Online dating differences

kmarie0614

I would reply, there are only a couple of reasons I would not reply and it has nothing to do with your message. Some women are very picky. Maybe they want a certain age group, or someone that's never been married, or no kids, no smoking, etc. But I would be very flattered if someone that looked like you messaged me :blushing: But I have pretty much given up on online dating, no guy wants me because I am not a barbie doll. Which used to hurt my feelings but I have learned that men are visual creatures and women are emotional creatures. I like a guy for his personality, and I wish men would see mine. So I decided that no one is going to like me looking like this, and plus the person I see in the mirror is not me. I hate the person in the mirror. So im on a journey, to release the real me. Anyway I have got off subject, my advice is to be completely honest and don't be afraid to be yourself. Someone will sweep you up, and I hope it is soon. Happy hunting :bigsmile:

I wish you could see what I see. I think you don't give yourself enough credit. You are beautiful and shouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise. My advice is do this for you and no one else. If you focus on making yourself happy and proud of who you are then the right guy will come along. Don't get discouraged if you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince because the reality of it is, that we all have to kiss a few to find our prince. There is someone out there who sees perfection in you, he just hasn't come along yet. Keep your head up and never define yourself or your worth based on if a man looks at you. Keep smiling

CoffeeNBooze

Ok let me tell you, women get BOMBARDED with messages on those dating sites. BOMBARDED!!! I know it is not the same for men. I wouldn't take it too personally. Just keep talking to them, tell them something nice other than "hello" or be a little creative. I only responded if there was something I liked about their profile, if it "struck" me, or if they said something insightful, something that made me laugh etc....because even if I didn't find them attractive, I could get a friend which is what I was also looking for. Also, put a lot of pics up if you haven't!! Women are definitely curious.

Mhaney

I tried online dating.. what I hate is that 95% of men ask for my phone number to call or text in the first message to me, before I even ever sent them a message back.

DonniesGirl69

I would reply to that message.

Unless.......I look at your profile and there's something in there that makes me KNOW we wouldn't really be a good match. Normally, for me not to respond, it's because I get a message from a guy around my age and his profile says he "definitely" wants kids......well, at my age, I'm done having kids, so I may not respond in that case.

Erisad

Meh, I'll never use a dating site again after what happened with my last bf. Apparently he was a convicted rapist on probation, which I didn't find out until a couple months after we started dating. He also was depressive bipolar who would get pouty if any of my guy friends were to hug me or make almost any form of physical contact. I know you can meet these people in real life but this just left a bad taste in my mouth about online dating.

kmarie0614

Meh, I'll never use a dating site again after what happened with my last bf. Apparently he was a convicted rapist on probation, which I didn't find out until a couple months after we started dating. He also was depressive bipolar who would get pouty if any of my guy friends were to hug me or make almost any form of physical contact. I know you can meet these people in real life but this just left a bad taste in my mouth about online dating.

I wouldn't either. Yikes...

Erisad

Meh, I'll never use a dating site again after what happened with my last bf. Apparently he was a convicted rapist on probation, which I didn't find out until a couple months after we started dating. He also was depressive bipolar who would get pouty if any of my guy friends were to hug me or make almost any form of physical contact. I know you can meet these people in real life but this just left a bad taste in my mouth about online dating.

I wouldn't either. Yikes...

I was having a rough time getting out of it, until his mom made him break up with me. Thanks! That being said, my Okcupid account may just stay disabled. Luckily, I have a good bf now and I don't need any dating site at the moment.

fitpilatesqueen

You should be careful of what you share online so maybe they are just being causious.
I know I would be.
Why does everything have to happen so fast? Take one step at a time I would say.
I have been burnt badly by men online so I will always be extra careful.
What do I know, I don´t even understand men and their behavior. They pussle me

LorinaLynn

As to my example of a message to someone:

Hey there! I really hate this cold message thing...but we've got a lot of common interests (not to mention that I also hate the whole 'hook up' concept, from the term itself on down)...so I thought I'd say hi lol.

Any fun plans for the weekend?

My expectation for a general reply would be:

Hook ups DO suck! I looked at your profile (mine isn't 4 sentences...look at my freakin profile here...duh!) and I see you like racing (or hiking, or motorcycles, or any of the DOZEN OTHER COMMON INTERESTS WE HAD LISTED!)...how cool!

Plans for the weekend...not so much, just hanging out with my kids. (or...going to a barbecue/wedding/whatever the hell she feels like saying). How about you?

Simple, but it shows at least enough interest for me to know I can spend the time and effort to actually talk to her. Further messages would be more in depth and detailed...with more and more of my and/or her personality coming into view.

Oh, and for the record...MOST of my messages (and I wasn't writing hundreds...), were never even read. Literally...unread/deleted. Thus the 'attractiveness' determination.

Do you see how the response you're expecting is much more enthusiastic and informative than the response you sent? Write like you hope someone will respond to you. Don't just say, "we have a lot in common," or illustrate it. "That is so cool that you like motorcycles, too! Where's your favorite place to ride? I love to go to ____... it's so scenic. Then stop at ____ restaurant. Their ____ are so good!"

You need to make yourself stand out. Think of it like a tv or movie commercial... your response is a 30 second commercial, and your profile is the preview. Give a taste of what the full length feature (hey... get your mind out of the gutter!) is like. Put some of the best lines in the commercial so they'll go check out the preview, instead of just saying, "You'll like this show."

crisanderson27

As to my example of a message to someone:

Hey there! I really hate this cold message thing...but we've got a lot of common interests (not to mention that I also hate the whole 'hook up' concept, from the term itself on down)...so I thought I'd say hi lol.

Any fun plans for the weekend?

My expectation for a general reply would be:

Hook ups DO suck! I looked at your profile (mine isn't 4 sentences...look at my freakin profile here...duh!) and I see you like racing (or hiking, or motorcycles, or any of the DOZEN OTHER COMMON INTERESTS WE HAD LISTED!)...how cool!

Plans for the weekend...not so much, just hanging out with my kids. (or...going to a barbecue/wedding/whatever the hell she feels like saying). How about you?

Simple, but it shows at least enough interest for me to know I can spend the time and effort to actually talk to her. Further messages would be more in depth and detailed...with more and more of my and/or her personality coming into view.

Oh, and for the record...MOST of my messages (and I wasn't writing hundreds...), were never even read. Literally...unread/deleted. Thus the 'attractiveness' determination.

Do you see how the response you're expecting is much more enthusiastic and informative than the response you sent? Write like you hope someone will respond to you. Don't just say, "we have a lot in common," or illustrate it. "That is so cool that you like motorcycles, too! Where's your favorite place to ride? I love to go to ____... it's so scenic. Then stop at ____ restaurant. Their ____ are so good!"

You need to make yourself stand out. Think of it like a tv or movie commercial... your response is a 30 second commercial, and your profile is the preview. Give a taste of what the full length feature (hey... get your mind out of the gutter!) is like. Put some of the best lines in the commercial so they'll go check out the preview, instead of just saying, "You'll like this show."

I don't know about more enthusiastic. What I did when I wrote the 'expected' reply...was imagined I was sent that message, and wrote what my response would have been. I do know what you mean. As Lori said though...I went back through some of my sent messages and that one wasn't very well representative (this one was simply the most recent)...if only because the woman had NO information on her profile. If there's not a lot to go off of...well, what do you do?

Also...I mean, honestly, when 8 of 10 messages aren't even read (about half of those after reading my profile as listed above)...there's not a lot of point in writing an essay for an initial message. I understand women are flooded with messages on these sites, but it seems to me that if who I am as listed in my profile, and what I look like as illustrated by my pictures...aren't enough, then going full out on a message that due to its very existence shows I'm interested in talking to her (why would I waste my time messaging someone I wasn't interested in learning more about? This concept baffles me.) doesn't make a ton of sense.

Here's a more representative example of messages I send though:

Lol...roller skating!...that's awesome . (her preferred first date)

I've been looking for a new gym partner as well. 3mos ago I was in pretty great shape...but post surgery (lower biceps tendon rupture) it seems I've put on a bit =p (my pictures are pretty current). If there's anything I am though...it's consistent regarding my fitness. Having someone to work with at the gym would make it that much better .

Anyhow, hello Miss _______...my name is Cris, nice to meet you!

Her ENTIRE profile by the way:

Goals and Aspirations:

I want to meet someone who will motivate me and get me back into shape (her shape was acceptable as it was). I like to go to the gym, but there's no consistency. I want consistency and motivation in my life! I know, with the right person...I can do all things. I want to finish my masters and perhaps one day start my own business. I'm a former Marine stationed with 2nd Marine Division 10th Marines, Engineers. No, I don't know how to kill people. I just want to date someone who's not an *kitten*. Yes, I have children, but I do not introduce them to ANYONE, till I am comfortable.

Thankfully she at least read it. No reply of course =p.