Why do people cheat?

LinaBo

I would honestly be running away, and FAST, from a guy professing his love and claiming he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me after only one month of dating. For a guy to become infatuated so easily is a good tip-off when dating in the future. It tells me that he will fall OUT of infatuation quite easily, too (notice that I don't say "love". This guy doesn't know what love really IS).

If you haven't already, I would politely make it clear to him that, on no uncertain terms, you and he will NEVER have that kind of relationship again, emotional or physical. I would also point out to him that, now that he has a child, and for any children he may have in the future, his cheating and destruction of his relationship(s) have/will have a negative impact on his child(ren). Note the pluralization, because I have a feeling that this guy will have more children with someone in the future. Hopefully words like this will help him clean up his act, and the next relationship he gets into and has these kids with will be one that sticks, and not one in a string of several that leave babymamas in his wake.

Chinadollpuss

I think it's both, cause i know someone that has a lot of kids and babymama's, He is just a male hoe and all his brother's and cousins are the same way they believe in having a lot of kids by different women and also using women for money and a place to stay. What some women need to understand is if a man tell's you to your face that i dont want no kids with you, then you shouldnt get pregnant thinking that its gone keep him around. This one girl did it and he told her not to keep it and he has even had sex with two of her sisters while being with her and a few of her cousins, his other Babymama's and other outside girl's to. And she still wont let him go, some people need to know when to just walk away & leave all the drama alone

Gingeeee

Your better off without this man. You forgave him for cheating on you many times. Why on earth would you want to stay with someone who doesnt respect you. Children pick up on this also and its not good for them either. He sound like a BS artist . Get some counseling and help so you can move on with your life and make a better life for your children. He sounds like a real talker and what really counts is his actions. Good luck. I hope you take the advice.

In answer to your question, people cheat and lie because they have no respect or real love for the person they are with. They are usually selfish people and whatever feels good to them or benefits them, that is what they do. He needs to grow up.

MrEmoticon

Because other people can be freaks in bed.

braign

I've cheated in relationships, and been (emotionally) cheated on too.

I like to think that for humans, monogamy is a worthy goal to strive for, but not an easy one, and certainly not natural. There's always an imperative to seek something better, something more, so if you aren't getting everything you want from a relationship, it's all too easy to stray. I managed to get away with cheating for a while because my boyfriend at the time wouldn't talk to me or see me more than once a month at best - then he acted upset when he found out. The whole relationship was a giant red flag, but we both ignored it and kept trying.

foodfight247

Simple answer? Because of their insecurities - not just with themselves but that also extends to their lifestyle, stresses etc etc.

I've never cheated on my ex (or anyone else for that matter), however, he cheated on me twice with the same woman.

People cheat, because they are either insecure or don't love the other person..

dinovino_59

blame it on the genes
In troubled relationships, cheating can be an easy alternative to the burden of a breakup or the agony of divorce. It's a quick fix for the sake of the couple's or the family's integrity. Some of us have even gone so far as to enact the long-distance code: If you cheat in another zip code, it doesn't count.

And with evolutionary psychologists telling us that we are wired to lay our seeds in as many women as possible to ensure our genetic survival, adultery is slowly becoming a defensible misdeed, which may explain why women are catching up to men in the game of infidelity.

Because of our insatiable appetite for sex, we men can sometimes only be as faithful as our options.

imogenjade

even happy men cheat . the ones that love themselves more than there girl cheat. they think with their ****s. women cheat when there not happy cos they cheat looking for some one. men cheat purely for the sex xx

dinovino_59

Number 10
Your lady doesn't put out

Every man has heard that the best way to get a woman to stop having sex with him is by marrying her. Apparently, long-term relationships seem to suck the sex drive out of many women, leaving men gasping for fulfillment. With the need for more sex, some men will start "working late" more often.

Or it could just be that the sex has become boring. She doesn't want to try new things in bed, or won't perform *kitten*. Some men may cheat because they don't want their girlfriends or wives to perform certain sex acts that would ruin their "good girl" image, so they get a mistress to take care of it. Like Robert de Niro said in Analyze This , "That's the mouth she kisses my kids good night with!"

In light of this, I call on lawmakers around the world to create an International BJ Day, where men and women get the day off from work and get all the oral satisfaction they need from their partners. I'll bet that this alone would cut infidelity by at least 75%.

Italian_Buju

After reading two pages of reasons, I have a different take.

Humans are not made to be monogamous, but because of the society we live in, many of them try and force it, and it just does not work a lot of the time.

It does not mean that the person does not love you, love as very little, if anything to do with it. It just means that they need something more in their lives. Sometimes, if the person is committed to staying with their primary partner, and loves them, a side relationship can actually make the primary one better, because that person is fully satisfied and recharged. It does not mean that they do not want to be in the primary relationship, it just means that they need a break for a few hours or a night, it does not mean they do not love to be in the primary relationship either.

Think of it this way:

You love your child. If you had another child, would you love your first child any less? No. So why do people feel that way about partners. Just because you have another one, does not make your love for the first one any less.

Now, I am not saying you should be with this guy, obviously this is not what you signed up for. I just wanted to point out that cheating does not equal unhappiness or not loving your partner. To be honest, the biggest thing that stood out to me in the OP's post was that she seemed to be supporting him all those years, while he sat around and didn't work........

dinovino_59

Number 9
She cheated on you

So you found out your lady was being unfaithful, and the only way you can relieve your anger is by doing the same. For many men, this is the only way to get back at their cheating girlfriends and even the score. Some men might even cheat to get back at all the cheating women they've had the misfortune of dating throughout their lives; now that's efficiency.

hbrittingham

In my opinion, people cheat because they don't want to put the effort into keeping things new and exciting with their spouse/SO and they don't have a moral compass.

My husband and I have been married for 20 years and together for 22. The last 5 we had lost our way with each other and were both very unhappy in our marriage. Even though we seriously considered divorce, neither of us cheated on the other. Why? Because we made a commitment to forsake all others when we took our marriage vows. Because both of us believe that cheating is the ultimate betrayal that would never be able to be overcome. Because neither of us could imagine causing the pain the other would feel if cheating had happened. And mainly because, deep down, we still loved each other and only wanted each other.

rybo

After reading two pages of reasons, I have a different take.

Humans are not made to be monogamous, but because of the society we live in, many of them try and force it, and it just does not work a lot of the time.

It does not mean that the person does not love you, love as very little, if anything to do with it. It just means that they need something more in their lives. Sometimes, if the person is committed to staying with their primary partner, and loves them, a side relationship can actually make the primary one better, because that person is fully satisfied and recharged. It does not mean that they do not want to be in the primary relationship, it just means that they need a break for a few hours or a night, it does not mean they do not love to be in the primary relationship either.

Think of it this way:

You love your child. If you had another child, would you love your first child any less? No. So why do people feel that way about partners. Just because you have another one, does not make your love for the first one any less.

I believe people cheat for a million different reasons. But I think the above explanation has a lot of merit.

Schraudt814

After reading two pages of reasons, I have a different take.

Humans are not made to be monogamous, but because of the society we live in, many of them try and force it, and it just does not work a lot of the time.

It does not mean that the person does not love you, love as very little, if anything to do with it. It just means that they need something more in their lives. Sometimes, if the person is committed to staying with their primary partner, and loves them, a side relationship can actually make the primary one better, because that person is fully satisfied and recharged. It does not mean that they do not want to be in the primary relationship, it just means that they need a break for a few hours or a night, it does not mean they do not love to be in the primary relationship either.

Think of it this way:

You love your child. If you had another child, would you love your first child any less? No. So why do people feel that way about partners. Just because you have another one, does not make your love for the first one any less.

I believe people cheat for a million different reasons. But I think the above explanation has a lot of merit.

I'm sorry but I disagree. I think people use "love" as an excuse. But if you love someone, shouldn't you work on that relationship instead of trying out a new partner? I think people cheat for a lot of reasons but saying "humans are meant to be with many people" to me is a cop-out. If that's the case, why be in a relationship to begin with?

Italian_Buju

After reading two pages of reasons, I have a different take.

Humans are not made to be monogamous, but because of the society we live in, many of them try and force it, and it just does not work a lot of the time.

It does not mean that the person does not love you, love as very little, if anything to do with it. It just means that they need something more in their lives. Sometimes, if the person is committed to staying with their primary partner, and loves them, a side relationship can actually make the primary one better, because that person is fully satisfied and recharged. It does not mean that they do not want to be in the primary relationship, it just means that they need a break for a few hours or a night, it does not mean they do not love to be in the primary relationship either.

Think of it this way:

You love your child. If you had another child, would you love your first child any less? No. So why do people feel that way about partners. Just because you have another one, does not make your love for the first one any less.

I believe people cheat for a million different reasons. But I think the above explanation has a lot of merit.

I'm sorry but I disagree. I think people use "love" as an excuse. But if you love someone, shouldn't you work on that relationship instead of trying out a new partner? I think people cheat for a lot of reasons but saying "humans are meant to be with many people" to me is a cop-out. If that's the case, why be in a relationship to begin with?

Because society pressures you to be monogamous. So people try and conform to that. Same reason some homosexual people 'try' and be straight.

If polyamory was more accepted, I do not think we would have half the problems that we do with divorce and such. And just to clarify, I do not mean polygyny, like the sister wives idea, that is only one side of it.

Also, I never said there had to be a problem in the primary relationship to work on. How many people have been cheated on, and completely blindsided because they were not having problems? Having a secondary relationship, does not mean there is a problem with your primary one.

Also, I truly believe it is not natural to be with one person, if it was, it would come easy, and we would not have over 50% of people having affairs at some point in their lives. Very few animals are naturally monogamous, it is something that humans created and it really has not gone so well for most of us.

Like I said before, just because you have another partner, does not make your primary partner any less important, or loved.

Roni_M

Although there are tons of reasons, I think one no one has mentioned is a lack of impulse control. Think 2 year old with a cookie. It's there, it's available, it's exciting and they don't even stop to think about consequences. This sounds like the case with your ex. That doesn't mean he didn't love you... You were probably not even in his mind when it happened. But if he lacks control, it would likely happen again. I honestly believe this is the case with most guys that cheat, short term gratification with no thought to the long term consequences.

hbrittingham

After reading two pages of reasons, I have a different take.

Humans are not made to be monogamous, but because of the society we live in, many of them try and force it, and it just does not work a lot of the time.

It does not mean that the person does not love you, love as very little, if anything to do with it. It just means that they need something more in their lives. Sometimes, if the person is committed to staying with their primary partner, and loves them, a side relationship can actually make the primary one better, because that person is fully satisfied and recharged. It does not mean that they do not want to be in the primary relationship, it just means that they need a break for a few hours or a night, it does not mean they do not love to be in the primary relationship either.

Think of it this way:

You love your child. If you had another child, would you love your first child any less? No. So why do people feel that way about partners. Just because you have another one, does not make your love for the first one any less.

I believe people cheat for a million different reasons. But I think the above explanation has a lot of merit.

I'm sorry but I disagree. I think people use "love" as an excuse. But if you love someone, shouldn't you work on that relationship instead of trying out a new partner? I think people cheat for a lot of reasons but saying "humans are meant to be with many people" to me is a cop-out. If that's the case, why be in a relationship to begin with?

Because society pressures you to be monogamous. So people try and conform to that. Same reason some homosexual people 'try' and be straight.

If polyamory was more accepted, I do not think we would have half the problems that we do with divorce and such. And just to clarify, I do not mean polygyny, like the sister wives idea, that is only one side of it.

Also, I never said there had to be a problem in the primary relationship to work on. How many people have been cheated on, and completely blindsided because they were not having problems? Having a secondary relationship, does not mean there is a problem with your primary one.

Also, I truly believe it is not natural to be with one person, if it was, it would come easy, and we would not have over 50% of people having affairs at some point in their lives. Very few animals are naturally monogamous, it is something that humans created and it really has not gone so well for most of us.

Like I said before, just because you have another partner, does not make your primary partner any less important, or loved.

To me, this sounds like you are just trying to come up with a justification for cheating.

Humans may be one of the only species who is monogamous, but we are also the only species who can make a conscious decision to be monogamous or to cheat. We are also one of the only species that has sex for pleasure instead of procreation.

Being married isn't always easy, it does take work. But when you have a true, deep connection with your spouse or significant other, it's worth it to put some work into it. Because it's not all about sex, it's about companionship and friendship, too.

oregonzoo

Cheaters are cowards. Missing something in their relationship, they look elsewhere rather than talking about it and fixing it.

BrettPGH

So it today cheat day on MFP? It comes around about once a week or so...

One word you all need to Google. Monogamish. Or keep searching your partner's phone and ending things when they stray. Whatever you wanna do.

And when you're all done on your high horse with your judging of others and condemnations you can go back to private messaging your married MFP crush.

galegetsthin

So it today cheat day on MFP? It comes around about once a week or so...

One word you all need to Google. Monogamish. Or keep searching your partner's phone and ending things when they stray. Whatever you wanna do.

And when you're all done on your high horse with your judging of others and condemnations you can go back to private messaging your married MFP crush.

I freaking LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LauraSmyth28

People cheat because they crave attention from other people. It's nothing to do with the person who is cheated on, and all to do with the person who cheats.

neverstray

People in love don't cheat. It's simple.

auroranflash

People cheat because they have no integrity or self respect.

greasygriddle_wechnage

So it today cheat day on MFP? It comes around about once a week or so...

One word you all need to Google. Monogamish. Or keep searching your partner's phone and ending things when they stray. Whatever you wanna do.

And when you're all done on your high horse with your judging of others and condemnations you can go back to private messaging your married MFP crush.

:laugh: :laugh:

BruteSquad

To repeat, no need to cheat. Go Poly. Get an alpha girlfriend, and let her be a partner in the decision of future girlfriends. Win/Win

Italian_Buju

People in love don't cheat. It's simple.

So not true.....

jackpotclown

So it today cheat day on MFP? It comes around about once a week or so...

One word you all need to Google. Monogamish. Or keep searching your partner's phone and ending things when they stray. Whatever you wanna do.

And when you're all done on your high horse with your judging of others and condemnations you can go back to private messaging your married MFP crush.

FTW^^^ \m/

Roadie2000

Easy, they just get sick of eating the same old...uh...sandwiches.

ninerbuff

I think it boils down to a few things.

Common things cheaters admit to: SO makes them feel like they are taken for granted, SO WANTS to have multiple relationships, SO wants to have sex that you won't do (usually sex that you dislike), SO doesn't find you attractive anymore, SO feels WANTED more by someone who pays more attention to them then you do, SO likes the excitement of "hiding".

Those are some that I'm sure some will agree/disagree with, but I believe are reasons.

A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Schraudt814

After reading two pages of reasons, I have a different take.

Humans are not made to be monogamous, but because of the society we live in, many of them try and force it, and it just does not work a lot of the time.

It does not mean that the person does not love you, love as very little, if anything to do with it. It just means that they need something more in their lives. Sometimes, if the person is committed to staying with their primary partner, and loves them, a side relationship can actually make the primary one better, because that person is fully satisfied and recharged. It does not mean that they do not want to be in the primary relationship, it just means that they need a break for a few hours or a night, it does not mean they do not love to be in the primary relationship either.

Think of it this way:

You love your child. If you had another child, would you love your first child any less? No. So why do people feel that way about partners. Just because you have another one, does not make your love for the first one any less.

I believe people cheat for a million different reasons. But I think the above explanation has a lot of merit.

I'm sorry but I disagree. I think people use "love" as an excuse. But if you love someone, shouldn't you work on that relationship instead of trying out a new partner? I think people cheat for a lot of reasons but saying "humans are meant to be with many people" to me is a cop-out. If that's the case, why be in a relationship to begin with?

Because society pressures you to be monogamous. So people try and conform to that. Same reason some homosexual people 'try' and be straight.

If polyamory was more accepted, I do not think we would have half the problems that we do with divorce and such. And just to clarify, I do not mean polygyny, like the sister wives idea, that is only one side of it.

Also, I never said there had to be a problem in the primary relationship to work on. How many people have been cheated on, and completely blindsided because they were not having problems? Having a secondary relationship, does not mean there is a problem with your primary one.

Also, I truly believe it is not natural to be with one person, if it was, it would come easy, and we would not have over 50% of people having affairs at some point in their lives. Very few animals are naturally monogamous, it is something that humans created and it really has not gone so well for most of us.

Like I said before, just because you have another partner, does not make your primary partner any less important, or loved.

As a disclaimer I believe I read your previous response in a different tone- having your clarification makes me understand your p.o.v. more,whether I agree or not. But I do have a question for you since the topic is cheating- in your view that it's unnatural to have only one partner wouldn't it at least be better to ensure the other person (or persons) involved feel the same way? And if they do, then does it constitute cheating? While I am not one to agree with being with more than person at a time, what bothers me most about the cheating is the destruction of trust and deceit involved.I find that to be the most hurtful and damaging part of the whole cheating mess. If all involved are open about it then is it still cheating? I would call that an open relationship.