Vent, and help with a husband that "can't" cook

Bobby_Clerici · June 2012

I'm Italian-American married to an WASP girl....

she's lovely but can't cook.
She's lovely and tries...LOUSY COOK!
I do all the cooking. LOVE IT!
As for your husband, it's too late.
Guys who don't cook never will. The best he will do is reheat. Stop complaining.
You married him this way probably thinking he'd change.
NOPE!
Like my wife's people, the Mom does all the cooking.
Not here; you should have married an Italian boy...:smokin: but no!
I am sure your man is great in all kinds of other ways, so be thankful and enjoy yourself cooking all those casseroles.
I sure would! :drinker:

hkevans724 · June 2012

Mine can't cook either. If I am not home he will normally just not eat.. until I get home and he says I am hungry... He was spoiled his whole life and then he married me... never had to fend for himself.. i say just fix meals in advance and let him heat them up.

spoonful · June 2012

I'm amazed by all these posts. I had no idea there were so many guys out there that will not cook. I LOVE cooking. Not quite true. I love cooking for others. I do not put too much effort into it if it is just for me. I just do basic stuff for myself.

HisPathDaily · June 2012

I'm amazed at the amount of offending stereotypes, put-downs, and generalizations that are made on this thread, it truly is heart breaking. There is no "luck" involved in me finding a wife of over 11 years and having 4 children in a relationship that has grown closer each year. We built ourselves on a Rock and a marriage that lifts each other up, rather that putting each other down; despite our weaknesses and lack of skill in areas of our life. We mess up, but find ways of working "together" to move forward ... and we work to make our own desires less than that of our partner. However, by doing so, we find that our own desires are being met by our partner naturally ... it's awesome.

I can say without a doubt that if I focused on the lack of gifts that my wife has (cooking/cleaning) and made that a priority in my life that I would be unhappy ... yet I find myself in a marriage that is beautiful beyond description.

And guess what ... she is a stay at home mom, and I work all day, and I come home and cook! *gasp* ... it's just a way I serve her ... and I love it.

It's at least worth a thought ... I'm out of this thread ... if you want to vent at my ridiculous statements, message me ...

OP ... I hope you find a way around this ... I do think as I originally said that working together you could come up with some standbys that are easy to start with (as I did with my wife as she does try to help from time to time when things are exceptionally busy) ... I'm sure you can work with it if you come together ...

See ya ...
~Matt

-sdg

Kristan_Forsey · June 2012

Pretty sad that a stay at home Mom doesn't cook a healthy meal for her family. Isn't her job to take care of the family? None of my stay at home Mom friends would ever consider cooking an unhealthy meal, except once in a while for a treat.

Bobby_Clerici · June 2012

Buy a slow cooker, one with a crock that will fit between the shelves in your fridge. before you go to bed, put all the stuff you need for your slow cook meal in the pot in the fridge. Before you go to work, put the slow cooker on.
Not everyone can cook, not everyone likes to cook, not everyone should be made to cook. If like me you love to cook, but work long hours, cook over the weekend and freeze in meal portions. if your husband won't help get your kids to help (if they are old enough) teach them to cook at an early age and they will shame him by the time they are teens

I use this all the time for quick meals like...
Slap in a roast, pour in a can of coke cola, Lipton dry onion soup, pack of frozen mixed veggies, set on low for 10 hours and......
Buon Appetito:drinker:

CaptBeardface · June 2012

Get rid of the junk and teach him how to cook, and while your at it teach your kids how to cook. I am so grateful that my mother taught me how to cook starting at age 9, they where mostly one pot meals but she supplemented my knowledge as I grew up. By the time I went to college, I could make pasta and bread from scratch and she also pasted down her grandmother recipes. I had a lot of happy roommates in college. And at this point in my life, if I go out to a restaurant and I like the meal I can usually replicate it at the house.

Bobby_Clerici · June 2012

I'm amazed by all these posts. I had no idea there were so many guys out there that will not cook. I LOVE cooking. Not quite true. I love cooking for others. I do not put too much effort into it if it is just for me. I just do basic stuff for myself.

Yesterday I make shrimp curry in 15 minutes.
I started the rice first, and while it was going, browned some onions, peppers and garlic in olive oil, then in another pot simmered coconut milk with yellow curry. I added red curry to the shrimp, then dumped them in the milk, then mixed in the veggies....BING!
Rice ready and ....Buon Appetito!:drinker:
15 minutes....

HisPathDaily · June 2012

For my wife's sake, yes, breakfasts and lunches (can be pretty simple) and having organic produce all around the house makes it pretty easy to give them healthy choices ... I was referring to dinner mostly.

Though I don't recall saying my wife gives my children unhealthy meals ...

Pretty sad that a stay at home Mom doesn't cook a healthy meal for her family. Isn't her job to take care of the family? None of my stay at home Mom friends would ever consider cooking an unhealthy meal, except once in a while for a treat.

MooMooooo · June 2012

It's only irritating if you let it be.

I reckon just make sure there is milk and cereal in the house - or baked beans and toast and suggest those whenever he texts.

Easy - healthy - done.

If you need to have more control than this or he finds a way to escalate the behaviour (ie., the issue is secretly something else) then get some couples therapy. :flowerforyou:

kcoftx · June 2012

I dont know how to cook because my mother never teach me

I laugh because I grew up with my father and let's just say we had 5 things on our menu. Most of them involved the grill. When I got married I had to call my mother, who is a fantastic cook, and ask what the heck it meant to "brown the meat." I"m surprised I even knew how to boil water. At my dad's house, we didn't cook on the stove growing up. EVER. I really honestly did not know how to cook. My dear husband used to beg me to let him eat a sandwich all the while trying his best to be really nice to his wife who really wanted to learn how to cook. The problem is I didn't even think of dinner until 6pm and then I would drag out a cook book. I looked at what I had in the cabinet (wasn't good at thinking ahead on the menu yet before grocery shopping). Then I would start. To a newbie, some of those 45 minute recipes took me 3 hours! Poor guy. He patiently waited late each night for whatever I prepared. Sometimes they came out okay and sometimes they were utter disasters.

But now I may not be as good of a cook as my mom but I can make whatever it is you want me to make.

Evarell · June 2012

My husband "can't" cook either but I've made sure my sons can. When they went to college or moved out on their own, I printed off some easy, quick recipes, slide the pages between plastic page protectors and placed it all in a binder. My youngest son tells me his roommates all use the "cookbook" quite often! Maybe something like this would work for your hubby!

Say, thanks for the idea-- my son plans to marry next spring and move across the continent. I think I'll do this for him and his fiance. :happy:

AshRyd · June 2012

ask him to find crock pot recipes that he thinks he and the kids will like and make a list of what is needed for it.
set it before going to work with instructions of what to do with it next.

i like this one! there are just 100's of things you can do! my problem isn't a husband (don't have one of those) but kids coming and going at different times for different sports and they need to eat and eat well. If I use the crock pot i just post an index card on top with any additional directions or add on's in the cabinet or fridg and the time it will be ready and if they need to turn it from hot to warm. ---- Some days I then say a little prayer and hope that there is something left in the crock pot for me after the kids and friends have attacked :laugh:

Lisapayne76 · June 2012

My husband inherited 3 kids when we got married and we have 2 together so we both help cook and clean. We both work full time outside the home. On saturdays we sit down and look at crock pot recipes and make a menu out along with our grocery list and then we take turns throwing it in the crockpot before we leave in the mornings. I just bought an awesome cookbook by Dawn Hall that has low fat low cal recipes and that is what we generally use. This way even if one of us gets home later dinner is ready for everyone.

chrystee · June 2012

My husband couldn't cook either, so I encouraged him to learn. Show him how to use the grill, or cook on the stove.
He started making really good marinades, and then I would cook them..

Now he can make a good meal, and he usually feeds himself and our son, while I'm working out.

chrystee · June 2012

I dont know how to cook because my mother never teach me

Neither did mine, that's no excuse. There are 1000s of cookbooks available, the internet at your finger tips and plain ol' making it up as you go along.

love korean food, had a korean bff, and asked her mother to teach me how to make korean dishes! I agree.. Look at YOUTUBE, and you can learn to cook.

momofwolfpack7 · June 2012

Personally, I would start a crockpot meal before work. Why? Because I would want my kids to eat healthy food and not end up with food issues/obesity. Marriage is give/take. I'm sure he does stuff you don't want to do (mow the lawn?) My hubs makes an excellent breakfast (pancakes, eggs, coffee, fresh-squeezed juice, fruit), and he can grill. I have taught the children (who are more teachable and willing to learn from me) to cook as well. Between the hubs, the 15 yr-old and the 12 yr-old, they manage.

mamaclose · June 2012

I agree with the suggestions of teaching him to cook. My husband used to just make mac-n-cheese, chicken nuggets, hot dogs, fries, etc. He called them his "school lunch dinners"! No more, he asked how I make my meals and we made them together a few times, I showed him ingredients, how to prep, measure, and cook the meals. Now he has several of "my" recipes in his repertoire and no more school lunch dinners!