Unsupportive Spouse

Randyamc

Sadly I never understand it when things like this happen. Don't get me wrong, I know they do and far to often. He's your husband, to me that means the two of you communicate freely and openly. I would personally recommend sitting down and have a heart to heart with him. One of two things will happen if you don't. You'll snap or quit because you didn't want to rock the boat. Never forget how important you, your goals and your dreams are! Best of luck to you!

fittertanme

its nice that he is thinking of you but sit him down and tell him how you feel and if that dont help then kick his but and tell hime you want to change for you and stick to your goals you can do it

SenshiV

Let him understand this is not an appearance matter but a serious health issue, then get him under that statement, doesn't he want you to be healthier?

I seriously believe he is insecure, and by doing this he's showing why you would have reasons to leave him at some point.

Just never forget, everyone deserves someone who loves you, but that also supports you, otherwise, something is missing there...

Jesea

I think my husband hasn't quite caught up with "New Me" yet. When I was not eating as healthy, not counting my calories and watching my carbs, etc., bringing home some extra dessert was a real treat for me. He still does that, and I struggle to remind myself that he was thinking of me, and trying to do something nice for me. I try to gently steer him toward healthier ways to show he loves me, such as putting the boys to bed so I can go for a walk/run. And when we're out with friends, he always encourages me to relax and enjoy myself, and in the past, that has meant more food and alcohol than I want now. That's frustrating because I have to decline, and we're with other people. But I have to hold my ground if I'm going to get this done, and I have to be patient with him as I do. It takes time to change habits!

NJGmywholewrld

I can completely relate to what you are saying. There is no doubt in my mind that my husband loves me, but, I think that he prefers me overweight and with low self esteem. He, as well, will bring home all of my favorites and think that he is doing a good thing. When I bring it to his attention, his response, "Just have a little." There is no such thing as, "Just have a little"! I am trying to work on an addiction here. I came to MFP because honestly, I have no support whatsoever form anyone. I can tell you though, it all stems from insecurities. Imagine what is running through their minds, "She is looking great-if I see it, what are other men thinking?" I wish ya a world of luck, but remember....Do not give up on yourself!!

Cindym82

My boyfriend does the same crap, drives me crazy. only saving grace is he works over nights so when I get off of work he's usually sleeping so I hit the gym directly from work and don't wake him up until after i've cooked, that way i'm sure a clean meal. Occasionally he'll wake up and make some unhealthy food for dinner and bug me a million times of when i'll be home and weekends forget it....all down hill. And he's skinny and he knows my tummy fat bothers me and he'll come in with his flat stomach and say "i think i'm getting fat" and i'll lose it grab my stomach fat and go reeeeeeally????? REALLY? you think you're fat??? roll my eyes and leave the room, than he'll be like a puppy with his tail between his legs and say babe you look good you can tell ur tummy is getting smaller.....and no matter how much I try and explain how much this pisses me off he doesn't listen

KansasRain

my husband was this way for the first 4 months i was doing this, so much so that i gave up. eventually he started to notice the changes in my attitude and how i felt about myself when i had given up compared to how i was when i was really trying hard to be healthy. we talked about it and i let him know how important this is to me, how bad i feel about myself for how unhealthy and over weight i am and how happy i am when i work out or eat right because i can feel the changes in my body. i even broke down a little and almost cried when i was telling him how bad it makes me feel when he doesn't support me and it really seemed to open his eyes, he has promised that for now on we can buy and eat only healthy food and he will be supportive of my work outs and help with our daughter when i need extra time or when im cooking.

However he did tell me WHY he was so anti-healthy, for him it was because i went from eating when i wanted to only eating when i was ACTUALLY hungry and he didn't think that was often enough, he looked at it as me starving myself because he didn't understand, it was also because i went from cooking US meals and eating together to cooking MY meals and eating at the times i set for myself. He also hated that i went from sitting around doing nothing but computer and vid games with him to getting up and being active outside, mowing the lawn, walking the dog, playing with our daughter in the yard, and he sleeps all day (he works over nights) and i use to sleep with him but now i don't because its important for me to get a healthy nights rest and stay active all day. basically i started changing the way i live and he felt left out and didn't understand the importance behind it.

now we have met in the middle, i wake up at 8am when he gets home and we a healthy breakfast as a family. then we have a shower together and he goes to bed, which is when i pick up the yard or play with our daughter or w/e else i have planned to keep me active, then i make us a lunch and wake him up so we can eat together again, and we play some games or go out together and then we have dinner as a family and he goes to bed to get a nap before work and i do my elliptical at that time, then i wake him up for work and stay up with him while he gets ready and leaves then i relax, put our daughter to bed and do the same. so i guess my epic long post is just saying TALK to him, explain your side in a way he will understand it and LISTEN to him about how he feels, then work on a compromise.

sshap21712

My wife wasn't the most supportive and would bake these calorie rich desserts and ice creams and then whine when I wouldn't eat them. But age caught up with her and she started packing on pounds. So I stopped having sex with her. Now she's in the gym with me!

clarkeje1

I would tell him to F off and if he doesn't like it he can kiss my *kitten*!

NewChristina

Don't inconvenience yourself. Keep up a regular workout routine that works for you. If he brings home junk or stuff you don't eat right now, just ignore it. You don't have to eat it.

I think many spouses are uncomfortable with their spouses changing in a way that will improve them because then THEY will have to get on board or get left behind...or least that is how it feels to them. But you can be understanding of his fears without allowing him to keep you overweight. YOU control you; what you do, what you eat, how you live, that's all up to you.

Well said!

DonnaCW

My husband likes to eat, and every two seconds, he says, "Let's go for ice cream" , which is hard to refuse. The last time I went I ended up getting a lowfat frozen yogurt and pouted because I couldn't have what I really wanted! Try to get him on board with you! Does he need to lose a few? If so, do this together! Even if he doesnt want to do the MFP, he can always watch what he eats on his own. Tell him you want to look beautiful for him and buy a sexy nightie to wear when you are at goal weight. Tell him if he helps you get there you will wear it for him. Hey, men need visuals! Good Luck!

chivalryder

I knew this guy who was really into cycling. He would ride it for at least an hour every day and much longer on weekends. His wife was complaining and whining about him spending so much time on the bike, and away from him. His response?

He bought her a bike!

Don't know what to say about him bringing home all the junk food. The best suggestion is to sit down with him when you're both calm and not riled up by something else and talk to him about it. He should tell you what's bugging him about it, and you should let him know why you're doing this.

If that doesn't work out then consider a new life partner. Communication is key.

TubbsMcGee

My SO used to poke fun of my "extreme" healthy eating habits (as he called it) but he eventually warmed up to the idea, and how he sometimes eats better than I do!

Just give it time.

I started off by insisting that I make all the meals, and that we only go out for dinners/have take out once a month.
Will power was important when he brought home my favourite snacks as a special treat. You don't have to turn your nose up and not have anything, everything in moderation -- limit yourself to one serving and don't put up a stink, it will hurt his feelings!

If he's upset with you taking so much time to exercise, suggest he join you while walking the dog. Or take a fun class together.

:flowerforyou:

alord426

I am so sorry he is not supportive!!! But he should be backing you up 100% on whatever you want to do. Especially if it is to become healthier and to better youself! Have you asked him what his problem is?!?!?! I can't stand when I read stories like these when the spouses are not being supportive and make you feel guilty about wanting to work out and lose weight! I hope something changes soon sweetie!!!

confettibetti

I think you should directly ask him why he is trying to sabotage you. If he says he isn't, tell him what he is doing feels that way. Sometimes spouses get insecure -- like "If she loses weight she'll leave me". To an extent that is understandable -- he's acting like am immature jerk.

Ohhh I agree!

Xniecex

I didn't read thru the posts, but the boom on the lindora diet is good for this kind of stuff. Youre supposed to read a chapter a day. And it covers topics such as sabotaging: self sabotage and others doing it. I can think of the name but i have it at home. Inbox me and i will get you the information (title/author).

.....speaking of. That book, i should start reading it again....

Bobby_Clerici

Maybe you should withhold sex.

^^^^
THIS
I don't mean to be crude, but sex is a strong ointment.
If God has anything better than what you ladies have, he's keeping it all for himself...:smokin:

confettibetti

Don't inconvenience yourself. Keep up a regular workout routine that works for you. If he brings home junk or stuff you don't eat right now, just ignore it. You don't have to eat it.

I think many spouses are uncomfortable with their spouses changing in a way that will improve them because then THEY will have to get on board or get left behind...or least that is how it feels to them. But you can be understanding of his fears without allowing him to keep you overweight. YOU control you; what you do, what you eat, how you live, that's all up to you.

Well said!

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miribg

My fiance was VERY supportive, in the beginning. Now he says I am getting too skinny (I am nowhere near being skinny, much less too skinny), asks where I am going, who I am with, why do I dress a certain way versus before where I "could" go and come and dress as I please. He is seeing other men look at me and he doesn't like it. I am doing nothing to provoke this (just comes with the package I guess). I had a very serious talk with him. Told him I needed to SHUT UP already and listen to me. I explained to him that I didn't want to loose weight for him or for anyone, this was for me. I feel better about myself so that brings on the change in attitude and the way I want to dress. I told him instead of being an insensitive *kitten* he should make me feel better about myself and I would love him more for it. If he kept up with it we wouldn't work out((that was the part that hit him). He too did what your husband does, bring home things I like. I will take a bite of it and thank him for being soooo thoughtful but he shouldn't have since I already ate. I workout 5 times a week and we have a daughter(she stays with him while I workout), he doesn't like the idea of it but I don't care. He is a boxer and I took care of our daughter when he trained and I never once complained about it. He needs to get used to the idea because I am doing this for me with or without his support.

audfox

Well, I am not sure my spouse is unsupportive, but I know he complains a lot about me being "fat" and then when I start to lose a significant amount of weight, he complains that I am getting too small...I really think it is about him thinking I am spending time on myself and neglecting his needs.

I go thru periods of time when if I truly want to lose weight, I absolutely have to put myself first. That means, I don't come home straight after work and cook for him, that means I spend time out away from the house keeping busy.. he doesn't understand that for me to truly give myself a chance that I need to put myself first. However, I would have thought he would have been happy that I was losing weight, but it seems not... sooo I have been on a weight loss rollercoaster..up down thing, but I am going to give it another try and lose some weight, this time it is for the health of it, not because he complains..lol