"you don't need to lose weight"
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I just started to get this, only from one person so far, but she was like "how much more weight are you trying to loose" in a tone that made me think...oh crap, I hope this stuff isnt going to start coming from everyone! I just barely got into the healthy bmi range but the healthy weight range for me is between 118-159.6 & I would personally like to be towards the lighter side of it, not to mention I'm still a good 30 lbs heavier than I was in high school
So don't listen to people who say that, it usually stems from Jealousy because you are doing such a great job!!
I also think this comes from people are so used to seeing you heavier so as you lose weight it can become a shock to them to see you in a smaller version of yourself.0 -
I get it too. Nobody "apparently" wants to believe me that I gained 40lb when I was injured and tells me I don't need to lose that much...
Well.... partly people are just trying to be kind, so when I went back to the gym and chatted to some old faces, when they say "where have you been" I explain and I am quite open about the fact that I gained 40lb... so they say "nooooo. never... where??" etc... but what are they supposed to say? LOL it's not acceptable in polite society to turn about and be honest and say "yeah I can see that, good luck to you!". :laugh:
But there are other folk in the office who are much larger than me and who have noticed that I have made a lot of changes, no longer use the canteen but bring in my own food etc... and they can get quite funny when I say I want to lose 40lb... because effectively it unintentionally puts a mirror up to them which says to them "and you should be loosing at least 80!"
Yeah, I've always been the type of person who doesn't want the whole crap about society just being polite and lying to you. If I'm overweight and don't realize it, I'd rather be told point blank. I think it's ridiculous that we have be careful about what we say and the way we say things around everyone these days. I think everyone in general tells people who are overweight that they don't need to lose weight because they feel like it would be rude to say otherwise. because in today's world, it would be. And I'm sick of that. >< I saw something posted on facebook the other day that said " I'm not fat, god loved me so much that he decided to supersize me" And it made me so angry. It also made me realize that most people want to make excuses so that they don't see the reality. I reposted it saying "This is why most humans are fat. They don't want to look at reality"0 -
Brittany17lov: Yea my mom and everyone says that. But if I am not happy with my body I am going to fix it. It's all about how you percieve yourself. If I don't like the way I look I am going to change that regardless of what people say. I have also heard that I am fat from people as well. I have heard it all.
Some people take it WAY too far. Being healthy and being anorexic, from what I've seen on this board, are damn near impossible to distinguish. BMI is somewhat a load of bull****. My wife is 5'7' and her "goal" weight by BMI standards is like 130 or some crazy number... seeing your heart beat is not healthy, it's concentration camp.
There's a fine line.0 -
I am getting "STOP running" ~ "You're perfect" ~ "Don't lose anymore" ~ "You're not going to lose anymore weight are you?" etc. etc. - and all this from people who used to enjoy telling me how FAT I was... can't win!0
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Strangely it's my naturally thin and or very fit friends who tell me this. I clearly have 50-75lbs on some of them and my fitness performance level is nowhere near theirs. Yet it's always "you look great the way you are!" Um, clearly I want to look and feel better. And they are SO unconvincing in their arguments -- it's clear that they don't mean it.
It's bizarre.0 -
StaceyZombie: Not to mention, I had a work meeting which included dinner with the region at PF Chang's....I declined the greasy, calorie/fat filled appetizers....I declined the plethora of mini cakes for dessert....I ate lettuce wraps and drank unsweetened tea. At lunch the next day, I declined potato chips...to which I get the comment that it's great I have so much dedication to losing weight, but I'm borderline "neurotic" about it (says my territorial vice president)...WTF.
People don't like it when you judge them indirectly. Saying things like "greasy, calorie/fat filled appetizers" means that your TVP and anyone else who may have heard you is suddenly a glutton and you're better than them. I'd take offense, just sayin'. From what it seems, you probably also said something to the effect of the above about the potato chips too - and yes, getting called "neurotic" about your weight loss goal was the normal response.
Just saying "I'm trying to eat healthier to better myself" or hell, lying and saying "I'm not really in the mood for chips" is better when in a social situation with people not doing the same thing as you.
That's the thing!!!!! I DIDN'T say anything, I just said "no thank you"!!! I attempt to keep my calorie counting to myself where ever possible to avoid discussing my personal health choices, it's only when people probe or question me that I divulge the ever-boring details.0 -
I actually had my MIL tell me to my face that I was told old to care about how I looked and why the heck was I bothering to get into better shape??
Just plug your ears and keep on, keeping on.
Aw man, that was really ignorant. I cringed. That was really....grrr....bording on hateful. I am sorry your MIL is such a doofus.
I have received a lot of positive suport from most of my family.
My brother asks me frequently how much weight I have lost.
Sometimes he'll ask if I am done yet? I chalk it up to he doesn't want me to be the families first anorexic male.
I reassure him that according to my height, I am still in the overweight category by about 5 lbs.0 -
I would just take the comment at face-value, as an attempt to be kind or even complimentary, and move on. Odds are pretty good that your friends and family don't really wish for you to be unhealthy or unhappy, even if they're not supportive in the way you want them to be. You have your own goals and your own reasons for working toward them, and that is ultimately the only thing that matters.0
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You are the one who knows your body and knows what will make you feel good. You can get a lot of support from this message board. Hang in there. And maybe find an offhand answer for people who tell you you don't need to lose (more) weight. Something like, "Oh well, just working on getting healthy," and then walk off, avoid a big debate. Good luck.0
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people that say it to me are...
1. fat
2. lazy
3. want me to go out with them that day/night
I generally just say.. umm, but I do. Thanks.
Hezz
This. I notice it's always people who are either overweight or looking for someone to drink/eat with that say this to me. It drives me crazy.0 -
The cultural issue is the one that infuriates me the most. In my culture (Black American) it is acceptable to be overweight, even acceptable to be obese. 70% of black women are obese!! It angers me so because this causes us to have higher rates of diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, shortness of breath, sleep apnea, all sorts of bad conditions. It shortens our lives...black women are DYING because of obesity and all folks can think about is having a damn big *kitten*. Excuse my language. One woman said to me, Well aren't you worried about losing your behind? LOL! I told her Look I am more than 100 pounds overweight, believe me my bum isn't 100 pounds!!
No one in my family has said anything negative about me losing weight, actually a great aunt who saw me last summer commented on how big I'd gotten. She said it nicely and matter-of-factly but it still hurt. I think she will be glad to see my progress this summer. I have had a few friends kind of say something...they are 'fat-positive' people who think it's all about accepting your body as it is. They truly don't seem to understand the health consequences of being obese or even overweight. I just told them, OK if you feel that way, then you'll be paying for my medicine when I develop diabetes then, right? Shut them up.
So it's not cultural for me but, losing the butt was my husbands bigget concern. If I heard it once I heard a thousand times. Squats are my fried.
Op ,You know, I bet you have had to deal with hard words about being over weight in the past. Uncomfortable situations because you were heavy-ish. Most of us have. I have. So, when people make comments like that I'm just glad I'm not hearing things like, "You bout one burger away from being a shut-in".0 -
I know it's probably mighty frustrating to you but it could be worse... It could be that you're my size, and instead of telling you you don't need to lose weight, everyone is telling you how much you DO need to lose weight... Even those you see on the street that don't know you from a hole in the ground feel the need to put their input in on your life and size.. even in the 5 seconds they see you before they pass you by that they just can't keep their opinion to themselves... So like i said... Could be much worse.
As long as you know where you're going and you know it's a healthy place to be, while it doesn't make the situation better, it /is/ the only thing that matters in the situation. I don't think they are meaning to offend you, or at least I would hope not. And if it is, or you feel it is, then just stop going around them until you're where you want to be :P
This is so inspiring! Congratulations on making your own decision to improve your health.
She's right though, the other people in this world can think whatever they want, for whatever reason applies to them. You are doing what is right for you, and that is better than anything you could do for others.0 -
Don't let anyone distract you from the goals you have set for yourself. The satisfaction you will enjoy as you attain each goal will be a wonderful thing.0
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If someone says to me, "you look fine" I remind them that "It isn't about how I look. It's about not getting diabetes when I'm 60." That usually shuts them up.0
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I
this so much I'm going to steal it :-D 0 -
Bingo! I really don't need to lose weight (5'8", 119 lbs) so when people give me grief about checking nutrient content in food or declining a dessert (because I'd rather spend the calories on a protein shake later) I just reply that eating right and working out is my plan to *gain* weight by adding lean muscle.My come back has always been to thank them and to let them know that I'm toning up. That way the weight loss isn't as much of an issue.
Make the discussion about health rather than vanity and rational people can't really argue with you.0 -
In the case of SO's - they're supposed to love you just the way you are. If I had one that said "you're too fat" all the time I'd dump him, so I get why they do it!
Mine says this occasionally. I jusually just tell him it's not about weight, it's about being healthy and feeling better. When I was 17 I could literally sprint 2 stairs at a time to the 9th floor of the office building I was working in, in heels - now, I'd be puffing after 3 flights at a normal pace. I was probably up and down those stairs 30x a day. I also only weighed 98 lbs, which is at the VERY low end of the BMI range for my hight.
I don't think I'll EVER be as fit as I was then, but I felt I looked best between about 110 and 120#, so that's where my goal is. It's not even about weight and looks though - it's about comfort in my own skin and long-term health (for the first time in my family line, my dad has high blood sugar - I don't want to go there).
All that said - I don't generally turn down a nice time out with friends. Those are splurge days, and I am careful to be sure it's not too often. I don't like to use the fact that I'm on a diet to make other people feel bad though.0 -
I get called an idiot for trying to lose weight and it is so awkward. I also get sighed at if i'm seen looking at calories or saying no to something bad. I don't mind the comments like 'ah you're tiny!' and things as I know it doesn't mean you are literally tiny but when someone hasn't seen you for a while and you have lost a bit then you do look tiny for you.
When i've lost weight before people use to try to make me eat. This time I have said I am not depriving myself, I am just being healthier and if I lose weight it's a bonus and it seems to have helped with the comments. Also as I am eating a larger quantity of food than I did when I was bigger, but being better thought out meals, they all seem to want my advice
OMG, the sighs! Those sighs of despair happen almost every time I decline some food or I order a "healthy" meal at a restaurant. I have one aunt who literally sighs every time she sees me exercise (like I was getting ready for a morning run during a reunion) or I decline an offer to eat.
I have this thing with fruit--in that, I don't like fruit. I can eat a single banana or apple, but that's basically it. But fruit on dessert? Ugh, get that thing away from me! Or pineapple on pizza? I mean--why do people like this? Fat or thin, I was never gonna eat a fruitcake or blueberry pie.
So, my aunt offered me a cheesecake with strawberries on top. I decline because I actually don't want to eat it. If it were a plain or cheesecake (or chocolate), I would've accepted. But noooooo...."Why are you still dieting?!?!?!"
Generally, I just become blunt with some humour added: "I am not intending to lose more weight, so don't worry. Would I like to gain more muscle? Sure, but that would involve a different type of discipline which I'm still trying to develop, so just be patient, okay? In the meantime, I like how I look like, so get used to it. In the meantime, I have other flaws you can pick at instead."0 -
StacieZombie: That's the thing!!!!! I DIDN'T say anything, I just said "no thank you"!!! I attempt to keep my calorie counting to myself where ever possible to avoid discussing my personal health choices, it's only when people probe or question me that I divulge the ever-boring details.
Well ****, then they're just uptight.
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It's difficult too when the people supporting you are also the people who are making things hard for you. My dad, for example, has always drilled into me that chocolate makes you feel better (admittedly, that holds true), that eating sugar-free and fat-free foods makes you some kind of environmental health nut, and that depriving yourself of the foods you love isn't worth it. He's constantly offering ice cream (my biggest weakness), and he rolls his eyes or teases me whenever I'm eating vegetables or fruits, or when I turn down an offer for something that I love but isn't good for me. He seems to think that I never eat, or that I don't eat near enough, but it's only because I'm eating healthier foods! But he's also one of my biggest supporters, telling me on occasion that he's proud of my determination and my decision to change my lifestyle for the better. Sometimes I just think he lives to give me a hard time, but I guess that's what dads are for.
My roommate, on the other hand, had an actual problem with me losing weight. She was on the cusp of obesity, and since I started off with a healthy BMI, she gave me a hard time about how I was already in a healthy weight range and if I thought of myself as fat, how should she interpret what I thought of her weight? I told her I wasn't judging myself in relation to others; heck, I just want to feel good about myself. That's when she started on the whole spiel about how we should embrace our bodies just how they are, etc., which translated to me as just an excuse for her not working out too.
As has been mentioned a few times before, some people really do just get jealous and don't know how to confront their own physical insecurities when faced with someone who does. I just figure that I'll curb their snarky comments all the more as I lose weight and tone up, and hopefully inspire them to change their lifestyles for the better as well.
Goodness, I didn't realize I'd written an entire novel.0 -
See my so-called "best" guy friend told me I should lose weight and I'd be so much "hotter." Ugh!!! (He's no longer my friend, toxic toxic person!) And my family, especially my mom, thinks I'm crazy. It's a toss up, so I am just doing what feels right for me! Being healthier and in better shape is what matters most to me.0
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If you feel you need to let them know what is going on, tell them that you want to feel comfortable in your own skin and that you want to be more healthy. It is your body and if they really do care, let them also that it will help you out if you have their support.0
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I think this happens for two reasons:
1. If they've only ever seen you heavy and you lose some noticeable amount (say 25-30lbs) then you are thinner than they ever have seen you and either do think you're fine since you've lost weight from what you were before or are trying to make you feel like all your hard work was worth it. I've had that happen to me though I was still a long ways from my goal, yet still they didn't/don't understand.
2. If you're a naturally thin person with some problem areas, people only see the overall "thinness" and assume you don't have a problem area to work on for personal fulfilment. My SO's sister gets this all the time. She's 4'9" and just reached her goal weight of 98lbs. When I met her she was 105 and uncomfortable because every extra ounce gives her a belly since she's so short but everyone kept telling her to stop trying to lose those 7lbs because she was "already so tiny". Now she's there, happy with her weight and perfectly within a healthy BMI range.0 -
I get those comments too. Especially because I am tall, I carry my weight differently. I get 'you aren't going to lose much more are you?' Yeah I am. I have stopped trying to explain it to people because I just get pissed off. They're not going to understand because they aren't me!0
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I get the SAME response from some of my family members as well-"how much more weight you gonna lose Mary","don't lose anymore weight",etc. I think many of them are not used to seeing me this size,so it shockes them when they see me & I've lost MORE weight.I'm doing this for my own personal reasons-health & confidence purposes. My family(both sides) have many health issues & we all know what role heredity can play in one's health! Keep up the good work everyone!
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stop telling people. its none of their business.
It may not be their business. But as friends and family I want their support. Most of this is from the family, and they are bigger. My main problem is that they say that stuff, and I keep getting offered junk food, and I keep saying no and they keep going "But I don't want it" I explain to them that I'm on a diet so I don't want that food. that's usually when I get the Oh you don't need to lose weight crap. It helps to make them aware of the weight loss as it HAS helped the offers of junk food. Just not the other stuff
You are not going to change them. Understand that and make the proper choices for the proper reasons and continue on. No reason to let it bother you.0 -
Ive had that same problem more times than I can count. Just because they think I look good doesnt mean anything to me. What counts is how I feel. I had to stop telling people if I was trying to lose weight. Thats why I like it here, I can talk about it freely without anyone griping or looking at me funny. Maybe years ago they were right when I was 35 lbs lighter but not anymore. Im beginning to think these people are blind or crazy!!!!0
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stop telling people. its none of their business.
It may not be their business. But as friends and family I want their support. Most of this is from the family, and they are bigger. My main problem is that they say that stuff, and I keep getting offered junk food, and I keep saying no and they keep going "But I don't want it" I explain to them that I'm on a diet so I don't want that food. that's usually when I get the Oh you don't need to lose weight crap. It helps to make them aware of the weight loss as it HAS helped the offers of junk food. Just not the other stuff
I find telling people that I am trying to be healthier, instead of mentioning diet or weight loss - i don't get that as much now; course of course most ppl mean well, but it's still frustrating.
lol i had one of my teachers in hs tell a teen boy once "have you seen me nake?"... "then zip it", after he made a similar comment. She said it lightheartedly (just as he had) but we went to a really conservative private school and the color of his face was enough to stop any more comments lol!!0 -
Got this from my mom over the weekend. "You want to lose 20 pounds? From where?!" I'm already one of the smallest people in my family, so I guess it's hard for them to understand. I think it was meant as a compliment, though, that she thinks I already look good. It just makes me more excited to show people, if they think I look good now, just wait until I'm finished.0
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I've started getting this recently, mostly from people who have been struggling or yo-yoing with the same 10-15lbs. "You don't have X-lbs to lose!" is another popular one.
I always tell them that I see myself naked - and naked me has a different story to tell. Usually, they don't quite know how to respond to that without sounding either offensive or inappropriate and thus ends the conversation.0
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