How do adults make friends?

jaylee512

I have had this same issue... my fiance and I are trying to meet new couples to hang out with as all of our friends are single. I do love my current friends but would most def like to meet some people that are doing the same things we are and have the same goals. We joined meetup.com a few months ago but have been a little reluctant to venture out and actually attend one. I hear there is this speed friending type of thing that goes on, I live in Austin, Tx, and it is kind of like speed dating.... if only I wasn't so shy!

Good luck and let me know what works because I could use the advice as well!

eganita

I've met a lot of friends through an adult sports league.. the one in my city has kickball, hockey, basketball, softball, etc, etc. For me, it's been a great place to find other like-minded people.

JoyousRen

I'm with the meetup.com thing. I moved to a new city alone 2 years ago. I met almost all of my girlfriends in a 20/30 women's meetup group or through some one on it. It's great.

knitfastpurlyoung

A lot of folks don't realize but many others are in the similar situation. I thankfully am a bit gifted in this department and can make friends very easily but heres the scoop. Just start talking. You goto a coffee shop? start talking to the clerk or the waiter if they're not overly busy. Got neighbors, invite them over to watch a game and some pizza. Goto church? Start talking

It always starts with just a hi and making observations of your surrounding that you can make a comment about. Like when I goto a gas station and some guy is being a jerk to the nice lady behind the counter (theres always some jerk trying to take advantage of somebodys good nature) you make a comment about it and a converstation.

Hope some of these helped. Really its all about starting to talk

This.

And smile at people too. Not a creepy-stalker-ish smile, but a knowing or sympathetic smile can do wonders. Just be... open to it.

I moved to London without knowing anyone pretty much. And a few years on, I have just the best bunch of people around me. I would walk over hot coals for these people. When my relationship ended I was so incredibly moved by how many people dropped what they were doing to come to my rescue, force feed me homemade soup and biscuits, and invite me out on special day trips.

I don't say this to be all "look at me with my awesome clan of people". I say this to illustrate that you can absolutely go from 0 to awesome.

Just smile, crack jokes, sympathise, be genuine, and ask people about themselves. People really like sharing their stories. Joining groups also works wonders, especially craft groups, as the point is just to craft and chat. Take risks too - go to events you're invited to, even if its a little out of your comfort zone. You are probably way better at this than you think.

Good luck!

lizzybethclaire

*BUMP*

kmende2

Attending a weekly church service
Recreation centers
Mommies groups
Gyms
Weekly coffee shop visits
A walk around your neighborhood
Community pools
Volunteer non profit.

Anything that will get you of the house and around others will always help.
It may take time, because it's always best to surround ourselves around positive, motivating, drama free people, whos focus is goal related, and who strives for success.

Good Luck!

winninga

Ha! I typed in my city at meetup....the groups around me make me wonder if I should just stay SAP

Me too!! Just a couple of college students, and another group against JP Morgan.

Ashley_Panda

We don't.

lalalalyndsey

I'm not your age, but I too work in a firm full of older folks and don't really have friends of my own.... I guess this is just a bump...

Romans624

I've wondered the same thing. Glad you asked because now I have some good ideas too

bjshields

It is really hard. Women especially can be closed and clique- ish. Join a biking or running group has worked for me. Good luck!

taunto

A lot of folks don't realize but many others are in the similar situation. I thankfully am a bit gifted in this department and can make friends very easily but heres the scoop. Just start talking. You goto a coffee shop? start talking to the clerk or the waiter if they're not overly busy. Got neighbors, invite them over to watch a game and some pizza. Goto church? Start talking

It always starts with just a hi and making observations of your surrounding that you can make a comment about. Like when I goto a gas station and some guy is being a jerk to the nice lady behind the counter (theres always some jerk trying to take advantage of somebodys good nature) you make a comment about it and a converstation.

Hope some of these helped. Really its all about starting to talk

Edit: Ever noticed how easy it is for kids to make friends? They just walk up to somebody and are like "Hey, lets play" and that is it. While not the exact same for adults but the rules for making friends never really changed. Most activity you do can be group activity

how do you go from chatting with a "stranger" to making that person your friend? I can talk to strangers all day long. I have no idea how to transition from there into actually hanging out with someone. It seems so foreign to me.

Depends, what do YOU like doing for fun and what does that person have in common? After talking to the person for a bit I'll just ask them "Hey, I'm gonna go out for a drink, wanna join in" or "Dude I'm starving, when you get off your shift?" "Hey, I've ordered the fight on pay-per-view if you wanna come watch it and have some wings"

I am sure girls have different activities they can do together (Don't kill me for saying cliche things here...) like after you start a conversation about their shoes or hair or something, and have known that person for a bit, just say "I need new dress, wanna come help me out?" or something

It starts from knowing the persons interests and what you have in common with the other person. Once you find that common factor, its game on

LuckyLeprechaun

We don't.

awww you're my friend. If I lived in Texas, I'd hang out with you

EmCarroll1990

A lot of folks don't realize but many others are in the similar situation. I thankfully am a bit gifted in this department and can make friends very easily but heres the scoop. Just start talking. You goto a coffee shop? start talking to the clerk or the waiter if they're not overly busy. Got neighbors, invite them over to watch a game and some pizza. Goto church? Start talking

It always starts with just a hi and making observations of your surrounding that you can make a comment about. Like when I goto a gas station and some guy is being a jerk to the nice lady behind the counter (theres always some jerk trying to take advantage of somebodys good nature) you make a comment about it and a converstation.

Hope some of these helped. Really its all about starting to talk

Edit: Ever noticed how easy it is for kids to make friends? They just walk up to somebody and are like "Hey, lets play" and that is it. While not the exact same for adults but the rules for making friends never really changed. Most activity you do can be group activity

how do you go from chatting with a "stranger" to making that person your friend? I can talk to strangers all day long. I have no idea how to transition from there into actually hanging out with someone. It seems so foreign to me.

This.

WickedGarden

I don't have kids and don't plan on it either-most women who are around my age have kids and that's all they talk about. :yawn:

I have tried going to a crafting class and the same women would show up, but they were all retired or 20+ years older then me, I tried chatting with them, but they didn't really seem interested. I went for at least 6 months, every week.

Also, I did try to contact old friends on FB and MS (back when it was popular), they were all stuck-up and had no interest in chatting with me.

Believe me, it isn't all that easy. or I'm just really really weird. Maybe I smell bad. :indifferent:

i am moving to a new city in a few months, I will keep the meetups.com site in mind, I hope to find some people to hang out with.

callikia

My biggest problem is moving it into the "friends" stage without being considered...weird, creepy, imposing? I mean, I meet people, sure! But how do I go from, "Hey! I see you all the time and our kids play football together!" to "Wanna hang out/get a drink, etc.?!"

taunto

BTW, one of the best ways to "spread your circle of friends" is by building up on the friends or acquintances. Like if you have a friend you enjoy hanging out with , doesn't hurt to start talking to his/her friends (make sure your friend isn't the type that is bothered by this first, alot of people don't like "sharing" their friends). I have met several very good friends who I met via a common friend

drusilla126

I'm in the same boat only 26 and no kids...so really I should have no excuses but I just seem to have not been able to keep in touch with people. I moved away from home for school and lost my hs friends (who horrible as it sounds I kind of outgrew anyway) then after college I moved away for work so I lost touch with the college peeps. Now I've moved back home but it's hard getting reconnected and meeting new people.

KyleB65

Since you are on MFP. I suggest that if you have the resources, join a gym or some form of a fitness class.

I was in the same situation. Joined a couple of classes and have made some great new friends who share my desire to live a healthy and active life.

BigDaddyBRC

Do it the same way as my 6 year old... Say hello. /endthread

Pronoiac

Lots of good ideas for avenues to social gatherings above. Honestly this is a question i think the vast majority of people wrestle with.

I think the keys are to a) practice conversation skills (yes, these are skills to be learned and honed), find the avenues to connect with people of similar interest, C) be genuine...always honor your true self, D) be willing to put yourself out there - be/become outgoing.

If that fails my go to move is: chloroform and duct tape. ; )

noirnatural

I agree with going to www.meetups.com. You can find groups with common interests (age, occupation, location, hobby, etc.) which means you'll already have SOMETHING in common with the people when you show up. The first meetup is always wierd but after that it gets better :drinker:

I agree Meetups is a good start...I joined a book club a couple of years ago I found on meetup and I am still friends with the Organizer of the group...

KellyKAG

My biggest problem is moving it into the "friends" stage without being considered...weird, creepy, imposing? I mean, I meet people, sure! But how do I go from, "Hey! I see you all the time and our kids play football together!" to "Wanna hang out/get a drink, etc.?!"

^^^ This!!! I feel like they will think I'm either overly needy (which for the record - I am) or I have a stack of bodies in my basement (which for the record - I do not).

Pollywog39

I completely understand! I moved to a new state not knowing one person who lives here and everyone I work with are old farts.

Just curious,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,what, in your opinion, is an "old fart"?

LovingLisa2012

Ha! I typed in my city at meetup....the groups around me make me wonder if I should just stay SAP

I to am like you, so I decided to check the site out
there are NONE in my area, closet is 25 miles out

guess I am staying a sap, till we can move :laugh:

GeneveSparkles

For me and my friend I met randomly at the airport it started off with simple conversation, "where you headed, blah blah" "where are you from blah blan" Then we realized we were both transplants and then started discussing how hard it is making friends, we just kinda did one of those "well if your ever bored and wanna hang out give me a text." then we exchanged numbers. Obviously tailor it to the situation but it can be that simple.

I'm planning on a game night were I just invite 3 friends and then they invite a guest, I might hit it off with someone or others might hit it off with each other. I think realizing there are a ton of people in the same boat is the first step. Just like dating guys you might get denied and not every person is a perfect match, but you gotta at least try!!

keithgi

A lot of folks don't realize but many others are in the similar situation. I thankfully am a bit gifted in this department and can make friends very easily but heres the scoop. Just start talking. You goto a coffee shop? start talking to the clerk or the waiter if they're not overly busy. Got neighbors, invite them over to watch a game and some pizza. Goto church? Start talking

It always starts with just a hi and making observations of your surrounding that you can make a comment about. Like when I goto a gas station and some guy is being a jerk to the nice lady behind the counter (theres always some jerk trying to take advantage of somebodys good nature) you make a comment about it and a converstation.

Hope some of these helped. Really its all about starting to talk

Edit: Ever noticed how easy it is for kids to make friends? They just walk up to somebody and are like "Hey, lets play" and that is it. While not the exact same for adults but the rules for making friends never really changed. Most activity you do can be group activity

^^^ this exactly! If you want to have friends, show yourself friendly!

KellyKAG

I think I'm going to start by looking into meetup.com and go from there. Thanks for all of the suggestions. :flowerforyou:

CarSidDar

I joined the local club for Canadian Federation of University Women (there is a similar American group if you live there). A great bunch of women with book groups, walking clubs, spirituality, golf, genealogy, etc. interest groups. I tried the "moms" group for my son's hockey league and found them a little too interested in their son's future hockey careers (ie they were a little wacko). I found the university women much easier to relate to. There are also other service clubs - lions, kinsmen, athena, altruists, etc. Joining a service club that interests you gets you immediately into contact with like minded people.

PapaverSomniferum

I'm SUPER socially awkward. After getting out of an abusive relationship, I had ZERO friends and no idea what a social life would be like.

Here's what worked for me:

FaceBook: got back in contact with people from my past. Some of my best now-friends are people i had very little in common with in high school, but we started talking online, and our lives in the last ten years have shaped us in similar directions. Who knew that the nerd and the prom queen would be future best friends?

Craigslist: i showed up at small shows and events and classes that were posted on the Community board. Met some neat people.

Hobbies: I have a talent and passion for special effects make-up. I networked through the internet (craigslist and facebook, mostly) and met some people doing short films and have made some excellent friends from the experience.

Volunteer: There are tons of people in your area that will be thrilled to have some helping hands about and you can make great friends with similar interests. The sky's the limit here: animal shelters, hospitals, soup kitchens, petition signings, house building, donation gathering/sorting....I gathered signatures on a petition to allow chickens within city limits of my town and made great friends. I also did public speaking for a local foods / animal rights group and had a lot of fun! (plus they fed me: awesome)

Church/Spirituality: I've made a lot of great friends through spiritual retreats. There's a closeness to meeting people with the same values/beliefs that you have, and deep friendships often come from "church" relationships. Plus, churches often have lots of opportunities for volunteer work, and bigger churches have hobby groups that meet, so, depending on the local popularity of your spirituality, there can be a LOT of opportunity to make friends through your religion!

MyFitnessPal: Is there a local group set up on here for your area yet? Join it. Or start one! I've got a couple people on my friendslist that I'm going to meet up with for a walk sooner or later....