Don't Request Me

Cindy_Fit4Life

I deny friend requests. I like to comment on my friend's posts when they finish a good workout or log a good meal. When I have too many friends, the news feed is too clogged up and I miss posts from the people who are good about regularly supporting me.

Sure, I could "ignore" the posts from some people - but that seems like a jerk move as well. I'd rather have a smaller group of people either with similar goals, excellent knowledge, entertaining posts, or potential friends.

You can't please everyone.

I couldn't have said it better myself. I like to get to know my fitness pals personally, I couldn't imaging having 500 real friends, the same applies for cyber space. I'm looking for quality not quantity. It's really hard to keep up with everyone and I want to give everyone as much feedback & motivation as possible. I like a small circle of friends with similar goals, this keeps me motivated and helps me work harder.

I guess two each their own, and like he said ^ we can't please everyone!

stubbysticks

Just because someone states guidelines for accepting friends doesn't mean they are judging them. I don't have such a disclaimer on my profile but I understand why people do it. Since you (the OP) are newer here, I'll explain.

I've been frequenting weight loss sites for just over 2 years now. I've seen HUNDREDS of people come & go. I accept all FRs, but I do periodically go in & clean up my list to remove people who haven't logged in for a month or so. I have also deleted people because I found their updates disturbing for whatever reason, undereating, overtraining, body dysmorphism, that kind of thing. I don't judge those people for doing what they do.

But ultimately I have to look out for ME. No one is going to get the rest of this weight off my body but me. To ensure my own success, I want to surround myself with people who I can relate to & are a positive influence on my effort. If after becoming friends with someone, I discover we do not agree on the principles that are most important to me when it comes to health & fitness, I'm not going keep them on my FL.

The beauty of this site is that the user base is so large that you are bound to find someone at a similar stage of their journey as you. That's not going to be everybody, but don't give up. I'll admit that I don't typically buddy up with people who are brand new to weight loss unless they have already communicated with me in some way - in a discussion thread, private message, etc. & I've gotten a feel for where they're at mentally. There are just too many people who start diets & don't commit for more than a month (& I'm being generous here). Sometimes I get requests from people who are inspired by my progress, & are desperate to connect with people who can drag them out of the rut they're in & make it happen for them. As flattering as it may be, it's not my job to make other people commit to the process. And it doesn't help me reach my goals either.

I have a great group of friends that I know are as committed as I am & it's a boundary that has to be set at times. It's really not personal, so when you see messages like that on profiles, know that it's just people setting boundaries to take care of themselves. And you shouldn't be afraid to request somebody with a message like that if you really think you could support each other. All of us here are working on something & everyone can use more positive energy.

It also doesn't hurt to develop thick skin. If you're bothered by a stranger on the internet stating they are screening requests from other strangers on the internet, well...you need to get a hobby or something. It's just not that serious.

HappilyCyn

Just because someone states guidelines for accepting friends doesn't mean they are judging them. I don't have such a disclaimer on my profile but I understand why people do it. Since you (the OP) are newer here, I'll explain.

I've been frequenting weight loss sites for just over 2 years now. I've seen HUNDREDS of people come & go. I accept all FRs, but I do periodically go in & clean up my list to remove people who haven't logged in for a month or so. I have also deleted people because I found their updates disturbing for whatever reason, undereating, overtraining, body dysmorphism, that kind of thing. I don't judge those people for doing what they do.

But ultimately I have to look out for ME. No one is going to get the rest of this weight off my body but me. To ensure my own success, I want to surround myself with people who I can relate to & are a positive influence on my effort. If after becoming friends with someone, I discover we do not agree on the principles that are most important to me when it comes to health & fitness, I'm not going keep them on my FL.

The beauty of this site is that the user base is so large that you are bound to find someone at a similar stage of their journey as you. That's not going to be everybody, but don't give up. I'll admit that I don't typically buddy up with people who are brand new to weight loss unless they have already communicated with me in some way - in a discussion thread, private message, etc. & I've gotten a feel for where they're at mentally. There are just too many people who start diets & don't commit for more than a month (& I'm being generous here). Sometimes I get requests from people who are inspired by my progress, & are desperate to connect with people who can drag them out of the rut they're in & make it happen for them. As flattering as it may be, it's not my job to make other people commit to the process. And it doesn't help me reach my goals either.

I have a great group of friends that I know are as committed as I am & it's a boundary that has to be set at times. It's really not personal, so when you see messages like that on profiles, know that it's just people setting boundaries to take care of themselves. And you shouldn't be afraid to request somebody with a message like that if you really think you could support each other. All of us here are working on something & everyone can use more positive energy.

It also doesn't hurt to develop thick skin. If you're bothered by a stranger on the internet stating they are screening requests from other strangers on the internet, well...you need to get a hobby or something. It's just not that serious.

I have a hobby. It's stamp collecting and I love it. Congrats on your success!

OSC_ESD

I deny friend requests. I like to comment on my friend's posts when they finish a good workout or log a good meal. When I have too many friends, the news feed is too clogged up and I miss posts from the people who are good about regularly supporting me.

Sure, I could "ignore" the posts from some people - but that seems like a jerk move as well. I'd rather have a smaller group of people either with similar goals, excellent knowledge, entertaining posts, or potential friends.

You can't please everyone.

I couldn't have said it better myself. I like to get to know my fitness pals personally, I couldn't imaging having 500 real friends, the same applies for cyber space. I'm looking for quality not quantity. It's really hard to keep up with everyone and I want to give everyone as much feedback & motivation as possible. I like a small circle of friends with similar goals, this keeps me motivated and helps me work harder.

I guess two each their own, and like he said ^ we can't please everyone!

I have helped so many people in so many ways on MFP ... I just can't imagine saying " no " to somebody who sends me a request saying " You inspire me and I would love to be your friend so I can learn from your experiences " .... Yes, I get this often and why in the world would I ever decline helping somebody reach there goals ????

Sometimes just reading my page, my posts or diary ... is enough for some people. I want to reach out and touch as many lives as I can in a positive way. I know it's not for everybody, I get the close knit group feeling ... but the way I see it ... I have both ! I have friends I interact with daily and we support each other equally ... but I also have a group of people whom look to me for inspiration, knowledge and ideas ...

And I'm ok with that too !

I don't ever want to be the one who " could " have saved a life ... but thought I already had too many friends ...

:flowerforyou:

Sarauk2sf

I don't consider your post being rude. You are simply expressing your position on the topic at hand. I believe people come here with the intention of accessing a tool that will help them succeed in the path towards becoming healthier and to maybe interact with people in a safe environment in the process. I didn't intend to come off as calling out anyone, but simply stating that I don't want to be judged for things I consider rubbish.

I don't want to be judged by people for things I consider rubbish either, which is why I try not to add people that are not like minded. In addition, I do not want to waste my time on supporting people and making comments that they consider rubbish - so again, it comes back to having like minded friends.

I purposely limit my FL because I like to be supportive and I cannot support certain people. I only have about 60 people on my FL and every single one of them had contributed something to me (whether it be a pat on the back, nutritional advice, help with my weight lifting, being able to lurk their posts or just a laugh) and I hope that I can contribute something positive back to also. However, it is hard with just that number as I have a hard time keeping up with the feeds as it is. As Stubbysticks says, ultimately, we are the people that need to do this for ourselves and why is it such a big issue to people of we do it in a way that gives us a better opportunity of doing that? I am selective of my friends in RL, why not here?

stubbysticks

I have a hobby. It's stamp collecting and I love it. Congrats on your success!

Thanks! I knit.

HappilyCyn

I have a hobby. It's stamp collecting and I love it. Congrats on your success!

Thanks! I knit.

Awesome!

concavity

I eat around 1200 a day sometimes less if I don't feel hungry especially during the summer, I've had people remove me after messaging me saying that I have an eating disorder. No I just have an intolerance to many common foods.

I try to add supportive friends and comment on statuses when I can but I delete people who haven't logged on in over a week ( can understand a few days if they're sick or have previously mentioned they're going on vacation)

I usually add people who have set workouts and I've spoken to them on the forums but others won't friend since I don't have a set work out or I'm not following a routine for 30 days which is just silly.

Jmorgan0909

someone removed me because i ate jalapeno poppers for lunch oh well. I just had a craving for them that day not like I do this everyday.

After my dinner tonight, I may be losing quite a few friends.

Christine1110

I am here just to help friends...like they have helped me. I don't ask anything from them....and try to help if they ask for it.

myfitnessval

ill pretty much add anyone but if they have glaring eating disorders then they will get deleted because i cant support that lifestyle and its not healthy for me to see it either. or people who i cant respect because they do silly things like count work as working out LOL. sorry, no. just no. i cant sit by and not say something so i'd rather take myself out of the equation so there isnt a conflict and i dont step on any toes.

wyze

@ Laney 540

Your success is admirable. Once again this is your disposition and you should be commended for it. As i stated earlier, i have less than 20 friends in about 2 years of being on mfp. I love this group of people even though i havent met them in real life. We cheer each other on and in many ways feel connected and have touched each others lives positively. The same way you can inspire 200 people or more, is also the same way i think i can inspire a smaller number. The quality of the inspiration is not determined by the size of the audience. You have done a great job and are able to share that with alot of people, once again, let people be themselves. The way you are comfortable being that role model for people, might be unwanted pressure for someone else. We are all different

I really dont think we all need to do things the same way at all. That is what makes life interesting.

@ happilycyn. I understand where you are coming from and you do have a friendly attitude and a funny sense of humor (the "i collect stamp comment was hilarious"). Keep up the good work and hope you meet your goals.

xHelloQuincyx

thats great and all, but everyone has their reasons. why do you have you best friends in real life, because you are like minded. there are reasons for everything, and like you said 'similar goals'. my goal is to eat more, hence i wont add people who dont eat enough. its triggering to the relapse of an eating disorder. i dont add people who dont log in regularly, and why would i. they dont offer the support that i want *and need*. i got very upset reading the thread about not adding males as friends, because i feel like everone should have a chance to offer their support. but i wount start a thread about how its not fair to think that way because everyone has a personal opinion. i have a few close friends on here, and ive had them for over two years. add them on facebook and text with them too. just like real friends, and thats what im looking for. if other people add me i *usually* wont deny them and see how it goes. if i look at their profile and their view are much different then mine i wouldnt. lately ive only added people that i see posting on other things who have intrests that arnt fitness related. like a favorite tv show, book, activities etc. just like i wouldnt hang out with people who upset me. point being, its a personal choice and what you say wont change anyones mind.

SandyQ229

If I saw that I wouldn't request them. Let 'em think they have it all figured out. I'm here to help ppl from my own experience and to keep a food diary for the first time in my life to see where i can improve...they sound like "fitness snobs" and who needs them? I know what I'm doing. I lost 70lbs in the late 80s and kept it off! So I wouldn't want someone removing me b/c my computer crashed and I couldn't log in for 5 days. Forget them! There are plenty of ppl on here who want the support and accountability.

very well said and i totally agree. and by the way congrats on losing the 70 POUNDS AND KEEPING IT OFF!!

shorty35565

I actually just put not 2 send me a request w/o a msg. I mean, if I haven't talked to u, then idk if I wanna add. I have quite a bit a friends & I like to support them all. It gets hard when U start gettin a lot of friends.
I delete people who regularly eat under 1200, because I dont wanna deal with tht. I can't support ppl like that, because I don't believe it in. I delete people if they haven't logged in in forever (not 5 days). Also I will delete people if they don't support me. What is the point in being on my list if you never say anything to me?
I understand people like this and that is their right to do so.

jenilla1

I have 3 friends on MFP and they are all people I know in the real world. I just don't have the time or inclination to nurture internet relationships. I get all the online social interaction I need just reading and responding to forum topics. It's not that I don't love every single one of you, I just don't have the energy to deal with your dramas. Everyone's personality is different I guess. :flowerforyou:

HappilyCyn

thats great and all, but everyone has their reasons. why do you have you best friends in real life, because you are like minded. there are reasons for everything, and like you said 'similar goals'. my goal is to eat more, hence i wont add people who dont eat enough. its triggering to the relapse of an eating disorder. i dont add people who dont log in regularly, and why would i. they dont offer the support that i want *and need*. i got very upset reading the thread about not adding males as friends, because i feel like everone should have a chance to offer their support. but i wount start a thread about how its not fair to think that way because everyone has a personal opinion. i have a few close friends on here, and ive had them for over two years. add them on facebook and text with them too. just like real friends, and thats what im looking for. if other people add me i *usually* wont deny them and see how it goes. if i look at their profile and their view are much different then mine i wouldnt. lately ive only added people that i see posting on other things who have intrests that arnt fitness related. like a favorite tv show, book, activities etc. just like i wouldnt hang out with people who upset me. point being, its a personal choice and what you say wont change anyones mind.

I won't start a new thread to share that I agree with your statement about not adding male friends. Men need support too.

Cindy_Fit4Life

I deny friend requests. I like to comment on my friend's posts when they finish a good workout or log a good meal. When I have too many friends, the news feed is too clogged up and I miss posts from the people who are good about regularly supporting me.

Sure, I could "ignore" the posts from some people - but that seems like a jerk move as well. I'd rather have a smaller group of people either with similar goals, excellent knowledge, entertaining posts, or potential friends.

You can't please everyone.

I couldn't have said it better myself. I like to get to know my fitness pals personally, I couldn't imaging having 500 real friends, the same applies for cyber space. I'm looking for quality not quantity. It's really hard to keep up with everyone and I want to give everyone as much feedback & motivation as possible. I like a small circle of friends with similar goals, this keeps me motivated and helps me work harder.

I guess two each their own, and like he said ^ we can't please everyone!

I have helped so many people in so many ways on MFP ... I just can't imagine saying " no " to somebody who sends me a request saying " You inspire me and I would love to be your friend so I can learn from your experiences " .... Yes, I get this often and why in the world would I ever decline helping somebody reach there goals ????

Sometimes just reading my page, my posts or diary ... is enough for some people. I want to reach out and touch as many lives as I can in a positive way. I know it's not for everybody, I get the close knit group feeling ... but the way I see it ... I have both ! I have friends I interact with daily and we support each other equally ... but I also have a group of people whom look to me for inspiration, knowledge and ideas ...

And I'm ok with that too !

I don't ever want to be the one who " could " have saved a life ... but thought I already had too many friends ...

:flowerforyou:

Wow 135lbs, you are better than AWESOME! Your situation is definitively different from mine, your an inspiration to so many people and I applaud you for sharing your success and friendship! I have 100 friends and that's a lot. I never say no directly to anyone but I am very particular about not accepting men. They have to be married and serious about losing weight, and I'm still iffy. I have about 5 male friends out of 100. These online community tend to turn into a dating site and I don't want any problems with my hubby.

I honestly have a special bond with so many of my fitness pals and I simply just don't want a cluttered feed. I like my circle of friends better than my facebook friends and lots of them are HS friends and family.

Thanks for your feedback and congrats on such a huge success! :flowerforyou:

Cindy_Fit4Life

thats great and all, but everyone has their reasons. why do you have you best friends in real life, because you are like minded. there are reasons for everything, and like you said 'similar goals'. my goal is to eat more, hence i wont add people who dont eat enough. its triggering to the relapse of an eating disorder. i dont add people who dont log in regularly, and why would i. they dont offer the support that i want *and need*. i got very upset reading the thread about not adding males as friends, because i feel like everone should have a chance to offer their support. but i wount start a thread about how its not fair to think that way because everyone has a personal opinion. i have a few close friends on here, and ive had them for over two years. add them on facebook and text with them too. just like real friends, and thats what im looking for. if other people add me i *usually* wont deny them and see how it goes. if i look at their profile and their view are much different then mine i wouldnt. lately ive only added people that i see posting on other things who have intrests that arnt fitness related. like a favorite tv show, book, activities etc. just like i wouldnt hang out with people who upset me. point being, its a personal choice and what you say wont change anyones mind.

I won't start a new thread to share that I agree with your statement about not adding male friends. Men need support too.

Let me tell my husband, men need support too! He'll look at me like :huh:

stubbysticks

someone removed me because i ate jalapeno poppers for lunch oh well. I just had a craving for them that day not like I do this everyday.

After my dinner tonight, I may be losing quite a few friends.

I would delete you if you ate jalapeno poppers & didn't share them with me. Seriously though, it's a tad extreme to be judgmental of what people eat. I guess I'd consider axing someone who ate like crap AND complained about feeling like crap & not losing weight AND I had tried to offer some constructive criticism said person repeatedly ignored. But that's kind of different.

I had pomegranate martinis & bar food for dinner. Definitely not one to judge. :glasses: