Don't Request Me

Aurora76

I have deleted a couple friends because they hadn't logged in for over 6 months. It makes me think they gave up. I come here for support, not to have the most friends or to be the most popular.

There is nothing wrong with being a little picky about who you allow to "friend" you.

SingeSange

I find it very strange how people refuse to add more friends or set so many guidelines for them.

"Here's my success story, but please don't request me as your friend"
"I give my friends 110%, and expect the same in return"
"If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
"If you stop logging for 5 days, I will remove you"
"If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"


Seriously?.... Like seriously? We are all here for the same reason. We are for the most part experiencing the same struggles, or we would not be here. No method is the right method and that is okay. Maybe you think eating more to lose weight will get you there, or 1200 calories each day. It really does not matter.

I will be your friend. I am here to lose 100 pounds and I will not judge you and I hope you will not judge me. I will not set any guidelines for our friendship or judge you for any relapses. We are in this together.

LOL. I saw a profile like that last week! You're awesome to post this!

Meg177

I find it very strange how people refuse to add more friends or set so many guidelines for them.

"Here's my success story, but please don't request me as your friend"
"I give my friends 110%, and expect the same in return"
"If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
"If you stop logging for 5 days, I will remove you"
"If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"


Seriously?.... Like seriously? We are all here for the same reason. We are for the most part experiencing the same struggles, or we would not be here. No method is the right method and that is okay. Maybe you think eating more to lose weight will get you there, or 1200 calories each day. It really does not matter.

I will be your friend. I am here to lose 100 pounds and I will not judge you and I hope you will not judge me. I will not set any guidelines for our friendship or judge you for any relapses. We are in this together.

LOL. I saw a profile like that last week! You're awesome to post this!

She posted it but her profile and diary are closed:laugh:

Nan_

Could someone please tell me why I shouldn't be eating 1200 calories a day? It's been awhile since I first signed up with MFP but I thought that I let MFP suggest my calories for me, and it has me eating 1200 a day. Now I'm wondering if I set something up wrong and should be eating more? I thought 1200 was healthy but have to admit haven't done any research.

I did lose the 20 pounds I wanted to lose but then injured my back and put it back on due to the modified bed rest, limited activity, and just snacking too much.

I guess I'd better get off my lazy behind and do some research because I thought 1200 calories was fine! Thanks for any advice!

1200 is perfectly fine. It's the minimum that MFP will set you to, but there is nothing unhealthy about it, especially if you're not doing a lot of weight training.

Nan_

Oh, good to know. No, I'm not weight lifting, although I am thinking about it. Thank you!

beckylawrence70

Agreed!

sdoldsMD2013

Very well said!! When I see those profiles, I keep it moving because I definitely don't want them as my friend. This is a support network, not an "I'm better than you are" network!! Love it! Thanks so much for this!!!

skinnyinnotime

And then there's the opposite! People who will say, "Friend me, I'll support you! I'll be there for you all day, every day!" and then you never hear from them again

LOL yes this happens alot, I've no idea what that's all about?!?!

usmcmp

Are you friends with every person in your community?
I'm going to guess not - but, by your standard, the simple fact that you have something in common (location, for instance), you should be friends with every last one of them.
Life doesn't work that way, though.
We choose who we want to surround ourselves with, and that is OKAY.


I lost a crap-ton of weight and have blogged about what worked for me or, if I have something helpful to add to a question posts on the forums, I will comment there. People who aren't my friends have access to those.

Otherwise, my friends list is full of people who I consider... wait for it... friends.

Yes, people who I actually feel like I have something in common with outside of just the "getting healthy" area. Some of my friends are lifters, others are runners, a few have a long way to go still on their weight loss, and a few others are trying to gain some weight.

They all, however, share a similar sense of humor or have some other quality that makes us mesh well and, although I'm quite serious about my health, it's nice to know I can have fun while I'm getting/staying healthy.

I am by no means inferring that we are to friend every single person on this site. As a new member, I was rather taken aback when reviewing peoples profiles with a long list of do's and don't for friends and people with successful stories that have stopped accepting friends and refuse to help others in the same manner they were likely helped. Everyone on here has the right to do whatever they please. I just wanted to understand the rationale behind the culture on this site because this kind of behavior is strange to me.

Exactly, you are a new member. When you've been here a while you will understand. When you get a friend who eats 800 calories then burns 1300 every day and complains they aren't losing weight. When you get people who eat junk and complain. Those of us who have been here a while don't want to see people struggle and refuse to take the suggestions from successful people. It isn't us saying our way is the only way, it's us sharing the knowledge we've gained (usually over years) and dealing with someone who asks for help but doesn't take the suggestions.

brickhouse76

Well said, right on!

Nan_

Could someone please tell me why I shouldn't be eating 1200 calories a day? It's been awhile since I first signed up with MFP but I thought that I let MFP suggest my calories for me, and it has me eating 1200 a day. Now I'm wondering if I set something up wrong and should be eating more? I thought 1200 was healthy but have to admit haven't done any research.

I did lose the 20 pounds I wanted to lose but then injured my back and put it back on due to the modified bed rest, limited activity, and just snacking too much.

I guess I'd better get off my lazy behind and do some research because I thought 1200 calories was fine! Thanks for any advice!

There's nothing wrong with eating 1200 calories a day if it's appropriate for your height, current weight & activity level. Unfortunately from what I've seen on sites like this, far too many people eat at that level & they shouldn't. It's usually people who are newer to weight loss. It's not their fault for not knowing you don't HAVE to eat so little to lose weight, & for every *kitten* on this site there are at least 2 other kind people who really do want to help.

I have received plenty of great advice from unqualified people. Just because someone's not a scientist or dietician doesn't mean they're wrong. Give people some credit. If I read something here that I think might be helpful to me, I know how to look elsewhere to get more information on it. The info is even more helpful if people share a source to point me in the right direction.

But I digress...Nan_, since your profile is private none of us have any way of knowing if 1200 is the right level for you, but I have a calculator I can plug your height/weight/age into based on the Harris-Benedict formula & would be happy to do so.

Thanks for responding. I made my profile private just because there's nothing on it, lol! I haven't filled anything in and just figured what was the point to have it public, lol! I hope I'm doing this quote thing right. I have no idea what I'm doing. I am 5'6 and weight 145 pounds. I would like to get down to about 130. But when I started MFP I think I weighed about 152.

Nan_

Could someone please tell me why I shouldn't be eating 1200 calories a day? It's been awhile since I first signed up with MFP but I thought that I let MFP suggest my calories for me, and it has me eating 1200 a day. Now I'm wondering if I set something up wrong and should be eating more? I thought 1200 was healthy but have to admit haven't done any research.

I did lose the 20 pounds I wanted to lose but then injured my back and put it back on due to the modified bed rest, limited activity, and just snacking too much.

I guess I'd better get off my lazy behind and do some research because I thought 1200 calories was fine! Thanks for any advice!

1200 is perfectly fine. It's the minimum that MFP will set you to, but there is nothing unhealthy about it, especially if you're not doing a lot of weight training.

In regard to the 1200 calorie question:

Go to fat2fitradio.com and figure out your basal metabolic rate. In order to do so, you will need to figure out your fat percentage, so use the military fat percentage calculator, get out you measuring tape, and figure it out. Do the BMR. Then look at the chart and figure out how many calories you should be eating for your activity level.

The reason why you want to do this is so that you are giving your body enough fuel so that it doesn't feel like it is starving. When the body feels it is starving, it will do two things to 'save' itself. First, it will lower your metabolism. Second, it will start using muscle for fuel.

Why muscle?

When sitting there on your computer, one pound of fat is burning 5 calories every hour. In that same hour, though, one pound of muscle is burning 25-35 calories. So your body will want to get rid of that which uses more energy, which is the muscle. It will start to break down the muscle to 'save' itself, leaving you with the fat.

Muscle is important because when you are exercising on that treadmill, that same one pound of fat is burning 5 calories. That same one pound of muscle is burning 125-175 calories.

So, the question is this: Wouldn't you like to preserve your muscle?

If you do, you want to figure what you really need as far as calorie intake instead of going along with what MFP gives you. If you are 5'8", burning 900 calories a day, weighing around 200 pounds, your basic calorie need for keeping the body going will be higher than 1200. Then add in the exercise and you will need some more calories because doing all that exercise is using fuel and without eating some of that back, your body will think it is starving.

You can change the macros for calories and percentage for proteins, carbs, fats, and other things to suit you. Now, you don't want to eat less than 1200 because that is the minimum calorie needs for the human body.

Which leads me to this.....

I will not take or keep as a friend someone who is losing weight in an unhealthy way. Eating less than 1200 calories a day consistently will just get you bumped off my friends list. It is not healthy, often leads to arguments between friends, and I will not encourage that kind of dieting by keeping that person as my friend.

My highest weight was 294 pounds. I am currently 174 pounds. That's a loss of 120 pounds. I didn't lose it eating less than 1200. I lift weight, walk my treadmill, etc. You can look at my diary if you want, but I do it the healthy way and expect my friends to be on the same keel as me.

Thank you so much for all this info. I will go over there and check it out. I certainly wouldn't mind being "allowed" to eat more than 1200 calories a day!

chickentunashake

I don't see what's wrong with people wanting want they want in their friends. Noone tells you in your everyday life that you HAVE to be friends with every single person that approaches you. If a weird creepy guy did that to you on the subway would you want to be his friend? Prolly not. Same idea applies on an online forum. If you find their choosiness offensive, well, then don't friend request them and carry on. I don't see the issue.

So agree with this statement. I want to have friends who are in similar journey as I am, if you are not trying to do it the healthy way or don't know nothing about it, how can you support me? And i cannot support you in starving yourself or purging either, so dont request me. Find your own ED group and you can purge together ;-)

stargazer008

The one where people won't add you just because you eat 1200 cals or under. Who the hell said that 1200 calories is the "magic" number! Some people who are short, sedentary and don't have much to lose probably can eat 1200 calories or even less without going into the whole starvation mode crap.

Omen_Alexia

I find it very strange how people refuse to add more friends or set so many guidelines for them.

"Here's my success story, but please don't request me as your friend"
"I give my friends 110%, and expect the same in return"
"If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
"If you stop logging for 5 days, I will remove you"
"If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"


Seriously?.... Like seriously? We are all here for the same reason. We are for the most part experiencing the same struggles, or we would not be here. No method is the right method and that is okay. Maybe you think eating more to lose weight will get you there, or 1200 calories each day. It really does not matter.

I will be your friend. I am here to lose 100 pounds and I will not judge you and I hope you will not judge me. I will not set any guidelines for our friendship or judge you for any relapses. We are in this together.

MFP told me to only eat 1200 a day :c

TheFitHooker

After having nearly 900 friends I am having a hard time keeping up with them, so I started removing people who haven't logged in a month or longer, and then that still wasn't narrowing it all down a bit, still having a hard time so no message no friend, simply because I figured if someone wants to be friends with me the lease they can do is tell me something lol. My choice, though I won't support people who believe starving themselves or putting their finger down their throat is ok and aren't trying to do things healthier, ya know? I think I can do that, that's for my own personal self though, I don't want to feel any kind of influence to do things wrong.

GodsGirl37

I hate that to as well. I will be your friend Cyn and anyone who wants one. especially to the lady who said she feels by herself.

you are so right cyn. the only kinds of people I won't be friends with the judgmental kind.

lil_bit_crazy

Well I'm on 1200 calories I'm 5'2 but have medical issues that prohibit me from increasing my caloric intake at the moment. (Mostly the exercise area is limited)
But anyone can friend me. I don't discriminate. I hate everyone equally! (Kidding!! Haha)
I have 40 pounds to drop to get into the "normal" range and not be obese anymore.

RacerX_14

I like to think I am kind of a social butterfly, like my six year old who knows no strangers! hahah I like people, plain and simple. I dont think one can ever have too many buddies, be it on a web forum or in real life.

impyimpyaj

I find it very strange how people refuse to add more friends or set so many guidelines for them.

"Here's my success story, but please don't request me as your friend"
"I give my friends 110%, and expect the same in return"
"If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
"If you stop logging for 5 days, I will remove you"
"If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"


Seriously?.... Like seriously? We are all here for the same reason. We are for the most part experiencing the same struggles, or we would not be here. No method is the right method and that is okay. Maybe you think eating more to lose weight will get you there, or 1200 calories each day. It really does not matter.

I will be your friend. I am here to lose 100 pounds and I will not judge you and I hope you will not judge me. I will not set any guidelines for our friendship or judge you for any relapses. We are in this together.

Didn't read the whole thread.

I have a similar disclaimer. I state on my profile that I can't support undereating. Why do I say that? Because I can't support undereating. If people need support, they should find friends who can support them in their goals, and if their goal is to eat 1000 calories or less per day, I can't support that. It's not because I'm judging, it's because I want people to be healthy, and I don't believe most people can be healthy eating so little. And so, I don't see why they would want to be friends with me, if I'm not going to be able to give them what they need.

There are several users on here who have lost a lot of weight and have become quite popular. They may not want new friends, because they have a lot already. That's their right. It's not judgmental or rude, it's saying, hey, I'm happy that I inspire you, but for MY life, I need to keep my friends circle small. What's wrong with that?

It's not anybody's responsibility to "be there" for every single person on MFP. I can't support everyone's goals, nor would I want to. I don't want 1000 friends. No judgment on those who do, but I personally like to keep it under 75 or so. Because I'm not here for everyone else. I'm here for ME.