"You lost weight."

Options
Jessamine
Jessamine Posts: 226 Member
in Chit-Chat
Is it offensive to congratulate/praise someone for losing weight?

I met up with a friend and noticed that she had lost weight. I congratulated her on it in private. She didn't lash out at me, but she was NOT happy with my comment. I felt terrible. We had had several discussions on exercising and weightloss in the past, so I guess I assumed it would be ok to comment on her weightloss.

I suppose acknowledging that someone has lost weight is just an indirect way of saying they used to be fat... and that offends people.
«1345

Replies

  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
    Options
    Some people are just looking to be offended or so damn sensitive that butterfly wings make them bleed. You were not out of line. Not at all. I've lost 32 lbs since April. If one of my friends or neighbors said "You lost weight" I'd be THRILLED because it wld mean that my hard work was not only paying off but showing.
  • dlwyatt82
    dlwyatt82 Posts: 1,077 Member
    Options
    Well, I don't think it's ever offensive to offer someone a compliment. I realized something interesting when thinking about how I felt when hearing this in the past, though:

    Today, it would be awesome. I've put a lot of time into learning about nutrition and exercise, started lifting properly at the gym, and am pretty proud of what I've accomplished so far.

    In previous years, I've had my weight go up and down without really trying. I suspect that when I went through bouts of depression, I either put on or lost a bunch (not sure which, wasn't tracking), and people noticed. A couple of times, someone tried to congratulate me on losing weight, and I felt pretty crappy about it. I was still extremely fat and wasn't actively trying to do anything about it. Any comment about weight pretty much just made me feel the shame of that.

    Regardless of what I was feeling, I'd always receive it with polite thanks, even if I felt like a total douche inside.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Options
    I stick to "Hey- you're pretty much nailing a lot of fitness goals lately, am i right?" or "Oy... do you lift too?" then THEY bring up that they lost weight and I can be all like omg wow good job and no body is da bad guy.
  • Savemyshannon
    Savemyshannon Posts: 334 Member
    Options
    It never bothers me, in fact I like to see that my work is paying off, but I could see how some people may not like the comment. I guess I would be offended if someone told me, "hey you actually look pretty today!" or something like that. It reminds me of a quote by J.K. Rowling:
    I went to the British Book Awards that evening. After the award ceremony I bumped into a woman I hadn’t seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? ‘You’ve lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!’

    ‘Well,’ I said, slightly nonplussed, ‘the last time you saw me I’d just had a baby.’

    What I felt like saying was, ‘I’ve produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren’t either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?’ But no – my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate!
  • ket_the_jet
    ket_the_jet Posts: 1,257 Member
    Options
    John F. Kennedy used to greet people by saying, "pleased to see you," never "nice to meet you." He made this decision after, embarrassingly he recounted, someone saying, "Oh Mr. President, but we've already met." See, meeting the president of a country is a big deal to a plebeian, but the President meets so many people that he just can't remember.

    With this state of mind as a guideline, I'd just stick to a generic, "You look great" rather than "You look skinnier" or "You lost weight!"
    -wtk
  • terri0527
    terri0527 Posts: 678 Member
    Options
    I wouldn''t care if you shouted it from the top of the highest building. I have worked damn hard to lose what I have lost and by damned I want it acknowledged!!!!:laugh:
  • carinnaj
    carinnaj Posts: 149
    Options
    I wouldn't find it offensive at all.. :huh: I'd be happy if anyone noticed in real life.. I've lost almost 20 lbs so far and haven't had anyone comment on it yet :ohwell:
  • jskaggs1971
    jskaggs1971 Posts: 371 Member
    Options
    Is it offensive to congratulate/praise someone for losing weight?

    Absolutely not. It's just that some people are so damn insecure and oversensitive that the mere suggestion that they haven't been 100% perfect since the beginning of time is somehow an affront.

    The only time I've worried about complimenting somebody on losing weight was when a co-worker in a different office dropped over 100 lb in about seven months. I was almost afraid to compliment him on how he was looking fit, in case he had cancer or something.

    He didn't. He just had a huge case of motivation.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Options
    Oy. People complain when no one says anything about their loss and they complain when people do.

    If you ever meet me, feel free to congratulate me on weight loss. I'll happily say thank you.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    Options
    I find it funny when I've been the exact same weight for about two months, give or take a pound or two fluctuation, and yet I get "You are getting SO SKINNY!"

    And no, it's not reduction of body fat or loss of inches. Exact same stats as two months ago. Haven't even been exercising the past three weeks. Being told by people I see every day that I'm skinnier now. o_o Makes me want a cheeseburger.
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
    Options
    Some people are just looking to be offended or so damn sensitive that butterfly wings make them bleed. You were not out of line. Not at all. I've lost 32 lbs since April. If one of my friends or neighbors said "You lost weight" I'd be THRILLED because it wld mean that my hard work was not only paying off but showing.

    yup.
  • AwesomelyAmber
    AwesomelyAmber Posts: 1,617 Member
    Options
    I've given the "Oh my goodness, you look GREAT" compliment only to have it thrown back with "What did I look HORRIBLE before?" all grouchy. Well... to each their own, however...

    If anyone ever says "Oh my goodness you look great!" I don't have to ask "What did I look HORRIBLE before?" because the answer is YES! I looked crappy, I felt crappy, I ate crappy, and I sat on the couch a LOT... That's why I do what I do today! :flowerforyou:

    Some people don't take kindly to compliments...BUT continue to give them (i don't mean give them to the ones that don't like it) and continue to smile at people, offer encouragement etc. MOST love it! and it really does brighten a dreary day! :heart:
  • Krys_140
    Krys_140 Posts: 648 Member
    Options
    It's all in how you say it! Saying "you look skinny" is the same as "you used to look fat" to some people. Not because they're looking for a way to get offended, but they've beat themselves up for so long, this is the song that plays in their head over and over, and to hear someone else sing it too can really get to someone.

    Personally, if someone notices I've lost any weight, I'm thrilled - no matter how poorly they may choose to state it. It's MEANT as a compliment, and that's how I always choose to take it.
  • pavingnewpaths
    pavingnewpaths Posts: 367 Member
    Options
    I think it's utterly ridiculous that people get offended when someone makes an implication that you're overweight.

    On a more relevant note, you didn't do anything wrong, merely stated a fact.
  • lilyxD
    lilyxD Posts: 33
    Options
    I would be FLATTERED if anyone noticed that I've lost weight! I dont see why they got mad/hurt. I guess it depends on the person though.
  • TitanGM
    TitanGM Posts: 1,161 Member
    Options
    If you know a person have issues with weight, then you better be careful either way. That's what I do.
  • pavingnewpaths
    pavingnewpaths Posts: 367 Member
    Options
    With this state of mind as a guideline, I'd just stick to a generic, "You look great" rather than "You look skinnier" or "You lost weight!"
    -wtk

    Wait, wouldn't it be the opposite though?
    If you say, "You look great," it kind of implies that they didn't look so great before. Which can be considered offensive. But if you say the latter, it's pretty much just stating a fact.
  • Birder150
    Birder150 Posts: 677 Member
    Options
    "You've lost weight" are words I look forward to hearing. :happy:
  • DrMAvDPhD
    DrMAvDPhD Posts: 2,097 Member
    Options
    I guess if you say it in a way that implies that they looked bad before ("Wow you look so great now!") I can see how it would upset someone. Or, if they aren't trying to lose weight and/or haven't lost weight it might make them think "Well sheesh, did I look like a cow the last time you saw me??". I personally wouldn't mind someone commenting now and then, the only time anyone has mentioned my weight loss its because I brought it up first (and I don't do that often, so basically once when talking about clothes shopping with a coworker and with my grandmother who used to be a nurse about my reduced back pain). I feel so different, and no one else seems to notice!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Options
    I find it funny when I've been the exact same weight for about two months, give or take a pound or two fluctuation, and yet I get "You are getting SO SKINNY!"

    And no, it's not reduction of body fat or loss of inches. Exact same stats as two months ago. Haven't even been exercising the past three weeks. Being told by people I see every day that I'm skinnier now. o_o Makes me want a cheeseburger.

    I get that, too. I gained 10 pounds and people kept saying I looked like I lost.

Categories