Feeling down, just sad and in need of virtual hugs..

78brownie_wechanged

:flowerforyou: Hugs

tashaa1992

*Note: this going to be pretty pathetic, I totally realize that, I just need to vent it's been a frustrating day and feel like I just need virtual hugs and some support.

I just had a whole day of meetings and sessions at work after a very long and stressful week with coworkers, projects etc, I was exhausted. I'm moving next week and I've been stressed out and feeling a lot of emotions, sad, anxious, my building manager at my current apartment is a bully and I'm of course not a big conflict person, usually like to talk things out but it's just gotten to the point where I need to leave but they are making my last few days here difficult, trying to book elevators, asking for help this one guy who works there obviously has a hatred for women so it's difficult to deal with him, unless of course I was thin and he could flirt in a really gross way and try to control me like he tries to with other tenants....anyways, so it's hard coming home.

I found out too that after the whole day of attending sessions at work, because I left to go back to my office 10 mins before it ended to deal with a moving company for next week, that I had won a leap pad tablet but because I wasn't there they gave it to someone else I could never afford something like that, at least not in the next couple of years, it just was the icing on top of the crappy cake that was today.

On top of it I'm having a bad body image day and I'm just not feeling attractive, I'm tired of being the 'friend' to everyone and helping guy friends meet girls or listening to them talking about who's hot and whatever else and I just feel so invisible, I just feel a bit down today, I'm pitying myself I know it's pathetic I just needed to write it out, it's just hard always being the friend that tags along and hangs around while guys hit on my friends and completely bypass me, not that I want to be hit on, I just feel like I'm seen like a kid or not a woman to people but just a buddy or something. Work guys have a great time chatting with me I'm part of the circle because I can dish out jokes and sarcasm and keep up, but I guess that's not what guys find attractive, that and I think my weight probably plays a huge part. I think everything combined just makes me sad, work people have been hard to deal with, again bullying, I'm so tired of it and I think I try too hard to see the good in people I always give them the benefit of the doubt so I think well maybe they were having a tough day or something and that's why they acted that way. Okay I'm done, I think I'm just scared that since I'm turning 33 next month and havent had a date in maybe 2 years (part of which is because I'm tired/scared of the constant rejection) or been in a relationship since maybe 6-7 years ago when I started gaining weight, I'm aftraid that this is my life, that I'm never going to be seen as attractive, just fun and yes nice and smart to some people and a good friend but nothing beyond that. Okay thank you all for letting me vent today I just feel really down, I'm tired of packing up my apartment to move into another apartment and live alone again somewhere else, so lonely




******Thank you

Everyone is so nice, I really appreciate the hugs; hugs back to all of you. I think stress and feeling unattractive just makes for a bad combination. I know I'll have a better day, and I hope I don't sound ungrateful in that post, I am thankful for all the good things in my life, I just need to get out of this building, it's hard to come home and feel like a prisoner in your own home (at my building the only exit is a controlled exit and I have to go by the bully to go in or out). I think the dating thing is hard too and I definitely know I play a role in that, I think I've just scared myself so much about dating that I've just started avoiding it altogether, too many bad experiences on some blind dates, Hopefully maybe if I lose some weight, even though I know that shouldn't matter and I hate writing it, maybe then I'll feel more confident in going out again.

This isn't pathetic, we all need to vent from time to time otherwise it will all just build up and there will come a day when you will just explode.

I would just like to say I'm really sorry about your manager, something similiar happened to a friend of mine except his manager fired him just because he didn't like my friend. There are people in life who aren't nice people, and like you I always try and see the best in people, but I think there's only so much you can take.

Moving house is really stressful, it's hard to pack up your life and move on but do you know what, you're going onto bigger and better things:)

About the leap pad, I don't actually know what it is but that really sucks, I'm sorry:( Surely you have rights though? It was under your name after you won it right? Hm:/

You are not unattractive, you're absolutely beautiful, I know you don't feel it but hopefully this way of thinking will go. I can relate to the whole 'just one of the guys' thing though, that's exactly who I am. I have alot of male friends, more than girl friends and I'm pretty certain they don't see me as a girl, they talk to me like I'm a guy for real ha:/ All my girl friends have guys telling them they're hot, etc, but not me, guys don't tell me I'm beautiful or anything, they just walk straight past me lol, guys just don't look at me like that. I know there is someone out there for everyone, but I don't believe someone is out there waiting for me lol.

You know you'll know when the right person comes along because they'll sweep you off your feet, and you'll realise it was worth the wait. You won't be alone, you'll meet that special person when the time is right. I hope maybe some of this made some sense, I hope there are no grammar mistakes or anything but if there are it's just because I'm sleepy, but hopefully you get what I'm trying to say lol. Take care BEAUTIFUL:) xxx

khadeejah1

Wow, I just caught up on all of these messages, thank you so much again everyone, I feel so supported by all of you, it really means a lot to me that I can have a meltdown like that and not be shamed for it but supported and motivated. So thank you all again, much better today, I feel I have a more clear perspective so hopefully I can keep this up. Thank you all again so much!