All the good threads get locked... so someone..

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245

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  • Prudiddy
    Prudiddy Posts: 262 Member
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    I know one! but I might get in trouble so I'll tell you the joke let you all figure the punch line!

    "What's black on the inside and yellow on the outside?
  • chlorisaann
    chlorisaann Posts: 366 Member
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    Ok... What is a calorie???



    Calories are the little *kitten* that get into your closet at night and sew your clothes smaller!!!

    My closet is INFESTED with the little ****s!!!
  • LifeChangingExp
    LifeChangingExp Posts: 459
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    Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
  • KatieMae75
    KatieMae75 Posts: 391 Member
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    The name is Bond.
    Ionic Bond.
    Taken, not shared.
  • louisey112
    louisey112 Posts: 576 Member
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    A woman come home and yells up the stairs to her husband, "I won the lottery! I won the lottery!" Husband says, "That's great! What should I pack for? Skiing or the beach?" She promptly replied, "I don't care. Just get the hell out!."
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    I went to the beach to watch the sunrise. I was there for hours and hours. Then it finally dawned on me.
  • PicNic00
    PicNic00 Posts: 269 Member
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    The name is Bond.
    Ionic Bond.
    Taken, not shared.

    a nerd joke. I love it
  • helenoftroy1
    helenoftroy1 Posts: 638 Member
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    I have some cheesy jokes!!!

    What do you call cheese that's not yours?

    Nacho cheese

    What did the cheese say when he looked in the mirror?

    Hello me!

    What cheese is made backwards?

    Edam

    how do you open Welsh cheese?

    Caerphilly

    What cheese do you use to encourage a bear to come to you?

    Camembert

    What cheese do you use to disguise a pony?

    Mascarpone!!!!!


    I'm here all night folks *takes a bow!*
  • mollysonnotice
    mollysonnotice Posts: 140
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    Two guys walk in to a bar. The bartender asks the first guy what he'd like the drink. The guy says, "I'll just have a tall glass of H2O, please". The second guy says "That sounds good, I'll have a glass of H2O too." The second guy died.

    HAHAHA awesome one!!
  • sullykat
    sullykat Posts: 461 Member
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    Two guys walk in to a bar. The bartender asks the first guy what he'd like the drink. The guy says, "I'll just have a tall glass of H2O, please". The second guy says "That sounds good, I'll have a glass of H2O too." The second guy died.

    H202 = hydrogen peroxide.

    THANKS FOR EXPLAINING THE JOKE!!!.... :huh:

    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants.
    Bartender says "You've got a steering wheel down your pants!?"
    Pirate replies "Yaaarrrr, tis drivin mi nuts"

    love a pirate joke
  • ElleBee615
    ElleBee615 Posts: 177
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    Two guys walk in to a bar. The bartender asks the first guy what he'd like the drink. The guy says, "I'll just have a tall glass of H2O, please". The second guy says "That sounds good, I'll have a glass of H2O too." The second guy died.

    lmao...good one! :laugh:
  • birdlover97111
    birdlover97111 Posts: 346 Member
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    A man is in a pub in London and he spots two heavy women at the bar...Both have accents...He approaches them, smiles and asks,
    "Excuse me, are you two ladies from Scotland?"
    Angrily, one of the women screams at him,
    "It's Wales, you idiot"
    "Oh, I'm sorry...Are you two whales from Scotland?"

    He's recuperating..... :flowerforyou:
  • Jebbster007
    Jebbster007 Posts: 265 Member
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    Jesus, Moses, and this old, old man were all out playing golf. Moses goes first. He hits the ball, ball lands right in the middle of the lake, sinks to the bottom, the lake parts, and the ball rolls up onto the green. Jesus hits the ball, ball lands right in the middle of the lake, sinks to the bottom, rises back up to the surface of the lake, skips across the surface and rolls up onto the green. So the old man, hits his ball, clears the lake just barely. A squirrel sees the ball, runs out, picks it up and starts running away with it, an eagle, sees the squirrel, swoops down, grabs the squirrel and starts carrying it off, squirrel drops the ball, lands on the green, and rolls right into the cup, hole in one.

    Jesus turns to the old man and says, "nice shot, Dad"
  • Ali_TSO
    Ali_TSO Posts: 1,172 Member
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    The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
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    Two men walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
  • SunLove8
    SunLove8 Posts: 693 Member
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    Two guys walk in to a bar. The bartender asks the first guy what he'd like the drink. The guy says, "I'll just have a tall glass of H2O, please". The second guy says "That sounds good, I'll have a glass of H2O too." The second guy died.

    H202 = hydrogen peroxide.

    THANKS FOR EXPLAINING THE JOKE!!!.... :huh:

    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants.
    Bartender says "You've got a steering wheel down your pants!?"
    Pirate replies "Yaaarrrr, tis drivin mi nuts"

    love a pirate joke

    Aw man, that totally made me LOL!
  • coe28
    coe28 Posts: 715 Member
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    Joseph and Jesus were working together in Joseph's carpentry shop. After they finished up Joseph said, "A job is not done until you clean up your mess. Grab a broom." To which Jesus replied "You can't tell me what to do, you're not my dad."
  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
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    What is the difference between a cowboy hat and a tampon?





    Cowboy hats are for *kitten*.
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
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    A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse does not respond because it is a horse thus lacking cognitive capacity to speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and promptly sh*ts on the floor then gallops our of the back, knocking over a few tables.
  • chlorisaann
    chlorisaann Posts: 366 Member
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    Ok I am a Redneck from Texas, so here is a redneck joke for ya!!

    Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere. Buttocks clenched, he performs kinda slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.

    Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

    Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob?"

    "Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.

    "But me 'n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."

    (Don't make me have to 'splain this to you! Read the last line again... slowly.)

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