Vent, and help with a husband that "can't" cook

ericarae33
ericarae33 Posts: 211 Member
in Food and Nutrition
Help me find a way to get my husband to cook. We have 3 kids. I work later hours than he does. Tonight I'm going to the gym right after work. He has to feed the kids....he text's me to say there is no food in the house, when what he means is there's nothing quick like mac & cheese or frozen pizza, chicken nuggets etc. Our fridge is full of food and so is the freezer.

I'm livid, he is 35!! The kids can't keep eating junk because he is lazy.

What do others do for situations like this? Am I to spend my entire weekend making up casseroles and stocking the fridge with frozen crap so he can "cook"??
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Replies

  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    1. Stop buying junk food.

    2. Don't respond when he texts you. If you treat him like a helpless child, he will act like one. If he gets no answer, do you think he will starve himself and your children? No.

    3. Spend some time making sure he actually CAN cook something. My husband cooks dinner every night and so left to my own devices, I am often unsure how to make what he makes. My repertoire is very limited. Maybe your husband is the same?
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    It takes two minutes to cook a steak, he can at very least do that. There are also microwave veggies where you just throw the bag in the microwave and cook it. Takes six or seven minutes. A good side for the steak. Not sure how healthy microwave veggies are, but I reckon it's healthier than the kids starving.
  • mmachick2011
    mmachick2011 Posts: 55 Member
    UGH! I hear your pain!!! My husband makes what I call "brown dinner" unless I nag him... which I hate doing. Brown dinner= chicken nuggets/ processed fish sticks/ corn dogs with a side of hash browns/ tater tots/ french frys. And no, not buying these things is not a solution for me... he will go to the store and pick them up because they are easier!! My son is a competitve swimmer and eats about 8,000 calories a day so this stuff does not phase him- and he makes healthier choices for about 98% of his day. I am on MFP for a reason! My husband is just not on the right track... yet and he needs to lose weight- out doctor even asks him why he isn't on the program/ lifestyle change with me

    :(
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    stop aiding him. tell to figure it out.
  • saraann4
    saraann4 Posts: 1,296 Member
    Sounds exactly like my dad. Tell him to feed the kids. When you get home, you cook yourself some food, nobody else (unless your kid haven't ate, then obviously feed them too)
  • fittocycle
    fittocycle Posts: 827 Member
    My husband "can't" cook either but I've made sure my sons can. When they went to college or moved out on their own, I printed off some easy, quick recipes, slide the pages between plastic page protectors and placed it all in a binder. My youngest son tells me his roommates all use the "cookbook" quite often! Maybe something like this would work for your hubby!:wink:
  • Marll
    Marll Posts: 904 Member
    My wife is the same way. She can cook, but has become lazy and I do 99% of the cooking, preping, meal planning etc. I work and she's a stay at home mom. If it's not easy she doesn't bother.

    I enjoy cooking, but sometimes I would just like to come home to a prepared meal.
  • ahamm002
    ahamm002 Posts: 1,690 Member
    Teach him how to grill real food like steak. If he can't grill, make fun of him.
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    Aw. No fun! I have been sneaky about this and just cook my dinner with my husband's. You could cook ahead if possible. I'm sure he can handle the microwave. That's what I do with my husband. I don't let mine cook because he makes a giant mess and doesn't measure things out. He gets breakfast, lunch, and dinner made for him everyday in return and I work. :)

    So yeah, I recommend making food in batches throughout the week... casseroles, crock pot, soups etc. and/or cook the night before and have them microwave the dishes. Your husband will figure it out or just let it go. He won't let the kid's starve though. That's for sure, I don't care who you are.
  • jadesign19
    jadesign19 Posts: 512 Member
    Can he make breakfast? (not just cereal).
    Men love eggs and bacon. He can cut up fruit I'm sure .
    Give him options. He won't starve. It might not be the healthiest but baby steps.
  • KBjimAZ
    KBjimAZ Posts: 369 Member
    Teach him how to grill real food like steak. If he can't grill, make fun of him.



    What this person said......That's awesome!
  • AnnyaSB
    AnnyaSB Posts: 233 Member
    My husband is 65 in October and cooks amazingly well - in fact he does most of the cooking as he's retired now but I am still working full-time. Shame your other half into cooking by telling him if an old fart like mine can manage it so can he :wink:

    My biggest problem is he does like to add "extras" in (ie: masses of butter and cream etc) because he reckons it makes things "taste better", but I am slowly weaning him off the really high fat stuff. He is (like me) a bit overweight and was actually shocked by the size of his tummy in some recent holiday snaps so hopefully that will encourage him to eat less chocolate, biscuits/cake and other junk - it doesn't help that he stuffs the cupboard full of this stuff then expects me to ignore them!

    He does love to impress me with the wide variety of veggies he can serve up - his record is 11 different types in one meal :laugh:

    Ignore his texts, enjoy your gym time, and shame him into doing better....... He can do it, but like so many others (and I mean men AND women here) he just can't be arsed!
  • KrystleKiri
    KrystleKiri Posts: 135
    My husbands family owned a restaurant when we were growing up. He "can't" cook. I tend to just give into him and cook because it's easier.
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
    My fiance doesn't cook and doesn't even think of food. I won't be able to change that...so it will be left to me to prepare the meals. He has only ever cooked once in a blue moon...although he does like to bbq. I just tell him what he needs to make on the BBQ and he will do it...

    He isn't much of a planner. I think if we ever have kids I will have to prepare the weekly meals in advance...or have a schedule or something....lol

    Our relationship is give and take...he cleans, I cook.
  • ChaseAlder
    ChaseAlder Posts: 804 Member
    I'd ignore his texts, or text him back and tell him to figure it out himself.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    Text him back telling him where the nearest cookbook is to the kitchen.
  • jkleon86
    jkleon86 Posts: 245 Member
    ask him to find crock pot recipes that he thinks he and the kids will like and make a list of what is needed for it.
    set it before going to work with instructions of what to do with it next. I don't think men were programed to come up with a meal on their own. :ohwell: thats just from my corner of the world.
  • sammniamii
    sammniamii Posts: 669 Member
    Get an indoor grill (george forman style) and keep chicken breasts & such not in the freezer. Buy "steamable veggies" that are frozen, preseasoned and can be thrown in the microwave for several mins. Then keep things like shredded cheese & sour cream - top the kids veggies w/ a little and they may be more tempted to nom them.

    Also, keep things like "boil in bag" rice or the bagged mixes, plus a good sized microwavable glass bowl so he can make those up as well. If they kids don't like rice/noodles, try mashed tatoes - they make several that just require 2c water and 4 min in the microwave. Yes, both of these may not be ideal foods, but in small amounts they are healthier than the "junk" food.

    My hubby can't cook to save his life - when I leave town for a week because of work, I make sure he has these "quick" meals in stock in the freezer for him. Plus, it doesn't make much of a mess, so less dishes, because the man hates washing dishes & takes twice as long as I do to do them.
  • lelstar
    lelstar Posts: 374 Member
    Teach him - I'm teaching my partner. He's a little sensitive about it because I have been cooking since I was 9 but he is getting there. Keep it simple to start with, steak and veges. I had to instruct my other half on how to steam veges which to me is incredibly obvious but he had never done it. Play to his strengths, eg mine can use a BBQ so it's not that hard to transfer those skills to a fry pan.
  • BeanQueen3000
    BeanQueen3000 Posts: 161
    TEACH HIM HOW. Not enough people learn basic kitchen skills. Invest in some good all-around cookbooks (America's Test Kitchen, BH&G, etc) and help him learn. Easy, awesome dinners don't ever have to be brown (and you can usually make the brown ones much cheaper than their bagged and pre-prepped counterparts).

    Edit: i'm really amazed at how many women in this thread are willing to accomodate/put up with this kind of behavior. Certainly, whatever floats your boat, but learning how to cook for yourself is a skill every adult should have. What a gift to share it with someone else. I wouldn't be able to respect someone who refused to try and learn.
  • lelstar
    lelstar Posts: 374 Member
    ask him to find crock pot recipes that he thinks he and the kids will like and make a list of what is needed for it.
    set it before going to work with instructions of what to do with it next. I don't think men were programed to come up with a meal on their own. :ohwell: thats just from my corner of the world.

    Oddly enough my Dad taught my Mum to cook and now she's a chef...
  • lizzybethclaire
    lizzybethclaire Posts: 849 Member
    I can't cook at all. My husband does the majority of cooking. When I got married, I not only got a husband but three kids. Teach your hubby the rule of 3: a starch, a protein, and a veggie make a meal. We always keep chicken, hot dogs, mac & cheesefrozen veggies, noodles, rice, etc... My hubby taught me how to make the basics that way I can cook when he can't. Now they are all in HS which is easier. I keep stuff for them to make their own lunches and they can also cook dinner in a pinch now.
  • AZnewme
    AZnewme Posts: 228 Member
    Your husband may just have "chefs block" kinda like writers block only with food! I would suggest having a plan. If he can actually cook, then having it written out may help- "chicken thawed in fridge, stirfry veggies in freezer, rice and sauce in pantry and when you're done - text me and I will tell you where the dessert is!, <3".

    Good luck!
  • lelstar
    lelstar Posts: 374 Member
    TEACH HIM HOW. Not enough people learn basic kitchen skills. Invest in some good all-around cookbooks (America's Test Kitchen, BH&G, etc) and help him learn. Easy, awesome dinners don't ever have to be brown (and you can usually make the brown ones much cheaper than their bagged and pre-prepped counterparts).

    Oh you just reminded me!! Some of my best and easiest recipes come from a kids cook book! it's by Bay Books and it's called The Best Of Kid's Cooking
  • Livingdeadgirl44
    Livingdeadgirl44 Posts: 264 Member
    My partner can't really cook unless it's putting a pizza in the oven but mainly because he has never had to learn (mum or whoever has always cooke for him) I'm happy to do most the cooking but for days when I may be late at work or such I have pasta and sauces which he can do for us.

    I would like for us to cook together one day a week so he picks up some new skills but that isn't always possible.
  • kelsully
    kelsully Posts: 1,008 Member
    If you want them to eat what you want them to eat then lay it out for him ...ie the chicken in the fridge already marinating, make the frozen veggies etc easy to see etc. I learned that if I want things done my way I had to make it clear before hand, not be irritated afterwards.

    Some easy dad meals...someone mentioned brown dinner...I make yellow dinner....scrambled eggs, some fruit...ie apples, sliced bananas or peaches, mac and cheese....

    Quesadillas - there are precooked grilled chicken or leftover pork roast, ham slices etc that can be added to the quesadilla....have quacamole and salsa as sides.

    start a crock pot or something yummy...

    or ... be content with what he makes..or do like you said and prep over the weekend
  • tadpole242
    tadpole242 Posts: 507 Member
    Buy a slow cooker, one with a crock that will fit between the shelves in your fridge. before you go to bed, put all the stuff you need for your slow cook meal in the pot in the fridge. Before you go to work, put the slow cooker on.
    Not everyone can cook, not everyone likes to cook, not everyone should be made to cook. If like me you love to cook, but work long hours, cook over the weekend and freeze in meal portions. if your husband won't help get your kids to help (if they are old enough) teach them to cook at an early age and they will shame him by the time they are teens
  • bug1114
    bug1114 Posts: 268 Member
    My husband tried to feed our four kids raw (cooked on the outside, bleeding on the inside) hamburgers last night. He only cooks once in a blue moon and this example is why. I'd rather prepare something in advance, stick something in the crockpot, or buy a frozen meal that he can put in the oven then let him feed raw meat to the kids. He is also one to say that there is "nothing" in the house to cook even if we have a freezer full of stuff. I just suck it up and do one of the above mentioned things to save my sanity and to keep from arguing.
  • carreen
    carreen Posts: 175 Member
    Maybe he really doesn't know how to cook. Take a Sunday afternoon teaching him how to cook 3 or 4 dishes. You'll have your dinners cooked for the week, and he will at least have a handful of items he can make. Keep it simple though; they can't handle too much info at a time :) Good luck!
  • stfuriada
    stfuriada Posts: 445 Member
    1. Pre cook tons of meals on the weekend or marinade
    2. Freeze
    3. Have him microwave during the week.

    Things like chili, spaghetti, stews. Or make him bake/fry marinated meat.

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