How do adults make friends?

KellyKAG

My question is how can a socially awkward, sarcastic 36 year old woman who works in a office with a bunch of old ladies and stuffy lawyers meet new friends. I've put all of my efforts into work, marriage and kids for the last 13 years and now I'm ready to have a social life again. I have grown apart from old friends and really miss having those close girlfriends. Any suggestions?

iwantahealthierme13

Join groups, check out meetup.com for the different groups in your area, maybe.

There's something there for almost every interest.

doorki

Take up a sport or join a gym.

Wonderwoman2677

Wow, I'm 2 years younger than you, but other than that you just described me to a "T"! I've been signing up for social gatherings on websites like Meetup, but my husband is just as shy as I am so he never wants to go. I don't have any other ideas, so let me know when you find out

LifeOnMars_

Ultimate frisbee team

bettyboop573

I am pretty active and into sports so that is where I have met lots of new people

FaugHorn

I agree with going to www.meetups.com. You can find groups with common interests (age, occupation, location, hobby, etc.) which means you'll already have SOMETHING in common with the people when you show up. The first meetup is always wierd but after that it gets better :drinker:

ceannesjourney

I had the same problem a few years who. I joined a purple of groups--knitting, and book club for example of things I like to do anyways. I also started going to a spiritual home--not quite a church--and found some like-minded friends there. Perhaps there are some mommy groups you could join ok??? Good luck!

LuckyLeprechaun

bump 'cause I'm a SAP too......

Lindsay_1984

Join an adult sports league like volleyball or softball. I have made many friends through volleyball. I didn't know anyone at first so I had them put me on a team. I also started going to open gym nights at the local civic center and met people that way. If sports aren't your thing, try meetup.com because there are tons of groups for pretty much any interest. I am in a group that meets for hiking, bike rides, and walks.

MileyClimb

I am a year older than you like you am ready to make new friends. be yourself! what hobbie or class would you be interested in taking? maybe go to clubs like a sewing club with other ladies that share the same interests as you do. talk about things you have in common etc.

winninga

I know exactly what you mean, and my husband never wants to go out. I work 50 miles away from home, so I feel out of the loop no matter where I'm at.

taunto

A lot of folks don't realize but many others are in the similar situation. I thankfully am a bit gifted in this department and can make friends very easily but heres the scoop. Just start talking. You goto a coffee shop? start talking to the clerk or the waiter if they're not overly busy. Got neighbors, invite them over to watch a game and some pizza. Goto church? Start talking

It always starts with just a hi and making observations of your surrounding that you can make a comment about. Like when I goto a gas station and some guy is being a jerk to the nice lady behind the counter (theres always some jerk trying to take advantage of somebodys good nature) you make a comment about it and a converstation.

Hope some of these helped. Really its all about starting to talk

Edit: Ever noticed how easy it is for kids to make friends? They just walk up to somebody and are like "Hey, lets play" and that is it. While not the exact same for adults but the rules for making friends never really changed. Most activity you do can be group activity

mjawesome

Ha! I typed in my city at meetup....the groups around me make me wonder if I should just stay SAP

moseler

I have made fabulous friends through my children and their sports. I have found many families that have similar interests, morals and values through sports. Get involved in your kids schools when possible, join the PTA, volunteer your time at Book Fairs and other school events. If you are religious, church is also a great place to meet friends through Bible Studies, Motherwise groups, etc. My family is my focus so making friends with the parents of their friends has helped keep me in the loop with my kids.

If your kids don't like sports, get them involved in music, art, dance, gymnastics, something motivating for them. You'll find friends through your kids...

AllyBooMommyof2

LMAO What a great question!!!!! I'm 26 and have a personality that I don't find many people (well any) that I really mesh well with. I am a good mom, like to spend a ton of time with my kids, I don't smoke or drink, and the only friends I have made always end up being people who I don't want to hang around for one reason or another... I'm socially akward I guess... lol...

GeneveSparkles

I completely understand! I moved to a new state not knowing one person who lives here and everyone I work with are old farts. I basically met my closest friend here at the airport. We started chatting (she is much chattier than I am, I'm more of a leave me the hell alone type of person) but luckily she and I hit it off. Since then I've also met some people through her. I definitely think it's much harder to meet adult friends but it can be done! I'm working on being friendlier and chatting people up because you never know who you will hit it off with. It can be girls at the gym, a sales person you see often, a neighbor or even some random person at the airport.

For anyone interested in making friends as adults I recommend the book "MWF seeks BFF' basically this women goes on 52 girl dates in a year to find friends.

Captain_Tightpants

Immerse yourself in a hobby that has a community built around it. Honestly there is nothing better.

And, a general trend I've noticed, the more "eccentric" the hobby, the stronger and closer the community will hold you.

Since my wife become the host for the local burlesque troupe we found ourselves embroiled in a weird world of glitter, costuming, lgbt support and theater, and we have never *ever* had friends this close and supportive before. They accept us for who we are, they inspire us, and they are all real, authentic people - human and open in their frailties and unbelievably giving and compassionate. We now have a network of at least fifty awesome people around us, with very little - if any - drama.

I've had similar experiences with the juggling, fire spinning and hooping communities. All incredibly tight and accepting groups.

I'm not sure you'd find the same support or community in a 'vanilla' hobby like a book club or in a more competitive one like a sport, but you might.

MinnieInMaine

Be crazy like me and talk to people everywhere! I swear, I used to be really introverted - to the point where even hanging out with friends would exhaust me after a few hours. It took some time but I slowly started coming out of my shell. I'd listen in to people's conversations and interject when I could (without being rude of course) and even come up to people in the hallway to compliment someone's shoes or hairstyle. There are lots of pleasant ways you can start a conversation with someone you think would be fun to hang out with. As much as it pains me to admit it (because I'm turning in to my crazy father) I'll even talk to people in the grocery store check out line from time to time.

Sometimes it doesn't go anywhere but sometimes it can lead to a fun friendship.

I like the idea of taking classes or joining up with groups too. There are so many options out there these days!

secretlobster

WELL-DESIGNED TRAP AND FRESH PEOPLE BAIT

Jain

A lot of folks don't realize but many others are in the similar situation. I thankfully am a bit gifted in this department and can make friends very easily but heres the scoop. Just start talking. You goto a coffee shop? start talking to the clerk or the waiter if they're not overly busy. Got neighbors, invite them over to watch a game and some pizza. Goto church? Start talking

It always starts with just a hi and making observations of your surrounding that you can make a comment about. Like when I goto a gas station and some guy is being a jerk to the nice lady behind the counter (theres always some jerk trying to take advantage of somebodys good nature) you make a comment about it and a converstation.

Hope some of these helped. Really its all about starting to talk

Edit: Ever noticed how easy it is for kids to make friends? They just walk up to somebody and are like "Hey, lets play" and that is it. While not the exact same for adults but the rules for making friends never really changed. Most activity you do can be group activity

Good advice.
I'm actually quite a shy person, but have no problem starting a conversation with strangers. Made some good friends that way.

AllyBooMommyof2

To add to what I said before. I meet these people at my kids sports activities and I don't talk at church... lol I just go there to pray. I wish more than anything I could find active friends that like to go walk and exercise and stuff like that and eat healthy so I'd have something in common with them.

Guisma

suport groups ?

divinebird

If you still have contact info for some of your old friends, maybe try reaching out to them? I reconnected with someone after 15 years and it feels like no time has passed. They had their own lives in the meantime and unless you guys ended on a bad note, chances are you'll have a good time catching up!

I also recommend joining a club or guild if you have a hobby. I knit & spin yarn, so I met a whole bunch of people through an informal knit night at a local coffee shop. We started out meeting at Starbucks, then moved to a different coffeeshop, and while the group has changed over the years, the core is pretty much intact. We all make plans to go to yarn shops and festivals together--it's great! And all it really took was a few flyers up in local places--some at Starbucks, some at the local yarn shops--and after a few weeks, we were going strong. I hadn't ever met any of them before, but they have become some of the best friends I've ever made.

You could do this for books if you like reading, or other crafts...most Starbucks and other coffeeshops seem happy to host groups like that so long as people buy stuff. But it makes them look busy and it's a public place where you won't have to invite people over. And don't worry if you start small...we had 3 people at our first meeting, and the group grew over time to almost 20 people! It's at about 8 who meet regularly now, plus 4 or 5 who drop in when they can.

ETA: A lot of people expect our group of knitters to be staid but we are a ROWDY bunch. I have gone home with my sides hurting from laughing so much, and there have been nights when the topic has devolved to some pretty TMI topics (like the night one girl explained to an older woman several certain trendy sex acts, complete with hand gestures). So don't think that a crafting group has to be all cutesy or polite! Just, uh, be careful about that if you're not the only ones in the restaurant...

Sepheara

I go to meetup.com and put in my zipcode and joined a few free groups in my area and just started going to events. When you're with like minded people having a good time, friendships are bound to form

jr1985

If you are a church person... That is a really great way to meet other people, and most have TONS of different groups etc that meet for different things. Or like other have said, if you have a hobby that can be a social thing like golfing, etc. Or join PTA or something, Book clubs maybe? Good luck!

LuckyLeprechaun

A lot of folks don't realize but many others are in the similar situation. I thankfully am a bit gifted in this department and can make friends very easily but heres the scoop. Just start talking. You goto a coffee shop? start talking to the clerk or the waiter if they're not overly busy. Got neighbors, invite them over to watch a game and some pizza. Goto church? Start talking

It always starts with just a hi and making observations of your surrounding that you can make a comment about. Like when I goto a gas station and some guy is being a jerk to the nice lady behind the counter (theres always some jerk trying to take advantage of somebodys good nature) you make a comment about it and a converstation.

Hope some of these helped. Really its all about starting to talk

Edit: Ever noticed how easy it is for kids to make friends? They just walk up to somebody and are like "Hey, lets play" and that is it. While not the exact same for adults but the rules for making friends never really changed. Most activity you do can be group activity

how do you go from chatting with a "stranger" to making that person your friend? I can talk to strangers all day long. I have no idea how to transition from there into actually hanging out with someone. It seems so foreign to me.

KellyKAG

WELL-DESIGNED TRAP AND FRESH PEOPLE BAIT

LOL!!!! Nice!

saxmaniac

Here's what works for me, but we have young kids and are married:

Everyone eats, and we both can cook. So, we just invite people over for dinner and drinks afterwards, along with their kids. Pop on some interesting music when they arrive and leave it on. I have a bunch of stuff to do - maybe we'll play trivia, watch a movie, cards, a social video game (think Wii tennis, etc) or just do nothing but chat if the vibe is good.

From there, plans for other things more structured tend to arise. Oh, let's go on a wine tour. See a movie. Go skiing. Dancing. And so on...

Since we usually have dinner at home anyway, it's no extra work other than making the recipe slightly larger. It's also no big deal if people don't show up, since we're going to eat anyway. So, I'll invite a bunch of people with no pressure.

If you have trouble socializing, check out succeedsocially.com for some really good free advice. It's a goldmine for introverts. No sales pitch.

Captain_Mal

When you unlock this secret, let me know because I have zero friends.

Granted my focus has been on marriage, college, kids, and now finding a job that I'll enjoy.
I'm socially awkward too, always have been and sometimes painfully introverted. Plus, I've never had close friendships with women and I'd really love to change that.

aripak

I completely understand where you are coming from. I moved far from my hometown last year and I work from home...and I'm not exactly an extrovert! I second the idea to try meetup.com. I've met some great people who have the same hobbies, etc... that I have.