Would you move anywhere for your lover?

Peta22

He really wants to go back to Austin, but I have a great reason not to, as I was raped there and my rapist was free and I saw him at a store a year later and he laughed at me. I will NEVER feel free from him there honestly, but I will go back with the best of hopes if I have to.

Please forgive me if I'm out of line here because I know I don't know you or your boyfriend or your situation but this strikes me as really weird - and makes me angry.... I actually can't think of a better reason for you NOT moving back to Austin and I would have expected your boyfriend to have the same sentiments!! There is no way in the world my husband would ever consider taking me somewhere that I might be in danger like this. In fact I wouldn't let us return there anyway because I'd be scared of what my husband might do to he guy if he ever sees him (might be justice for the rapist but it would mean destroying our lives when my husband ends up in jail!)

Again, I'm sorry for your situation - and if I sound judgemental - but I'd want to move as far away as possible. And surely Austin isn't the only big city with lots of music and shops?? If your boyfriend hates small towns so much, can't you find a bigger one that isn't home to the scum that attacked you?

kayleesays

Yap. My boyfriend is coming with me to all my duty stations. He's a good 'un.

NU2U

Definitely

obum88

I think you know the answer "the move or else" way of talk does not come from love.

WonderCort

I say there is more to love then physical lusting and good conversation. You have to also be compatible. If you are the kind of woman who like to settle in roots and he is the kind of man that likes to take to the wind then it just won't work, be realistic and honest. You can't change a person just because you are in love with the idea of being in love with them.

Erisad

I'm not married to him or anything but I would most likely move to places with him. As long as they are safe places, lol. XD

SweetDorothySweat

He really wants to go back to Austin, but I have a great reason not to, as I was raped there and my rapist was free and I saw him at a store a year later and he laughed at me. I will NEVER feel free from him there honestly, but I will go back with the best of hopes if I have to.

Please forgive me if I'm out of line here because I know I don't know you or your boyfriend or your situation but this strikes me as really weird - and makes me angry.... I actually can't think of a better reason for you NOT moving back to Austin and I would have expected your boyfriend to have the same sentiments!! There is no way in the world my husband would ever consider taking me somewhere that I might be in danger like this. In fact I wouldn't let us return there anyway because I'd be scared of what my husband might do to he guy if he ever sees him (might be justice for the rapist but it would mean destroying our lives when my husband ends up in jail!)

Again, I'm sorry for your situation - and if I sound judgemental - but I'd want to move as far away as possible. And surely Austin isn't the only big city with lots of music and shops?? If your boyfriend hates small towns so much, can't you find a bigger one that isn't home to the scum that attacked you?

I feel this way too, especially now that so many people said it. I am going to try talking to him about it, but I don't know what good that will do if he doesn't care. Worth a shot. Thanks though, and you weren't judgemental. I spilled the beans and alot of people had something to say about his selfishness. Contemplating showing him this forum to make him realize what society thinks of him.

SweetDorothySweat

I would move for my husband too! Anywhere! BUT you are not married so I think for him to want you to move he needs to marry you AND not move back to the same place your rapist lives! How can he even want to go back there knowing that freaking creep is not behind bars! Maybe convince him to move somewhere else?

I agree. I guess since it happened months before he and I met, it doesn't seem as real to him as it does me. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt me that he wants to go THERE so badly instead of finding a new place.

Ok, from what I have read, you have a good reason NOT to return. It is a place you do not feel safe.
I am sorry but if your trauma is not REAL to your man, then he is not your 'partner'. A real partner would be more interested in your feelings, in your needs, in your safety. He would want the mother of his child to feel safe and happy.

A compromise and a move to a place that fit's his personality could be done when it would be a logically financialy feasable step.
If the changes, and moves, and sacrifices you have made so far are not enough for him, I can tell you now you will "NEVER MAKE HIM HAPPY!" Happiness comes from being satisfied with yourself, not what someone else can give.

Best wishes to you and yours.

This is so very true. and hearing everyone's opinion on the matter really made me realize that I shouldn't move back to Austin, and that it should be more of a compromise and also that if he makes any other inconsiderate moveslike this I should just leave him. But everything is harder when you want your daughter to be with mommy and daddy everyday. I hope he likes the San Antonio idea honestly, so that I can get him off of moving back to Austin.

I just had to comment on your last comment about wanting your daughter to be with mommy and daddy everyday... it really hit home for me. I moved to IL to be with my husband (originally from FL), got pregnant and had a beautiful baby girl. In the meantime my husband was cheating on me the whole time, lying about everything, taking advantage of me and my kindness every chance he could get and I would confront him and he would apologize and promise never to do it again, etc. I took so much abuse- physical, mental, emotional etc just to keep our family together because I wanted my daughter to have a family and in the end all my sacrificing didnt matter because he put us in a car on Easter and drove me and our daughter to my parents house in FL and dumped us because we were 'interfering with his life and personal matters too much.' He only thought about himself and put himself first never considering the fact that he had a family now. In a relationship where I was constantly giving and sacrificing myself and my happiness to try to keep this family together wasnt worth it. I was selling myself short and teaching my daughter all the wrong things as far as a respectable relationship goes. Him dumping us was the best thing that could have happened to us. We are happier, stronger and closer because of it. I realize in most instances that her and I being on our own is better than the 'family' I worked so hard to keep together. Im not saying that your situation is just like mine but I got the vibe that he seems a little selfish and your comment hit home.
My advice to you is if you are happy where you are, are making good money and its a good place to raise your daughter you need to think long and hard about leaving all of that for someone who gives you an ultimatum, has made you move before because he was unhappy, and isn't more sensitive to you about your reason to not be in Austin anymore. Its a whole different ball game with a little one involved...

Thanks for your comment. I appreciate it..I just hope he isn't as selfish as people tell me. I hope I'm not living in a dream world . I feel so ****ty about this.

Simone_King

Personally, from what I am reading for me this would be a no. I wouldn't move for him.

Here are my reason.

1. Job. Will you be able to find a job? If so, then do it if not then don't.

2. Goes back to the job. Do you have the money and are you fanatically able to move? Regardless if you are moving with him.

3. Where is your family? They are you life line. Consider you're child. Where is the best place for your child.

4. Consider you're feelings in the matter. If he can't meet you half way and you are given 100% it isn't healthy for you or the child.

I can feel where you are coming from. Well to a degree. I had a long time friend (not so much any more) who wanted me to give up my good paying job and move to where he was.

No job. No money and living in his aunts basement. Never the less, I said no to that.

So where is another issue I may bring up.

5. Are you able to afford (goes back to money sorry) a place to live?

Frankly, this relationship isn't just him. It's you BOTH! If you are unhappy then why even do it? Frankly, and really trying to keep myself contained here..I would tell you..

JUST DON'T DO IT!

But you're not me. u.u.

I wish you luck.

weighlossforbaby

I met my husband online and we got married a year later in Indiana where he is from (we married in a court house) so we lived with his housemates for 3 years then we moved to Arkansas where my parents live so we have a 2 bedroom apartment and he has a great job We moved equally for eachother

neaneawy

we're military, so yes I do move about every 3 years with my husband. Home is where the AF sends us.

Zombriana

Yes. He's my provider, lover, and leader. I'd follow him where ever he lead us.

2012Mich

I would not blindly move because he wanted to.. he would have to have a really good reason. It would definitely have to accommodate both of us and I would only do what was in the best interest of the children long term.. If he said he would leave me because I didn't want to move.. I would let him go.

I think it's quite insensitive of your man to say he would leave you if you didn't want to move... especially back to a place you were raped. I think he's a little selfish for saying something like that and not factoring in your feelings. I would proceed with caution.

cdnmom1

Well if he really loved u would respect your "issues" with the previous Tx town (being raped) Second why is he putting it across like that? Maybe he secretly wants you to refuse so he has an excuse to leave. Somethings fishy.....that's like saying if you don't loose weight I'm leaving you..when the person knows their partner is actively working on it...Does he have problems expressing his feelings? Maybe you can compromise on a bigger, not so crime ridden town. Like the lady mentioned b4 deep down I think you know the answer. God Bless U and glood luck.

Lovebug1496

I live in austin right now I dont like im counting down the days till i move out of here. Since being here there has been three murders down the street from me. Traffic sucks major *kitten* and everyone is so rude! But i guess i dont live in the best place cuz i live close to UT.

Jigglebewie

I have moved twice for my partner. Although really we were meeting in the middle. He's from Bristol, I'm from Birmingham (UK) so we moved to Cheltenham, smack bang in the middle.

Since then we moved again this time to Bristol, I hate it here, really rude people and the traffic is a nightmare. I moved for him as his job was here and I could easily get a transfer whereas he couldn't.

In a years time I'm going to Chester and he's decdied to move for me.

Thinking about it, I moved because I didn't want to be away from him, very understandable of course, but if I'd have known how miserable I'd be living here I may not have come lol.