"you don't need to lose weight"

MonkeyBars

heh heh!

People who know you can be the enemy! They see the transformation & it feels them, with dread!
They don't understand it! How can you decide to do something and make it happen!
They like to talk about it, not do it!
I tell people they're fat and they need to get with the program!
I ask if they beep when they're walking backwards!

My fat chums are scared of me, in case I make them come out and exercise or change their eating habits,
the chubby ones are in denial, they think they're ok, they complain I'm too thin.
I don't volunteer help....I wait....

Sometimes they come to me and say, "how do you do it?"
Then I explain it to them. I take them under my wing for a bit, then after I show them "how to fish" for 6weeks, I stop giving them the "fish".
They must learn to "fish for themselves"!

We have the tools to do anything we want! The 21st century has made information easier to get!
You have to unpick what you don't believe or understand!

To summarize, I call my fat friends "fat". I slap them in the face with it! "YOU'RE FAT!"

I tell them there are no excuses!
I tell them they need to control their body, not the other way around!
I tell them that weight means nothing without composition!
I tell them cardio is poor without strength and conditioning!
I tell them to question what they eat and do!

I also steal quotes!
I do it because i can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't.

f**k them all!!!!

blonde71

I actually had my MIL tell me to my face that I was told old to care about how I looked and why the heck was I bothering to get into better shape??

Just plug your ears and keep on, keeping on.

HauteP1nk

Only keep supportive people in the loop. The rest of the people that bring you down don't need to know.

kelsully

I think it is mostly about people trying to be polite. People say stupid, unhelpful crap all the time because they don't know what else to say. How many of us have said "Oh but at least he/she is in a better place" to someone after they have dealt with the death of a loved one? That is not a helpful comforting thing to say but many of us say it out of a "what else does one say? moment. Some people say things like "you don't want to lose weight" because they are trying to be kind and polite. Some are jealous or don't like the reflection in the mirror etc but most don't know what else to say.

I am very little. I eat very healthy. I do not discuss my food choices with anyone. If someone offers me food or alcohol and I do not want it...for whatever reason I just say "No Thank you" If they push it I say "No thank you" again. If they say...and believe me I have heard it over and over and over again..."You know you can eat a cookie you aren't going balloon up from one damn cookie" I say "no thank you, I know where they are and maybe later if I want one I will come for one." I have one person who still gets on my case and I walk away. After three years of this they have MOSTLY stopped commenting. I eat. Yes I might eat fruits and veggies while they eat cookies and chips but I eat and they that I eat.

Dauntlessness

They are:

-If you lose weight and improve yourself, it forces them to look at themselves

-They don't want "competition". No one wants to be the "fat friend" and watch their thinner friend get hit on my all the guys.

- They are trying to be nice and make your feel good about yourself but in reality they are enabling you

Being overweight or obese should never be encouraged. Its like telling someone else "Keep smoking cigarettes, your fine, you need it to calm your nerves" then even buying you extra packs and push them on you. People do that with food..."Your fine, your not overweight" then they give you high cal foods, encourage you to buy bad things on the restaurant menu instead of the healthy salad....etc etc.
You are the one who are going to deal with the long term consequences. If you smoke, you might get cancer, emphysema, low activity... If you overeat and get obese...diabetes, heart conditions, joint issues...and on and on

nevertoolate2

It's funny, I can see two camps in most of the responses here.

Those comments that are made by people out of some ulterior motive (including spite, jealousy, and even flattery) and those that are made (most often by close family) out of love, wishing to reassure us that we are just great the way we are and should not worry about trying to be something different.

Neither is particularly helpful to us.

Some should just be laughed/shrugged off, some should be ignored or spoken to but those in your family who love you and want the best for you will hopefully respond warmly and positively to you explaining that you want to be slim, more confident, sexier, whatever reasons you have, but mainly because you want to be healthier.

MFPBrandy

I think some people just don't know how to respond so someone when they express that they are working out. I mean, what do you say? "Good for you, you need it?" People will naturally try to lift them up, and sometimes wordvomit comes out, even if it's not true. Just thank them for being kind and move on, I say.

Then again, I've never received a comment like that. >.>

^^^^This!
Yes, there are definitely people out there who make themselves feel better by dragging other people down--because it's easier to focus on someone else than take an honest look at yourself. It's a horrible way to live, and I feel sorry for those people.
With family and friends, though, there's usually more going on (although I know some family & "friends" can be horribly unsupportive). Think about the people you love. If you met them for the very first time and knew nothing about them, would they be as beautiful to you as they are now? People definitely become more (or less!) attractive as you get to know them, because the inner beauty & the outer beauty start to blend until they're indistinguishable. So when they say you don't need to lose weight, it could be partly because they already think you're perfect the way you are, and hate the idea of YOU thinking poorly of yourself.
There's also what the above poster said--our default response is not to agree when someone says they need to lose weight, because then we're saying they're fat. It's not something we as a society are particularly comfortable talking about.
Finally, consider their own image may be distorted, and they're worried about you going too far and entering eating disorder territory (remember, EDs aren't all that well understood by most people).
I'm kind of lucky in that I don't live anywhere around family (although I'd take the trade off in a second if I could), and that I work in a career that prizes fitness, so I don't have anyone trying to sabotage me (intentionally or unintentionally). Stay strong! They'll come around.

SlidingDown

I've encountered something similar at work.
To start with I didn't tell anyone what I was doing until they started to say things like "gosh, you look great, have you lost weight?" and even then I left it at saying "yes! thank you!". The majority of my co-workers either say nothing, or now and then say how well I'm looking, which is great of them. And one lady wanted some tips, so I pointed her to MFP and she's on here too now lol

Buuuut one woman, the office big mouth (who is herself obese), first started trying to get both of us on MFP to eat biscuits / cakes / sweets, then when we didn't, whenever someone brought in snacks or something, she would make "jokes" like: "oh, half of the office is on a DIIIIIET, those won't get eaten." "Didn't you know this is the skinny minnie office? Oh well, more for me, good thing I don't have to worry about how I look naked, ha ha ha ha".
Time went by, I dropped a couple more kilos, and then every day she remarked on it, along the lines of "You must be done now!" and "You're not still trying to lose weight??? You're getting too skinny!" and "you'd better be careful, when you lose fat from your face wrinkles will show up" and so on.

There came a day when I was unwell (nothing to do with weight loss) and a couple of people at work were helping me when I had become dizzy, and she sat at her desk saying repeatedly over her shoulder "you're too skinny, that's your problem. This is all because you're too skinny." My boss was one of the people helping me up, and shook his head at me to say I should ignore her, but OH MY GOD.

(The same woman was hospitalised last month with a respiratory illness (she is a smoker, and an asthmatic too) . Can you imagine what would have happened if I had said "You're too fat, that's your problem. Your health problems are all because you smoke and you're overweight." I digress, but the point is still true. )

My point was, she felt free to constantly bring up my weight, first poking fun at those of us who were eating more healthily, and then criticising me saying I should stop losing weight now and trying to make me unhappy with my progress so I would stop. Toxic woman.

yaddayaddayadda

They don't think you are an idiot!! What they are trying to do is justify why THEY aren't working to be fit and healthy.

Don't listen to them! Don't let what they say hurt your feelings or sabatoge what you want to do.

Keep up the good effort! YOU determine your weight goals!

Ignore... Ignore...Ignore the naysayers:-)

girlonfire15

My friends do this - they told me I was way too skinny when I was 134 and I still had fat rolls! Granted, I was a lot smaller than I used to be, but it was definitely a serious case of skinny-fat.

Carolyn_79

I get this a lot now. I've learned not to give people a number and just tell them that your focus is to continue to be healthy.

roflsauce

All this hate, and all this anger. What's up with you people? Some people might just say it because they feel rude if they tell you "Yeah, you really are fat." Or "Yeah, you need to lose weight".

What's up with calling the people not wanting to offend you idiots, or telling them to go f- themselves? The arrogance some of you show, is it thanks to your weightloss? Why do you think anyone that ever tries to give you compliments, are a jelous son-of-a-b? Or a hater? Or fat and lazy?


I am not talking to all of you, just some specific posts. Tell them how you feel instead, tell them thanks, but I need this for myself. I myself have friends weighing a 110-120 pounds that I feel seriously don't need to lose weight, and I tell them they look beautiful and shouldn't worry about it, but when I see what you write, it worries me that they might actually take it the way you guys do.

Amateur psychologists.

MrsObundles

Quasi-related story:
The other day my daughter said she wanted to teach me to flip off the diving board and I told her I was too old and fat to learn tricks like that. She said, "You're not fat....and even if you are a *little* overweight, you're still pretty fit." Lol.

abbybean11

you should take it as a compliment!!! no one ever says that to me and i wish they did! i'd love it if people thought i were skinny!

don't let it discourage you AT ALL - people are just trying to make you feel good about who you are because they equate trying to lose weight with being unhappy with yourself (which is true for some people).

michellelemorgan

Just remember these comments come from a culture of obesity and get on with your life. Extra weight is not healthy.

KaidaKantri

I keep getting told by almost everyone I know things like: You don't need to lose weight, your fine. Lose weight? where? There's no way you need to lose that much weight. You look fine as you are. Your skinny, what are you talking about?

Anyone else have these issues? It's not that they are REALLY meaning to make me feel bad, but It's frustrating having people think I'm an idiot for trying to lose weight.

I also have a lot of bigger family members that keep telling me I'm super skinny as it is, which isn't true at all.

Just wondering how everyone else is handling these kinds of situations. I'm losing the weight for myself, and I know I won't be happy until I get down to my goal weight, so I really don't care that they think that stuff. But it does get kind of motivational when I hear these things.

__________________________________________________________

In my view, your reply should be: "I'm not trying to lose weight. My goal is to lose fat."

Haha that's a great response! I love it!

Jumpinsticks

I know it's probably mighty frustrating to you but it could be worse... It could be that you're my size, and instead of telling you you don't need to lose weight, everyone is telling you how much you DO need to lose weight... Even those you see on the street that don't know you from a hole in the ground feel the need to put their input in on your life and size.. even in the 5 seconds they see you before they pass you by that they just can't keep their opinion to themselves... So like i said... Could be much worse.
As long as you know where you're going and you know it's a healthy place to be, while it doesn't make the situation better, it /is/ the only thing that matters in the situation. I don't think they are meaning to offend you, or at least I would hope not. And if it is, or you feel it is, then just stop going around them until you're where you want to be :P

Bobby_Clerici

It helps to keep quiet about your health and fitness program.
When we blab on endlessly to others, that invites these clueless ones to inject their absurd notions into conversation.
Just keep your lips ZIPPED, and people generally mind their business.

KaidaKantri

I didn't read all the replies to this thread, so someone else might have already shared a similar experience.

I get that all the time from my family and from a few friends. Some people are genuinely concerned, and don't want you to think that you NEED to lose weight, and then overdo it, and become unhealthy.

However, there are a few people (I have one of these in my life) that just wish you were "fun" again like you used to be before you started counting calories. Back when you used to say yes to every junk food item that came your way, etc.. They see change, and they just want you to be you again, even if it means you're a little chunky. Plus, they don't really realize how much weight you may have put on, because they see you all the time, or because you're always wearing clothing around them, or just because they don't really look that hard.

I don't know if that last part made any sense.

The best encouragement I've gotten was from my boyfriend: You look great all the time. If you want to lose weight or whatever, that's your business. Just don't get all unhealthy to where you look like a Holocaust victim.
(It may be brash, but I loved it)

Haha I get the basic same reaction from my Fiance. He supports me through every bit of it, which is one reason why I've been able to stay motivated. My biggest problem is that when I go to town my mom buys extra food and makes me feel guilty for her buying food and me not eating it. It has nothing to do with jealousy or anything, it's just that when she's hungry and wants food she will automatically buy me food too.

KaidaKantri

i just tell them... ÿou haven't seen me without my clothes on

This is great!