Don't Request Me
Replies
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My profile says, "I'm not picky about who I friend...."
But admit it, when someone requests to be your friend, and they actually take the time out to include a message, it's so much better than no message. We're online...you never know who's a weirdo or who is lurking. And sometimes, it's just nice to say, hey! We do have something n common - awesome!
All I can say is get a chance to know your "friends". I have pals that are just simply awesome, for so many different reasons. Some leave comments to me everyday. Some don't ever. But reading their posts and blogs is motivation enough. I have had a few that simply sat at their computer all day and posted updates like they were on FB - updates that had nothing to do with fitness/eating/exercise. I had this one girl that actually posted all day that she was driving and texting - and posting on MFP apparently. She was deleted in a flash. Can you blame me?? What does that have to do with her getting fit, healthy and losing weight - or motivating me? It was just plain annoying.
I don't fault anyone for deleting people or not wanting to add more friends. There's got to be a limit, you know? I see people with over 300 friends - really?? One thing I don't understand is the person that collects hundreds of friends to begin with, and then they make some big announcement that they are cleaning house and deleting people....'cause they are just so important, right?
I do say to get to know the few you have first. If they aren't living up to your standards, then quietly delete them - don't make some big announcement and assume the people that you are going to delete even care!
I guess I agree with both sides of the issue. But we all seem to make too big a deal about it.....0 -
I deny friend requests. I like to comment on my friend's posts when they finish a good workout or log a good meal. When I have too many friends, the news feed is too clogged up and I miss posts from the people who are good about regularly supporting me.
Sure, I could "ignore" the posts from some people - but that seems like a jerk move as well. I'd rather have a smaller group of people either with similar goals, excellent knowledge, entertaining posts, or potential friends.
You can't please everyone.
This with one exception. I do not deny ALL requests. Just those that are 18 yrs old, eating 200 calories a day and leave me no message. I am a breast feeding mother trying to lose weight and I really like to have the support and support others in a similar position, similar goals, or those who can relate to my life in general. I have friends of all ages and different walks of life but if they request me and never say another word to me, I will eventually delete them. It's nice to be supported in return for your efforts when I am taking the time to support my friends.0 -
Once again we are back to this issue. My attitude is that this is a fitness site and people are pretty much free to do whatever they please. Why should it matter that someone you do not know and have never met has such restrictions? Why should someone else's choice of who they will like to be friends with be an issue, especially if you have never met them? These people have genuine reasons why they have such restrictions and i dont see why they should be judged for it?
For some it is quality over quantity, for some it is the opposite. We all have different personality types and dispositions. In real life i have a small close knit group of friends, the same is true of my mfp friends list. Been here for almost 2 years and i have less than 20 friends. This works for me. I dont think i am better than every one else, i just dont do well with a crowd of people. While i dont refuse every friends request i get, i am still very selective. Sometimes less is more, just my 2 cents0 -
Until yesterday I was the pal that never denied a friend request no matter what. Then I started noticing girls in my list that aren't eating or are drama queens and supremely judgmental or use foul language. I'm not that kind of person. I take a vested interest in the people on my friends list and it really breaks my heart to see these girls acting so silly on 500 calorie diets. They need more help than I can give and I'm willing to offer because it's emotionally draining and destructive to my progress. As far as the drama and the foul language, it's just a no no for me. It makes me want to smack people via the computer. I'm here for me and I have to do what I have to do to get me right. I want to do that with people that get me and my goals and can help. If being honest with myself and the other people on mfp is a bad thing, then I'll do bad all by myself. I'm not going to allow someone else's garbage to cloud my day and make me rue logging on. Sorry.
EXACTLY !!! 5^^0 -
I don't deny anyone as a friend on my list, but I'm not one of those people who comments on every status either. When I log on, I will scroll down the first page and if it looks like someone needs advice or is struggling I will commment. I don't look at food diaries, and I don't share mine. I know my eating habits arent the best as I'm easing into this journey and I don't need to be judged for it. I just need motivation to keep going LOL0
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someone removed me because i ate jalapeno poppers for lunch oh well. I just had a craving for them that day not like I do this everyday.
This is the exact kind of behavior I find ridiculous. Jalapeno Poppers is not a reason to lose a friend on MFP. It just makes no sense. I am sorry you had to experience that.0 -
someone removed me because i ate jalapeno poppers for lunch oh well. I just had a craving for them that day not like I do this everyday.
I love those things... Haven't had them in forever but definetly not worth deleting someone over...
I slip and eat badly ALL THE TIME.. Don't work out like I should often. Who am I to judge that..
That being said I am picky. I don't want to be friends with someone who has 500+ friends and requests me with not so much as a hi attached. I like that my friends list is small, and I have awesome friends!0 -
Well put!
I LOVE YOUR TICKER!!! I have mine that shows MFP too but where did you find the one with "Insanity" on it?!? I want it!!
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I didn't come here for friends.
I came here for the calorie counting to share with my nutritionist.
I want to have something in common with my "friends".0 -
~ I have over 800+ friends ... why ? Because either I inspired them or they inspired me in one way or another. People often ask me ... " how do you keep track of all of those people ... how can you support that many people ? " ... My response is simple ... I am not here to track anybody ... I am here for myself ... as I continue on my journey, I tell my story ... I post positive quotes daily for myself that others find useful along their own journey.
I came here to reach my own goals and perhaps inspire a few others with my ambition and determination. I respond to whomever is in my feed when I log on ... that differs every day. I get tons of " PM's " and I answer every one of them.
Not everybody on here needs to be " chatted " up daily ... some just want to cruise the forums, gain knowledge and test new theories ... not everybody has to be in the limelight ... sure, it's nice to have friends who follow everything you do ... but then again, it's nice to make a mistake here or there and not have people threaten to unfriend you because of it !
I never judge anybody ... rarely decline a request ( only decline creeps not here for the right reasons ) .... and if a new friend wants to lurk in the shadows and just sit in the bleachers ... so be it !
I never understood why people on here call it " collecting " ... the way I see it ... the more supporters, the merrier ! At this point, I am not only letting myself down when I think I can't do something ... heck I'm letting 800+ friends down too ! And trust me ... they ain't happening !
Soooooo truth be told ... I need each and every one of my friends in one way or another ... I may even need them more than they need me !
If you want to judge, decline or give title's to people .... Facebook has new openings every day ! Let the people who have the same mindset and goals as me ... join me in a lifetime of healthy living and getting fit !
Cheers ! Ok .... rant over ... Carry on ! :drinker:0 -
Wow!! Un-freaking-believable!!
I am 2-days into this and right now, I feel like I am in this by myself (no support from friends and family) so I would really love some friends. I would love to request a few but I don't want to be "that girl" on this website. Any suggestions? By the way, I'm Ms. Quida from Texas...Glad to make your acquaintance!!
When you send someone a friend request, send a message about what post struck you that you would gel with that person.
And don't be upset if you get denied.0 -
Oh yeah that is so crazy...wow...0
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Once again we are back to this issue. My attitude is that this is a fitness site and people are pretty much free to do whatever they please. Why should it matter that someone you do not know and have never met has such restrictions? Why should someone else's choice of who they will like to be friends with be an issue, especially if you have never met them? These people have genuine reasons why they have such restrictions and i dont see why they should be judged for it?
For some it is quality over quantity, for some it is the opposite. We all have different personality types and dispositions. In real life i have a small close knit group of friends, the same is true of my mfp friends list. Been here for almost 2 years and i have less than 20 friends. This works for me. I dont think i am better than every one else, i just dont do well with a crowd of people. While i dont refuse every friends request i get, i am still very selective. Sometimes less is more, just my 2 cents
Thank you and well said.0 -
I've been someone who has deleted people off of my list. I find it demoralizing to see the red "has not logged in" phrase. Also, I am a needy person. I NEED interaction with my MFP friends to keep me motivated to log. I know I'm supposed to do this for me, but for some reason I operate better with positive reinforcement. So, I see no point in keeping a "friend" who does not comment or encourage me especially if I make a point to do so daily on their profile. If this seems wrong to some people, so be it. Gotta do what works for me.0
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1. I am not okay with supporting the habits of people on here that may be anorexic/bulemic, but I am not in judgement of them. We should encourage such people to get help if you discover any that fall in that category. I've been there before many years ago. As you can see I have more than recovered.
2. If someone states something that offends you, it's okay to decide not to keep them or let them in your circle. I see nothing wrong with that.
3. It's okay if you disagree with my statements. I am cool wth that.0 -
~ I have over 800+ friends ... why ? Because either I inspired them or they inspired me in one way or another. People often ask me ... " how do you keep track of all of those people ... how can you support that many people ? " ... My response is simple ... I am not here to track anybody ... I am here for myself ... as I continue on my journey, I tell my story ... I post positive quotes daily for myself that others find useful along their own journey.
I came here to reach my own goals and perhaps inspire a few others with my ambition and determination. I respond to whomever is in my feed when I log on ... that differs every day. I get tons of " PM's " and I answer every one of them.
Not everybody on here needs to be " chatted " up daily ... some just want to cruise the forums, gain knowledge and test new theories ... not everybody has to be in the limelight ... sure, it's nice to have friends who follow everything you do ... but then again, it's nice to make a mistake here or there and not have people threaten to unfriend you because of it !
I never judge anybody ... rarely decline a request ( only decline creeps not here for the right reasons ) .... and if a new friend wants to lurk in the shadows and just sit in the bleachers ... so be it !
I never understood why people on here call it " collecting " ... the way I see it ... the more supporters, the merrier ! At this point, I am not only letting myself down when I think I can't do something ... heck I'm letting 800+ friends down too ! And trust me ... they ain't happening !
Soooooo truth be told ... I need each and every one of my friends in one way or another ... I may even need them more than they need me !
If you want to judge, decline or give title's to people .... Facebook has new openings every day ! Let the people who have the same mindset and goals as me ... join me in a lifetime of healthy living and getting fit !
Cheers ! Ok .... rant over ... Carry on ! :drinker:
VERY nicely said!0 -
I find it very strange how people refuse to add more friends or set so many guidelines for them.
"Here's my success story, but please don't request me as your friend"
"I give my friends 110%, and expect the same in return"
"If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
"If you stop logging for 5 days, I will remove you"
"If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"
Seriously?.... Like seriously? We are all here for the same reason. We are for the most part experiencing the same struggles, or we would not be here. No method is the right method and that is okay. Maybe you think eating more to lose weight will get you there, or 1200 calories each day. It really does not matter.
I will be your friend. I am here to lose 100 pounds and I will not judge you and I hope you will not judge me. I will not set any guidelines for our friendship or judge you for any relapses. We are in this together.
You have a great outlook! I so want to be your friend
I agree. I want to be your friend too!0 -
1. I am not okay with supporting the habits of people on here that may be anorexic/bulemic, but I am not in judgement of them. We should encourage such people to get help if you discover any that fall in that category. I've been there before many years ago. As you can see I have more than recovered.
2. If someone states something that offends you, it's okay to decide not to keep them or let them in your circle. I see nothing wrong with that.
3. It's okay if you disagree with my statements. I am cool wth that.
While i understand where you are coming from, it still boils down yo your personality and disposition. Not to be rude, but I am still not sure why it matters at all who strangers choose to be friends with. I see alot of posts on the boards basically calling people out on what they do and how they choose to do it. Last time i checked, we are human beings who possess free will. Do what works for you and let others do what works for them. IF we were all the same, life would be terribly boring.
If you are okay with a lot of friends, by all means have them. Honestly calling other people out for not doing the same thing that you would do is kinda being judgmental, or dont you think? Its like saying this is how i do it, why dont you do it this way too? Let people be themselves. We are all here for different reasons, we have different goals, and we are all going to go about it differently. (by the way when i say "you" i am speaking generally and not referring to you in particular )
Good luck to everyone and may we all achieve our goals:flowerforyou:0 -
Well said!0
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1. I am not okay with supporting the habits of people on here that may be anorexic/bulemic, but I am not in judgement of them. We should encourage such people to get help if you discover any that fall in that category. I've been there before many years ago. As you can see I have more than recovered.
2. If someone states something that offends you, it's okay to decide not to keep them or let them in your circle. I see nothing wrong with that.
3. It's okay if you disagree with my statements. I am cool wth that.
While i understand where you are coming from, it still boils down yo your personality and disposition. Not to be rude, but I am still not sure why it matters at all who strangers choose to be friends with. I see alot of posts on the boards basically calling people out on what they do and how they choose to do it. Last time i checked, we are human beings who possess free will. Do what works for you and let others do what works for them. IF we were all the same, life would be terribly boring.
If you are okay with a lot of friends, by all means have them. Honestly calling other people out for not doing the same thing that you would do is kinda being judgmental, or dont you think? Its like saying this is how i do it, why dont you do it this way too? Let people be themselves. We are all here for different reasons, we have different goals, and we are all going to go about it differently. (by the way when i say "you" i am speaking generally and not referring to you in particular )
Good luck to everyone and may we all achieve our goals:flowerforyou:
I don't consider your post being rude. You are simply expressing your position on the topic at hand. I believe people come here with the intention of accessing a tool that will help them succeed in the path towards becoming healthier and to maybe interact with people in a safe environment in the process. I didn't intend to come off as calling out anyone, but simply stating that I don't want to be judged for things I consider rubbish.0 -
I deny friend requests. I like to comment on my friend's posts when they finish a good workout or log a good meal. When I have too many friends, the news feed is too clogged up and I miss posts from the people who are good about regularly supporting me.
Sure, I could "ignore" the posts from some people - but that seems like a jerk move as well. I'd rather have a smaller group of people either with similar goals, excellent knowledge, entertaining posts, or potential friends.
You can't please everyone.
I couldn't have said it better myself. I like to get to know my fitness pals personally, I couldn't imaging having 500 real friends, the same applies for cyber space. I'm looking for quality not quantity. It's really hard to keep up with everyone and I want to give everyone as much feedback & motivation as possible. I like a small circle of friends with similar goals, this keeps me motivated and helps me work harder.
I guess two each their own, and like he said ^ we can't please everyone!0 -
Just because someone states guidelines for accepting friends doesn't mean they are judging them. I don't have such a disclaimer on my profile but I understand why people do it. Since you (the OP) are newer here, I'll explain.
I've been frequenting weight loss sites for just over 2 years now. I've seen HUNDREDS of people come & go. I accept all FRs, but I do periodically go in & clean up my list to remove people who haven't logged in for a month or so. I have also deleted people because I found their updates disturbing for whatever reason, undereating, overtraining, body dysmorphism, that kind of thing. I don't judge those people for doing what they do.
But ultimately I have to look out for ME. No one is going to get the rest of this weight off my body but me. To ensure my own success, I want to surround myself with people who I can relate to & are a positive influence on my effort. If after becoming friends with someone, I discover we do not agree on the principles that are most important to me when it comes to health & fitness, I'm not going keep them on my FL.
The beauty of this site is that the user base is so large that you are bound to find someone at a similar stage of their journey as you. That's not going to be everybody, but don't give up. I'll admit that I don't typically buddy up with people who are brand new to weight loss unless they have already communicated with me in some way - in a discussion thread, private message, etc. & I've gotten a feel for where they're at mentally. There are just too many people who start diets & don't commit for more than a month (& I'm being generous here). Sometimes I get requests from people who are inspired by my progress, & are desperate to connect with people who can drag them out of the rut they're in & make it happen for them. As flattering as it may be, it's not my job to make other people commit to the process. And it doesn't help me reach my goals either.
I have a great group of friends that I know are as committed as I am & it's a boundary that has to be set at times. It's really not personal, so when you see messages like that on profiles, know that it's just people setting boundaries to take care of themselves. And you shouldn't be afraid to request somebody with a message like that if you really think you could support each other. All of us here are working on something & everyone can use more positive energy.
It also doesn't hurt to develop thick skin. If you're bothered by a stranger on the internet stating they are screening requests from other strangers on the internet, well...you need to get a hobby or something. It's just not that serious.0 -
Just because someone states guidelines for accepting friends doesn't mean they are judging them. I don't have such a disclaimer on my profile but I understand why people do it. Since you (the OP) are newer here, I'll explain.
I've been frequenting weight loss sites for just over 2 years now. I've seen HUNDREDS of people come & go. I accept all FRs, but I do periodically go in & clean up my list to remove people who haven't logged in for a month or so. I have also deleted people because I found their updates disturbing for whatever reason, undereating, overtraining, body dysmorphism, that kind of thing. I don't judge those people for doing what they do.
But ultimately I have to look out for ME. No one is going to get the rest of this weight off my body but me. To ensure my own success, I want to surround myself with people who I can relate to & are a positive influence on my effort. If after becoming friends with someone, I discover we do not agree on the principles that are most important to me when it comes to health & fitness, I'm not going keep them on my FL.
The beauty of this site is that the user base is so large that you are bound to find someone at a similar stage of their journey as you. That's not going to be everybody, but don't give up. I'll admit that I don't typically buddy up with people who are brand new to weight loss unless they have already communicated with me in some way - in a discussion thread, private message, etc. & I've gotten a feel for where they're at mentally. There are just too many people who start diets & don't commit for more than a month (& I'm being generous here). Sometimes I get requests from people who are inspired by my progress, & are desperate to connect with people who can drag them out of the rut they're in & make it happen for them. As flattering as it may be, it's not my job to make other people commit to the process. And it doesn't help me reach my goals either.
I have a great group of friends that I know are as committed as I am & it's a boundary that has to be set at times. It's really not personal, so when you see messages like that on profiles, know that it's just people setting boundaries to take care of themselves. And you shouldn't be afraid to request somebody with a message like that if you really think you could support each other. All of us here are working on something & everyone can use more positive energy.
It also doesn't hurt to develop thick skin. If you're bothered by a stranger on the internet stating they are screening requests from other strangers on the internet, well...you need to get a hobby or something. It's just not that serious.
I have a hobby. It's stamp collecting and I love it. Congrats on your success!0 -
I deny friend requests. I like to comment on my friend's posts when they finish a good workout or log a good meal. When I have too many friends, the news feed is too clogged up and I miss posts from the people who are good about regularly supporting me.
Sure, I could "ignore" the posts from some people - but that seems like a jerk move as well. I'd rather have a smaller group of people either with similar goals, excellent knowledge, entertaining posts, or potential friends.
You can't please everyone.
I couldn't have said it better myself. I like to get to know my fitness pals personally, I couldn't imaging having 500 real friends, the same applies for cyber space. I'm looking for quality not quantity. It's really hard to keep up with everyone and I want to give everyone as much feedback & motivation as possible. I like a small circle of friends with similar goals, this keeps me motivated and helps me work harder.
I guess two each their own, and like he said ^ we can't please everyone!
I have helped so many people in so many ways on MFP ... I just can't imagine saying " no " to somebody who sends me a request saying " You inspire me and I would love to be your friend so I can learn from your experiences " .... Yes, I get this often and why in the world would I ever decline helping somebody reach there goals ????
Sometimes just reading my page, my posts or diary ... is enough for some people. I want to reach out and touch as many lives as I can in a positive way. I know it's not for everybody, I get the close knit group feeling ... but the way I see it ... I have both ! I have friends I interact with daily and we support each other equally ... but I also have a group of people whom look to me for inspiration, knowledge and ideas ...
And I'm ok with that too !
I don't ever want to be the one who " could " have saved a life ... but thought I already had too many friends ...
:flowerforyou:0 -
I don't consider your post being rude. You are simply expressing your position on the topic at hand. I believe people come here with the intention of accessing a tool that will help them succeed in the path towards becoming healthier and to maybe interact with people in a safe environment in the process. I didn't intend to come off as calling out anyone, but simply stating that I don't want to be judged for things I consider rubbish.
I don't want to be judged by people for things I consider rubbish either, which is why I try not to add people that are not like minded. In addition, I do not want to waste my time on supporting people and making comments that they consider rubbish - so again, it comes back to having like minded friends.
I purposely limit my FL because I like to be supportive and I cannot support certain people. I only have about 60 people on my FL and every single one of them had contributed something to me (whether it be a pat on the back, nutritional advice, help with my weight lifting, being able to lurk their posts or just a laugh) and I hope that I can contribute something positive back to also. However, it is hard with just that number as I have a hard time keeping up with the feeds as it is. As Stubbysticks says, ultimately, we are the people that need to do this for ourselves and why is it such a big issue to people of we do it in a way that gives us a better opportunity of doing that? I am selective of my friends in RL, why not here?0 -
Thanks! I knit.I have a hobby. It's stamp collecting and I love it. Congrats on your success!
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Thanks! I knit.I have a hobby. It's stamp collecting and I love it. Congrats on your success!
Awesome!0 -
I eat around 1200 a day sometimes less if I don't feel hungry especially during the summer, I've had people remove me after messaging me saying that I have an eating disorder. No I just have an intolerance to many common foods.
I try to add supportive friends and comment on statuses when I can but I delete people who haven't logged on in over a week ( can understand a few days if they're sick or have previously mentioned they're going on vacation)
I usually add people who have set workouts and I've spoken to them on the forums but others won't friend since I don't have a set work out or I'm not following a routine for 30 days which is just silly.0 -
someone removed me because i ate jalapeno poppers for lunch oh well. I just had a craving for them that day not like I do this everyday.
After my dinner tonight, I may be losing quite a few friends. 0 -
I am here just to help friends...like they have helped me. I don't ask anything from them....and try to help if they ask for it.0
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