Vent, and help with a husband that "can't" cook

0somuchbetter0

My husband said he wanted to learn how to cook but when I tried to teach him (many times) he was hopeless. He's a doctor and very intelligent, which can only mean that he really doesn't care. When I don't have time to cook and I tell him it's up to him to feed himself and the kids, I have to accept the fact that they'll probably have cereal or PBJs for dinner. If I stressed about it I'd never have any time to myself!

ericarae33

Here's another idea!

Why don't you make a deal with him that you will learn something that he can do, but you can't (maybe auto mechanic work/accounting, etc.) if he learns the basics of cooking?

Then, both of you will be improving yourselves and feeling like the other is interested in being a team! It's a win-win! :happy:

Best idea yet!!

It also avoids the awkwardness of him retaliating with letting you "figure things out" when sitting by the side of the road with a stalled car. LOL!

I love this too! Because he would totally do that, if I broke down after telling him to figure it out himself : D Good thing we have AAA!

Pedal_Pusher

Can't or won't?

ishallnotwant

It's only irritating if you let it be.

I reckon just make sure there is milk and cereal in the house - or baked beans and toast and suggest those whenever he texts.

Easy - healthy - done.

If you need to have more control than this or he finds a way to escalate the behaviour (ie., the issue is secretly something else) then get some couples therapy. :flowerforyou:

I agree. OP, some husbands don't even watch their kids so their wives can go work out. He is supporting you, stop trying to control how he cares for his children and let him feed them what he wants on his nights with them. If you don't like it, come home, make dinner, and work out at home or hit the gym after dinner. You can't have your cake and eat it, too. It sounds like your biggest problem is wanting to be in control here. instead of picking at his parenting, leave him some easy stuff to prepare for the kids and count your blessings. Work with him, not against him. He's obviously making an effort to work with you.

ETA: It always bothers me seeing how many women jump into these post with their man bashing comments ("Men are like children...") or saying things like "Ignore him, tell him to figure it out", etc. Why such animosity towards men, ladies?

ishallnotwant

Help me find a way to get my husband to cook. We have 3 kids. I work later hours than he does. Tonight I'm going to the gym right after work. He has to feed the kids....he text's me to say there is no food in the house, when what he means is there's nothing quick like mac & cheese or frozen pizza, chicken nuggets etc. Our fridge is full of food and so is the freezer.

I'm livid, he is 35!! The kids can't keep eating junk because he is lazy.

What do others do for situations like this? Am I to spend my entire weekend making up casseroles and stocking the fridge with frozen crap so he can "cook"??

My husband doesn't cook and that doesn't make your husband or my husband lazy......................IT JUST MEANS THAT NEITHER ONE OF THEM CAN'T COOK.

I am sorry, but it is wrong for people to come on the internet and b*tch, moan and complain about their spouse. Look around at every thing else he does for you and the kids......................Do you still think he is lazy???? Probably not. So, don't say that he is lazy.

There are so many other women that would love to have a man that is at home keeping their children while she is still at work.

Look at the positive and come to a realization that YOU married a man that can not cook. That is not his fault. Not everyone wants to know how to cook.

Yes, make casseroles, crock pot foods, etc that he can just re-heat and eat.

+1 +1 +1 Preach!

ishallnotwant

Teach him how to grill real food like steak. If he can't grill, make fun of him.

not only thins, but teach him how to put raw veggies on the grill. my son actually ate the onions we grilled- sweet! and delicious! we also grill just about every other thing there is
pineapple, eggplant, tomatoes, garlic, peppers, mushrooms, carrots, corn on the cob...
so much better than the microwave (which I do not trust)
good luck

WOW, these comments makes me wonder why you all are even married in the first place.

Make fun of your husband, the OP calls her husband lazy.

So much for being supportive spouses.

Agreed.

Pisc2749

My wife is the same way. She can cook, but has become lazy and I do 99% of the cooking, preping, meal planning etc. I work and she's a stay at home mom. If it's not easy she doesn't bother.

I enjoy cooking, but sometimes I would just like to come home to a prepared meal.

There is no excuse for her, sorry, there just isn't. I work full time, I get up 1/2 hour early to make my husband breakfast, pack his lunch, and manage to cook dinner 6 out of 7 nights a week (I might get a day off now and then). If I can do it, so can she. My sister is a stay at home mom and she's the same way, her husband is lucky if he gets dinner 3 nights a week. They eat out a lot. I makes me really angry to hear things like this.

0somuchbetter0

Look, I know that this response will get some hate. However, truth must be told. It is not the man's role. While there is nothing wrong with a man cooking, it's not his God given job. Skip the gym and take care of your family.

Wow, what century are you from?

Jenniferlynn212

Prepare meals on weekends and freeze them :-)

Mom0fTwo

tell him to go online and find instructions on how to make things...cookwithcampbells.ca is a good site it is a no brainer, he has to grow up sometime

cloud2011

He needs a system. There is a way to make healthy pizza, healthy nuggets (tenders) etc. His system/method now relies on prepared foods. He probably doesn't know where to start. Your husband only needs to learn to make 5-10 balanced meals. 5 would do it, because he can repeat each week.

The other thing is, he can do creative things, like make breakfast for dinner once a week. That can be healthy and fun. Fruit smoothies can be for dessert or a drink with the meal.

Also, the crockpot is a great tool, and that makes life really easy. Here's one super easy recipe: 3 boneless,skinless chicken breasts, 1/2 c. Frank's Hot Sauce, 1/4 c. water. Set on high or low, for 6-7 hours, depending.

Take the chicken out (it'll be falling apart), shred with fork and return to crockpot to soak up juices.

Serve on slider or whole wheat hamburger rolls. I like it with baked sweet potato or regular baked fries. Plus whatever veggie you like to serve.

If you start your husband with something really easy, he'll be motivated to keep going.

brneydgrlie

I am not sure that not answering him would help. In my household, that would mean that hubby would probably just go out and buy frozen dinners or fast food for the kids, and that is not the way you want to go.

1) Tell him what you told us - your children's health is important, and he needs to not feed them crap.

2) When you do cook, make enough leftovers for another meal. That way all he has to do is reheat.

3) Grilling, like some other posters said, is a good idea.

4) You can also stock up on soups, and teach him to make some basic salads. This would be good, and perhaps ONCE IN AWHILE AS A TREAT, he could add half a grilled cheese sandwich?

Vincentsz

Help me find a way to get my husband to cook. We have 3 kids. I work later hours than he does. Tonight I'm going to the gym right after work. He has to feed the kids....he text's me to say there is no food in the house, when what he means is there's nothing quick like mac & cheese or frozen pizza, chicken nuggets etc. Our fridge is full of food and so is the freezer.

I'm livid, he is 35!! The kids can't keep eating junk because he is lazy.

What do others do for situations like this? Am I to spend my entire weekend making up casseroles and stocking the fridge with frozen crap so he can "cook"??

Preparation is 90% of the finished project. If the food in the freezer is thawed! then it can be cooked. Sounds to me when you know you will be working/working out late make sure you take out steak ,chicken or chops the night before. Any of these is easy enough on the grill. Then invest in a stockpile of Uncle Ben"s 90 second long grain and wild rice's Rice pilaf's etc and frozen microwavable veggies.

There are only two parts in an equation. THE PROBLEM and THE SOLUTION!

AbbsyBabbsy

Thank you all! He can grill, but if I haven't set meat out to defrost he is lost...and his version of grilling is heating the grill while standing there with a beer...once I have flavored the meat and set it on a tray he retrieves it, stands outside while its cooking and drinking more beer LOL

I have tried to teach him some things, that is how he now knows how to make macaroni and cheese : ) I've also shown him how to brown meat, make tuna noodle casserole, bake chicken etc. Our fridge was full, so was the freezer.....he ended up ordering pizza.

Last night I went home and told him that its high time he learn to cook, we've been married 6 years, its time. Luckily for him he agreed. SO next weekend I'm planning on sitting in the kitchen and having him cook : )

We have a LOT of cook books, but the kids one is a good idea...I assume if its easy enough for a kid it would be for him as well?

And yes he sister and mother babied him until he and I got married, the man didn't even know how to turn the oven on or use his own washer and dryer!

Thank goodness he isn't on this site LOL

So glad you went the mature adult route and talked to him about it. I hope things go well! Definitely don't get him a children's cookbook; that might seem insulting to him. Betty Crocker has tons of free recipes online, and is very accessible to a beginner. And there's always baked chicken, tacos with super lean meat, and whole wheat spaghetti. Anyone can do that.

akaporn

Men are like dogs. We can only be trained through a "positive" encouragement.

Come up with easy healthy menu that you both like... Grilled salmon with steamed veggie is super easy. Focus on what he does right and keep commending him for that. Be patience. And don't ever cook that same dish so it becomes his "Signature dish". I used the same trick with my girlfriend. I'm a waayy superior cooker than her. But, I always make sure that she beats me on chicken fried rice and vegetable soup. Now, every time I mentioned that I'm stress from work... Chicken Fried Rice and Veggie Soup on the dinner table when I get home...

By the way, my girlfriend is not a dog, she's the princess... and she's not on MFP...

Vincentsz

I'm Italian-American married to an WASP girl.... she's lovely but can't cook.
She's lovely and tries...LOUSY COOK!
I do all the cooking. LOVE IT!
As for your husband, it's too late.
Guys who don't cook never will. The best he will do is reheat. Stop complaining.
You married him this way probably thinking he'd change.
NOPE!
Like my wife's people, the Mom does all the cooking.
Not here; you should have married an Italian boy...:smokin: but no!
I am sure your man is great in all kinds of other ways, so be thankful and enjoy yourself cooking all those casseroles.
I sure would! :drinker:

Love it. especially "you married him this way, you thought you could change him!!! NOT!!!