huge rant!

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  • suziecue66
    suziecue66 Posts: 1,312 Member
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    Can you talk to a counselor about how to take control of your life and deal with the issue of your friend and your identity issues (being Arab not feeling you fit in)?

    OP means Original Poster which in this thread is you. The person commented that OP needs to grow up but I think they were just being mean.
  • nothing1994
    nothing1994 Posts: 1,936 Member
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    Ummm so i need to "grow up" just because i have these problems? Wow. I can say somerhing mean to but forget it
  • suziecue66
    suziecue66 Posts: 1,312 Member
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    Ummm so i need to "grow up" just because i have these problems? Wow. I can say somerhing mean to but forget it
    No need to waste your time.
  • nothing1994
    nothing1994 Posts: 1,936 Member
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    @ suzi - its not even "fitting in" im accually "banned" from being a part of the community activities etc. Its prettyugly. Having arab parents means no counclin. They think its a joke >_>…
  • suziecue66
    suziecue66 Posts: 1,312 Member
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    @ suzi - its not even "fitting in" im accually "banned" from being a part of the community activities etc. Its prettyugly. Having arab parents means no counclin. They think its a joke >_>…
    That's pretty harsh. Could you see a counselor without your parents knowing - through school?
  • aleham
    aleham Posts: 44
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    I had a similar problem when I was in highschool and even afterwards; it was more about my self esteem than my friends to be honest.

    At the end of the day people are going to do what they're going to do, it's up to you whether or not you want to stick around and let them treat you in a way you don't like.

    You're enabling this behaviour and you're keeping someone you clearly don't really like that much in your life (if you did like and respect her, you wouldn't feel the need to rant about her on a public forum). This means that you're as responsible as she is, which is great because it also means you have the power to make a change to the situation. If you really can't have an honest and constructive conversation with her about how you feel, and you really don't think there's anything to do to improve things, then it would be best, as many others have advised, to spend less time with her and more time making new friends.

    If you don't do anything about this, and you constantly come up with all these excuses as to why you can't make a difference, then you're just *****ing about someone you call a friend behind her back, and you're completely cutting off access to possibilities that will allow you to improve your friendship/your life/your self esteem.
  • velsbree
    velsbree Posts: 69
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    you are between a rock and a hard place. I am sure now that you have talked about it you will be able to make subtle changes aand get her out of your life. It sounds to me like she has a crush on you and is trying to get rid of the men in your lives.Is she a member of your community? Do your parents like her? She is acting like a 10 year old with a crush.
  • suziecue66
    suziecue66 Posts: 1,312 Member
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    I had a similar problem when I was in highschool and even afterwards; it was more about my self esteem than my friends to be honest.

    At the end of the day people are going to do what they're going to do, it's up to you whether or not you want to stick around and let them treat you in a way you don't like.

    You're enabling this behaviour and you're keeping someone you clearly don't really like that much in your life (if you did like and respect her, you wouldn't feel the need to rant about her on a public forum). This means that you're as responsible as she is, which is great because it also means you have the power to make a change to the situation. If you really can't have an honest and constructive conversation with her about how you feel, and you really don't think there's anything to do to improve things, then it would be best, as many others have advised, to spend less time with her and more time making new friends.

    If you don't do anything about this, and you constantly come up with all these excuses as to why you can't make a difference, then you're just *****ing about someone you call a friend behind her back, and you're completely cutting off access to possibilities that will allow you to improve your friendship/your life/your self esteem.

    Yes it's behind the friends back but no names were mentioned. She posted here to get opinions, advice etc.
  • nothing1994
    nothing1994 Posts: 1,936 Member
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    @suzi - i asked and they said if they feel im at risk for suicide etc theyd tell my parents so i obviously didnt say anything
    @ aleham - its not as easy as alot of people on here think
    Maybe even for some it is. I did confront her so i dont think this is behind her back
    Everything i typed and MORE is what i said to her face. I even told her when i once "conplained" to my teacher about how she acts
    So im not so sure its "behind her back"..
  • nothing1994
    nothing1994 Posts: 1,936 Member
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    @vels - no shes from a different culture
    My parents & basically anyone who meets her loves her
    My parents tell me to act like her in some things such as being a "good persom" etc
  • cdoyle1126
    cdoyle1126 Posts: 4
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    I know how it is to be singled out because you may appear to be different from the standard norm in society. You're of Arabian heritage. Some people may judge you solely by your looks or their misunderstanding of your culture.

    I'm a dwarf. No one else in my family is a dwarf. My father and brother are both well over 6' tall. I have female relatives that are 6' tall. To make matters more complicated, I'm tall for a dwarf. Adult dwarfs are considered to be people 4'6" or shorter. I'm 4'3" tall.

    For the longest time I didn't feel I fit into the standard world or the dwarf world. However, I finally realized that if I didn't love and accept myself that no one else would really accept or love me. Once I made that realization, my life changed. It wasn't an overnight change, but gradually I found people were judging me more for myself than for what I look like.

    Yes, people still stop, stare, and point at me when I'm out in public. I hear the whispers that people make when they point me out in public. (LOL - some people apparently think that if you're a dwarf you must be deaf or have no feelings.) However, I no longer think I'm a freak when this happens. Instead, I am reminded that some people's handicaps are readily visible and other people's handicaps (like the handicap of ignorance) are less visible to the naked eye.

    As you already know in your heart, being of Arab heritage definitely does not mean you are not a wonderful friend. Some people will never understand this. Forget those few ignorant people and pity them. For they have not opened themselves to the opportunity of having someone as nice as you as their friend.

    You may need to love yourself and understand yourself a bit more. Then you will not be able to stop your true colors from shining. The world will beat a path to your door to be your friend.
  • aleham
    aleham Posts: 44
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    @suzi - i asked and they said if they feel im at risk for suicide etc theyd tell my parents so i obviously didnt say anything
    @ aleham - its not as easy as alot of people on here think
    Maybe even for some it is. I did confront her so i dont think this is behind her back
    Everything i typed and MORE is what i said to her face. I even told her when i once "conplained" to my teacher about how she acts
    So im not so sure its "behind her back"..

    It's interesting you've chosen to focus on and misinterpret that one comment instead of any of the actual advice that I offered. I didn't say it was easy, it's not. It's really hard to do, especially if you're like me and you have inner self esteem issues that are holding you back. I wasn't attacking you. It's "complaining" and "talking behind someone's back" if you are just talking about something and not taking action - that's exactly what I said. I hope that's clear now, and that we can move on from it.

    I complain all of the time, and I'm lucky enough to have support in my life to call me out when I'm doing it because sometimes, when you're really close to a problem and it's a sensitive issue for you, it's hard to tell whether or not you're being productive. Sometimes we forget that we have power over our own lives, especially in situations that make us feel powerless, and we need to be reminded that we can take control.

    So be powerful and take action because it will lead you to create whatever life you want for yourself.
  • nothing1994
    nothing1994 Posts: 1,936 Member
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    @ aleham : i appologize for only focusing on that part im just so irritated atm so my judgement is not ... straight? Idk what word to use lol. Thank you so much for your advice. I think im being extra defensive on people here who are trying to help and i hopeanyone i did that to can forgive mee! Thank you everyone
  • juliekat1955
    juliekat1955 Posts: 68
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    If I were in that position (and I have been) I would do as I please and she can tag along or not. No one has the power to make you eat unhealthy but yourself. You just need to stand up for yourself and tell her the way it's going to be. You want to live and be healthy and eat the food you choose, not her ideas....
  • aleham
    aleham Posts: 44
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    @ aleham : i appologize for only focusing on that part im just so irritated atm so my judgement is not ... straight? Idk what word to use lol. Thank you so much for your advice. I think im being extra defensive on people here who are trying to help and i hopeanyone i did that to can forgive mee! Thank you everyone

    Don't sweat it, again, I am exactly the same when it comes to something that's really hurting me or sensitive.

    I honestly hope that you can find a solution, being in an unhappy situation never helps anyone :)
  • nothing1994
    nothing1994 Posts: 1,936 Member
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    @ cydoyle - im so sorry people do that
    Its similiar to me and different in some ways. Some pepple accutaly changed and didnt wanna be friends after finding out im arab! Lol but before they knew i was appatently a good friend. Weirddd.

    Thank you <3
  • nothing1994
    nothing1994 Posts: 1,936 Member
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    Julie - thank you. I agree. I do let her have her way etc and need to stop it.
  • blondie0942
    blondie0942 Posts: 146 Member
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    You're making this way too complicated because you know she is a ****ty friend yet you still second-guess your choice of leaving her. Suck it up and say goodbye for once and for all; you'll be much happier without her. Just remember that friends don't make you happy, you make yourself happy- so having no friends IRL is better than putting up with a ***** just for the company.

    I am not trying to come off as rude but it's just so irritating when people ask for advice or rant to a public forum and they already know the right thing to do... AND they won't do it for whatever reason... just my $.02
  • nothing1994
    nothing1994 Posts: 1,936 Member
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    @blondie: im sorry my rant annoys you. Yeah alot of the times people know what they have to do but its just not easy and i needed to get it out of my system... i heard getting it out is good. I guess not. Lol. Thank you though

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