How do adults make friends?

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  • bjshields
    bjshields Posts: 677 Member
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    It is really hard. Women especially can be closed and clique- ish. Join a biking or running group has worked for me. Good luck!:smile:
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    A lot of folks don't realize but many others are in the similar situation. I thankfully am a bit gifted in this department and can make friends very easily but heres the scoop. Just start talking. You goto a coffee shop? start talking to the clerk or the waiter if they're not overly busy. Got neighbors, invite them over to watch a game and some pizza. Goto church? Start talking

    It always starts with just a hi and making observations of your surrounding that you can make a comment about. Like when I goto a gas station and some guy is being a jerk to the nice lady behind the counter (theres always some jerk trying to take advantage of somebodys good nature) you make a comment about it and a converstation.

    Hope some of these helped. Really its all about starting to talk

    Edit: Ever noticed how easy it is for kids to make friends? They just walk up to somebody and are like "Hey, lets play" and that is it. While not the exact same for adults but the rules for making friends never really changed. Most activity you do can be group activity

    how do you go from chatting with a "stranger" to making that person your friend? I can talk to strangers all day long. I have no idea how to transition from there into actually hanging out with someone. It seems so foreign to me.

    Depends, what do YOU like doing for fun and what does that person have in common? After talking to the person for a bit I'll just ask them "Hey, I'm gonna go out for a drink, wanna join in" or "Dude I'm starving, when you get off your shift?" "Hey, I've ordered the fight on pay-per-view if you wanna come watch it and have some wings"

    I am sure girls have different activities they can do together (Don't kill me for saying cliche things here...) like after you start a conversation about their shoes or hair or something, and have known that person for a bit, just say "I need new dress, wanna come help me out?" or something

    It starts from knowing the persons interests and what you have in common with the other person. Once you find that common factor, its game on
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
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    We don't.

    awww you're my friend. If I lived in Texas, I'd hang out with you :)
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    A lot of folks don't realize but many others are in the similar situation. I thankfully am a bit gifted in this department and can make friends very easily but heres the scoop. Just start talking. You goto a coffee shop? start talking to the clerk or the waiter if they're not overly busy. Got neighbors, invite them over to watch a game and some pizza. Goto church? Start talking

    It always starts with just a hi and making observations of your surrounding that you can make a comment about. Like when I goto a gas station and some guy is being a jerk to the nice lady behind the counter (theres always some jerk trying to take advantage of somebodys good nature) you make a comment about it and a converstation.

    Hope some of these helped. Really its all about starting to talk

    Edit: Ever noticed how easy it is for kids to make friends? They just walk up to somebody and are like "Hey, lets play" and that is it. While not the exact same for adults but the rules for making friends never really changed. Most activity you do can be group activity

    how do you go from chatting with a "stranger" to making that person your friend? I can talk to strangers all day long. I have no idea how to transition from there into actually hanging out with someone. It seems so foreign to me.

    This.
  • WickedGarden
    WickedGarden Posts: 944 Member
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    I don't have kids and don't plan on it either-most women who are around my age have kids and that's all they talk about. :yawn:

    I have tried going to a crafting class and the same women would show up, but they were all retired or 20+ years older then me, I tried chatting with them, but they didn't really seem interested. I went for at least 6 months, every week.

    Also, I did try to contact old friends on FB and MS (back when it was popular), they were all stuck-up and had no interest in chatting with me.

    Believe me, it isn't all that easy. or I'm just really really weird. Maybe I smell bad. :indifferent:

    i am moving to a new city in a few months, I will keep the meetups.com site in mind, I hope to find some people to hang out with.
  • callikia
    callikia Posts: 226 Member
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    My biggest problem is moving it into the "friends" stage without being considered...weird, creepy, imposing? I mean, I meet people, sure! But how do I go from, "Hey! I see you all the time and our kids play football together!" to "Wanna hang out/get a drink, etc.?!"
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    BTW, one of the best ways to "spread your circle of friends" is by building up on the friends or acquintances. Like if you have a friend you enjoy hanging out with , doesn't hurt to start talking to his/her friends (make sure your friend isn't the type that is bothered by this first, alot of people don't like "sharing" their friends). I have met several very good friends who I met via a common friend
  • drusilla126
    drusilla126 Posts: 478 Member
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    I'm in the same boat only 26 and no kids...so really I should have no excuses but I just seem to have not been able to keep in touch with people. I moved away from home for school and lost my hs friends (who horrible as it sounds I kind of outgrew anyway) then after college I moved away for work so I lost touch with the college peeps. Now I've moved back home but it's hard getting reconnected and meeting new people.
  • KyleB65
    KyleB65 Posts: 1,196 Member
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    Since you are on MFP. I suggest that if you have the resources, join a gym or some form of a fitness class.

    I was in the same situation. Joined a couple of classes and have made some great new friends who share my desire to live a healthy and active life.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    Do it the same way as my 6 year old... Say hello. /endthread
  • Pronoiac
    Pronoiac Posts: 304
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    Lots of good ideas for avenues to social gatherings above. Honestly this is a question i think the vast majority of people wrestle with.

    I think the keys are to a) practice conversation skills (yes, these are skills to be learned and honed), B) find the avenues to connect with people of similar interest, C) be genuine...always honor your true self, D) be willing to put yourself out there - be/become outgoing.

    If that fails my go to move is: chloroform and duct tape. ; )
  • noirnatural
    noirnatural Posts: 310 Member
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    I agree with going to www.meetups.com. You can find groups with common interests (age, occupation, location, hobby, etc.) which means you'll already have SOMETHING in common with the people when you show up. The first meetup is always wierd but after that it gets better :drinker:

    I agree Meetups is a good start...I joined a book club a couple of years ago I found on meetup and I am still friends with the Organizer of the group...
  • KellyKAG
    KellyKAG Posts: 418
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    My biggest problem is moving it into the "friends" stage without being considered...weird, creepy, imposing? I mean, I meet people, sure! But how do I go from, "Hey! I see you all the time and our kids play football together!" to "Wanna hang out/get a drink, etc.?!"

    ^^^ This!!! I feel like they will think I'm either overly needy (which for the record - I am) or I have a stack of bodies in my basement (which for the record - I do not).
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
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    I completely understand! I moved to a new state not knowing one person who lives here and everyone I work with are old farts.

    Just curious,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,what, in your opinion, is an "old fart"?
  • LovingLisa2012
    LovingLisa2012 Posts: 802 Member
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    Ha! I typed in my city at meetup....the groups around me make me wonder if I should just stay SAP

    I to am like you, so I decided to check the site out
    there are NONE in my area, closet is 25 miles out

    guess I am staying a sap, till we can move :laugh:
  • GeneveSparkles
    GeneveSparkles Posts: 283 Member
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    For me and my friend I met randomly at the airport it started off with simple conversation, "where you headed, blah blah" "where are you from blah blan" Then we realized we were both transplants and then started discussing how hard it is making friends, we just kinda did one of those "well if your ever bored and wanna hang out give me a text." then we exchanged numbers. Obviously tailor it to the situation but it can be that simple.

    I'm planning on a game night were I just invite 3 friends and then they invite a guest, I might hit it off with someone or others might hit it off with each other. I think realizing there are a ton of people in the same boat is the first step. Just like dating guys you might get denied and not every person is a perfect match, but you gotta at least try!!
  • keithgi
    keithgi Posts: 96 Member
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    A lot of folks don't realize but many others are in the similar situation. I thankfully am a bit gifted in this department and can make friends very easily but heres the scoop. Just start talking. You goto a coffee shop? start talking to the clerk or the waiter if they're not overly busy. Got neighbors, invite them over to watch a game and some pizza. Goto church? Start talking

    It always starts with just a hi and making observations of your surrounding that you can make a comment about. Like when I goto a gas station and some guy is being a jerk to the nice lady behind the counter (theres always some jerk trying to take advantage of somebodys good nature) you make a comment about it and a converstation.

    Hope some of these helped. Really its all about starting to talk

    Edit: Ever noticed how easy it is for kids to make friends? They just walk up to somebody and are like "Hey, lets play" and that is it. While not the exact same for adults but the rules for making friends never really changed. Most activity you do can be group activity

    ^^^ this exactly! If you want to have friends, show yourself friendly!
  • KellyKAG
    KellyKAG Posts: 418
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    I think I'm going to start by looking into meetup.com and go from there. Thanks for all of the suggestions. :flowerforyou:
  • CarSidDar
    CarSidDar Posts: 118 Member
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    I joined the local club for Canadian Federation of University Women (there is a similar American group if you live there). A great bunch of women with book groups, walking clubs, spirituality, golf, genealogy, etc. interest groups. I tried the "moms" group for my son's hockey league and found them a little too interested in their son's future hockey careers (ie they were a little wacko). I found the university women much easier to relate to. There are also other service clubs - lions, kinsmen, athena, altruists, etc. Joining a service club that interests you gets you immediately into contact with like minded people.
  • PapaverSomniferum
    PapaverSomniferum Posts: 2,677 Member
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    I'm SUPER socially awkward. After getting out of an abusive relationship, I had ZERO friends and no idea what a social life would be like.

    Here's what worked for me:

    FaceBook: got back in contact with people from my past. Some of my best now-friends are people i had very little in common with in high school, but we started talking online, and our lives in the last ten years have shaped us in similar directions. Who knew that the nerd and the prom queen would be future best friends?

    Craigslist: i showed up at small shows and events and classes that were posted on the Community board. Met some neat people.

    Hobbies: I have a talent and passion for special effects make-up. I networked through the internet (craigslist and facebook, mostly) and met some people doing short films and have made some excellent friends from the experience.

    Volunteer: There are tons of people in your area that will be thrilled to have some helping hands about and you can make great friends with similar interests. The sky's the limit here: animal shelters, hospitals, soup kitchens, petition signings, house building, donation gathering/sorting....I gathered signatures on a petition to allow chickens within city limits of my town and made great friends. I also did public speaking for a local foods / animal rights group and had a lot of fun! (plus they fed me: awesome)

    Church/Spirituality: I've made a lot of great friends through spiritual retreats. There's a closeness to meeting people with the same values/beliefs that you have, and deep friendships often come from "church" relationships. Plus, churches often have lots of opportunities for volunteer work, and bigger churches have hobby groups that meet, so, depending on the local popularity of your spirituality, there can be a LOT of opportunity to make friends through your religion!

    MyFitnessPal: Is there a local group set up on here for your area yet? Join it. Or start one! I've got a couple people on my friendslist that I'm going to meet up with for a walk sooner or later....

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