywhere my husband wanted to move. I might not be happy about it, but I would do it. And I know that he would do the same for me. He is my husband, best friend and my soul mate. I would be lost without him.
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
    Yes I would and have, but by my own decision, not his. If I had decided not to come with him, he wouldn't leave.

    I would be SO incredibly hurt if he said he was going to move with or without me.
  • SweetDorothySweat
    SweetDorothySweat Posts: 114 Member
    Why does he want to move?

    He convinced me to move to Durango, CO in November and has hated it from the first week. We came from Austin, Tx. and he misses the big city and the live music. I however do not miss it at all. I'd live in the mountains in a secluded town forever if it were up to me. But will gladly leave WHEN WE CAN since he hates it.
  • CoCoBean14
    CoCoBean14 Posts: 107 Member
    I would absolutely move with my boyfriend if it worked for both of us. We were going to move to Louisiana because it would be easier to find a job. But we didn't want to move if we didn't have something set up for both of us.

    We try to think about which situation would be best for both of us.

    I personally don't think it's fair to say "You have to do [xyz] or we're through"
  • SweetDorothySweat
    SweetDorothySweat Posts: 114 Member
    Unless there's a ring on my finger, I'm staying where I am.

    Where did he get this idea that you wouldn't move for him?

    He says sometime I refer to our daughter being older and doing things like skiing here and stuff. I disliked Austin and don't want to go back to any huge crime infested city again, but I will for him.
  • monicamk1975
    monicamk1975 Posts: 298 Member
    I moved to Mexico from the US a few months after I got married over 2 years ago. You get used to the change and as long as its a safe country/location, I dont see a problem with it. I didnt have kids though so the decision was easier.
  • SweetDorothySweat
    SweetDorothySweat Posts: 114 Member
    Why is that so important to him? Does his job require it? Is it something he wants?

    I live with my boyfriend and I'd move for/with him probably. It depends on the reason. If it was like, "Hey, let's move to Montana because I just feel like it, and if you don't, we're through." I would probably send him on his way. But if it was for his band, or a good job, or school, I'd do it.

    he simply doesn't like how people in small towns are not in the how with music and movies shows, etc. He likes being able to go to various stores instead of only having a few choices. He just doesn;t like small towns aparently.
  • vltaylor35
    vltaylor35 Posts: 72
    i would move absolutely anywhere with no hesitational at all. she is more important than anything else in my world so i would do whatever was needed
  • SweetDorothySweat
    SweetDorothySweat Posts: 114 Member
    I would absolutely move with my boyfriend if it worked for both of us. We were going to move to Louisiana because it would be easier to find a job. But we didn't want to move if we didn't have something set up for both of us.

    We try to think about which situation would be best for both of us.

    I personally don't think it's fair to say "You have to do [xyz] or we're through"

    Yeah, I sure as hell didn't like that either. I said, um, is this an ultimatum? He said "no, but you keep saying **** that makes it sound like we will be here for longer."

    Then I assured him that we could move when we have saved and more importantly found a place to go.

    He really wants to go back to Austin, but I have a great reason not to, as I was raped there and my rapist was free and I saw him at a store a year later and he laughed at me. I will NEVER feel free from him there honestly, but I will go back with the best of hopes if I have to.
  • SweetDorothySweat
    SweetDorothySweat Posts: 114 Member
    i would move absolutely anywhere with no hesitational at all. she is more important than anything else in my world so i would do whatever was needed

    That's sweet and same here. I will go to the moon, but I don't like being told I must or it's over.
  • librarygoddess2
    librarygoddess2 Posts: 145 Member
    When I first started dating my man he said to me straight up... "these are my plans, I'm moving back home eventually, so if you want to be serious you should be okay with that."

    I took that as a really thoughtful thing to do. He's from Vancouver Island so I was completely okay with moving there one day and we plan to. It's nice to know straight up instead of hoping you can convince someone later. If you don't have the same goals there is no point in starting off on that foot.

    That being said, me and my partner are very similar with all our likes. He would never be upset with anywhere I asked him to move because he would likely love those places too. The same is true for his choices. That's not to say that couples can't disagree on where the best place is of course. I think as long as everyone is open to what they want and that compromises are found then it will work out. Both sides need to be open to listening to what the other one says.

    So.. yes I would move anywhere for him.
  • Assassins_Angel
    Assassins_Angel Posts: 329
    I already have i moved from the uk to the Netherlands for my fiance, i left everything behind me without a second thought it will be a year on the 27th of august this year and i have enjoyed every day since its was the best decision ive ever made plus the fact i had nothing holding me where i was but my family i dispised my job and had no friends really and i missed him terribly when he was gone
  • megsi474
    megsi474 Posts: 370 Member
    We have relocated twice but I wouldn't say I did it for him- it was just the right thing for us to do. The first time was from California to Arizona with a six week old baby, the second was while I was pregnant with our second and he got a job offer in Wisconsin. I would have a huge problem with an ultimatum, though or feeling like I wasn't being heard in my relationship. While not everything is exactly equal, it should be a partnership with nobody doing a significant amount more compromising than the other.
  • sjflowers
    sjflowers Posts: 148
    for my husband, yes. for a lover...probably not. especially if i have kids
  • bellygoaway
    bellygoaway Posts: 441 Member
    I would, but I am desperate. So I am probably not the best guy to watch.
  • sdavis448
    sdavis448 Posts: 193 Member
    I agreed to move to ND for my fiance's job.. our family was pretty pissed since it meant taking their grandbabies away.. we're likely going to be moving to Portland in the next 5 years for his job.
  • ckmama
    ckmama Posts: 1,668 Member
    I think if you are asking the question you know the answer deep down.


    But yes within reason I would move if my husband wanted to, but it would have to be well thought out and planned. Just as he would for me and has.

    Now would I move for my lover, probably not, my husband would get mad.:laugh:
  • ckmama
    ckmama Posts: 1,668 Member
    oh and love is supposed to be unconditional right?
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,258 Member
    Hmmmm.....

    Dont know then....sounds like you 2 have opposite tastes in environments. If you wont be happy going where he wants to go, I dont know if just the relationship alone is enough to keep you 2 together. But if you DO go with him and find you cant do it, have a backup plan so you arent stuck somewhere you dont want to stay.
  • arickim
    arickim Posts: 137
    Hubby is military and I have moved 5 times:) in 13 years
  • zgdsmith
    zgdsmith Posts: 114 Member
    I would but hubby would have to be willing to do the same for me. It sounds like he isn't willing to stay even if that's what makes you happy....
  • nakedsun
    nakedsun Posts: 115
    I'm kind of in the same situation as you (except he didn't say hed leave the relationship if I didn't move.. I'd be extremely hurt by that).

    I was living in a town about an hour away from where he works. When his lease with his brother was up he convinced me into moving to the town where he worked thinking having no commuting would be awesome. I agreed since I wasn't happy with my job and my family didn't live in that town.

    Now i'm here, and secretly pretty miserable. I don't like the job I got here, haven't met people, am far from friends and family. He finally came out saying he hates it too cause he knows I'm unhappy as well. We talked it over and agreed to wait a year (for our rental lease to be up) and then will move closer to friends and family.

    I would tell him to wait a time before moving. Having money saved up is a good idea.
  • darylinny
    darylinny Posts: 146
    To most places yes, but if we're talking Afghanistan or something, no way.

    ^^This...or somewhere really cold with lots of snow so Alaska is totally out!
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
    Within reason I'd move for him. Together I think we'd communicate and weigh the pros and cons of moving... We would work together to do what was best for us as a family.

    There has to be a give and take for both sides of the relationship. Your husband needs to listen to your thoughts and feelings on the subject too. He has to be willing to stay for you just as much as you should be willing to move for him.
  • scapez
    scapez Posts: 2,018 Member
    He convinced you to move to CO...and now he wants to go back to Austin..."take it or leave it". Hmm.

    Why can't you compromise...he doesn't like small towns, you have a very valid reason to not go back to Austin...?
  • MileyClimb
    MileyClimb Posts: 414 Member
    This!!
    Unless there's a ring on my finger, I'm staying where I am.

    Where did he get this idea that you wouldn't move for him?

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