Don't Request Me

HappilyCyn
HappilyCyn Posts: 68 Member
in Motivation and Support
I find it very strange how people refuse to add more friends or set so many guidelines for them.

"Here's my success story, but please don't request me as your friend"
"I give my friends 110%, and expect the same in return"
"If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
"If you stop logging for 5 days, I will remove you"
"If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"


Seriously?.... Like seriously? We are all here for the same reason. We are for the most part experiencing the same struggles, or we would not be here. No method is the right method and that is okay. Maybe you think eating more to lose weight will get you there, or 1200 calories each day. It really does not matter.

I will be your friend. I am here to lose 100 pounds and I will not judge you and I hope you will not judge me. I will not set any guidelines for our friendship or judge you for any relapses. We are in this together.
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Replies

  • hikeout470
    hikeout470 Posts: 628 Member
    Very nice observations! It makes me wonder how many people are judging us in real life, not just about this site but all sorts of silly little subjects. I strive to not judge others. Interesting I have been very highly judged by some close peeps before, when looking back on it years later, it was seemingly a strange coping mechanism for jealousy. My two cents...
  • aim2befit
    aim2befit Posts: 5 Member
    This made me smile. Well said :-)
  • megleo818
    megleo818 Posts: 595 Member
    Yay, Cyn! I wanna be your friend!! :happy:
  • cbeutler
    cbeutler Posts: 667 Member
    I have never denied a fr or deleted a friend, but when I see people who regularly net 200 calls or only eat 600 it makes me concerned for them. It's not my place to judge but I do comment once in a while. If they delete me I'm ok with that.
  • RobynMWilson
    RobynMWilson Posts: 1,540 Member
    If I saw that I wouldn't request them. Let 'em think they have it all figured out. I'm here to help ppl from my own experience and to keep a food diary for the first time in my life to see where i can improve...they sound like "fitness snobs" and who needs them? I know what I'm doing. I lost 70lbs in the late 80s and kept it off! So I wouldn't want someone removing me b/c my computer crashed and I couldn't log in for 5 days. Forget them! There are plenty of ppl on here who want the support and accountability.
  • jppd47
    jppd47 Posts: 737 Member
    If I saw that I wouldn't request them. Let 'em think they have it all figured out. I'm here to help ppl from my own experience and to keep a food diary for the first time in my life to see where i can improve...they sound like "fitness snobs" and who needs them? I know what I'm doing. I lost 70lbs in the late 80s and kept it off! So I wouldn't want someone removing me b/c my computer crashed and I couldn't log in for 5 days. Forget them! There are plenty of ppl on here who want the support and accountability.

    well said
  • katejkelley
    katejkelley Posts: 839 Member
    Very nice observations! It makes me wonder how many people are judging us in real life, not just about this site but all sorts of silly little subjects. I strive to not judge others. Interesting I have been very highly judged by some close peeps before, when looking back on it years later, it was seemingly a strange coping mechanism for jealousy. My two cents...

    I love your profile picture!
  • taxidermist15
    taxidermist15 Posts: 677 Member
    sorry, but im in the other boat,

    I've just recently started denying friend requests (especially those with no message.. how the hell did you find me??)

    mainly cause im not on really much anymore, and when i am, i do it to support my friends. I don't like lurkers.. whats the point of having friends if they just read your news feed, but dont look at your diary and give you suggestions?, and sometimes it just gets too many to keep supporting them all. however if there is a specific reason , if thy ywant info from a post i have written, i will gladly answer all thier questions and add them as a freind.

    just my0.2
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
    I find it very strange how people refuse to add more friends or set so many guidelines for them.

    "Here's my success story, but please don't request me as your friend"
    "I give my friends 110%, and expect the same in return"
    "If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
    "If you stop logging for 5 days, I will remove you"
    "If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"


    Seriously?.... Like seriously? We are all here for the same reason. We are for the most part experiencing the same struggles, or we would not be here. No method is the right method and that is okay. Maybe you think eating more to lose weight will get you there, or 1200 calories each day. It really does not matter.

    I will be your friend. I am here to lose 100 pounds and I will not judge you and I hope you will not judge me. I will not set any guidelines for our friendship or judge you for any relapses. We are in this together.

    You have a great outlook! I so want to be your friend :smile:
  • iroze
    iroze Posts: 78 Member
    And then there's the opposite! People who will say, "Friend me, I'll support you! I'll be there for you all day, every day!" and then you never hear from them again :D
  • StrawberrySuzyQ
    StrawberrySuzyQ Posts: 107 Member
    HappyCyn, feel free to request ME as a friend (if you need one). I don't expect you to comment on everything I post and I hope you don't expect the same of me. I'm here to cheer you on but I have a life and cannot spend all my time on here commenting on everything everyday. :wink:

    But seriously, I'm willing to have people as friends who have similar goals or just need the support of someone. :flowerforyou:
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
    Well said!
  • KarenAnnne
    KarenAnnne Posts: 190 Member
    What a great attitude!!!! I will so be there with you. Anytime. Good Luck to all!!
  • amsohs85
    amsohs85 Posts: 166
    Judgement is probably what attributed to alot of peoples weight problems to begin with!!!

    I'm new here and i've noticed what you are talking about...i guess for some there is no room for those who don't think and act like they do. As i mentioned in a comment on another forum...not all of us are at the same point thus our goals may not be the same. We share a common struggle and no one should be unkind because another person is different in how they deal with that. Out in the real world those who have a weight issue suffer enough criticism...MFP should be a safe zone with helpful suggestions and support!!
  • SPNLuver83
    SPNLuver83 Posts: 2,050 Member
    I don't see what's wrong with people wanting want they want in their friends. Noone tells you in your everyday life that you HAVE to be friends with every single person that approaches you. If a weird creepy guy did that to you on the subway would you want to be his friend? Prolly not. Same idea applies on an online forum. If you find their choosiness offensive, well, then don't friend request them and carry on. I don't see the issue.
  • uglyhobo
    uglyhobo Posts: 108 Member
    "If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
    "If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"

    I agree with these two. Unless you don't lift, are very short, or don't care about becoming skinnyfat/permanently messing up your metabolism.
  • jppd47
    jppd47 Posts: 737 Member
    sorry, but im in the other boat,

    I've just recently started denying friend requests (especially those with no message.. how the hell did you find me??)

    mainly cause im not on really much anymore, and when i am, i do it to support my friends. I don't like lurkers.. whats the point of having friends if they just read your news feed, but dont look at your diary and give you suggestions?, and sometimes it just gets too many to keep supporting them all. however if there is a specific reason , if thy ywant info from a post i have written, i will gladly answer all thier questions and add them as a freind.

    just my0.2

    also a good point, i think it gos hand in hand though. the point of the friends thing is the social part. to talk and encourage, ask questions. or just BS. so its not really a all or none, but what works best for both parties
  • AbzRocks
    AbzRocks Posts: 45
    I spend a lot of time trying to comment on everyone's progress everyday. I don't expect the same in return some of my friends comment on me once a week but people who don't comment on my progress at all I do delete. I like to give support but I need support back. There is nothing better than logging on to find someone has said "good job". I also delete if people use this site like Facebook, I'm here to lose weight and I'm asking for your help not to be added to a list and forgotten about.
  • uglyhobo
    uglyhobo Posts: 108 Member
    "If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
    "If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"

    I agree with these two. Unless you don't lift, are very short, or don't care about becoming skinnyfat/permanently messing up your metabolism.

    I won't actually remove anybody. They can do whatever the **** they wanna do.
  • jesusHchris
    jesusHchris Posts: 1,405 Member
    I deny friend requests. I like to comment on my friend's posts when they finish a good workout or log a good meal. When I have too many friends, the news feed is too clogged up and I miss posts from the people who are good about regularly supporting me.

    Sure, I could "ignore" the posts from some people - but that seems like a jerk move as well. I'd rather have a smaller group of people either with similar goals, excellent knowledge, entertaining posts, or potential friends.

    You can't please everyone.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    I do not waste time with those who are not as into this as I am.
    20% of the people cause 80% of the problems.
    There is nothing wrong with being selective. Think about your life.
    Do you want to be friends with everybody you meet?
    Of course not.
  • MsQuida
    MsQuida Posts: 4
    Wow!! Un-freaking-believable!!
    I am 2-days into this and right now, I feel like I am in this by myself (no support from friends and family) so I would really love some friends. I would love to request a few but I don't want to be "that girl" on this website. Any suggestions? By the way, I'm Ms. Quida from Texas...Glad to make your acquaintance!!
  • bellesouth18
    bellesouth18 Posts: 1,071 Member
    To the OP--Well said. :happy:
  • Cocochickdeleted
    Cocochickdeleted Posts: 342 Member
    I pretty much will accept any friend request I receive, but recently I DID put a disclaimer on my profile because I was getting friend requests from Pro Ana girls, and as a recovering anorexic myself, I prefer not to deal with people who think starving themselves is cool and have no intention of trying to get well. I am all about help and support, but like another poster said, I would prefer to know why I'm being requested as a friend, and legitimate FR usually contain a message stating how they found me or why they want to be my friend. So there are definitely two sides to every story.
  • Robin_Bin
    Robin_Bin Posts: 1,046 Member
    Please remember that we're not all here for the same reason. Yes, we should all be supportive. But some people are here to lose weight, some to get fit, and others to gain weight or handle an eating disorder.

    If you had an eating disorder, you might not want to "friend" someone who regularly boasts about eating under 1200 calories a day. Similarly, if you are not planning to eat "clean" you might not want to "friend" someone who keeps suggesting vegetarian options. Some people write to all their friends on a daily basis, so they only want 5-10 friends, who understand their goals.

    I don't need 1,000 "friends". I like to know people before I call them friends. You can still send messages to people who aren't friends, you can share information on posts, you can even share your diary with people who aren't friends, if you want.

    I'm on another site where someone said everyone should share their picture or they weren't using the site right. And other sites where you'd get chastised if you didn't check in every day. I just saw another post here where someone was scared to share her food diary because of the criticism she saw of others.

    If this is to be a supportive site, it's important to accept that not everyone's the same, and some people will chose to use this site differently -- that includes different decisions about who to chose to "friend". And if someone chooses to make that decision clear in advance so that someone's feelings won't be hurt when they don't accept a friendship request, then that's a perfectly reasonable way to use this site. If you want more friends, feel free to go to the introduction topic and ask for more friends. I'm sure you can find as many as you want.

    Enjoy!
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
    I have something like that on my profile.. It says I'm trying to keep my friends list under 5 pages, and unless friend requests come with a message or I can see that we have similar goals, then it will be denied.

    I don't find it strange... and it helps me realize if people actual read my profile or are just trying to collect friends.

    I've added some without a message, and low and behold, they go awol after 2 days or I never hear from them.. and personally, I'd much rather have a group of friends that I can support and that support me, instead of just friend collectors.
  • asia_hanebach
    asia_hanebach Posts: 275 Member
    I agree! The people that delete friends that haven't logged on for a couple of days confuse me the most. If they're not logging on, they're not clogging up your feed or anything.
  • Romans624
    Romans624 Posts: 822
    The only disclaimer I should put on my prof is I am not the most attentive friend. For one, I'm getting to have a lot of MFP friends. And two, its hard to get to know someone on here aside from PMing/forums. So, day after day saying "great job" or "keep it up" seems too ...little to me. Know what I mean? LIke I feel like I should have something more substantial to say to some people but it takes time to get to know people. I guess it is a little encouragement.... but I do see why ppl put a limit on number of friends. Hard to truly be a friend if you don't have time to check on 300 people you know?
  • fatgirlslove
    fatgirlslove Posts: 614 Member
    I cap my friends at 150...It's too hard to keep up!
  • steffers96
    steffers96 Posts: 23 Member
    I will say that was perfectly worded!! I don't judge anyone - if they want to be unhealthy and think thats the way to do things, so be it. As the sayin goes "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink". You can only tell them they're doing something unhealthy, and I would EXPECT a friend to tell me if I was doing something wrong. Isn't that the point??? The only thing I will say is that I don't have any male friends because my husband doesn't like that - but I've got like 70 friends on my profile and we all love to encourage each other!! :):):)

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