Vent, and help with a husband that "can't" cook

Lleldiranne

It's possible that he was never really taught, and cooking is largely a confidence thing. It might be worth it, in the long run, to teach him how to cook a few less complicated dishes. Write down the recipes with detailed instructions, so that he has something to refer to when he gets stuck. Then on weekends sit down together, plan out your meals for the week (we eat so much better when we do this! I write it on our wall calendar so even the kids know what is coming and help keep us on track), and make sure he knows where all the ingredients are as well as the recipe. If you make it easy for him to succeed, maybe he'll feel more ready to try.

And if your kids are five or older, you can start teaching them to help, even if it is just little things - get a kid-friendly knife they can cut things with, let them help read the recipe or stir, etc. By 8 they can start using the stove under supervision. Maybe working with the kids to make food will make it more accessible for him.

Another helpful option, for at least a day or two a week (so he doesn't feel like he has to do it every night) is to make croc-pot meals. Put them in on low before you leave for work, and when it's time for dinner everything is ready.

HisPathDaily

I certainly agree, and this response was extremely mature.

...Men are like children...

davepavone

Well your not alone in this world there are millions of people that have this issue. weather it husbands or wife's or even kids.
Here is one way to handle it I am sure not the best but will keep them all healthy.
I love to cook. (yes other things then BBQ) so cook up a storm on like Sunday (a day off)
use a foodsaver and vacuum seal single meals, freeze them. now a healthy dinner is 10 to 15 mins away after you start a pot of water boiling. Now is he cant boil water (OMG) they can be (GOD forbid) microwaved just poke a hole in it and push a button.

Hope its some help
ps works for work lunch's also

ken1994

I have not read all of the responses, but maybe a good idea is to show him you are both interested in eating better and sign up for a date night cooking class. A chef in our area has a kitchen where she demonstrates different techniques and recipes, you bring a bottle of wine (or whatever) and get into it with him that way when he texts you to say we have nothing you can ask him to make that "really cool recipe" we learned or some variation of it. Either way good luck!

Diary_Queen

1. Stop buying junk food.

2. Don't respond when he texts you. If you treat him like a helpless child, he will act like one. If he gets no answer, do you think he will starve himself and your children? No.

3. Spend some time making sure he actually CAN cook something. My husband cooks dinner every night and so left to my own devices, I am often unsure how to make what he makes. My repertoire is very limited. Maybe your husband is the same?

AMEN to #1!!!! My mom lives with me and my kids and I had to put my foot down on this one. If she wants to buy herself some crap to eat and keep it in her room or hidden away, fine... but other than that, we have real food in our house. One evening she didn't like what I had made for dinner since I'm the primary chef (i.e., kitchen b!tch) and she grumbled around and stomped her feet and mumbled under her breath looking for a can of chili. Of course, if she had found any, it would be low fat turkey chili to begin with, but I told her we didn't have any. She proceeded to have a tiny titty baby fit and take every single can out of the cabinets and the pantry and sit them all on the floor and look through each one, like that would make some magically appear. **shrug**

#2 is very important. If he can't be grown enough to figure it out, then boo on him. I mean jeez, how'd he live this long without this basic survival skill. When the zombie apocalypse comes, even if we all find bunkers/shelter, he aint gonna make it with no hunting/gathering/cooking skills. Poor hubby!

#3 isn't so hard. Find him an app with easy recipes. If the kids are old enough, they can help stir stuff or pour stuff or at least gather ingredients. My boys are 7 and they help with dinner most every night. I teach them about serving sizes and about how dry ingreds go together and wet go together then combine, etc. Doesnt hurt them to learn now so they will be capable when theyre older. I also, with very strict supervision, let them cut up veggies or tear up lettuce for salads... that sort of deal. It's really not that hard. Also, he could learn to toss some stuff into a crock pot. That's like cooking without having to do much. A pack of frozen chicken breasts, some low sodium diced tomatoes, some pre-sliced mushrooms & a bag of 'seasoning veggie blend'.... put it over some reduced fat crescent rolls and serve some salad with low fat dressing on the side... OMG, that sounds like a meal. He could do that much. Don't give into his whining and lazyness. He will not starve the kids to death.

davepavone

Throw out the junk food. Leave some recipes. Tell him to learn to cook or there may start to be things that YOU "can't" do!

this is just wrong!!!!

Julienetan

Both my husband and I dont really know how to cook. We hate to cook.

BigBrett58

I'm a 35 year old husband and father of 2 girls ages 4 and 4 months. Ever since the baby came, I cook all meals. I've recently read smarter science of slim and what I read there about eating aligned with the times I've seen significant success with weight loss. Since I'm cooking, the whole family eats the same way and everyone is trimming up. I also do the grocery shopping, so I've loosely planned what we're eating at the beginning of the week. If your husband isn't involved in either the grocery list or the shopping, he probably doesn't have a great idea with what he's working with. If you have a grill, a microwave, and a refrigerator, the only thing stopping you have having quick easy meals every night is not having the right food on hand.

Here's what I do:. My meals are interchangeable parts. I rotate pork loin, boneless/skinless chicken thighs and breasts, chicken brats, and steaks. I throw them in a ziploc bag with any one of around 6 or 7 different marinades when I get home from work. About 30 minutes before I want to eat, I warm up the grill. (30 minutes represents the time to warm up the grill plus the time to cook the meat. adjust accordingly) I grill the meat and bring it inside. During the 5 minutes you're supposed to let the meat rest, I microwave the vegetables. Either get frozen steamer bag veggies or buy the packs of ziploc steamer bags and steam either frozen or fresh vegetables. I like those bags because you can put your salt/pepper, butter, herbs or whatever on before you throw them in the microwave. You can also rinse them out and reuse them a couple times. There is even suggested cooking times for different things and quantities on the bags. While the veggies are microwaving, I get out he plates and throw on some sort of fruit from applesauce to fresh or canned fruit. Sometimes I throw on some cottage cheese or pre-made salad with a little dressing. Then, I just cut up the meat for my daughter and wife (who is eating one handed most of the time while the baby is nursing). At this point, the veggies are done in the microwave, so I dish those out and serve dinner.

All in all, a very substantial healthy dinner is ready in about 35-40 minutes from the time the grill is turned on. The bulk of the work is the 5 minutes after the meat comes off the grill. If you're rotating the meats and marinades, the vegetables, and the fruits, it's not really that boring. We'll mix things up with some other dishes like making some taco meat out of hamburger and putting it over a bowl of fresh spinach topped with some shredded cheese, sour cream, salsa, and fresh peppers. The biggest reason I see this as something that might work for your husband is because it doesn't take a whole like of creativity. It's easy to make this a routing.

I hope this helps someone even if its just something to add to their repertoire.

tuffytuffy1

Teach him how to grill real food like steak. If he can't grill, make fun of him.

My husband will not grill. I tried telling him how "manly" it would be if he did, and he still hasn't taken the initiative.

To the OP, I feel your pain! My husband says, "If I did cook something, you would just complain about it." Well, he needs to try at least, right! I am seriously in the same boat as you, I work longer hours, he is home before me, and still won't cook. I'm tired of rushing to get home by 6:45 then having to cook and spend time with my 7 year old, it's exhausting.

girltrvlr

If you can prep casseroles and food items on the weekend, then package them up in the freezer or fridge so he can re-heat them it would probably be a start to helping him learn to cook. I try to do this for our family. I make a list of meals we will have for the week then prep all the vegetables (wash and cut up), meats (portion and sometime precook depending on recipe its for) etc so all I have to do is 20-30 minutes of prep/cooking to get a meal together during the week. Heres an example: On the weekend I pull all the meat off a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store and put it in a container in the fridge. Then on Chicken noodle soup night, myself or my hubby can pour 3 cups of water in with 1 32 oz container of chicken stock, the rotisserie chicken, a bag of frozen mixed vegetables, salt and pepper. Bring it up to a boil then reduce to medium heat and add egg noodles. Cook for 7-8 minutes and its done. Sometimes we put a package of Pillsbury biscuits on top once the noodles are almost cooked and cover it with a lid so the biscuits steam up like dumplings. Every body loves it and it takes less than 30-40 minutes to make and you don't have to hover over it.

tuffytuffy1

it sounds like you are in a bad relationship. I think what you are looking for is what is known as a woman.

LMAO, my girlfriends and I always say we need wives, not husbands:happy:

melsinct

stop aiding him. tell to figure it out.

Exactly. He is a grown man. He may hate to cook, as many people do, but as a responsible adult he needs to suck it up to feed his family. No one "can't" cook, it is a lame excuse and 8 year olds can do it. Have a calm, rational discussion with him about why it is important for him to put on his big boy pants and cook a meal for his family. Communication goes a long way.

monica4354

I think that expecting someone that doesn't cook to prepare meals for a family every night is unreasonable. What I would do is make a meal plan that includes some crock pot meals as well as some freezer meals. Start small and have him prepare one simple meal the first week and for a couple of weeks gradually add days as his abilities increase. Prepare your ingredients for the crock pot in advance so all you have to do in the morning is dump them in and turn it on. Prepare two freezer meals with instructions for heating attached. Add two crock pot meals and then help him plan the meal he's going to prepare. Not everyone can just come up with something off the top of their head so they will go for what they think is the easiest fix. If everything is planned out then there are no excuses. Make sure that the meal plan is out in plain sight (such as on the fridge) with all applicable instructions. It will be cheaper and healthier for the whole family and less of a source of conflict between you and your husband.

trud72

is can't cook or won't cook?

Julienetan

I dont know how to cook because my mother never teach me

kcoftx

I tell him what I want him to make.

I'm gonna be late. Please make [insert simple and easy but healthy dinner choice].

It works much better if I take the thinking out of the equation. Otherwise he either picked up Taco Bell on his way home or it is gonna be junk. If I haven't thought ahead, I live with it.

spoonful

You could start out by letting him read these posts.

I think you're right and that it is laziness. It is not then that is a worse problem. It is kind of unmanly to be dependent like that. What if, God forbid, something happened to you? Your children, his children, could not be cared for properly?

Anyone can cook. There are a million recipes on the internet that even my dog could probably follow.

It could be a lot of fun for him and the kids if they cooked the dinner as a team and experimented a little. That might be the better approach but you would know best what he responds to.

Can he be shamed into doing his duty or will he respond better to being made excited by the idea of something fun.

Good luck with it. I do not think it's fair that you have to be troubled by this while you are out working. I would have your dinner ready for when you got home if it was me and the kitchen would be clean too. It's called a team, right?

wewon

Seriously, to the 'let him figure it out' crowd...who do you think that the best customers are to the pizza delivery guys and drive thoughs?

Its hungry people that had to figure it out.

Don't enable your husbands incompetence, but also don't let spite and self-righteousness control your actions; that's far more destructive to your relationship than his not cooking.

Also, consider how you got to this point, you obviously tolerated his lack of culinary skills up until now, don't treat him as if this is new to you.

shelbyfrootcake

I dont know how to cook because my mother never teach me

Neither did mine, that's no excuse. There are 1000s of cookbooks available, the internet at your finger tips and plain ol' making it up as you go along.

ggeise14

Some good suggestions above: BigBrett, Aunt Thelma, vrose --- agree! To add to that, depending on your kids ages I'm guessing grilling a steak might not be a kid-friendly food. When our family was young my husband was the first one home, I did write out a suggested menu for the week and it was posted in the pantry. Because I did the grocery shopping at least he knew what ingredients were around to use. Sometimes he followed it, other times he did go off and make something else. One of my biggest regrets is that I often took the "easy" route and used quick food. 20 yrs later I hope I'd pick more of a clean eating plan.

Also, as soon as your kids can help with dinner prep I'd get them involved - make them apart of the dinner prep. I know it's probably quicker and easier to do it yourself but do you want three more of the "I can't cook" people in your house!? That way by the time they are 10-12 they will have an idea about healthy choices and possibilities.