Spouse Not Understanding My Lifestyle Change

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  • spike90
    spike90 Posts: 704 Member
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    Holy Smokes! This sounds EXACTLY like my husband! He always says "you have to treat yourself once in a while" as well. I am glad you posted this question. I am looking forward to the answers and advice from everyone:)
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Yah, this is familiar. I emptied the kitchen and pantry of junk food and put it where it belongs, in the garbage.

    Did you actually do this or are you being sarcastic here? I can't tell, but I hope it's sarcasm. Yikes!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Cut the cheesecake or any other goodies he likes to make into single servings and freeze them individually. That way....he can have it when he feels like it.....but it's not always staring you in the face since it's safely out of sight in the freezer.

    Perfect suggestion. I agree he should be able to have what he likes, but it would be nice if it wasn't in the OP's face. Some of us do have trouble with self-control, but if the triggers aren't right there in our faces, we do better.
  • Shannon2714
    Shannon2714 Posts: 843 Member
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    Does anyone else struggle with this? My husband is very supportive of my losing weight and is losing weight himself but we're doing it in very different ways. He hasn't changed what he eats just eats less while I try to eat low carb low calorie and healthy foods because I want to be healthy, not just thin. As a result there are constant treats in our home, like the cheesecake he decided to make yesterday that is currently screaming my name. My willpower is usually strong and I can resist but sometimes it's just so hard. He always tells me to just have the treats in moderation and doesn't understand when I try to explain that while an occasional treat is okay I can't have one everyday. He's not mean about it but he's always tempting me and I'm out of ways to explain without offending him. Any suggestions for how to get him to understand I'm trying to permanently change my way of eating?


    I think he's right. I know that my weakness is ice cream. So, I keep enough calories aside most days to enjoy a serving or two of it before I end my day. If the way you are choosing to lose weight is causing you unhappiness because you "can't" eat something you want, it will never last. You have to know that you can enjoy foods you love in moderation and that it's ok.

    If the way you are each going about it is working for you both, that's what really matters. He sounds like he is supportive, and is just trying to get you to see it from his point of view and his way of doing it. You want him to do that for you, but aren't giving him the same in return.
  • athensguy
    athensguy Posts: 550
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    I would probably not be very supportive, either, if my wife randomly decided to jump on the low carb bandwagon.
  • leannems
    leannems Posts: 516 Member
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    everyone is going to go at their lifestyle change differently - I think it's great you're looking for a solution vs. trying to get him to do it your way.

    I think giving him the list explanation, and then coming up with ideas on how to let him keep his treats while your willpower remains in tact is a good idea. The single serving portions are good - and maybe a husband basket in the pantry or drawer in the fridge? Something with a top on it that you know is his, but can't see the goodies inside.

    My husband has all kinda of junk food in the house but he hides it. It's actually sort of cute when I accidentally find it. I'm not tempted to eat any if I stumble upon it because I just think it's so sweet hat he's trying to help me :)
  • Dudagarcia
    Dudagarcia Posts: 849 Member
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    Wow that's a tough one.
    I think you just have to be up front and honest with him.
    You need to tell him that while you understand his side he has to understand yours.
    Just sit him down and explain it all.
    Write it out as well, men like to see things on paper it makes it easier for them.
    Sounds weird but they do. They love lists too so if you can put it in list form even better.
    Good luck - h x

    This^

    Good advice :)
  • LennyInFlorida
    LennyInFlorida Posts: 202
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    If my wife wasn't understanding and didn't change our family's shopping habits to accomadate my new ways of eating I would have never had the will power to stay away from bad food for so long. You need to confront your husband and make sure he understands that he can eat this stuff but he can't tempt you with it as it's like a drink to an alcoholic!
  • cordianet
    cordianet Posts: 534 Member
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    I'm assuming he's not using MFP? If so, any possibility he'll come around? I love the treats too, but have learned to moderate them quite a bit by seeing just how many calories they take out of my totals. If you can get him in here, I think the problem may take care of itself.
  • VenomousDuck
    VenomousDuck Posts: 206
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    I'm still trying to believe my eyes..........a man made cheesecake? Awesome! :smile:
    I'm a chef, bake/decorate cakes, high end cheesecakes, etc.

    a few of us exist....

    I mean that are straight...
  • bethgames
    bethgames Posts: 534 Member
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    Men and women lose differently. My husband can cut back to 2 candy bars a day and lose weight (*kitten*), and my 12 year old has tons of snack foods in the cupboards. I have to maintain my self control as I smell the dang chocolate and gain a pound. Will power is easier if the temptations are kept away, but sometimes we have to overcome in tough situations. Sometimes we fail. Overall, just be grateful he supports you, ask him to cut back on the baking (PLEASE!) and see if you two can come up with healthy things for both of you to cook and eat! :) Good luck. :flowerforyou:
  • McPenguin
    McPenguin Posts: 67
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    My mom and dad are doing the same little dance in the kitchen. Get rid of the junk food, and it will just come back. So throwing out his cheesecake won't work.

    I agree with the others that say he has a right to eat what he wants. BUT YOU HAVE A RIGHT not to be sabotaged, even if he's only doing it subconsciously.

    Tell him that you love his hobby of baking/cooking, and that you'd appreciate if he tried low carb recipes so you could both enjoy without guilt... and maybe making something once a week instead of daily would benefit you both in the long run.

    Here's a link to a recipe for low carb cheesecake:

    http://lowcarbdiets.about.com/od/desserts/r/lcarbcheesecake.htm

    I also like the idea of cheesecake tarts instead of a bigger cake... and sharing with co-workers / neighbours is a great way to enjoy the hobby of baking without the growing waistline.

    Hope you get the right kind of support / communication going soon!
  • LoriJ1782
    LoriJ1782 Posts: 41 Member
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    I think some of you don’t understand what I’m trying to say, and I take the blame for that because I don't think I explained it properly in my initial post. I don’t expect him to cut out foods he loves. What I’d like to see if a little less of the treats since he has them almost every day and I’d like him to stop trying to get me to eat them…almost every day.

    As far as my choice for how I lose weight I do plan on eating low carb for good because it’s the best way for me to lose and maintain weight loss because it makes me less hungry and controls my cravings. It’s just hard to be tempted with high carb high sugar treats almost every day. I do eat treats in moderation, just don’t want them every day.

    He believes his way is best and everyone should do it his way. I don’t feel that way, I know what works for some doesn’t work at all for others. I’d like to see more understanding on his part that my body is different and doesn’t lose weight the same way his does.
  • patltrimble
    patltrimble Posts: 20
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    Are there other reasons he might be trying to sabotage you? My husband was not very supportive, but it turned out that he was scared that if I got fit and healthy, and looked better, I wouldn't want to be with him anymore. There ended up being far more to it than that, but you might want to consider it, and try to assure him that this is something you're doing for your health, etc. and not to be more attractive to other men. A little ego stroking can go a looong way. Good luck
  • patltrimble
    patltrimble Posts: 20
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    I can relate to the sabbatoge! I found it had lots more to say than just weight issues! With mine it was a cry for help.
    Think a good hearfelt discussion might help. Good luck!
  • Shannon2714
    Shannon2714 Posts: 843 Member
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    I would probably not be very supportive, either, if my wife randomly decided to jump on the low carb bandwagon.


    This made me crack up! I did Atkins for 2 years...I know it's not for me now, but I totally get it!
  • beauty2323
    beauty2323 Posts: 70 Member
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    That sucks but its also something your going to have to get use to. When your at events there's going to be so much junk food. You can't tell them not to serve it.... there's going to be temptation everyday.
    I don't completely cut out treats... I eat healthy & I have a few days out the month I eat "unhealthy".. I just practice portion control. Like last night my husband and I shared a plate from an Italian spot. It was Chicken Baked Ziti. I ate like 1/4 of it & he was complaining like "you didn't eat anything!!!" I told him, if I'm not hungry I'm not just going to force myself to eat it all.

    Men eat way more than us. (typically) & they will even lose weight quicker (like my husband)
    He tries to tempt me with things & I just tell him NO! He stopped logging in his calories & I've been doing it for 36 days in a row.
    Everyone has to complete this lifestyle change in their own way. I've been a yo-yo dieter & completely cutting out "unhealthy" things just doesn't work for me. Maybe that's how it is for your Significant other.

    Have your section of healthy food... & tell him to keep his in a different place.
    GOOD LUCK!
  • patltrimble
    patltrimble Posts: 20
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    WELL SAID!
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    Since when can't we have a treat everyday? I never signed up for that....

    Me neither. A small serving of cake, chocolate, chips or what ever every day is not going to make you unhealthy. Its what your over all diet consists of.
  • KetoBella
    KetoBella Posts: 141 Member
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    Or... perhaps because he loves you he is worried that you might not actually be eating a balanced and sustainable plan. I wish sometimes looking back that instead of always trying to be right and prove my Husband wrong I would have kept an open mind and actually listened to what he was saying instead of being defensive and feeling like he just didn't understand. Looking back I can see many times he was actually right.... if I had only listened.:grumble:

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