Advice please...guys point of view as well
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It's a **** move...and he wouldn't bring it up if his plan wasn't to pressure you into it
Now that ^^^^ is a perfect way to say that this guy (although great to chat with) may not be the one for you.
A man who brings sex up in a casual way and says that he just ‘needs’ to know what sex will be like before he makes a commitment is really not worth a ‘smart’ girls time. My husband and I did not have sex before marriage and let me tell you….It didn’t make a difference after the bands were put on. It is an EXCUSE to….well have sex without a commitment….aren’t you worth more????0 -
Look the guy is looking for an easy out, If you agree, he gets laid, if you don't agree it's your fault. Either way no bruised ego for him.0
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Lol, fat virgin guys jerked off to porn alot, so they more than likely don't have an idea of what good sex is.
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Definitely make him wait, a looonnnnng time, if he sticks around then maybe he deserves it, if not he wasnt worth your time any way!!0
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I was thinking the same thing \m/Look the guy is looking for an easy out, If you agree, he gets laid, if you don't agree it's your fault. Either way no bruised ego for him.0 -
It's a **** move...and he wouldn't bring it up if his plan wasn't to pressure you into it
WELL SAID! Completely agree!0 -
just tell him his need to know will be satisfied when you're damn good and ready. if he won't stick around, adios to him!0
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Personal thought:
The saying "You have to try the milk before you buy the cow" only applies about getting married. Sex IS an important part of a relationship but it is not the most important one. If this guy only wants to have sex with you just because, I say there are other fish in the sea.
As a guy I say to the man, stop trying so hard. If you really want just sex you can get it elsewhere with a lot of booty calls.0 -
It's okay if it doesn't work out with this guy. When a relationship makes you feel insecure or stressed out before it's even started, it's time to evaluate whether you really want or need him around.
Besides, if he's willing to pressure you rather than listen to you today - he will do it tomorrow, and the next day, and all the days that follow any time he doesn't get his way.0 -
This is how i see it. Although i think he is a jerk for saying it, and i wouldnt have said that myself, he was being honest! Women always say the most important thing in a relationship is honesty! Well he gave you his honest opinion and you didnt like it. Its like when a female asks "do these pants make my *kitten* look big?" Do you REALLY want our honest answer???
So A jerk for saying it, but good for him for being honest.
Just my opinion!0 -
Tell him you can provide references that vouch for how good it is :laugh:
If sex has to be discussed rather than happen naturally when you're both ready, I can't help feeling there's an irrevocable discrepancy between what you each want.0 -
He just wants to "hit it and quit it"!
Pat him on the head and send him peddling down the road.0 -
I think you took it way more offensively than he meant it, but I didn't hear the whole conversation and I wasn't there, so that's really just speculation on my part. In my opinion, if all a guy wants is sex, he won't waste two dates getting to know you - he'll sign up for an account on a ****buddy site and get what he's after. If a guy said that to me, I'd assume he was definitely interested and understand that it's a legitimate concern when commitment is on someone's mind - and honestly, I'd appreciate (and maybe even be a little turned on by) the balls it takes to communicate that sort of need so openly after only two dates of acquaintance.
That said, I probably wouldn't be like "ok well come over right now and get a bj". It's gotta happen when it happens, without being forced, or it won't be good sex period.
Since your reaction to his bluntness was so unfavorable, I'd assume you guys would be incompatible in the longterm, so it's probably best to move on.0 -
You can do better than this guy; he just revealed his true colors to you. 2 dates and he wants a little action... Yeah... run, run, run... as fast as you can...0
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He is being a jerk. Do not waste anymore time with him. Nicely put BerryH! :laugh:0
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He's being a jerk. Not only does it sound like sex is the only thing he wants from the relationship, it sounds like he is saying if the sex isn't good the first time he's not willing to work at making it good.
Good sex, like a good relationship, is give and take and sometimes takes a little time to know your partner's preferences.
I so agree with this!! Well said!
I agree too.
this0 -
the fact your asking for advice says you already have your answer0
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If the man leads the dance, then its up to him more than anything to get the best out of his dance partner. Sex is a dance........0
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Screw em.
Not literally....ditch him might have been better verbiage :laugh:0 -
It does sound like he is pressuring you -- and this would be totally unacceptable to me. Sex is such a personal experience, everyone's timing is different, and for him to be pressuring you on something so personal, well, this does not bode well for your future with him. He doesn't sound like he has empathy or the capacity for understanding you and what you need. Sounds like it's all about him and his needs, and if that is so and if you end up with him, I would not be surprised if he was like this in other really important areas, as well as trivial ones. In my opinion, the dude needs to grow up! And I hope you stand up for what you want and not let yourself be swayed by this jerk's needs. Sounds like he's very young and immature and that he's having a quiet temper tantrum -- "do what i want or your history!" Please! That is not the way to make friends or influence people. Stay strong sister!0
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I'm surprised there's even a question here.0
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I think this is probably more of a sign that you two aren't compatible than that he's necessarily a jerk. I know a good number of women who have the exact same attitude toward sex, so if he'd brought this point up in conversation with one of them, it would have been fine. (I know one woman who believes that you can't know if you're in love until you've had sex with the person, which runs totally counter to most ideas about love and sex but works for her.)
Now, would I want to date this guy? No. That's not how I feel about sex or how important sex is in a relationship. But I don't want to fault him without knowing more, or based on MY feelings on this issue.0 -
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What a total and utter kn0b head!!
Get out now!!!
You've had a huge warning signal, take note and move on.
Seriously - a guy who says that is not worth anymore of your time!
Good luck - H x0 -
If the man leads the dance, then its up to him more than anything to get the best out of his dance partner. Sex is a dance........
Sex is a dance, just not the whole evening out. When a woman wants sex...this would be a great way to get it, but it sounds as if the OP is looking for something more. On the other hand instead of asking us for our opinions, she should have asked him if "sex" is the only thing he is wanting and if so..give him the boot. If not she needed to tell him that she felt a little....well disconcerted and didn't like the way he went about it. If he was still adamant about the whole.."lets get it on" thing...Its up to her to make a decision that she can stay or walk away with , with dignity.0 -
That's an easy one. Of course anyone who is getting into a relationship would love to know if the sex is good. However,If he really wanted to be in the relationship,he would know that going for the sex in the beginning smacks of being an *kitten* who is only concerned about getting his appetitte satisfied. If that's his angle,which it sounds like to me, it's time for you to fish or cut bait. Either that's your vibe or not. It sounds like you are a woman who is ready for a real relationship and not one based just on the physical. Thinking there are many other men out here who have the same mindset as you...take a look around and let this guy roam elsewhere......0
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If the man leads the dance, then its up to him more than anything to get the best out of his dance partner. Sex is a dance........
Sex is a dance, just not the whole evening out. When a woman wants sex...this would be a great way to get it, but it sounds as if the OP is looking for something more. On the other hand instead of asking us for our opinions, she should have asked him if "sex" is the only thing he is wanting and if so..give him the boot. If not she needed to tell him that she felt a little....well disconcerted and didn't like the way he went about it. If he was still adamant about the whole.."lets get it on" thing...Its up to her to make a decision that she can stay or walk away with , with dignity.
To answer your question...here is exactly what he said to me when I asked him exactly what he was saying : "SEX first and then maybe a relationship" I said to him "RELATIONSHIP first and then sex comes naturally..."0 -
Drop the @$$ puppet. If the sex is good on top of the relationship, bonus.0
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He could also get into a relationship with you, have sex with you, and then leave you the next day. Nothing "binds" him to a relationship either.
Kudos to him for being upfront...0 -
I am really not liking this guy. Not talking about you, but let's say the sex was bad.If the man leads the dance, then its up to him more than anything to get the best out of his dance partner. Sex is a dance........
Sex is a dance, just not the whole evening out. When a woman wants sex...this would be a great way to get it, but it sounds as if the OP is looking for something more. On the other hand instead of asking us for our opinions, she should have asked him if "sex" is the only thing he is wanting and if so..give him the boot. If not she needed to tell him that she felt a little....well disconcerted and didn't like the way he went about it. If he was still adamant about the whole.."lets get it on" thing...Its up to her to make a decision that she can stay or walk away with , with dignity.
To answer your question...here is exactly what he said to me when I asked him exactly what he was saying : "SEX first and then maybe a relationship" I said to him "RELATIONSHIP first and then sex comes naturally..."
I am a great teacher!
Point is a real man can make it good if he's loving enough to think of the act as more than a smiling boner.
His whole method of breaching the subject is just awkward as can be.:grumble:0
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