To call/text him or not to call/text....

southofmadness

Unfortunately it would seem that he is not as committed in the relationship as you are. The text seemed appropriate to me. Sometimes people can’t take a hint that what they have done was hurtful. Someone that respected your feelings would not have disregarded the time and effort you contributed.

Never make someone a priority if they only make you their option.

chevere94501

We men don’t like to be the ugly one.. Meaning we will not end a relationship. Instead, we empower you (women) to end the relationship. Your boyfriend based on your narration doesn’t want to be in a relationship.
It is time! Sorry if I am being blunt about it.. But I am straight forward man.

mariapuhl

Thanks everyone -

I replied to the one person who said that she wouldn't call me back, because I do know how these posts go. One person will say the opposite of what everyone else says and get attacked for it. I like hearing other peoples opinions, whether or not they are what I think.

At least that's what I think I was thinking last night.

But, I like what a couple of people have said. Just to text him and apologize for my rudeness and be done with it. Like the girl that said contacting him doesn't have to be making up - it can be just having a quick talk, goodbye, we're done.

So thanks everyone. That is what I'll be doing.

PHATmommy68

He's a player dear! I had the similar situation for MANY years as he would come and go when he felt like and then when HE was ready to settle down, I was finally good enough for permanment but then I was not having it! I then became the *****! Some day you will get to the point where you finally say "enough is enough" and get him out of your life completely! Hold yourself in high esteem sweetheart, toss him in the garbage where he belongs and hold your head up high!

PHATmommy68

Hmmm my first instinct is that you should apologize for being so crass with your response. He may have Irresponsible for not holding up his end of the race bargain but you totally disrespected him. I wouldn't call you back either. Sorry

Oh honey PLEASE.......

PHATmommy68

So, everyone, I need an opinion.

Quick back story: I have what I like to call my "lightswitch" boyfriend. We are on off on off on off. Already redflagging, right?! Well that's not what I'm here for. We have long periods of off in there, it's not a weekly thing, but it's been going on for like 5 years. We just always end up back with each other. Ok. So that's the background.

This time: We've been together for like... 8 months this time. Really good. We have been training for the color run, he's been all excited about it, I've been SUPER excited for it (I paid for it for him to do it with me since he couldn't afford it), and just been overall pumped for it to happen.

So Friday night rolls around, and I told him he should probably just sleep over at my place, so we could just get up and go. He said ok. Then he went to the bar with his friends like always. I told him I'd be up till 11 if he was going to come over. If not he better be at my place at 7 am sharp. He didn't come up, but said he'd be there at 7 in the morning.

Next morning, 7 rolls around... 7:05... 7:10... some phone calls and texts..... 7:20 and still nothing. So I left and told him to meet me. At 7:45 I asked my best friend, who was coming to take pictures, if he'd run with me and I'd give him the boyfriends stuff. So I called the boyfriend and still no answer, so I left a message. At 7:57 (mind you the race started at 8am) I get this text: "dang clock." I was so angry and just texted back "f*** you".

I'll admit, I probably shouldn't have said that but I was just so annoyed. So since then.... he has not apologized, texted, called, or made any attempts at communication with me. I was expecting at least a "OMG I'm so sorry!" or something... I don't know.

I'm not mad he missed the race, now. What I'm mad about is the fact that he hasn't apologized or said ANYTHING to me.

So now, 4 days later, I'm wondering... should I text/call him? Or just wait and see how long he actually goes and if he ever does apologize.... I've been struggling with this all day.

Thanks.

p.s. The color run was AWESOME.

If its been off and on again and he did this you should probably just dump him and find someone who respects you more. You had all right to say what you did to him out of anger, it was very rude and disrespectful on his part so why show him any curiosity? The next text you should send him is that you guys are done and don't have contact with him.

I wouldn't even text him ever again! He "ef"ed up

PHATmommy68

you say you are on/off/on/off, so he's getting the message it's alright to treat you with disrespect, so he walks all over you.

and you expect him to say 'sorry'?

not gonna happen.

why do you keep taking him back anyway? does he shoot sparks out of his *kitten* or something?

LMAO!!!!

PHATmommy68

If this has been going on for five years, you guys either need to see a counselor to see where the issues are or just let it go...this wondering what the other person is thinking limbo isn't adult at all..these conversations should be able to be had and must be had..its no way to live

p.s.-I'm working off limited information here

I disagree with the counseling. They DON'T have a relationship to work on! He has made that clear! He is just using this poor woman and he gets away with what he does because she has permitted it!

Il_DaniD_lI

He is in the wrong - not you. He deserved the "*kitten* you" and you deserve an apology.

ItsCasey

I disagree that this post isn't about him being your "lightswitch" boyfriend. You've allowed him to be noncommittal, which is why he felt it was okay to let you pay for his race fees, go out drinking the night before a morning race, and not even bother showing up for the race.

But aside from the fact that you've allowed him to treat you like garbage, your reaction to his ridiculous text was disrespectful and wrong and completely demonstrates why you don't have a real relationship with this guy. You can't very well expect him to treat you well when the example you are setting is "It's okay for you to flake on me, and it's okay for me to text obscenities to you when you do."

What you should do is call him, apologize for the way you behaved, and tell him you're done pretending to be his girlfriend. Then never speak to the guy again. This is what it means to take the high road.

lisasch67

Move on. I dated the on again off again overcommunicative i love you you're the best wait I'm going to disappear guy... DO NOT put up with this. Good for you for saying f*** you. He'll come crawling back eventually if you keep ignoring him, but you deserve better, so don't accept his apology. It sounds like he's hurt you a lot and the fact that he hasn't even apologized or made and effort to show that he wants to right his wrong just proves his immaturity and you don't deserve that. No one does.

jnh17

He goes to the bar every Friday night with his friends? I understand time alone, but every Friday night... even before a big event that the two of you were doing together?

You know how expensive it is to go to the bar all the time, right? But you paid for his run "because he couldn't afford it?"

PHATmommy68

I disagree that this post isn't about him being your "lightswitch" boyfriend. You've allowed him to be noncommittal, which is why he felt it was okay to let you pay for his race fees, go out drinking the night before a morning race, and not even bother showing up for the race.

But aside from the fact that you've allowed him to treat you like garbage, your reaction to his ridiculous text was disrespectful and wrong and completely demonstrates why you don't have a real relationship with this guy. You can't very well expect him to treat you well when the example you are setting is "It's okay for you to flake on me, and it's okay for me to text obscenities to you when you do."

What you should do is call him, apologize for the way you behaved, and tell him you're done pretending to be his girlfriend. Then never speak to the guy again. This is what it means to take the high road.

I am sorry but I believe you to be WAY off here! She finally stood up for herself regardless on the past!

missprincessgina

let him go.

I agree. You are young and so pretty!!

And saying *kitten* you was 100% appropriate, do not apologize for that! I would have said way worse to someone who acted like your "light switch" boyfriend...

ItsCasey

I disagree that this post isn't about him being your "lightswitch" boyfriend. You've allowed him to be noncommittal, which is why he felt it was okay to let you pay for his race fees, go out drinking the night before a morning race, and not even bother showing up for the race.

But aside from the fact that you've allowed him to treat you like garbage, your reaction to his ridiculous text was disrespectful and wrong and completely demonstrates why you don't have a real relationship with this guy. You can't very well expect him to treat you well when the example you are setting is "It's okay for you to flake on me, and it's okay for me to text obscenities to you when you do."

What you should do is call him, apologize for the way you behaved, and tell him you're done pretending to be his girlfriend. Then never speak to the guy again. This is what it means to take the high road.

I am sorry but I believe you to be WAY off here! She finally stood up for herself regardless on the past!

Hmmm. Well I'm not the one in a dysfunctional quasi-relationship. I'm in a relationship with someone who respects me enough not to pull that garbage with me and whom I respect enough not to ever to tell him to go !@#$ himself. The immaturity isn't just on her "boyfriend's" part in this situation. She admitted she did it out of anger, which means she can't control her actions anymore than he is willing to control his douchebaggery.

chrishgt4

Thanks everyone -

I replied to the one person who said that she wouldn't call me back, because I do know how these posts go. One person will say the opposite of what everyone else says and get attacked for it. I like hearing other peoples opinions, whether or not they are what I think.

At least that's what I think I was thinking last night.

But, I like what a couple of people have said. Just to text him and apologize for my rudeness and be done with it. Like the girl that said contacting him doesn't have to be making up - it can be just having a quick talk, goodbye, we're done.

So thanks everyone. That is what I'll be doing.

honestly I wouldn't even apologise for the rudeness. Totally warranted and he should have seen from that he had clearly annoyed you so called you up or whatever.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but it seems to me like he isn't that interested, just likes you around for a bit and is getting bored again. Hence why he didn't go to yours or bother ringing or texting.

Best thing is to leave it where it is and forget about the whole thing.

marieautumn

no, dont call or text. you shouldnt be chasing him. NEVER CHASE A MAN.

DJDonadic

To be blunt, it does not matter what anyone of us says. Your heart will follow its true wishes. Good Luck!

placebomonkey

Going on your profile pic your a fitty so dont chase him his loss

UnderConstructionLuis

you say you are on/off/on/off, so he's getting the message it's alright to treat you with disrespect, so he walks all over you.

and you expect him to say 'sorry'?

not gonna happen.

why do you keep taking him back anyway? does he shoot sparks out of his *kitten* or something?

^^^This.

PHATmommy68

I disagree that this post isn't about him being your "lightswitch" boyfriend. You've allowed him to be noncommittal, which is why he felt it was okay to let you pay for his race fees, go out drinking the night before a morning race, and not even bother showing up for the race.

But aside from the fact that you've allowed him to treat you like garbage, your reaction to his ridiculous text was disrespectful and wrong and completely demonstrates why you don't have a real relationship with this guy. You can't very well expect him to treat you well when the example you are setting is "It's okay for you to flake on me, and it's okay for me to text obscenities to you when you do."

What you should do is call him, apologize for the way you behaved, and tell him you're done pretending to be his girlfriend. Then never speak to the guy again. This is what it means to take the high road.

I am sorry but I believe you to be WAY off here! She finally stood up for herself regardless on the past!

Hmmm. Well I'm not the one in a dysfunctional quasi-relationship. I'm in a relationship with someone who respects me enough not to pull that garbage with me and whom I respect enough not to ever to tell him to go !@#$ himself. The immaturity isn't just on her "boyfriend's" part in this situation. She admitted she did it out of anger, which means she can't control her actions anymore than he is willing to control his douchebaggery.

Well, good for your and your normal relationship. I hope it never happens to you that you are in a "dysfunctional quasi-relationship". For those of us who have been and who suddenly woke up and realized that we are SO much better than to be treated like trash, sometimes you have to finally FREAK OUT a little bit to protect yourself against A-holes like this guy!

NamibianRose

Thanks everyone -

I replied to the one person who said that she wouldn't call me back, because I do know how these posts go. One person will say the opposite of what everyone else says and get attacked for it. I like hearing other peoples opinions, whether or not they are what I think.

At least that's what I think I was thinking last night.

But, I like what a couple of people have said. Just to text him and apologize for my rudeness and be done with it. Like the girl that said contacting him doesn't have to be making up - it can be just having a quick talk, goodbye, we're done.

So thanks everyone. That is what I'll be doing.

honestly I wouldn't even apologise for the rudeness. Totally warranted and he should have seen from that he had clearly annoyed you so called you up or whatever.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but it seems to me like he isn't that interested, just likes you around for a bit and is getting bored again. Hence why he didn't go to yours or bother ringing or texting.

Best thing is to leave it where it is and forget about the whole thing.

I agree with this ^^ I wouldn't apologize, he deserved it. "damn clock"? LAME. I'd let F* you be the last words I ever said to him. If he texts you, I wouldn't respond, if I wouldn't be able to help myself, I'd block his number. You deserve better.

HotCuppaJo

Hmmm my first instinct is that you should apologize for being so crass with your response. He may have Irresponsible for not holding up his end of the race bargain but you totally disrespected him. I wouldn't call you back either. Sorry

I agree w/ this, as well. However, in addition, I would be done w/ him. The more time you spend going back to the same man, that's time away from finding the RIGHT one, who will be w/ you for the duration. So, I would text, say I'm sorry for saying F you...that was rude and uncalled for. Then say, I have since realized that obviously you don't respect me or our relationship the way I need, and I think I'm done, hun. I TRULY wish you the very best!

That's just my 2 cents... :flowerforyou:

IllianaIman

Sorry to be so hard on you, but let him go :devil: ! U are beautiful, and obviously in love. U can find better! Sometimes, we tend to be so much in love; we don’t realize the harsh truth!
U can do it! And if you need someone to vent, add me

badgirlturnedgood

its something youve been training for , a date in the calendar ,something that is pre planned & means a lot for all the hard work that has gone in .
We only get crass & mad when people make us that way ,now listen up you know in your heart of hearts if this is right or wrong ,you just need backup & opinions from others ,well i have no advice on if you should call ,but all i will say is again you know how much between the 2 of you this has been an event coming up & you know the situation to if he should of made the effort right so go with your instinct ,if the gut feeling is you were out of order & its no big deal but you probs made a mountain out of it then you know you have to text him ,on the flip side ,if your gut instinct is that really he should of been there & that your anger was justified & that deep down this is just typical of him then go with the flow & do not hit the keys on the phone .
Relationships if we stay in them most of the time go on for a period of time ,dont lose something that is special but also don't fight for something that is not worth wasting your time on xx

HotCuppaJo

Thanks everyone -

I replied to the one person who said that she wouldn't call me back, because I do know how these posts go. One person will say the opposite of what everyone else says and get attacked for it. I like hearing other peoples opinions, whether or not they are what I think.

At least that's what I think I was thinking last night.

But, I like what a couple of people have said. Just to text him and apologize for my rudeness and be done with it. Like the girl that said contacting him doesn't have to be making up - it can be just having a quick talk, goodbye, we're done.

So thanks everyone. That is what I'll be doing.

Perfect, hun.... Sounds like the right decision. Good luck.

cristileigh

Oh, hell no. He's an idiot. He blew it. You were right to be mad. Don't you dare go crawling back.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ THIS!

chrishgt4

I disagree that this post isn't about him being your "lightswitch" boyfriend. You've allowed him to be noncommittal, which is why he felt it was okay to let you pay for his race fees, go out drinking the night before a morning race, and not even bother showing up for the race.

But aside from the fact that you've allowed him to treat you like garbage, your reaction to his ridiculous text was disrespectful and wrong and completely demonstrates why you don't have a real relationship with this guy. You can't very well expect him to treat you well when the example you are setting is "It's okay for you to flake on me, and it's okay for me to text obscenities to you when you do."

What you should do is call him, apologize for the way you behaved, and tell him you're done pretending to be his girlfriend. Then never speak to the guy again. This is what it means to take the high road.

I am sorry but I believe you to be WAY off here! She finally stood up for herself regardless on the past!

Hmmm. Well I'm not the one in a dysfunctional quasi-relationship. I'm in a relationship with someone who respects me enough not to pull that garbage with me and whom I respect enough not to ever to tell him to go !@#$ himself. The immaturity isn't just on her "boyfriend's" part in this situation. She admitted she did it out of anger, which means she can't control her actions anymore than he is willing to control his douchebaggery.

Telling someone to F off isn't quite as bad really as you're making out is it? Saying that she 'can't control her actions' is blowing it a bit out of proportion.

leannems

Waiting to see how long it goes before he calls back seems like "testing" your boyfriend. My ex used to do that to me, and I hated it. It's not mature, and it's not a good way to deal with your problems. It's just going to make you bitter.

BUT talking to him doesn't necessarily mean making up! Have a straight up conversation. Don't try to manipulate, don't try to guilt trip. Just be honest about how he made you feel and state your deep concerns. And if he's not straight up with you, get out. And the faster you do, the faster you can move on. No looking back.

I really like this. If you're waiting to test him, that's not good. If you've decided simply not to text him, that's fine. And if you to text him, I don't think it should mean you get back together.

I can understand wanting to apologize for the f' you, but I think the time may have passed for that. Apologizing now just seems like an excuse to talk to him. And ultimately, I think he also owes you an apology - which you may or may not get.

I think this is probably a good time to look at what you have with this guy and see if you're really happy with the way he treated you; you paid for the race (whereas he went out drinking the night before - which costs money - plus, who does that before a 7am race? Please - he knew he wasn't coming), you offered a place to stay and a ride, and he blew you off in every way possible and blamed the clock. Why would you even want to be in an on-off relationship like that?

You'll never meet someone new if you have a backup. If apologizing will make you feel better, go ahead, but I still think you should consider getting rid of this one once and for all. That's too many years to have wasted on someone who doesn't seem to care about you that much.

PHATmommy68

Thanks everyone -

I replied to the one person who said that she wouldn't call me back, because I do know how these posts go. One person will say the opposite of what everyone else says and get attacked for it. I like hearing other peoples opinions, whether or not they are what I think.

At least that's what I think I was thinking last night.

But, I like what a couple of people have said. Just to text him and apologize for my rudeness and be done with it. Like the girl that said contacting him doesn't have to be making up - it can be just having a quick talk, goodbye, we're done.

So thanks everyone. That is what I'll be doing.

Perfect, hun.... Sounds like the right decision. Good luck.

I don't mean to the be the "downer" here but I STILL disagree with texting him, calling him, etc. PLEASE, PLEASE take it from me....don't do it! I have been there. I have said "Oh I am only going to apologize because I shouldn't have, etc." Thats not what your goal is in calling him or texting him. Your goal is to make up and keep this charade going because you feel that you need him in your life to complete you! YOU DON'T NEED HIM!!! Take pride in yourself and say "Ef U" and MEAN it!!! You will never get out from under his spell if you contact him one more time! Its an esteem problem in YOU and trust me, you are beautiful and somewhere, you will find a man to recognize this and see you for you!

I almost want to cry for you because I know the personal torment you are going through!