My friend wants me to eat cake

13

Replies

  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
    Practice moderation instead of deprivation.
  • bodiva88
    bodiva88 Posts: 308 Member
    Never eat to make someone else feel better. Food isn't about someone else. A generous host values her guest's feelings and needs and will try to provide appropriate choices. But they are that. Choices. And the choice to be made is yours for your needs.
  • FitBunnyEm
    FitBunnyEm Posts: 320
    If u dont want cake then dont have any, my mates are the same, but dont feel bad, you like it but maybe u just dont want it...its no problem. xx
  • RilantheFirebug
    RilantheFirebug Posts: 207 Member
    Do what makes you comfortable but having a piece of cake every once in a while is not going to ruin your progress.
  • lottycat
    lottycat Posts: 333 Member
    Tell her to wrap you a piece to go. That way you can eat it when you have extra calories or take a nibble and throw it out and tell her how wonderful it was!

    This. A perfect solution. Say you've already eaten a big meal and you're really not hungry, but that it would be perfect with your morning coffee tomorrow. If you can fit it in then great, if you can't I'm sure a family member or colleague would appreciate it. Good Luck x
  • bodiva88
    bodiva88 Posts: 308 Member
    You can always just "get full" from dinner and just eat a little piece to try it.
    You can also work out a little harder to earn a bigger piece.
    Or she could say no politely instead of going through all this crap. She doesn't want it, stop it.

    Thank you ! my friend makes me feel guilty by saying oh maybe i shouldnt have a piece then if your not having one .

    I dont want to eat it. I just shouldnt be made to feel guilty about my lifestyle choice.

    Then maybe she's not such a good friend? A true friend will be supportive of your reasonable healthy goals for yourself.
  • escloflowneCHANGED
    escloflowneCHANGED Posts: 3,038 Member
    Take the cake, then dump the plate on the floor.
    Say you don't want to eat it now because its floor cake, and your not a dog.

    you don't eat it, and your friend's feelings don't get hurt. Dog gets cake.

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  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member

    Then maybe she's not such a good friend? A true friend will be supportive of your reasonable healthy goals for yourself.

    Or she might just be insecure and not thinking of the effect she is having on Louise, who is doing so strong that she can turn down cake. It might not even occur to her friend that this is hard on her too.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    well i have no time to work out today so i cant fit it into my calories and to be honest i dont want to eat it .. im happy with my greek yoghurt . I just dont like the fact that i almost feel like i should eat it to make her feel better ....

    If you don't want it, don't eat it. You're under no obligation to eat her food to appease her. Good friends will understand that.
  • jcpmoore
    jcpmoore Posts: 796 Member
    Just be honest with your friend. Tell her you don't want to eat the cake, but thanks for the thought. Never eat to make someone else feel better. If YOU want it, work it into your calories. If you don't, don't eat it.
  • Brighteyes9
    Brighteyes9 Posts: 8 Member
    Don't feel guilted into eating the cake. A co-worker brought in cupcakes for the office staff. I thanked her for her thoughtfulness and politely declined - as did many others. The cupcake baker took offense declaring she's not ever bringing any baked goods in if it's not appreciated. I chalked her drama up to her own low self esteem. I did not feel guilty for not making room in my daily food plan just so she can feel good about herself.
  • IronPlayground
    IronPlayground Posts: 1,594 Member
    If you plan for the fruit cake and are still under calories and fit it into macros, then how is it being bad?
  • mamamudbug
    mamamudbug Posts: 572 Member
    If you don't want the cake, don't eat it. If it's about staying strict with your calories, this might help...

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/172515-frantic-about-adhering-to-the-right-calorie-intake-read-t
  • Nailrep
    Nailrep Posts: 966 Member
    NO!
  • splashangel
    splashangel Posts: 494 Member
    So many replys I didn't read them. Unless your fighting sugar addiction and cutting out sugar you could taste it. Or not. At any rate, fruit cake freezes perfectly. So you could take it home and call your friend when you do eat it and let them know how very good it is when you are ready to eat it. If not, aim for a certain place in the garbage and tell them it really hit the spot. A friend will understand what you got going on. And friends are way more important then fruit cake.
  • spngebobmyhero
    spngebobmyhero Posts: 823 Member
    tell her you are allergic to carbs and if you eat them you will break out in fat.

    but seriously, don't eat cake if you don't want to. If you are content with what you have and don't feel deprived, then don't eat it!! Sometimes a small treat can trigger a binge if that treat is one of your trigger foods.
  • olong
    olong Posts: 255 Member
    You've been a member here for over two years. You are very close to your goal. I think you know how to answer that for yourself. Your friend probably knows the journey you are on, but even if she doesn't, you know that a smallish slice won't set you back. Find the balance between the kindness your friend is giving you and your lifestyle. Does your lifestyle prohibit cake? I hope not because homemade goodness is just that, goodness.
  • olong
    olong Posts: 255 Member
    tell her you are allergic to carbs and if you eat them you will break out in fat.

    but seriously, don't eat cake if you don't want to. If you are content with what you have and don't feel deprived, then don't eat it!! Sometimes a small treat can trigger a binge if that treat is one of your trigger foods.

    Don't lie about an allegy! It's not believable nor is it respectful of your friend. If you prefer not to have the cake, be forthright. If, on balance, a small piece will make her happy, allow you to taste her homemade cake and let you not feel you're depriving yourself, then thoroughly enjoy that smal piece.
  • kittymoney
    kittymoney Posts: 115 Member
    Eat your meal and when it comes to cake time just say a small portion or take a piece home as you are really full.
  • Meggles63
    Meggles63 Posts: 916 Member
    You can always just "get full" from dinner and just eat a little piece to try it.
    You can also work out a little harder to earn a bigger piece.
    Or she could say no politely instead of going through all this crap. She doesn't want it, stop it.

    Thank you ! my friend makes me feel guilty by saying oh maybe i shouldnt have a piece then if your not having one .

    I dont want to eat it. I just shouldnt be made to feel guilty about my lifestyle choice
    .
    Why would you feel guilty if she says she won't have a piece if you don't?? That sounds like she's being supportive. Now, I don't know you and your friend, and I can't presume what's in either of your minds, but I think YOU are the one who's making herself guilty, IMO.
  • senyosmom
    senyosmom Posts: 613 Member
    hell no you shouldn't!! Tell her for YOU its not in the plan but the thought was nice and you appreciate it. Try a joke - like eat a piece for me!

    At the end of the day its your weight loss journey and the only person who is going to prevent you from eating what you shouldn;t be eating is you. So - do you.
  • yessenia0224
    yessenia0224 Posts: 1
    Dont ever feel sorry or bad for turning something down. If is a true friend they will understand. Do what is right for you. Good Luck!
  • sunnybunny5us
    sunnybunny5us Posts: 18 Member
    Her friend is making her feel guilty. People do it to me all the time. Even here on this thread people are telling her "just have a little bit, it won't hurt" but the point is she isn't hungry and doesn't want it. She is thinking about eating it due to peer pressure from her friend, who is probably also following up with "your not really fat anyway' "you shouldn't deny yourself" etc. . Why do people do that all the time? It drives me crazy when they do it to me. It is hard to figure out how to be able to hang out and not eat stuff that you don't want because other people make you feel weird if you don't. How is a good way to explain this to your friends or better yet not feel like you have to explain if you just don't want to eat something? :drinker:
  • fabafter5
    fabafter5 Posts: 200 Member
    Practice moderation instead of deprivation.

    She has stated that she doesn't want cake! Just because she doesn't want to eat the cake at this particular time doesn't mean that she is depriving herself. I can have a sweet tooth at times but it comes and goes. Right now I would not be tempted by brownies, birthday cake, cookies whatever. Another day or time I might have the taste for sweets and those same foods would temp or even torment me.

    My husband just brought home a Costco size "bucket" of chocolated covered almonds. He said "I will take them to work so I don't temp you". I told him, it's ok I don't have the taste for sweets right not.
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
    Her friend is making her feel guilty. People do it to me all the time.

    No, her friend simply mentioned that she baked a fruitcake. She's feeling guilty about it.

    Simple choices:

    1. "Thank you for your thoughtfulness! You're a great friend, so I know you'll also understand that I cannot afford to accept this gesture of your friendship due to my dietary restrictions and our friendship will not suffer because of it, but please do enjoy a slice on my behalf!"

    2. "Thank you for your thoughtfulness! Since I need to minimize impact to my daily caloric deficit, I will enjoy a very small piece, knowing that 140 calories will not have a significant impact in my long-term weight loss as long as it's an occasional deviation from my plan. It's life, we adapt."

    3. "Thank you for your thoughtfulness! Since this is a special occasion, I will forego my daily caloric deficit and eat at maintenance today, knowing that I will set my diet back by exactly one day, and enjoy a good portion of this delicious treat."

    4. "You bake something high-calorie every time I come over, you un-supportive so-and-so, and therefore I suspect you are trying to sabotage my attempts at self-improvement. This is not the behavior of a friend. You are the weakest link. Good-bye."
  • spartangirl79
    spartangirl79 Posts: 277 Member
    well i have no time to work out today so i cant fit it into my calories and to be honest i dont want to eat it .. im happy with my greek yoghurt . I just dont like the fact that i almost feel like i should eat it to make her feel better ....

    If you don't want to eat it, then don't. Why do you feel like you should eat it? Did she say anything or imply that her feelings were going to be slayed if you don't eat it?

    That is the "good girl" mindset that we have all had drilled into us since kids... be polite, don't refuse food, clean up your plate (at least my parents were lenient on that), there are starving children in other countries, I worked SO HARD making this treat, blah blah. You have to take control of YOUR body and stick to your guns. Tell her you really appreciate the sentiment but going out of her way was not necessary and you are really trying hard to resist temptation. Food pushers are the worst... I have a food pusher friend who is naturally very thin, and she is always bugging me to just cheat one day, blah blah. No more!
  • Moxie42
    Moxie42 Posts: 1,400 Member
    Again i do not want to eat the cake... im not bothered about it ... i am an everything in moderation person but today i am not bothered about cake.

    I just think i shouldnt have to feel guilty for my decisions...

    It's a weird feeling at first- declining something offered to you. But chances are, your friend will understand (or at least she should). Before I started trying to lose weight, I had many situations where people would decline things I had made- cake, cookies, whatever...of course I like people to enjoy what I make but honestly, I admired these people's ability to stick to their goals and wished I could have the same will power!

    The idea someone said about taking a small piece to-go is a good idea too.
  • crzyone
    crzyone Posts: 872 Member
    If you don't want it, don't eat it. If you think it will weaken you and you might eat over calories, don't eat it. You/I/we do not have to accept every bit of food that we are offered. That is probably how most of us got the way we are. You do NOT have to feel guilty about it. We are adults and entitled to like what we like and do what we do and be who we are. Stop feeling guilty!!! Keep up the good work and don't give in to pressure!!!
  • TerraLea
    TerraLea Posts: 87 Member
    well i have no time to work out today so i cant fit it into my calories and to be honest i dont want to eat it .. im happy with my greek yoghurt . I just dont like the fact that i almost feel like i should eat it to make her feel better ....

    Do NOT eat something to make someone else feel better, because it will make you feel worse. Stick to your plan and everything will be okay. It is your body and you take care of it - no one else takes care of your body. Enjoy the party & don't worry about saying no, it is okay.

    BTW: Many friends try to get me to eat chocolate (they don't realize I haven't had it since August '09) and I just tell them no or sometimes I share my reason. You CAN do it!!!
  • amandab1669
    amandab1669 Posts: 86 Member
    Never feel guilty for being safe. If you didn't plan it into your meal or you think you will over eat then def say no. You have to think about you and your progress. You don't want to mess it up because you feel guilty saying no. There are going to be plenty of other people there to eat it. Have fun and enjoy but don't let anyone hinder your progress. You do what you feel comfortable doing.

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