Why do people cheat?

weighlossforbaby

When people have been together for a while and have the same routine they get bored. He probably cheated cause it was something different and exciting. Some people cheat cause they don't feel good about themselves so they find attention from other people. I never believe in cheating and never will. It shows that a person is morally weak and needs to grow up!

Italian_Buju

After reading two pages of reasons, I have a different take.

Humans are not made to be monogamous, but because of the society we live in, many of them try and force it, and it just does not work a lot of the time.

It does not mean that the person does not love you, love as very little, if anything to do with it. It just means that they need something more in their lives. Sometimes, if the person is committed to staying with their primary partner, and loves them, a side relationship can actually make the primary one better, because that person is fully satisfied and recharged. It does not mean that they do not want to be in the primary relationship, it just means that they need a break for a few hours or a night, it does not mean they do not love to be in the primary relationship either.

Think of it this way:

You love your child. If you had another child, would you love your first child any less? No. So why do people feel that way about partners. Just because you have another one, does not make your love for the first one any less.

I believe people cheat for a million different reasons. But I think the above explanation has a lot of merit.

I'm sorry but I disagree. I think people use "love" as an excuse. But if you love someone, shouldn't you work on that relationship instead of trying out a new partner? I think people cheat for a lot of reasons but saying "humans are meant to be with many people" to me is a cop-out. If that's the case, why be in a relationship to begin with?

Because society pressures you to be monogamous. So people try and conform to that. Same reason some homosexual people 'try' and be straight.

If polyamory was more accepted, I do not think we would have half the problems that we do with divorce and such. And just to clarify, I do not mean polygyny, like the sister wives idea, that is only one side of it.

Also, I never said there had to be a problem in the primary relationship to work on. How many people have been cheated on, and completely blindsided because they were not having problems? Having a secondary relationship, does not mean there is a problem with your primary one.

Also, I truly believe it is not natural to be with one person, if it was, it would come easy, and we would not have over 50% of people having affairs at some point in their lives. Very few animals are naturally monogamous, it is something that humans created and it really has not gone so well for most of us.

Like I said before, just because you have another partner, does not make your primary partner any less important, or loved.

As a disclaimer I believe I read your previous response in a different tone- having your clarification makes me understand your p.o.v. more,whether I agree or not. But I do have a question for you since the topic is cheating- in your view that it's unnatural to have only one partner wouldn't it at least be better to ensure the other person (or persons) involved feel the same way? And if they do, then does it constitute cheating? While I am not one to agree with being with more than person at a time, what bothers me most about the cheating is the destruction of trust and deceit involved.I find that to be the most hurtful and damaging part of the whole cheating mess. If all involved are open about it then is it still cheating? I would call that an open relationship.

That is why I had said earlier that if our culture (North American, I am meaning) was more open and accepting of poly relationships, there would not be so much divorce and break ups. If everyone is open, then it is not cheating, I would consider it a poly style relationship. Problem is, while most humans are not designed to be monogamous, most also are not open to a relationship like that.

Italian_Buju

People in love don't cheat. It's simple.

So not true.....

Actually, it is. Just because they cry and feel sorry after, doesn't mean that they felt that way when they did it, which means that they don't love you. If they did, really and truly and deeply, they would not cheat. End.

Are you speaking from experience? This almost reminds me of the straight people that insist homosexuality is a choice, even though, they really have no idea, because they are not gay.

Having sex with someone else, has NOTHING to do with your feelings and love for your partner......I speak from experience....

Italian_Buju

Oh and what about him? If he has the chance to be with someone and one thing leads to another so be it - so long as it is just sex and not a prelude to leaving me - leave me first. Sex can be just sex and not making love - but I realize I may be one of the very few women that believes this.

Amen Sister!~! LOL

Kitten2629

Number 10
Your lady doesn't put out

Every man has heard that the best way to get a woman to stop having sex with him is by marrying her. Apparently, long-term In light of this, I call on lawmakers around the world to create an International BJ Day, where men and women get the day off from work and get all the oral satisfaction they need from their partners. I'll bet that this alone would cut infidelity by at least 75%.

Souldn't it be called BJ and CL Day?

There is a BJ day. March 14th lol Did people not get the memo?

AgapeLove7

most likely, they're unhappy about something in the relationship.. when you first enter a relationship, it's filled with that "in love" feeling.. everyone loses it sooner or later but they do... my husband told me a week ago that it's because "you always see each other, that you don't have time to truly MISS HIM/HER" ... maybe this is true too because my hubby went away for 2 days and I was having a hard time living life.. lol.... didn't even want to go out and water my flowers anymore.........sad!

QueChulaYo

My ex says it is because they are unhappy with themselves.

^^^^^ This^^^^^

he know himself. once trust is gone, the tie is broken:(

hyperionguy

To the OP, I don’t even think cheating is the real problem. There are people like him who never cheat. They are as someone said, the ‘come here… go away… come here… go away’ type who have their own problems and as a result manipulate you. Don’t go back.

Wow, there is a lot of the unfair man bashing here that is rampant on the site. Too much judging going on and loads of high horse attitude. The thread is titled “people” not “men” because trust me, women cheating is pervasive.
This is a fun thread! I love hearing the differing opinions and it went 4 pages without outrage or flaming. 
BrettPGH – Cheers to you! Couldn’t agree more. Funny and true. Monogamish = yes! As you said, google it. There is a good article by Dan Savage with lots of good comments too.

My SO and I are monogamish and it works well. Actually I would call it monogamish-lite. Either one of us can propose a 3-way with someone we have met while out together and if we both feel the target is ok… it’s on. It has been extremely rare and has only happened while on vacation. It is fun and adds a charge to things and the effect lasts a long time. Quite frankly I think that simply having that agreement out there, even if not exercised, makes a difference. The only major rule is… never venture off on your own. It has to be done together.

Also if we see someone who we think looks ‘wow!’ we point it out to the other. Why not?! It is harmless and there’s nothing wrong with appreciating a hot thing walking by. I think it is silly that people have to pretend they didn’t see something just because their other half will take it the wrong way and get upset. This practice would help take a LOT of stress out of relationships, and it often spawns some funny conversation.

mdjoubert03

people cheat because they can === bulllsh!t then why doesnt everyone cheat; remember a persons actions say more about themselves then about you, cheating shows an inability to commit, take responsibility, and basically a unhealthy coping mechanism for any problem that can come up. It is like saying why do people over eat---stress might trigger it, but its a coping mechanism you chose. i work with alot of guys and they confide in me, some of them are in happy relationships, they are all very much inlove, but of these inlove guys some cheat and others dont, and you can see the difference in the things they believe, cheaters will say - "boys will be boys" , "i need variety", or they will justify using relationship problems to cheat, but come on who doesnt have relationship problems, the commited men have believes and standards that support their commitement and they will rather leave then cheat. i personally feel cheating is totally below my standard as a human being, hence i will never cheat. cheating by definition refers to an immoral way of achieving a goal; so either these people are immoral or they just dont have what it takes to have a proper relationship, so they do it by lying to you and to themselves... if monogomy is not your thing dont go about promising it to someone, and anyway most cheateres ive known will leave a cheating partner-- and if your bored, get a hobby, improve your life, travel with your partner, if it really is below your standard to cheat you would find an alternative solution

AlsDonkBoxSquat

I think the reason people cheat is, because they are unhappy in their relationship but feel bad about leaving or something is missing that used to be there. My ex says it is because they are unhappy with themselves. What do you think?

My answer is "yes." Some people cheat because they are unhappy with themselves and unless you can love yourself and find peace within yourself you'll never find it in another person . . . you can't charge another person with the daunting task of making you happy and fulfilled you must find that within yourself first. Some people cheat because their relationship lacks communication and while each person in the relationship has the ability to provide the other person with what they need neither party is communicating those needs. Some people cheat because they are selfish and narcisistic, people of the opposite sex are conquests and not people. Then there are times where cheating is a symptom of a greater problem within the relationship, but even this I believe comes back to one of the others.

Dudagarcia

Dump the loser for good, once a cheater always a cheater