Spouse Not Understanding My Lifestyle Change
LoriJ1782
Posts: 41 Member
Does anyone else struggle with this? My husband is very supportive of my losing weight and is losing weight himself but we're doing it in very different ways. He hasn't changed what he eats just eats less while I try to eat low carb low calorie and healthy foods because I want to be healthy, not just thin. As a result there are constant treats in our home, like the cheesecake he decided to make yesterday that is currently screaming my name. My willpower is usually strong and I can resist but sometimes it's just so hard. He always tells me to just have the treats in moderation and doesn't understand when I try to explain that while an occasional treat is okay I can't have one everyday. He's not mean about it but he's always tempting me and I'm out of ways to explain without offending him. Any suggestions for how to get him to understand I'm trying to permanently change my way of eating?
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Replies
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Wow that's a tough one.
I think you just have to be up front and honest with him.
You need to tell him that while you understand his side he has to understand yours.
Just sit him down and explain it all.
Write it out as well, men like to see things on paper it makes it easier for them.
Sounds weird but they do. They love lists too so if you can put it in list form even better.
Good luck - h x0 -
Wow that's a tough one.
I think you just have to be up front and honest with him.
You need to tell him that while you understand his side he has to understand yours.
Just sit him down and explain it all.
Write it out as well, men like to see things on paper it makes it easier for them.
Sounds weird but they do. They love lists too so if you can put it in list form even better.
Good luck - h x
This is great advice! He LOVES lists so that could actually work!0 -
Yah, this is familiar. I emptied the kitchen and pantry of junk food and put it where it belongs, in the garbage. Huge fight. Maybe you should just toss the cake in the trash and suggest that next time, he just make cheese tarts and take the rest to work.
We are men, and often pretty clueless. Be crystal clear and direct. Trust me, it's very much appreciated.0 -
Don't just throw it away, that will tick him off.
Men are problem solvers, it is our nature. He probably just believes if he can lose weight eating smaller amounts of the same stuff, it will work for you. You need to make sure he understands that will not work for you and explain why.
Then ask him to help you come up with a way you can both lose weight.0 -
My two best friends and I are losing weight together. All three of us are doing different programs which has led to clashes of who is more correct and who has the right motives/health goals.
I am on a medical weight loss program which is more extreme and you lose more rapidly. I am in for fast loss as well as kicking my food addiction and adapting an overall healthy lifestyle.
My one friend is in it for slow and steady with an overhaul on her eating and becoming active/healthy. (She has become a health nut and not the fun kind)
My other friend is on the same plan as the other friend but in it just to lose weight and then wants to eat what she wants and be what I call "skinny fat".
So it can be hard when all hanging out. I am sorry you are being tempted
Stay strong and maybe tell your husband the making a cheesecake is not good anyway you see it. 0 -
I'm still trying to believe my eyes..........a man made cheesecake? Awesome!
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Are there other reasons he might be trying to sabotage you? My husband was not very supportive, but it turned out that he was scared that if I got fit and healthy, and looked better, I wouldn't want to be with him anymore. There ended up being far more to it than that, but you might want to consider it, and try to assure him that this is something you're doing for your health, etc. and not to be more attractive to other men. A little ego stroking can go a looong way. Good luck0
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@, stop making cheesecake" and then start with the funny retorts about cheesecake and his waistline for the next 4 weeks, non-stop. Lol.0
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Maybe I'm wrong, but here's my theory: He understands what you are trying to do (or how), but disagrees with it. He thinks his way is best & is trying to get you to do it his way. You must stand your ground & keep resisting. Hopefully, he will come around & stop tempting you. If not, keep standing your ground. Thing is, life is full of circumstances and people that will tempt you, so you must learn to be strong. Good luck!0
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People have their preferences on what they eat and keep in the house. My wife loves coffee. I can't stand it. But I don't tell her to get rid of it because the smell of it even makes me cringe.
Really unless you're going to live a life where you'll low carb till you're dead, then maybe it's not the lifestyle you want to do. People fail at weight loss because they don't know how to moderate foods they like to eat, IMO.
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Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I understand being upset that he will offer you these treats -- and you should definitely explain to him that it isn't helpful, and upsets you.
However, I think it's a bit selfish of you to assume he will give up foods he loves just because you are.0 -
I'm still trying to believe my eyes..........a man made cheesecake? Awesome!
Haha, he loves to cook and bake! Which is awesome but results in all kinds of treats I can't eat!
Thank you all for the advice! What I'm getting the most of is that I need to be direct and honest. I don't want to offend him so I have to be careful how I word it. But I need to be direct so there's no misunderstanding. I really appreciate the responses, thanks so much!0 -
This is ridiculous. It's his house too and he has every right to make food he wants without worrying about it being thrown away. All she has to do is NOT EAT IT.Maybe you should just toss the cake in the trash and suggest that next time, he just make cheese tarts and take the rest to work.0 -
I understand being upset that he will offer you these treats -- and you should definitely explain to him that it isn't helpful, and upsets you.
However, I think it's a bit selfish of you to assume he will give up foods he loves just because you are.
I don't expect him to give up foods he likes, I would just like to see a little less of them and want him to stop teasing me and trying to get me to eat them.0 -
Well, you can have everything in moderation and still get healthy and fit instead of thin. A piece of cheesecake is a great treat. The whole cake, not so much. I am eating now the way I plan on eating forever, not a diet. That sounds like what your husband is doing. Having willpower to deprive yourself of things you enjoy isn't necessary. You are, of course, free to choose whatever way you want to do this, but don't expect him to do it your way. He shouldn't have to stop eating foods because you want to stop eating them.0
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Cut the cheesecake or any other goodies he likes to make into single servings and freeze them individually. That way....he can have it when he feels like it.....but it's not always staring you in the face since it's safely out of sight in the freezer.0
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Since when can't we have a treat everyday? I never signed up for that....0
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Cut the cheesecake or any other goodies he likes to make into single servings and freeze them individually. That way....he can have it when he feels like it.....but it's not always staring you in the face since it's safely out of sight in the freezer.
This is a great suggestion! Thank you!0 -
My mom and dad have the EXACT same problem. I don't know how, but my mom has just learned to look past it all and focus on her own weight loss. It's really inspiring to see someone have that much willpower.0
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Part of the solution is going to have to be sheer willpower to say no to the treats, or to only take tiny servings that fit into your daily calorie goal. I have to do this; my husband is supportive of me, but he is one of those beanpole-people who struggles to keep his weight up. Even at his heaviest, he doesn't make it out of the "underweight" section of the BMI chart! So there is no way that I can ban tempting treats from the house. I've just had to train myself to ignore the chips and cookies that are on the same pantry shelf as my Wasa crispbreads.
But you and your husband have the same goal - to lose weight - and if he loves to cook and bake, you should use that to your advantage! Challenge him to make healthier versions of the treats he loves. Go to the library and check out cookbooks with low cal/low carb recipes. Get him a subscription to "Cooking Light" or another magazine that focuses on healthy recipes. Trying new foods and new recipes can be a fun adventure for you both!
And I certainly can't imagine him being offended if you tell him that the things he makes are SOOOO delicious, you have trouble limiting yourself to tiny portions!
Edited to add: I just saw the response that your husband is teasing you. That is NOT cool, and is really a different issue altogether; it's an issue of respect, not just diet choices. I have no idea what your relationship dynamics are like, but I hope you can work it out so he stops hurting your feelings when he pushes food on you.0 -
Holy Smokes! This sounds EXACTLY like my husband! He always says "you have to treat yourself once in a while" as well. I am glad you posted this question. I am looking forward to the answers and advice from everyone:)0
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Yah, this is familiar. I emptied the kitchen and pantry of junk food and put it where it belongs, in the garbage.
Did you actually do this or are you being sarcastic here? I can't tell, but I hope it's sarcasm. Yikes!0 -
Cut the cheesecake or any other goodies he likes to make into single servings and freeze them individually. That way....he can have it when he feels like it.....but it's not always staring you in the face since it's safely out of sight in the freezer.
Perfect suggestion. I agree he should be able to have what he likes, but it would be nice if it wasn't in the OP's face. Some of us do have trouble with self-control, but if the triggers aren't right there in our faces, we do better.0 -
Does anyone else struggle with this? My husband is very supportive of my losing weight and is losing weight himself but we're doing it in very different ways. He hasn't changed what he eats just eats less while I try to eat low carb low calorie and healthy foods because I want to be healthy, not just thin. As a result there are constant treats in our home, like the cheesecake he decided to make yesterday that is currently screaming my name. My willpower is usually strong and I can resist but sometimes it's just so hard. He always tells me to just have the treats in moderation and doesn't understand when I try to explain that while an occasional treat is okay I can't have one everyday. He's not mean about it but he's always tempting me and I'm out of ways to explain without offending him. Any suggestions for how to get him to understand I'm trying to permanently change my way of eating?
I think he's right. I know that my weakness is ice cream. So, I keep enough calories aside most days to enjoy a serving or two of it before I end my day. If the way you are choosing to lose weight is causing you unhappiness because you "can't" eat something you want, it will never last. You have to know that you can enjoy foods you love in moderation and that it's ok.
If the way you are each going about it is working for you both, that's what really matters. He sounds like he is supportive, and is just trying to get you to see it from his point of view and his way of doing it. You want him to do that for you, but aren't giving him the same in return.0 -
I would probably not be very supportive, either, if my wife randomly decided to jump on the low carb bandwagon.0
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everyone is going to go at their lifestyle change differently - I think it's great you're looking for a solution vs. trying to get him to do it your way.
I think giving him the list explanation, and then coming up with ideas on how to let him keep his treats while your willpower remains in tact is a good idea. The single serving portions are good - and maybe a husband basket in the pantry or drawer in the fridge? Something with a top on it that you know is his, but can't see the goodies inside.
My husband has all kinda of junk food in the house but he hides it. It's actually sort of cute when I accidentally find it. I'm not tempted to eat any if I stumble upon it because I just think it's so sweet hat he's trying to help me 0 -
Wow that's a tough one.
I think you just have to be up front and honest with him.
You need to tell him that while you understand his side he has to understand yours.
Just sit him down and explain it all.
Write it out as well, men like to see things on paper it makes it easier for them.
Sounds weird but they do. They love lists too so if you can put it in list form even better.
Good luck - h x
This^
Good advice 0 -
If my wife wasn't understanding and didn't change our family's shopping habits to accomadate my new ways of eating I would have never had the will power to stay away from bad food for so long. You need to confront your husband and make sure he understands that he can eat this stuff but he can't tempt you with it as it's like a drink to an alcoholic!0
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I'm assuming he's not using MFP? If so, any possibility he'll come around? I love the treats too, but have learned to moderate them quite a bit by seeing just how many calories they take out of my totals. If you can get him in here, I think the problem may take care of itself.0
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I'm a chef, bake/decorate cakes, high end cheesecakes, etc.I'm still trying to believe my eyes..........a man made cheesecake? Awesome!
a few of us exist....
I mean that are straight...0
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