Online dating differences

crisanderson27

So...I was talking to a friend about the differences in men and women when it comes to online dating. I had mentioned how when I was looking for people to meet with...even on a friendly basis, 95% of women(or more) wouldn't reply. Many wouldn't even read the messages. She asked me for sample messages to see if that was the problem, so I gave her some...but what they amounted to was a hello, a short comment on a point or two of commonality in their profile, and usually some kind of polite question that gave them something to say if they felt like replying. A generic example:

Hey there! I really hate this cold message thing...but we've got a lot of common interests (not to mention that I also hate the whole 'hook up' concept, from the term itself on down)...so I thought I'd say hi lol.

Any fun plans for the weekend?

My friends reply to me giving her this example as a message was:

It doesnt say much. I would respond because Im nice & you asked me a question. I would be thinking whats up with this guy? Is he shy? He didnt say anything.

I just sat there dumbfounded.

If a woman I found attractive (particularly if she had a semi interesting profile) sent me one simple word:

'Hello.'

I would reply.

It made me very curious what women in general really expect from men on these sites. I mean, no matter how intelligent and interesting you are as a man, you can only pull so much to discuss out of a typical online dating profile lol.

What gives?

Debbe2

Can't speak from my own experience but I can tell you my daughter met her husband online plus my husband and I know lots of people who have found love, happiness, companionship whatever you want to call it online. I think it's a great way to meet! So, when it's right it will be a good fit. Have fun with the process Cris :-)

MizSaz

I met my boyfriend online, but not on a dating site, so we already had common ground to work with.

AnnMarie518

I actually met my husband on an online dating site.

Funny thing was, I was totally against using them before that. I thought that the only people i'd meet would be weirdo's and possibly abusers looking for their next victim.

A friend of mine was looking thru profiles of men for me, (becuase i wouldnt do it myself) and came across one and emailed me the link for his profile. I took a chance and read what he had to say, and saw that he was military (his picture was in one of the unit vehicles and in uniform)

He seemed to say everything decent in his profile. Course I was so jaded that I just said...'well he could just be SAYING what he thinks women want to hear'

Bottom line is I decided to give him a chance and the rest is part of our history that you didnt ask about..you were just asking about what to SAY to get to that next step...

Not really able to answer that specifically as each woman is different. There could be a whole host of reasons that this/these women didnt respond back. Maybe they were not online/didnt get your message yet/are currently dating someone and didnt take their profile down/just being extreemly hesitant and careful like I was/ etc......

It doesnt mean you said or didnt say anythign wrong. It simply means that this whole online 'dating' thing is subject to many different personalities, thus many different peoples whims.

Yea, mabye you should put a little more 'out there' when you respond to or send an email to a potential interest, but then again, mabye you should just keep it the way it is. Its more of a matter of the womens 'whim' at that particular moment. You dont know what her personality is like, so I think the bottom line is just keep it real for yourself.

Write what you feel comfortable writing, and leave it at that. You ultimately want her to like you for you dont ya? Not what you 'made up' in order to try and get her interested. If she doesnt respond to what you write, truthfully its her loss. Try to move on to the next one you find interesting.

Honesty, straightforward, gentlemanly. Thats what QUALITY women want. Be yourself. You will win the right one over!

*ok, just my two cents cris* :drinker: good luck my friend!

Cliffslosinit

I have had the same issue. One time i went a diff direction.
Some of the things she wrote on her profile had some innuendo
So I was really blunt got a positive response then never heard from her again.
Women are great but Ill be damned, I'll never figure them out!

MizSaz

Cliff, we feel the same way about you guys.

CoderGal

I did online dating. On the girls side from where I'm from, it was incredibly easy. I use to get about 20 messages a day. I'd reply to people even if I was't interested, except for messages like yours. I wouldn't reply to your message because I use to get approximately 10 of those nearly exact ones a week plus other unique ones besides. It just made me think if i started talking to them my first thought would be "and how many other people have you said that one to". I may as well have been talking to a bot, and when I did start talking, the conversations seemed well...like I was talking to a bot. I know it's helpful to know why your not getting replies as I was giving my friends tips since they were running into problems...so I actually replied to a few people after I was bombarded with these messages and people started getting defensive about it, so I just stopped replying.

I suggest writing something that people want to talk about...or even better what you think that specific person wants to talk about, and include a little something about yourself.

MustBeTheRows

I meet my girlfriend on MFP. Dating sites blow big hairy balls.

CoderGal

I meet my girlfriend on MFP. Dating sites blow big hairy balls.

So do a lot of girls on dating sites

NamibianRose

So...I was talking to a friend about the differences in men and women when it comes to online dating. I had mentioned how when I was looking for people to meet with...even on a friendly basis, 95% of women(or more) wouldn't reply. Many wouldn't even read the messages. She asked me for sample messages to see if that was the problem, so I gave her some...but what they amounted to was a hello, a short comment on a point or two of commonality in their profile, and usually some kind of polite question that gave them something to say if they felt like replying. A generic example:

Hey there! I really hate this cold message thing...but we've got a lot of common interests (not to mention that I also hate the whole 'hook up' concept, from the term itself on down)...so I thought I'd say hi lol.

Any fun plans for the weekend?

My friends reply to me giving her this example as a message was:

It doesnt say much. I would respond because Im nice & you asked me a question. I would be thinking whats up with this guy? Is he shy? He didnt say anything.

I just sat there dumbfounded.

If a woman I found attractive (particularly if she had a semi interesting profile) sent me one simple word:

'Hello.'

I would reply.

It made me very curious what women in general really expect from men on these sites. I mean, no matter how intelligent and interesting you are as a man, you can only pull so much to discuss out of a typical online dating profile lol.

What gives?

Personally, I wouldn't reply to the above example message either. Unless you had a good profile and something in it I could go off of, because your message is so generic, to me. You ask a question, but you ask about my plans for the weekend, I'm unlikely to write back and tell you my plans. If some guy just wrote hello, forget it, that's not response worthy to me.

A better approach is to ask her questions about her hobby and then include something about yourself on that topic. For instance, I dunno, I love hiking too, what's your favorite hike? Personally I love camelback and hike squaw peak every other Saturday morning. Have you ever done the grand canyon rim to rim? I've always wanted to do that.

Your above message leaves me feeling you lack coversational skills. You need to give the recipient something to work with, a reason to write back.

Just some thoughts, everyone is different.

AnnMarie518

:laugh:

I meet my girlfriend on MFP. Dating sites blow big hairy balls.

So do a lot of girls on dating sites

LOL OMG how funny.....:laugh:

Cliffslosinit

Cliff, we feel the same way about you guys.

Then I'm gonna be lost.

LeggyKettleBabe

cold hard fact

if no response, she didnt find you attractive enuff

xMonroeMisfit

cold hard fact

if no response, she didnt find you attractive enuff

that right there.

sorry but its the truth. If a woman is attracted to you you can write the "HI" and she will write back. Move on and find someone worth your time.

AnaVerasGettingFit

I used to work at a newspaper (writing a dating column) and had access to the different sites. Living in a city with not that great a population, I realized that many of the girls on the sites, whether it be real, honest-to-goodness dating sites, or the other crap sites for "hooking up," were fake. I'm sure this applies to larger cities as well. And the majority of the dudes online were looking for sex. Guys, please don't argue with me on that one LOL. These sites posted tons of fake people all the time, just to get others to join their site. Sometimes they'd throw some bait around, too, and send messages out to make it seem like there really were people interested in each other, yadda yadda. Those women that WERE real, got a deluge of messages from guys all the time, so I agree that you'd really have to make your message stand out to get a response. You put an average girl on the internet, suddenly she's Miss Popular and too cool to reply back LOL

If you want to have a conversation with someone online, I'd suggest giving your screen name for a chat/messenger program so you can get real-time talk.

tobnrn

cold hard fact

if no response, she didnt find you attractive enuff

that right there.

sorry but its the truth. If a woman is attracted to you you can write the "HI" and she will write back. Move on and find someone worth your time.

If all a guy from an online dating site said was hi. I wouldnt even look at the profile. If you cant come up with more than hi why waste my time.

ShareeMorty

I would have answered, if you are polite, can spell and have basic grammar I am there - if you ask about my weekend plans in a creepy way not so much.

crisanderson27

Personally, I wouldn't reply to the above example message either. Unless you had a good profile and something in it I could go off of, because your message is so generic, to me. You ask a question, but you ask about my plans for the weekend, I'm unlikely to write back and tell you my plans. If some guy just wrote hello, forget it, that's not response worthy to me.

A better approach is to ask her questions about her hobby and then include something about yourself on that topic. For instance, I dunno, I love hiking too, what's your favorite hike? Personally I love camelback and hike squaw peak every other Saturday morning. Have you ever done the grand canyon rim to rim? I've always wanted to do that.

Your above message leaves me feeling you lack coversational skills. You need to give the recipient something to work with, a reason to write back.

Just some thoughts, everyone is different.

This is what my friend said (along with the reply about being more specific in my questions/comments...ala hiking mentioned above). The thing is...among my many faults, its not likely that you'll find 'poor conversation skills' listed lol.

I finally drew two conclusions to my lack of replies. First...attractiveness. Whether it be the pictures I was using (all dressed, some with my kids, none shirtless or posing in a mirror as they are on this site), or simply how I look in general, I wasn't attractive enough to reply to. Second...I clearly suck at the online dating thing...along with the dating thing in general. Relationships tend to be pretty awesome, finding one...not so much.

See, men (and me in particular) don't need to feel a reply is 'worthy' of us. A reply is a reply...we go with it. We don't need complicated replies either, or replies with real meaning. I mean...what are you actually going to learn in replies on a dating site? We don't have 17 different criteria for whether a girl is worth meeting either. If she's nice, attractive to us, and doesn't come off bat**** crazy in any of the conversations before meeting...and meeting, or at least conversing other than in text...is where you'll know if you get along, friends or no.

As to my example of a message to someone:

Hey there! I really hate this cold message thing...but we've got a lot of common interests (not to mention that I also hate the whole 'hook up' concept, from the term itself on down)...so I thought I'd say hi lol.

Any fun plans for the weekend?

My expectation for a general reply would be:

Hook ups DO suck! I looked at your profile (mine isn't 4 sentences...look at my freakin profile here...duh!) and I see you like racing (or hiking, or motorcycles, or any of the DOZEN OTHER COMMON INTERESTS WE HAD LISTED!)...how cool!

Plans for the weekend...not so much, just hanging out with my kids. (or...going to a barbecue/wedding/whatever the hell she feels like saying). How about you?

Simple, but it shows at least enough interest for me to know I can spend the time and effort to actually talk to her. Further messages would be more in depth and detailed...with more and more of my and/or her personality coming into view.

Oh, and for the record...MOST of my messages (and I wasn't writing hundreds...), were never even read. Literally...unread/deleted. Thus the 'attractiveness' determination.

crisanderson27

cold hard fact

if no response, she didnt find you attractive enuff

that right there.

sorry but its the truth. If a woman is attracted to you you can write the "HI" and she will write back. Move on and find someone worth your time.

If all a guy from an online dating site said was hi. I wouldnt even look at the profile. If you cant come up with more than hi why waste my time.

I understand women are different...but in my opinion, this is just stupid. So now I've got to pass a test...that test being 'What witty, non cheesy, unique, non creepy, friendly, humorous, and captivating COLD EFFING MESSAGE can I come up with from your four line profile blurb'?

Yeah, I'm going with not attractive enough.

ShareeMorty

Personally, I wouldn't reply to the above example message either. Unless you had a good profile and something in it I could go off of, because your message is so generic, to me. You ask a question, but you ask about my plans for the weekend, I'm unlikely to write back and tell you my plans. If some guy just wrote hello, forget it, that's not response worthy to me.

A better approach is to ask her questions about her hobby and then include something about yourself on that topic. For instance, I dunno, I love hiking too, what's your favorite hike? Personally I love camelback and hike squaw peak every other Saturday morning. Have you ever done the grand canyon rim to rim? I've always wanted to do that.

Your above message leaves me feeling you lack coversational skills. You need to give the recipient something to work with, a reason to write back.

Just some thoughts, everyone is different.

This is what my friend said (along with the reply about being more specific in my questions/comments...ala hiking mentioned above). The thing is...among my many faults, its not likely that you'll find 'poor conversation skills' listed lol.

I finally drew two conclusions to my lack of replies. First...attractiveness. Whether it be the pictures I was using (all dressed, some with my kids, none shirtless or posing in a mirror as they are on this site), or simply how I look in general, I wasn't attractive enough to reply to. Second...I clearly suck at the online dating thing...along with the dating thing in general. Relationships tend to be pretty awesome, finding one...not so much.

See, men (and me in particular) don't need to feel a reply is 'worthy' of us. A reply is a reply...we go with it. We don't need complicated replies either, or replies with real meaning. I mean...what are you actually going to learn in replies on a dating site? We don't have 17 different criteria for whether a girl is worth meeting either. If she's nice, attractive to us, and doesn't come off bat**** crazy in any of the conversations before meeting...and meeting, or at least conversing other than in text...is where you'll know if you get along, friends or no.

As to my example of a message to someone:

Hey there! I really hate this cold message thing...but we've got a lot of common interests (not to mention that I also hate the whole 'hook up' concept, from the term itself on down)...so I thought I'd say hi lol.

Any fun plans for the weekend?

My expectation for a general reply would be:

Hook ups DO suck! I looked at your profile (mine isn't 4 sentences...look at my freakin profile here...duh!) and I see you like racing (or hiking, or motorcycles, or any of the DOZEN OTHER COMMON INTERESTS WE HAD LISTED!)...how cool!

Plans for the weekend...not so much, just hanging out with my kids. (or...going to a barbecue/wedding/whatever the hell she feels like saying). How about you?

Simple, but it shows at least enough interest for me to know I can spend the time and effort to actually talk to her. Further messages would be more in depth and detailed...with more and more of my and/or her personality coming into view.

Oh, and for the record...MOST of my messages (and I wasn't writing hundreds...), were never even read. Literally...unread/deleted. Thus the 'attractiveness' determination.

Unattractive? They must be blind and therefore need to get off online dating sites. The pics you have had on here of you clothed and with your kids - no lack of attractiveness there. I would guess maybe they had too many requests to deal with? I have no idea why they would just click delete without at least looking at it.

Good luck though Cris, the whole dating thing is a nightmare. Casual hook ups seem easier to acquire than anything meaningful.

Pebble321

A couple of things:

1. If you don't get a response, unless you think there is a SUPER strong reason you want to connect with that particular woman, it's probably best to just move on. There are, in fact, Plenty of Fish....

2. Your message is too generic. There is nothing there to really answer except for "what are you doing on the weekend" and that could be construed as creepy, too eager or just too dull.
Try something like
Hi, I read your profile and loved your comment about **skydiving/horseriding/walking on the beach/insert something from her profile here***. I tried ****skydiving/horseriding......*** and was so ****scared/elated/bored**** that I ****do it every weekend/never tried again/almost wet myslelf**** etc.
It looks like we have some other things in common too (we both like Dutch Opera and live in the downtown district). Wwould you like to chat some more?

Do make it personal so it looks like you actually read her profile and are genuinely interested. Do check your spelling and grammar and be polite. Do be yourself (I'm assuming you can spell and are polite!). Do have real, current photos of you, they don't have to be closeups and its fun if they show you doing something you are interested in (and I mean something you woud do in public, not in private!!)

Don't suggest meeting right away, don't tell her she has beautiful eyes, don't tell her you don't want to "hook up" (although I take the point you are making, it sounds a bit strange as an opening line).

I've dated lots of guys over the years that I met from online dating and married the best one four year ago - you really can meet someone special this way, but I always say that you have to kiss a lot of frogs first.....
And my other bit of advice - treat it as a bit of fun. Look for someone fun to hang out with and if you meet Ms Special that's a bonus. If you come across as desperate, it is a bit scary.

Enjoy it and good luck!

nursedb

Ok I would definitely respond to your message. It's friendly and makes you sound easy going. Just be yourself and the right girl will come along...you may have to be patient and kiss a couple frogs... but it will happen!

lostinureyes17

I agree with everyone saying your message is too generic. It almost sounds like something a junk website would send to your email that you never signed up for. I also wouldn't respond about my weekend plans. I would think it was getting a little too personal too quick (may seem odd but that is my take). Saying something more about one of your common interests is a good idea. Here's a question though is your main picture there the same one as on here? If so I would change it to a pic that is more front facing or it looks like you are taking a picture from a good angle and girls tend to avoid that. Hope this helps a little!

Edited to add- don't say anything about hookups even if it is putting them down. It seems more like a line and just lets her know the thought crossed your mind.

CoderGal

Personally, I wouldn't reply to the above example message either. Unless you had a good profile and something in it I could go off of, because your message is so generic, to me. You ask a question, but you ask about my plans for the weekend, I'm unlikely to write back and tell you my plans. If some guy just wrote hello, forget it, that's not response worthy to me.

A better approach is to ask her questions about her hobby and then include something about yourself on that topic. For instance, I dunno, I love hiking too, what's your favorite hike? Personally I love camelback and hike squaw peak every other Saturday morning. Have you ever done the grand canyon rim to rim? I've always wanted to do that.

Your above message leaves me feeling you lack coversational skills. You need to give the recipient something to work with, a reason to write back.

Just some thoughts, everyone is different.

This is what my friend said (along with the reply about being more specific in my questions/comments...ala hiking mentioned above). The thing is...among my many faults, its not likely that you'll find 'poor conversation skills' listed lol.

I finally drew two conclusions to my lack of replies. First...attractiveness. Whether it be the pictures I was using (all dressed, some with my kids, none shirtless or posing in a mirror as they are on this site), or simply how I look in general, I wasn't attractive enough to reply to. Second...I clearly suck at the online dating thing...along with the dating thing in general. Relationships tend to be pretty awesome, finding one...not so much.

See, men (and me in particular) don't need to feel a reply is 'worthy' of us. A reply is a reply...we go with it. We don't need complicated replies either, or replies with real meaning. I mean...what are you actually going to learn in replies on a dating site? We don't have 17 different criteria for whether a girl is worth meeting either. If she's nice, attractive to us, and doesn't come off bat**** crazy in any of the conversations before meeting...and meeting, or at least conversing other than in text...is where you'll know if you get along, friends or no.

As to my example of a message to someone:

Hey there! I really hate this cold message thing...but we've got a lot of common interests (not to mention that I also hate the whole 'hook up' concept, from the term itself on down)...so I thought I'd say hi lol.

Any fun plans for the weekend?

My expectation for a general reply would be:

Hook ups DO suck! I looked at your profile (mine isn't 4 sentences...look at my freakin profile here...duh!) and I see you like racing (or hiking, or motorcycles, or any of the DOZEN OTHER COMMON INTERESTS WE HAD LISTED!)...how cool!

Plans for the weekend...not so much, just hanging out with my kids. (or...going to a barbecue/wedding/whatever the hell she feels like saying). How about you?

Simple, but it shows at least enough interest for me to know I can spend the time and effort to actually talk to her. Further messages would be more in depth and detailed...with more and more of my and/or her personality coming into view.

Oh, and for the record...MOST of my messages (and I wasn't writing hundreds...), were never even read. Literally...unread/deleted. Thus the 'attractiveness' determination.

Post the pics! And yes, I absolutely judge a person by their photo. Especially by their eyes...Do they look crazy stalker? If not continue conversation...A first question is why did they choose that pic? Some wouldn't talk to you with your current mfp profile pic on a dating site. Even though you look good, your muscular, you also look kind of menacing lol. That's not what the girl on the dating site is going to go for...unless you have some 'sweet' pics up...because you know us girls like a puffy serious and muscular man in front of us from time to time But first off, if someone approaches a girl to say hello, the last thing they want to see is immediate menacing glare.

Then there's the people who don't like animals who will not message you if the first thing they see is you adoring them...vice versa goes to if you say you hate pets. But you don't want the opposite anyway.

Then there's the people who don't like kids. Or they don't want to be associated with someone with a kid. Or they realize that a lot of people with kids are jaded. Either way, if they can't deal with it, you don't want to talk to them anyway, it's not going to work. You can't convince someone to have kids, or "hello nice to meet you would you some day like to look after mine". Plus the mention of kids often brings up the thought of how many crazy ex gfs you have to deal with or if you are the crazy one. The fact that it may be none of the above will probably not cross their mind. Don't hide the fact you have kids, mention them lovingly immediately, and you get a lot better feel for this is a nice person then "random dude with kids trying to talk to me".

Hey there! I really hate this cold message thing...but we've got a lot of common interests (not to mention that I also hate the whole 'hook up' concept, from the term itself on down)...so I thought I'd say hi lol.

Any fun plans for the weekend?

My thought process went why are they cold? I've had many many conversations that were not cold at all and ended up in some pretty good friendships and some of them even relationships. People I will keep around for life. In fact the people you message are likely in a meaningful conversation with someone else if they are interested in dating them or not. Also, I don't want to start off an argument with a stranger off the bat, so I'm likely not going to comment on it.

If you hate a hook up concept then I may think why are you on what people consider a hook up site messaging people about how you hate hook ups in an attempt to meet them...especially if it's written in your profile...and by my massive amount of common emails I get, you've probably sent a similar message to someone else. This can also be associated with something bad...are you just saying that because you think that's what people want to here? Because there are those people and you have not distinguished yourself to be outside of that group. If you think that, then why are you here? Maybe if you said why it would have cleared things up...something more to roll with. Once again, I don't want to start an argument off the bat, I'd like to get a feel for the person first.

So all I have left to talk about is the 'hi' comment now...and I have 19 more emails to read.

tobnrn

cold hard fact

if no response, she didnt find you attractive enuff

that right there.

sorry but its the truth. If a woman is attracted to you you can write the "HI" and she will write back. Move on and find someone worth your time.

If all a guy from an online dating site said was hi. I wouldnt even look at the profile. If you cant come up with more than hi why waste my time.

I understand women are different...but in my opinion, this is just stupid. So now I've got to pass a test...that test being 'What witty, non cheesy, unique, non creepy, friendly, humorous, and captivating COLD EFFING MESSAGE can I come up with from your four line profile blurb'?

Yeah, I'm going with not attractive enough.

Pass a test no. Show a little interest like you at least looked at my profile and took the time to respond with some thought.

crisanderson27

Post the pics! And yes, I absolutely judge a person by their photo. Especially by their eyes...Do they look crazy stalker? If not continue conversation...A first question is why did they choose that pic? Some wouldn't talk to you with your current mfp profile pic on a dating site. Even though you look good, your muscular, you also look kind of menacing lol. That's not what the girl on the dating site is going to go for...unless you have some 'sweet' pics up...because you know us girls like a puffy serious and muscular man in front of us from time to time But first off, if someone approaches a girl to say hello, the last thing they want to see is immediate menacing glare.

Unfortunately, most of the time lol...that's just what I look like! It's not a glare though, I was at work and thinking (I think a lot). In person I smile often and regularly...but I'm just not a person who has a light switch smile for a camera (I made a point of saying this in my profile on that site by the way).

Gimme a few and I'll post up the pictures. Some of them are on here as well I think.

Hey there! I really hate this cold message thing...but we've got a lot of common interests (not to mention that I also hate the whole 'hook up' concept, from the term itself on down)...so I thought I'd say hi lol.

Any fun plans for the weekend?

My thought process went why are they cold? I've had many many conversations that were not cold at all and ended up in some pretty good friendships and some of them even relationships. People I will keep around for lief. Also, I don't want to start off an argument with a stranger off the bat, so I'm likely not going to comment on it.

Cold meaning me messaging someone out of the blue without invitation. Similar to cold calls made by telemarketers etc. Not cold as in 'heartless' lol.

If you hate a hook up concept then I may think why are you on what people consider a hook up site messaging people about how you hate hook ups in an attempt to meet them...especially if it's written in your profile...and by my massive amount of common emails I get, you've probably sent a similar message to someone else. This can also be associated with something bad...are you just saying that because you think that's what people want to here? Because there are those people and you have not distinguished yourself to be outside of that group. If you think that, then why are you here? Maybe if you said why it would have cleared things up...something more to roll with. Once again, I don't want to start an argument off the bat, I'd like to get a feel for the person first.

So all I have left to talk about is the 'hi' comment now...and I have 19 more emails to read.

The 'hook up' comment was in direct response to her profile. My entire message was to be honest. She said she absolutely hates hook ups. My response was in agreement.

LeggyKettleBabe

Most women are looking for a man they can not "pull in". The same for guys. Dating sucks. I choose celibacy. End of that bull****.

NoAdditives

My husband found me on myspace. When he messaged me he introduced himself a little, explained that he was new to the area and was looking for cool people to hang out with. He mentioned that he read my blogs on my trip to New York and asked what places he should visit since he was planning on going. We got to talking and hit it off. Eventually, we met in person, and, obviously, got married.

The thing is, meeting online is hard. There's not a lot to go on and if a person isn't hooked by the initial message they probably won't pursue making a connection. You're also being judged on pictures, which makes it that much more difficult.

Diary_Queen

I have the exact same problem as the OP. I send out messages that aren't as intricate as they could be, but just to make that opening connection. I rarely get a response. Usually what I say is:

Hey there
My name's Amanda and I just came across your profile... I really liked {fill in the blank with what i liked... i.e., their genuine smile, their down to earth attitude, their common interest in the local music scene, etc} and thought you might be interested in chatting sometime. Please feel free to check out my profile here and message me anytime.
--Amanda

Sure, it isn't full of questions, but it says hello, states my name twice (and sometimes they still get it wrong), is breezy, to the point that i find {fill in the blank} interesting or we have a shared interest in common, states that i'd like for them to check out what i have to offer and to contact me if they are interested. I bascially don't want someone who can't put in 30 seconds to read my profile or that isnt interested in the same things i'm into. I have full body pics, headshots, pics of me being active and smiling. I'm open, honest and friendly. Still baffling as *kitten*!

chatterboxpa

Please God do not succumb to the shirtless picture in the mirror!!! Only thing worse is the duck face!! Patience - your response will draw the RIGHT one when it's time. LOL Who am I to preach this? I want it NOW!

dward2011

I met my now husband on a dating website. Here is my opinion of your message:

It's boring and obvious that you send that to each girl. Take a few moments and read her profile/comments. Look at pics (not at her body but to see where she is in the pics). Take an interest, if you actually have one. If you see that she likes to go dancing, ask her to recommend places (if you are interested in that). If she has a picture of her hiking, ask her where she goes (if you enjoy hiking). Tell her the truth, that you want to meet someone. Don't say you "hate the cold message thing" because that is irrelevant. You are using the internet and the messages may or may not be cold. Take that moment to say something truthful and thoughtful.