Would you tell?

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  • littlepinkhearts
    littlepinkhearts Posts: 1,055 Member
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    Depends if they were a close friend or just an acquaintance. Close friend? yes I would definately tell. Acquaintance? eh no
  • ginaquinn2
    ginaquinn2 Posts: 136 Member
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    That is a tough one. But I say no. Butt out! It will only cause heartache and a broken friendship. I think if you tell you will loose a friend.
    If things do come out I think it is your job as a friend to be there to comfort as needed.
  • Italian_Buju
    Italian_Buju Posts: 8,030 Member
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    It would depend who my loyalty was with. Most times, when you are friends with a couple, it is because you were friends with one half of that couple first. So, if my loyalty was with the cheater, then no, if it is with the spouse, MAYBE.

    Then it depends on if I know it will not cause grief in my friendship with said spouse.
  • tamheath
    tamheath Posts: 702 Member
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    Do nothing, nothing, nothing!!!! Cannot express this enough!

    Must totally disagree with this. In my first marriage (long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away) I had a cheater husband. The first person to finally tell me told me, but also said I couldn't mention it to him! Ha! I cannot tell you how humiliated I was that his entire company knew he was a big-time cheater, but I had no details. (Of course, I was getting the clues....)

    I am still thankful someone finally told me and I could make the right decisions.


    Question for you: are you still friends with the person who outed him?

    Very good question! Yes we are. But she really did have my back. It's been about 20 years now. :flowerforyou:
  • tipyourbartender
    tipyourbartender Posts: 35 Member
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    From my experience, the people who are willing to cheat and have little regard for their own relationships, have little regard for other peoples' relationships. I find it more in women then I do men actually, and these are the same type of women who try to encourage their friends to cheat, or try to start drama in their friends' relationships - gossip, etc. With that being said, I honestly try not to associate myself with women like this, and never find myself in a situation where I would have to make the decision whether or not to tell.

    Men are a little bit more forgiving in the situation because they *usually* don't try and parade around their lifestyle in that manner. I've never seen a man flaunt the fact that he was cheating. In that case, it's really none of my business to interfere with their relationship. Chances are, if he is cheating, there is most likely something wrong with the relationship anyways, and I'll expect that the relationship will either be dissolved, or work itself out without my interference.

    Now, if it was like, my best friend who was getting cheated on, that would probably be a different story. Even though I don't like getting involved in these kind of situations, I would probably let them know.

    Solely coming from my own experience.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    I think ideally, you should approach the person cheating and say "listen, I saw you cheating on X. She/he is my good friend and I don't like that you're hurting them this way. I'll give you a few days to tell her/him but if not I'm going to say something."
  • jenbk2
    jenbk2 Posts: 623 Member
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    One of my besties has been having affairs quite a bit. Although I do not agree with it and feel bad for her spouse, I do not feel it is my place to judge or say anything. It is her life and whatever happens...happens. Karma can be nasty and those who choose to do things will have to face the consequences. She is my friend regardless and I will not rat her out or judge her for her decisions.

    I could not be friends with someone like this. To me they are a disgusting person. If you want to go and sleep with someone else- be human and leave your current SO. I got rid of a friend because - well- she was a *kitten*. I always say if i was in that position would I want to know? You bet I would.
  • shellebelle87
    shellebelle87 Posts: 291 Member
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    What if you knew, didnt tell, your friend found out and broke up with their partner, then found out you knew all along? Wouldnt the trust be gone then anyway?
  • Bronx_Montgomery
    Bronx_Montgomery Posts: 2,287 Member
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    It depends on what side of the friendship table you are on. Though you may know the couple you may have started out to be friends with the husband first or the Wife first.

    BUT THEN AGAIN:

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  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
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    That would be extremely situational.

    so very much this.
  • Miss_dannii
    Miss_dannii Posts: 1,351 Member
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    I would always have said yes I'd tell, til I got dragged into a situation with my fiances family where someone was cheating and I wanted his partner to know so much but I risked falling out with the whole family if I said a word...

    On the other hand if it was a friend I'd like to think I'd tell. Imagine how hurt they'd be if they found out you knew..
  • jazzy43
    jazzy43 Posts: 16
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    Do nothing, nothing, nothing!!!! Cannot express this enough!

    When they say "don't blame the messenger" that usually does not hold out. If the couple stayed together after you said something, then you may end up losing a friend. Face it, the one who is a cheater is not going to want you around them at all! I wouldn't...the only way that it would work out for you is if they broke up.
  • sjmgde
    sjmgde Posts: 381 Member
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    I would tell the person who is cheating, if you do not tell your SO/spouse but such in such day, iam telling them. But i would try and get prrof first before i said anything at all so that the cheating party knew i was serious and that the SO/Spouse would see i was nto lying.
  • pwittek10
    pwittek10 Posts: 723 Member
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    STAY OUT OF IT!
    It is not your story to tell,
  • nibblypig
    nibblypig Posts: 27
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    If it was a very close friend, I would tell them what I've heard and let them make their own mind up. Otherwise, I'd mind my own business.
  • demery12371
    demery12371 Posts: 253 Member
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    PLAYA RULE # 2 ALWAYS ALWAYS pull out!!! :bigsmile:

    Someone should have told my husband that one..... Maybe we wouldn't have to be sacrificing our kids $ to pay that scanky *kitten* child support!
  • darylinny
    darylinny Posts: 146
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    STAY OUT OF IT!
    It is not your story to tell,

    I agree...however since I'm terrible at secrets I'd probably tell the cheatee while the cheater was standing right next to them. My husband says I have not tact....it's totally intentional!
  • p_e_wright
    p_e_wright Posts: 47 Member
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    Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I don't like drama so I wouldn't want to be in the middle of it. If the person being cheated on finds out that you knew and didn't say anything, you're screwed. If you do tell them, there's a chance they won't believe you and will get mad at YOU! I think it would really depend on your relationship with the one being cheated on. I think I would want someone to tell me. BUT...if asked, I would be honest about it if I knew it for a fact.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
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    I was in such a situation.
    My friend married down, and I warned him not to make that mistake. Later, when I found out that he was being cheated on, I just closed my eyes to it.
    I actually think he knows. Anyway, that's his bed to sleep in. I am happy to BUTT OUT!
    I don't have the energy for somebody else's drama.
    When it comes to employees, I know of several married people in my office who are shagging.
    I pretend to be totally oblivious.
    There is freedom in keeping to my business and staying out of yours - even if I need to feign ignorance.
    Ignorance really is bliss.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    I would probably tell if the person was clueless. If I had a feeling the person knew they were being cheated on, I'd butt out.

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