Really need some support.. non-weight loss related..

littlelaura

I would say if you have not gone to college , do that come September, even take some summer class, apply now and live on campus come the fall.

If you cant go to college or dont want to, then think about getting into a trade like hairdressing that requires less schooling. Try looking up your local state dept and take state exams to land a job, that is the best if you dont want or cant go on to college. That would help you keep getting higher advancement and earning potential and freedom from your home life to get your own apartment.

I cant explain your Mom, sounds like she is depressed and zoning out in an online fantasy world because she cant cope with whatever has overwhelmed her in her own life. I am sure she doesnt mean to take it out on you but when people are suffering depression they lash out at times, there is no excuse and it doesnt make it right but maybe easier for those its happening too to understand.

I would not bother to get into fights with her, just agree or walk away as it will fall on deaf ears , let as much of it go as you can, and just worry about you, get your life in order, you are young and have so much to look forward too if you go about it the right way. At 19 your not a child and you can find a way if you want out of your moms house. If you live under her roof at any age you do need to repect her rules even if you dont like them as it is her house and she may or may not be reasonable or fair.

Get looking into state exams, get established in a job , see if a relative can let you stay for cheap or free with them, and work on saving to get an apartment.

Krys_140

I really appreciate your commentary, but i've tried that. I can't talk to my mother because she refuses to listen. All she cares about is the computer, and her boyfriend. She constantly blames me for my dad leaving us to go to oklahoma and she blames me that her marriage went to ****. My mom doesn't want to spend time with me, she would rather go out and drink and party leaving me to take care of everything else.

****, I don't even know if she'll come home safe because I won't hear from her for days when she leaves.

I tried talking to her, and avoided all that poor sentencing.. but she doesn't want to listen at all to what I have to say.. She doesn't care and would rather listen to something that will benefit her.

Well, it's no wonder you're completely stressed out! And, no - you're not alone. Many of us have been in really crappy situations, and have endured emotional abuse, which is what it sounds like your mom is doing. It wasn't my mom that was emotionally abusive, but I went through it, too.

There have been a lot of good suggestions on here. I'll offer you one last bit of advice: if your mom is so eager for you to get a job, maybe she'll let you borrow the car more regularly. You can of course use it to keep applying for jobs, but try to find a place near you where you can start to build up that personal support network that was recommended earlier.

In the meantime - I'll say it again - you are not alone. And you're not anything your mother may tell you you are.

lamos1

I haven't read anyone elses replies, but sounds like your mom is unhappy with her life so she wants to make your life miserable too! If you don't mind me asking, does she do drugs or alcohol? If so, that could be her problem, but if not, don't let her bring down your spirits. You are not the first one that has dealt with a parent that acts like this and you won't be the last.

What I would do if I were you is enroll in college somewhere and get a pell grant to pay for it and also live in the dorms. You need to get away from your mother and you also need an education so you can be able to get a good job and support yourself. You can also do a work study program where you work at school and get paid. That is the only fastest way of getting out of her house. Don't cry because when you do that, she is the one winning. She wants you to be miserable. Don't give her the satisfaction!

You just need to make moving out of her home your main goal. She can't stop you from going anywhere because you are an adult. Stand your ground, stop cleaning her house, stop doing things for her and stop her from disrespecting you. I always say, "you teach people how to treat you" and if you allow her to treat you bad she will always do it. Stand up for what is right for you and she may show some respect toward you. You just got to be firm with her.

I hope everything can work itself out. Keep us updated!

gwyn48

SO sorry that you're feeling this way.:embarassed:

I once heard a saying: Friends are what God gives us as an apology for family.

You are not responsible, nor can you control the way another (your mother) acts or feels! So her being unhappy (cause she is-that's why she lashed out at you so hurtfully) really has nothing to do with you. You also can't do ANYTHING to make her happy

ONLY YOU can make you happy.

It is an endless and unfulfilling route when we think we change what we do and someone else will be happy.

You are only 19. You have your whole life ahead of you & it is obvious because you are feeling so hurt, that you are a very sensitive and loving woman. You really should think about moving out away from this negative influence.

Your smart! Try to think of another way to make money besides the "normal job". You clean. How about putting up signs in town for a cleaning service. Or asking a local business if they will pay you to clean their office once a week.
Think about places you could volunteer at. Alot of time places like you so much they create jobs for you. Think outside the box.

Maybe a seasonal place (like an ice cream shack) will be opening soon. Talk to the OWNERS. Most of my jobs when I was young was because I would start talking to the owner of a place and make a few suggestions about improving their place and they kept me in mind when an opening came up.

YOu can do this!!!

75Juniper

Maybe I grew up in a different time, but I don't agree with the advice about doing nothing around the house. Unless you are paying rent, it is her house and her rules. You can certainly walk away when she belittles you (and you should), but I don't think you should stop contributing completely. Because you are 19, she technically doesn't have to let you live there, and you don't want her to kick you out before you are ready to be on your own.

starla5881

Hang in there! You're really not alone! I realize that it's hard when you don't have a car, but I'd spend as much time out of the house as possible. Take long walks or runs. The exercise will help clear your mind and strengthen your body, and give you time to plan your exit strategy. The answer will present itself, and in the meantime, be strong!

meshashesha2012

sorry this happened to you.

i havent read the other replies yet so i'm not sure if anyone has mentioned the fact that this fight is probably less about how she feels about you and more about how she feels about herself. i think lots of times mothers regret things that they didnt do in their lives and start pinning their hopes on their daughter and try living through them.

i had a similar relationship with my mother and honestly it never got better until i moved out moved away from it.

good luck!! :flowerforyou:

becoming_a_new_me

Here's my take based upon your replies and the situation that you are in. You are 19. Enroll in college and move to the dorms. Take advantage of the free medical coverage for students to go to counseling. Stop enabling, stop complaining, and make a change in a positive direction. You are in a no-win co-dependent situation. Of course, I have also learned from my own family that there are two sides to every coin, and we may not be getting the entire story. Taking this situation at face value though...get out and make a life for yourself....no excuses.

bigdawg025

Here's my take based upon your replies and the situation that you are in. You are 19. Enroll in college and move to the dorms. Take advantage of the free medical coverage for students to go to counseling. Stop enabling, stop complaining, and make a change in a positive direction. You are in a no-win co-dependent situation. Of course, I have also learned from my own family that there are two sides to every coin, and we may not be getting the entire story. Taking this situation at face value though...get out and make a life for yourself....no excuses.

THIS^^^^^ 100,000%!!!!

I was going to post something very similar. Go to school... get a student loan or grant or whatever it takes, but go. Move into the dorms... away from home. You have to take control of YOU! Nobody else has control over you. You either CHOOSE to remain the victim and in that situation or you fix it. You are not a child anymore... you're an adult!

graelwyn

It sounds like your mother has problems of her own, but they're her problems not yours (or shouldn't be anyway)

It's time to stop doing all the cleaning & cooking etc and start thinking about other living arrangements. No one needs this kind of emotional abuse.

I agree with the above post.
You deserve your own life, and from the sounds of it, your mother is simply using you to enable her own underwhelming lifestyle.
Find a means to move out, stop being a slave, you are not a slave and focus on getting some supportive people in your life.

Feel free to add me and message me anytime you are wanting a listening ear or advice. I might have my own issues, but I am always happy to help others with theirs where I can.

angelicarubi

Here's my take based upon your replies and the situation that you are in. You are 19. Enroll in college and move to the dorms. Take advantage of the free medical coverage for students to go to counseling. Stop enabling, stop complaining, and make a change in a positive direction. You are in a no-win co-dependent situation. Of course, I have also learned from my own family that there are two sides to every coin, and we may not be getting the entire story. Taking this situation at face value though...get out and make a life for yourself....no excuses.

This is the best advice when i messaged her she just said she doesnt have a car nobody will hire her and sounds to me like excuses also, but i do not know they full story so can't judge.

becoming_a_new_me

Here's my take based upon your replies and the situation that you are in. You are 19. Enroll in college and move to the dorms. Take advantage of the free medical coverage for students to go to counseling. Stop enabling, stop complaining, and make a change in a positive direction. You are in a no-win co-dependent situation. Of course, I have also learned from my own family that there are two sides to every coin, and we may not be getting the entire story. Taking this situation at face value though...get out and make a life for yourself....no excuses.

This is the best advice when i messaged her she just said she doesnt have a car nobody will hire her and sounds to me like excuses also, but i do not know they full story so can't judge.

I learned a long time ago through vicious life-lessons that you can sit back and b!tch and moan about your life, or you can grab life by the b@lls and do something. I have survived a deadly abusive relationship, several other bad relationships with poor choices of partner, being a single mom, and a debilitating illness. I used to sit back and moan and groan about how much my life sucked and how horrible it was to be me. When I learned to find the positive in life and to change my situation, it changed my outcome. Nobody can force you to be unhappy, it is a choice that you alone make based upon your circumstances. When I'm not happy with my life, I start with small changes and keep on changing until I have acheived a better outcome. You can let life control you, or you can take control of your life and go somewhere. It's all how you see it.

Simone_King

I hope it gets better for you. I do have a question. Do you two live in the same house? If so, both of you need to work on your own private time.

It use to be with me and my mom that she would annoy me every hour upon the day. Until, slowly, I did it to her..(got chewed out for it.) Yet, it worked. Not saying you should do the same thing.

Yet, you are not a failer. What she said might have been the heat of the moment. Please don't feel down because of it.

Yet, from what everyone is given you I am telling you that moving out isn't that easy. At 28 I am still living at home because, frankly, it's cheeper to stay here. Trust me, I have a job, I went to college, and everything in that sort.

The coast of living is high and I will not go into dept...

On that note, you are not me. My advice is do what you must to survie this hard time. I wish you well..

Yet, Iddreams is right. You can't do anything by complaining about the state you are in. In order to move ahead you must move ahead.

Though, my advice to you is to consider your job, your finances, and what ever else you must live. Get THOSE in order before you can even move out.

Most of all: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!

I can't stress that enough.

chelsa1986

I understand not being able to talk to her about the problems you two have.

My mother is insane. Everyone says it, everyone has experienced (friends and family), and everyone ignores it. That's all we can do at this point. I tried talking to her, trying to fix things so we could have a healthy relationship. It was a disaster. Finally, I started to cut her out of my life. I only answer her calls when I want to. She used to call three times a day, now it's gone to once every couple weeks. If she starts drama/trash talking I tell her I'm going to have to hang up if she won't stop. It makes her angry, but it's getting easier to say and she's really stopped most of her drama (with me) because I won't give it fodder.

The best thing you can do is move out. Join the military, work at McDonalds. No job is beneath you. Working is something many people are too lazy to do and will bombard you with excuses as to why they can't/shouldn't.

Good luck. Feel free to add me. I know exactly how you feel.

Shannon2714

Wow...I'm sorry you had to go through that. Have you talked to her about going to family counseling? If you're a legal adult, you should definitely do whatever has to be done to move out. Neither of you are good for the other, from the sound of it...

Good luck!

Shannon2714

Maybe I grew up in a different time, but I don't agree with the advice about doing nothing around the house. Unless you are paying rent, it is her house and her rules. You can certainly walk away when she belittles you (and you should), but I don't think you should stop contributing completely. Because you are 19, she technically doesn't have to let you live there, and you don't want her to kick you out before you are ready to be on your own.

I agree completely.

ferraroma

You and your mom sound just like me and my daughter. I think it is a mother daughter thing with us. We are so alike and so different at the same time. I had the same issues with my mom and it only took me 30 something years to learn that she is who she is, and I am who I am. I will never change her, but I can change myself. Just making it so that I didn't let her get under my skin was how I was able to learn how to deal.

As a mom, I can tell you that it seems the older my daughter gets, the more we fight. She moved out a few months ago and things got a lot better but I have a hard time relating to her as an adult, that's my issue not hers. Hers is she feels that she does everything to make me happy, when I never requested, put demands, or asked her.

Take a step back honey, you and your mom are going through a period that will end soon.

I love my mother dearly, we talk every weekend now because I live 3,200 miles away. That has been a blessing and a curse at the same time. But at least I can say I did my part to make the relationship better. I also know that she isn't going to be around forever and if I ever wanted to have a relationship with her, I was the one who would have to make some changes. Have you tried talking to your mom, and start by telling her you love her, if you do. Starting out with in calm manner, as oppose to the heat of the battle, will hopefully make the conversation go better.

Good luck and I hope this helped alittle

Nelliebird1430

Unfortunately, we can not choose who we are related to... Do you have family that you can live with until you can go out on your own? I was someone who fought with my mother a lot when I was younger (our personalities just clash) but when I moved out and we both grew up a little, time and space can heal those things most of the time. Sounds like she doesn't appreciate what she has, and maybe some time apart can help you heal those wounds. So sorry you are struggling with this! Hope you find a solution that works for you. Staying in a hostile environment isn't good for anyone involved! Good Luck! :flowerforyou:

Jessastar

Here's my take based upon your replies and the situation that you are in. You are 19. Enroll in college and move to the dorms. Take advantage of the free medical coverage for students to go to counseling. Stop enabling, stop complaining, and make a change in a positive direction. You are in a no-win co-dependent situation. Of course, I have also learned from my own family that there are two sides to every coin, and we may not be getting the entire story. Taking this situation at face value though...get out and make a life for yourself....no excuses.

THIS^^^^^ 100,000%!!!!

I was going to post something very similar. Go to school... get a student loan or grant or whatever it takes, but go. Move into the dorms... away from home. You have to take control of YOU! Nobody else has control over you. You either CHOOSE to remain the victim and in that situation or you fix it. You are not a child anymore... you're an adult!

I can't even if I wanted to. I don't have any way to GET into college. there's no buses or trains here. I live in the country.
I can't call a cab because again, I have no money.
I don't have a bike.
I walk.

I'm NOT complaining!
I'm just asking for support and how I can deal with this positively.

But. I am moving to Oklahoma within the next month or two since I got a hold of my father for the first time in 7 months.

Jessastar

Okay everyone. Let me make this out there and clear.

-I AM NOT COMPLAINING. I'm RELIEVING STRESS And Asking for advice about my mental state. NOT MY LIVING SITUATION.
-I can't go to college, there's no way I can get there.. The CLOSEST college is in Park Forest, and the last time I was there I got jumped. I have no car or bike or buses or trains to get ANYWHERE.


I'm ASKING FOR SUPPORT, I'm Asking for advice how to help calm myself down UNTIL I can get out of here. Which is probably not going to be until the end of July, since I got ahold of my father and his fiance agreed that I can live down there.