Don't Request Me

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  • gogojodee
    gogojodee Posts: 1,261 Member
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    I find it very strange how people refuse to add more friends or set so many guidelines for them.

    "Here's my success story, but please don't request me as your friend"
    "I give my friends 110%, and expect the same in return"
    "If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
    "If you stop logging for 5 days, I will remove you"
    "If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"


    Seriously?.... Like seriously? We are all here for the same reason. We are for the most part experiencing the same struggles, or we would not be here. No method is the right method and that is okay. Maybe you think eating more to lose weight will get you there, or 1200 calories each day. It really does not matter.

    I will be your friend. I am here to lose 100 pounds and I will not judge you and I hope you will not judge me. I will not set any guidelines for our friendship or judge you for any relapses. We are in this together.

    You are entitled to your opinion, however in doing so it feels as though you ARE judging those people that are selective about their MFP friend choices. In life most people would not befriend every single person they come into contact with. We unconsciously select our friends through the places we frequent for leisure, the clothes we wear, where we live, where we shop and so on. We usually select people that have similar interests or outlook to our own, people who match our current or future aspirations, people who do things in a similar way to ourselves, or do things in a way we can learn from. Generally people do not deliberately enter into relationships that would be detrimental to their well-being or their goals. Do you accept every single invitation out for a drink from everybody who asks you? I think not (well I hope not anyway, :wink: ).

    Being on MFP is just another facet of life. In life we have friends that are with us for a short period of time, medium term and those that are with us for the long haul. I see nothing wrong with being selective, and periodically deleting MFP friendships that have fallen by the wayside. Rather like in real life, you would stop calling people, or drift apart as friends. Irrespective of whether you have the same goals or the same struggles - it is how a person approaches those things in life that matter to us as individuals. You can give your support of course, but that does not always work - then it becomes detrimental to you and draining. As charming as your "Polyanna" approach is, it is important to be realistic and honest about the GOOD and the "BAD" aspects of our own human nature.

    :flowerforyou:
  • leahartmann
    leahartmann Posts: 415
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    Every day I go on the Community to read different posts. Severel of the writers I offered friendship. Many I never heard from ever, some became very good friends. I find those who ask for support and encouragement. I like to support- I mean really support- my friends. Otherwise, how can I consider them friends? But I deny random requests often. I ALWAYS write them and ask why they want to be my friends. Nine out of ten don´t answer and is never heard from again. Those who answer I accept. It´s not a problem to get friends here, people are very friendly. But for me it´s to overwhelming to be friends with to many. And it have nothing to do about judging them, itá about what I can grasp. But I know we´re all different.

    And those who say we´re judging everybody and being unfriendly- are they not judging us?
  • 33neenaj
    33neenaj Posts: 306
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    great post
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    All those guidelines people post on their profiles are kind of ridiculous. If someone sends you a friend request with no message, just press ignore. And just delete someone if their habits bother you! No need to make yourself look like a tight *kitten*.

    Isn't better for someone to know and add a quick note than just be ignored out of hand. Are they supposed to be psychic and magically know you want a message. Please use logic.

    I suppose. I guess it's just me being judgmental. When I go to add someone, and I see a whole paragraph about who they will and will not accept right away instead of information about themselves, it makes me feel like that person won't be a good source of support. Not sure why, it just seems like a negative thing to put out there right away. I'm sure it's just me misinterpreting good intentions, but that's how it comes across. Often if I see that, I won't send them a friend request, even though I leave a message every time and probably do meet their requirements.
  • osualex
    osualex Posts: 409 Member
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    Eh, it's the internet. That means there's all sorts of people on here, fat ones, skinny ones, nice ones, supportive ones, sarcastic ones, rude ones, people who collect friends, people who are snobs, etc. If someone had a laundry list of requirements fro being their friend...i would take that to mean that they don't want many friends. Their choice, it does not affect my WLJ at all.
  • Sarauk2sf
    Sarauk2sf Posts: 28,072 Member
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    All those guidelines people post on their profiles are kind of ridiculous. If someone sends you a friend request with no message, just press ignore. And just delete someone if their habits bother you! No need to make yourself look like a tight *kitten*.

    Isn't better for someone to know and add a quick note than just be ignored out of hand. Are they supposed to be psychic and magically know you want a message. Please use logic.

    I suppose. I guess it's just me being judgmental. When I go to add someone, and I see a whole paragraph about who they will and will not accept right away instead of information about themselves, it makes me feel like that person won't be a good source of support. Not sure why, it just seems like a negative thing to put out there right away. I'm sure it's just me misinterpreting good intentions, but that's how it comes across. Often if I see that, I won't send them a friend request, even though I leave a message every time and probably do meet their requirements.

    A lot of people have both a quick note about who they will or will not accept along with a long note about themselves (I know I do). You pretty much have to have the 'caveats' at the top as most people do not read all, if any of your profile. I still get FRs even though I have the message at the top. If someone thinks that me 'putting it out there' up front is an indication that I will not be supportive (even thought I for one explain my logic in my note) then I probably do not want them as a friend even though they do meet the criteria. To me, having certain criteria is actually indicitive, that they actually will be more supportive as we are more likely to have common goals/interests.

    Edited to fix typos
  • ShareeMorty
    ShareeMorty Posts: 324 Member
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    I will accept anyone who sends a FR with a message, just seems kinda rude not to say anything. I don't send many FR cos I don't wanna come across all stalkerish.

    I try to comment on as many friends posts as possible, the ones who never comment on mine get less attention. I have a core group of friends who always comment and I like to return the favour. I do cull the ones who disappear for a long time though.
  • leanby2013
    leanby2013 Posts: 137
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    Love this!

    I hate when im about to friend request someone and i have to make sure i dont fit into their big long list of no'nos. If someone on my friends list is eating what i would class as low then i MIGHT message them privately and see if i can help or give a bit of info on why they shouldnt. But i certainly wouldnt comment on it in front of everyone and make them feel stupid.
  • BaDaSsBrUnEtTe
    BaDaSsBrUnEtTe Posts: 518 Member
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    well said!! i completely agree!
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    someone removed me because i ate jalapeno poppers for lunch oh well. I just had a craving for them that day not like I do this everyday.

    After my dinner tonight, I may be losing quite a few friends. :)
    I would delete you if you ate jalapeno poppers & didn't share them with me. Seriously though, it's a tad extreme to be judgmental of what people eat. I guess I'd consider axing someone who ate like crap AND complained about feeling like crap & not losing weight AND I had tried to offer some constructive criticism said person repeatedly ignored. But that's kind of different.

    I had pomegranate martinis & bar food for dinner. Definitely not one to judge. :glasses:

    This is crazy. I have just a few friends but they are all my friends for a reason. We have common interests and they realize that you just have to do life sometimes. Last night my dinner was 3 cocktails and a basket of bar fries. If my friends don't like that, we don't have to be friends. I get judged enough in real life, I don't need strangers online judging my habits.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I find it very strange how people refuse to add more friends or set so many guidelines for them.

    "Here's my success story, but please don't request me as your friend"
    "I give my friends 110%, and expect the same in return"
    "If you eat 1200 calories a day, don't try to friend me"
    "If you stop logging for 5 days, I will remove you"
    "If you are not eating enough protein you will be removed"


    Seriously?.... Like seriously? We are all here for the same reason. We are for the most part experiencing the same struggles, or we would not be here. No method is the right method and that is okay. Maybe you think eating more to lose weight will get you there, or 1200 calories each day. It really does not matter.

    I will be your friend. I am here to lose 100 pounds and I will not judge you and I hope you will not judge me. I will not set any guidelines for our friendship or judge you for any relapses. We are in this together.
    Those people are being very upfront and honest about who they are. Why do you care? Do you become friends with every person with whom you have contact in real life?
  • Simone_King
    Simone_King Posts: 467 Member
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    I don't like lurkers.. whats the point of having friends if they just read your news feed, but dont look at your diary and give you suggestions?,

    Hey, I am a lurker. Why? Half the time when I fianlly get to my computer everyone has said everything that needed to be said. Me just adding more will be over kill.

    Don't diss the lurkers just because we don't "Post" as often as we should. Some of us have no way of getting online until very late in the day. Nor do we have interenet connectons on our phones...

    So yes we're lurkers but sometimes not by choice. Like I said..I give support but if the only thing I have to add is the same as the others I won't say it. No reson to repeat.

    As to your other subject op: You know, if their that picky about their so called friends..Let them be. While Ml_16 may have a point it's beyond the point.

    Frankly, if a person can't stand the fact I can eat 1980 calories in a day then I guess they don't need to be my friend....
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    It is amazing to me how you can be so judgmental of how complete strangers choose to manage their friends list.

    Then again, if you are someone who rarely gets friend requests, I guess you wouldn't understand. I personally don't want to have hundreds of friends, so yeah, I have to reject a lot of them.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
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    My friends don't expect much support from me. I'm a smart *kitten*. My friends are all smart *kitten*.
  • vjrose
    vjrose Posts: 809 Member
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    Ok, I am going to play devil's advocate to those who say "I never turn down a friends request". I have 59 friends right now and it pretty much takes all my spare time to try to encourage everyone at least a few times a week. I lead a very busy life (full time job and a few non profit groups I work with) and I don't have hours to comment on diaries. So, I suspect some folks just post those rules to decrease the number of requests so they can feel like they are keeping up with their friends in a good way. When you don't comment then you are vilified for being "unsupportive" but if you don't accept everyone who pings you then you are a jerk. Hmm, I smell a double standard. I am happy for those who have hours to do this and I encourage you to support everyone you can but please dont' immediately assume you know the exact reason for someone's rules.
  • MMarvelous
    MMarvelous Posts: 1,067 Member
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    sorry, but im in the other boat,

    I've just recently started denying friend requests (especially those with no message.. how the hell did you find me??)

    mainly cause im not on really much anymore, and when i am, i do it to support my friends. I don't like lurkers.. whats the point of having friends if they just read your news feed, but dont look at your diary and give you suggestions?, and sometimes it just gets too many to keep supporting them all. however if there is a specific reason , if thy ywant info from a post i have written, i will gladly answer all thier questions and add them as a freind.

    just my0.2

    I agree! I am here to support and be supported. Not everyone on here is at the same point in his/her journey. Some come and go, others have been successful, while yet another are in the mist of their journeys. Just like you don't friend everyone in person, you can't friend everyone on MFP! STALKERS do exist on MFP!
  • Yanicka1
    Yanicka1 Posts: 4,564 Member
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    Wait until you have been here 600 days.
  • futuremalestripper
    futuremalestripper Posts: 467 Member
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    If you're so bored with your own life that you have to judge how others choose their friends and if you are so egotistical that you actually think you know what's correct for everyone else, don't request me.
  • mkambalimath
    mkambalimath Posts: 11
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    I can see both sides to this story for sure, people are right that in real life they wouldn't just accept anyone, HOWEVER... I've been on this site for a couple weeks, and have noticed just from a few views of posts, that a LOT of the people on here are just glory seekers. It seems like more a way to show off muscles and how "educated" they think they are about fitness in general. I've struggled my whole life with weight, and just had surgery in April. I've been going to the gym since May and work with a personal trainer. Shes the only one I feel like I need advice from at this point. The only person who's my friend on here is my sister because I cannot believe how far up their butts some of the people I've seen post on here have their heads. I don't believe this is in anyway a supportive forum. I like to keep track of my own calories and fitness because its good to know how I'm doing, but every single time I look at a post, there's some idiot know-it-alls on here spouting their opinions and negativity.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    I like reading the forums and commenting -- but I don't accept too many friend requests. It's nothing personal, but I have a decent support system in real life and don't really want people I don't know commenting on my food/exercise - because well, they don't know me -- or what is going on in my life. That makes me uncomfortable.

    I don't want people to tell me "good job" if I've eaten under or just at my calories (which are set low anyway) and I don't want people saying "tomorrow is a new day" if I've eaten way over. In an ideal world, I would have eaten under or just at my calories because I made the best possible choices -- but more than likely I was either sick, my daughter was sick or I feeling upset. I go over my calories for special occasions - I don't need somebody to say "Get back on the horse tomorrow!" because I don't view going over calories as a negative thing I need to "recover" from.

    I don't mean to sound particular, but I am particular. And it works for me.

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