All the good threads get locked... so someone..

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  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
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    A skeleton walks into a bar...he orders a beer.................and a mop.
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
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    Ok I am a Redneck from Texas, so here is a redneck joke for ya!!

    Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere. Buttocks clenched, he performs kinda slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.

    Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

    Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob?"

    "Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.

    "But me 'n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."

    (Don't make me have to 'splain this to you! Read the last line again... slowly.)

    I'm slow, and I only had to read it once! :laugh:
  • direwolfprincess
    direwolfprincess Posts: 261 Member
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    I would tell you another chemistry joke but all the good ones argon.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    A dyslexic walked into a bra...


    Stole that one from my sister!
  • gogojodee
    gogojodee Posts: 1,261 Member
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    A woman come home and yells up the stairs to her husband, "I won the lottery! I won the lottery!" Husband says, "That's great! What should I pack for? Skiing or the beach?" She promptly replied, "I don't care. Just get the hell out!."

    LMAO!! I laughed out loud!
  • KatieMae75
    KatieMae75 Posts: 391 Member
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    I would tell you another chemistry joke but all the good ones argon.


    Hahahaha, love it!


    A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
    The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron, help me look for it."
    The neutron says "Are you sure?"
    The proton replies "I'm positive."
  • beattie1
    beattie1 Posts: 1,012 Member
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    Yess! Love this thread, particularly the nerd jokes :flowerforyou:
  • Ali_TSO
    Ali_TSO Posts: 1,172 Member
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    "But me 'n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."

    (Don't make me have to 'splain this to you! Read the last line again... slowly.)

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! :laugh:
  • Jebbster007
    Jebbster007 Posts: 265 Member
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    Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?

    Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
  • Jebbster007
    Jebbster007 Posts: 265 Member
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    alright science freaks......

    A Sexual Encounter between a Capacitor and an Inductor

    One evening, with his charge at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to get a cute coil to discharge him. He went to the Magnet Bar to pick up a chip called Millie Amp. He caught her out back trying self induction; fortunately, she had not damaged her solenoid. The two took off on his megacycle and rode across the Wheatstone Bridge into a magnetic field, next to a flowing current , to watch the sine waves.

    Micro Farad was very much stimulated by Millie's characteristic curve. Being attractive himself, he soon had her field fully excited. He set her on the ground potential, raised his frequency, lowered her resistance, and pulled out his high voltage probe. When he inserted it in parallel, he short-circuited her shunt. Fully excited, Millie cried out, "ohm, ohm, give me mho". As he increased his tube to maximum output, her coil vibrated from the current flow. It did not take long for her shunt to reach maximum heat. Now with the excessive current shortening her shunt, Micro's capacity rapidly discharged – every electron was drained off. But that was not the end of it. Indeed, they fluxed all night, tried various connections and hookings until his bar magnet weakened, and he could no longer generate enough voltage to sustain his collapsing field. With his battery fully discharged, Micro was unable to excite his tickler, so they went home. A few weeks later, they were merged forever and oscillated happily ever after.
  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
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    I have a joke about UDP but you might not get it.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
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    This isn't a joke, but it makes me happy. I challenge you all to do this to an unsuspecting stranger sometime this week.

    internet-memes-make-it-rain.gif
  • kaitimae
    kaitimae Posts: 727 Member
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    The name is Bond.
    Ionic Bond.
    Taken, not shared.

    oh hello another person with almost my name! =)
  • kymillion
    kymillion Posts: 791 Member
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    I never tell jokes. That sort of behavior is unacceptable. People have feelings, and they deserve to be treated with... ha.. yeah I can't finish that.

    The Mods have a dartboard with a picture of my crotch on it.

    some people have all the fun...
  • Jebbster007
    Jebbster007 Posts: 265 Member
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    This isn't a joke, but it makes me happy. I challenge you all to do this to an unsuspecting stranger sometime this week.

    internet-memes-make-it-rain.gif

    uh huh.....riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

    Girls can get away with that. Guys doing that to a girl????? Next sound you hear will be the click of the handcuffs.
  • kymillion
    kymillion Posts: 791 Member
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    ''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a ****zu.''
  • kymillion
    kymillion Posts: 791 Member
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    This isn't a joke, but it makes me happy. I challenge you all to do this to an unsuspecting stranger sometime this week.

    internet-memes-make-it-rain.gif

    uh huh.....riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

    Girls can get away with that. Guys doing that to a girl????? Next sound you hear will be the click on the handcuffs.

    I will accept that challenge!


    I am in love with this chic ... hahahhaha I am laughing so hard right now..
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
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    A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants.
    Bartender says "You've got a steering wheel down your pants!?"
    Pirate replies "Yaaarrrr, tis drivin mi nuts"

    love a pirate joke

    THAT made me LOL...............

    ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.....................
    ==========================

    A dyslexic walks into a bra

    ooops
  • elcieloesazul
    elcieloesazul Posts: 448 Member
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    It's more of a riddle, but an 11-year-old told me this one yesterday:

    "There was a plane crash. Every single person died. Who were the survivors?...







    ...All the married people!"
  • rextcat
    rextcat Posts: 1,408 Member
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    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    To prove to the skunks and raccoons it could be done!
    chicken.gif:smokin:

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