Friends in the RED - to delete or not to delete??

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  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    The ones that keep their diary closed tells me they have something to hide. Why not open it so you can get feedback?? Are you embarrassed, ashamed, not being honest with your journal??? There has to be something not quite right if you don't have it open. I started with mine closed and found that opening it up has helped me tremendously. I appreciate all the feedback I get, both the positive and the negative. This is what will help to make me successful.

    My diary is open only to my friends. Diary nazis will stalk you on the forums so that they can have ammo to use against you in a thread. Not everyone views their dieting the same as others so I am more inclined to make like-minded friends and share my diary with them. Of course, however, they are like me and do not enter other people's diaries unsolicited.
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,143 Member
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    I only deleted one friend. She kept going to her diary and putting in things like 50,000 calories, I binged, I hate myself. Not once but several times. I felt bad but she needs more help than she can get from anyone here. And she just depressed me. And I already suffer from depression....I didnt need any excuses to feel worse. But anyone else that has gone over and had a bad day occasionally, I fully support.
  • Josshhh
    Josshhh Posts: 9
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    i don't really see anything wrong with deleting people who you feel won't be using the site much anymore. if they were going strong and randomly dropped off then as their friend you'd probably know something might be up... if they stop using the site they were probably less interested than in the past just before it, i dunno, i just think you can kinda tell when it's right. that being said, i don't really feel the need to delete people, i'm not picky :)
  • DMUND
    DMUND Posts: 299 Member
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    Okay... well the OP mentioned both which is where my confusion came in. If they aren't using the site, then cut them loose. If they are going over the 'calorie goal', that is completely different. My diary is set up so that I net my BMR each day... which means that if I go over my calorie goal, I still lose weight. You don't know how someone has their goals set up. Why are you judging people's diaries in the first place? I said earlier... I don't like diary nazis so if you have a problem with mine, then I welcome the deletion.

    Agreed. I think we are all capable of messing up. As long as what we are doing is working for us then more power to us. I go over all of the time and consistently lose. The numbers on MFP do not have to be set in stone. You have to find what works best for you. And again, maybe these individuals going over need more support now.

    I'd also like to add that many people (myself included) use FitBit to record their daily activity. FitBit only updates when it is near its base which for me is at home. I work all day. My activity doesn't get updated until the evening so if you look at my diary at any time before 6pm est, it will look like I'm over in calories because I plan my meals in advance. I know that I'm going to get an adjustment from my FitBit at the end of the day so I eat over so that I can get to my 'net goal' for the day.

    Honestly, judging people because of their diaries is just stupid because you really don't know how they are using this website to their best advantage. Even having to discuss this issue is annoying. I really thought you were talking about people who don't log on for long periods of time. I hope you found the answers you were looking for OP!

    FYI. I do not, nor do I intend to plan on deleting anyone from their diaries. The "RED" I was referring to was the logging time. Nothing more, people have read WAY TOO MUCH into this!!
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Okay... well the OP mentioned both which is where my confusion came in. If they aren't using the site, then cut them loose. If they are going over the 'calorie goal', that is completely different. My diary is set up so that I net my BMR each day... which means that if I go over my calorie goal, I still lose weight. You don't know how someone has their goals set up. Why are you judging people's diaries in the first place? I said earlier... I don't like diary nazis so if you have a problem with mine, then I welcome the deletion.

    Agreed. I think we are all capable of messing up. As long as what we are doing is working for us then more power to us. I go over all of the time and consistently lose. The numbers on MFP do not have to be set in stone. You have to find what works best for you. And again, maybe these individuals going over need more support now.

    I'd also like to add that many people (myself included) use FitBit to record their daily activity. FitBit only updates when it is near its base which for me is at home. I work all day. My activity doesn't get updated until the evening so if you look at my diary at any time before 6pm est, it will look like I'm over in calories because I plan my meals in advance. I know that I'm going to get an adjustment from my FitBit at the end of the day so I eat over so that I can get to my 'net goal' for the day.

    Honestly, judging people because of their diaries is just stupid because you really don't know how they are using this website to their best advantage. Even having to discuss this issue is annoying. I really thought you were talking about people who don't log on for long periods of time. I hope you found the answers you were looking for OP!

    FYI. I do not, nor do I intend to plan on deleting anyone from their diaries. The "RED" I was referring to was the logging time. Nothing more, people have read WAY TOO MUCH into this!!

    Well that was my original conclusion, but if you read back through, others had convinced me that you meant something different. I apologize for allowing others to speak for you and forming an opinion based on their opinion's of what you actually said.
  • Family_Man
    Family_Man Posts: 53
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    Too funny! Yes he is my hubby. I got him started, but he's not real good with the computer. He has been doing better, just not logging. I will have to get on him to get with the program!!! HEHE....love that you pointed this out!

    It looks like your husband ( I assume) hasn't logged in 8 days, this just got interesting!:laugh:

    Just playing around.:tongue:

    Lol, yeah it was getting a little too serious here.:happy:
  • DMUND
    DMUND Posts: 299 Member
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    Okay... well the OP mentioned both which is where my confusion came in. If they aren't using the site, then cut them loose. If they are going over the 'calorie goal', that is completely different. My diary is set up so that I net my BMR each day... which means that if I go over my calorie goal, I still lose weight. You don't know how someone has their goals set up. Why are you judging people's diaries in the first place? I said earlier... I don't like diary nazis so if you have a problem with mine, then I welcome the deletion.

    Agreed. I think we are all capable of messing up. As long as what we are doing is working for us then more power to us. I go over all of the time and consistently lose. The numbers on MFP do not have to be set in stone. You have to find what works best for you. And again, maybe these individuals going over need more support now.

    I'd also like to add that many people (myself included) use FitBit to record their daily activity. FitBit only updates when it is near its base which for me is at home. I work all day. My activity doesn't get updated until the evening so if you look at my diary at any time before 6pm est, it will look like I'm over in calories because I plan my meals in advance. I know that I'm going to get an adjustment from my FitBit at the end of the day so I eat over so that I can get to my 'net goal' for the day.

    Honestly, judging people because of their diaries is just stupid because you really don't know how they are using this website to their best advantage. Even having to discuss this issue is annoying. I really thought you were talking about people who don't log on for long periods of time. I hope you found the answers you were looking for OP!

    FYI. I do not, nor do I intend to plan on deleting anyone from their diaries. The "RED" I was referring to was the logging time. Nothing more, people have read WAY TOO MUCH into this!!

    Well that was my original conclusion, but if you read back through, others had convinced me that you meant something different. I apologize for allowing others to speak for you and forming an opinion based on their opinion's of what you actually said.

    I apology accepted :D
  • MrsSassyPants
    MrsSassyPants Posts: 223 Member
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    I am merciless...I will delete people who don't log in and who don't support me. I care a lot about the friends I do have and give them lot's of support. That being said, I let people know when I can't be around or fall off the wagon for a bit or when life just gets too hectic. Also I like a small group as I can't keep up with too many. For me this means less than 30. Good luck. This is your journey....do whatever you want and move on.


    BTW...I have had a few people who have irritated the crap out of me and I cut them loose too. I sound like a hard *kitten* but I'm really not. I just don't need the drama.
  • ShellyShuey
    ShellyShuey Posts: 162
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    Never even thought about it... I guess I need more friends!! I'm here every day, friend me :flowerforyou:
  • emom3boys
    emom3boys Posts: 84 Member
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    Kind of new at all this - but is there a friend limit on here?
  • jhigg11
    jhigg11 Posts: 121 Member
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    In my opinion, you can't make someone else be committed. They have to do that themselves. You get what you put into this site, like everything in life. I delete people, who are over 2 weeks without stopping by. If they want to add me again that's fine, but I don't want the notices. I want people who participate and I can actively support on my friends list. I also have a few real life friends, but we are actually friends, and I just annoy them with messages.
  • shady1987dre
    shady1987dre Posts: 186 Member
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    Not this time a year dont forget its summer people maybe on vacation with no internet or something. (if its like a month thats another story).
  • Lcnena209
    Lcnena209 Posts: 60
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    I agree with you completely.
  • januarygal
    januarygal Posts: 336 Member
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    I deleted 1 once and then got an ugly message from her about it, so I haven't deleted anymore since then :frown:
    this happened to me too, but I will delete people if they have not logged in for more than 1 month or they are treating the site as personal gripe site.
  • allifantastical
    allifantastical Posts: 946 Member
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    I just came back from a 2 week break due to several life changing events that happened in my life. It felt so amazing to come back and see everyone who had left comments and who are still my friends. Those are people who need you the most. But the choice is yours. Like other people suggested, set a time frame, and anytime after that, delete them.
  • ji225
    ji225 Posts: 88 Member
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    Wow at everyone thinking that this post is about deleting people that don't reach their goals!

    Click My Home, then click Friends. You'll see anyone that hasn't logged on in over a week have their last login date in RED.

    THAT is what this is about!


    Ahhhhh OK I get it now - fair enough delete who you like! :)
  • dancingj2
    dancingj2 Posts: 4,572 Member
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    I see this site as a place were we can help each other. If some one has not logged in for a week or two, they may have hit a rough patch or be on vacation. I would usually send a note and send another note when they are over a month. At two months they are just not here so I cannot support them or they support me. That is when I delete them.

    There have a been a few exceptions. Some that I have been friends with for quite a while I will keep longer, hoping they return. Others have said they are keeping their account but also trying weight watchers. I suspect they will evetually be back.

    As for the diary, I think that is a personal choice each of needs to make. Will others reviewing and commenting on what you ate help you make better choices? If yes, def have it open. But if those coments remind you of hurtful things in your past, will hurt your progress or you are strugglinhg with an eating disorder, then keeping it closed may be best.

    My diary is closed becuase people saying things, even constructive things, often has made me feel bad - and when I feel bad, I eat - a terrible cycle.
  • KayeeDaisyBee
    KayeeDaisyBee Posts: 124
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    Why in God's name would you delete someone if they were regularly 'in the red'? At least they're still logging, that's got to be a positive...and the ones who are struggling are probably the ones more in need of support. Jeez, what a friendly approach. 'Delete them' - charming. Support them, ask them how they're doing, if you can help them in any way...wow, it's not like they'd be hindering your own progress by going into the red themselves, what kind of support is that!?
    Any friend of mine in the red on a regular basis is very, very welcome to come speak to me and talk it out. I don't feel personally offended or annoyed by your set-backs, God knows it's no business of mine. I'm here to get support and to support others. I think some people have some extraordinary backwards-style thinking on here.

    Edit: Just read the OP's post about 'in the red' meaning 'not logging in' as opposed to going over on their calories or whatever. That changes things, lol. If they're not around i wouldn't personally delete them but i can see why others might.

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