"I'm sorry, your spouse is going to die...

Sissy4EverX3

A year ago today, my life changed forever. The man I had been married to for 9 years and 9 months royally screwed up for the upteenth time in our marriage and I was out of giving him chances. Our divorce became final 2 weeks before our 10th wedding anniversary. We have no children, and our marriage wasn't perfect.. but it was ours and I loved every minute of it. I always have and always will love him with every beat of my heart. I only divorced him because I couldn't take living in fear anymore. It was a personal choice, one I made for myself. It allowed him to wake up and realize he'd been fooling himself all those years and that it was time for him to focus on himself, just as I was/am trying to do. He's getting help he needs. But if he were to call me this instant and tell me he only had a week to live? Bet your *kitten* I'd be at his side every minute, kissing him as he took his final breath, and whispering for him to always remember how much I love him.

mynameiscarrie

well real or not its not something to joke about

you go through something like that and then laugh about it

sorry but i dont find this funny at all

When you've been through it, you can judge me for this. K? thanks.

Sorry, but I'm judging you. You're alive. That's truly amazing for you. But why would you want other people to think about something that YOU know can be so harmful and damaging. This is a horrible topic for a thread. It's called "Chit-chat AND FUN AND GAMES." This is neither of the last two. So yeah, I'm gonna judge you. K? thanks.

AmyFett

It's super sad and annoying to hear all you people say rejoice, and be happy,and booty call and crap. If you don't love who your with why stay with them? Why marry them in the first place? People take marriage super lightly these days, like it's a joke. -_-

I agree!! I've been with the same guy since I was 18, I'm 25 now. We've been friends for over 10 years. Have two kids together. We just barely got married a matter of months ago. I don't understand.

kmuree

Some? I think most of them are, ether they are taking this as a game... or really don't know what it feels like to have their heart ripped out of their chest at a loved one's last breath

Or they aren't defining their existance by their signficant other. Seriously, if my partner died, I would say goodbye and move forward. Everything in life is seasonal, ya'll, and nothing is guaranteed. It would hurt, but it sure as **** wouldn't shatter my world. Life and the world doesn't stop for grief or heartache, and I'm not going to stop for it either. Feel it, embrace it, let it go.

I question the amount of dedication and love you feel for your partner.
When you give yourself completely, you are capable of separate lives living in a union - I am my own woman, but without him I'd feel like a part of me is missing. He's my best friend and the love of my life and it should never be anything less.

KaidaKantri

It would be the first week that I didn't sleep at all. I wouldn't close my eyes. Then, if he didn't die which is wonderful like you didn't, I would sue that doctor out of practice. That's a big mistake to make.

It is a huge mistake to make. However, it does happen quite often. All signs point to the person dying, yet they live way longer. There's also times when the doctor says they are going to live longer than they thought, and they die sooner. It's unfortunate, devastating, and it's awful, but doctor's are human's too We all make mistakes, it's going to happen. That's one reason why when you do get told your going to die, to NOT go out and spend everything you have because you think your going to die, and find out later that it's not happening, and now you get to be in debt and pay all of it back. It's an awful thing to go through, but you also have to think about what they go through, and WHY they diagnosed them dying like that.

TrailRunner61

Considering the fact that the man I love has 2-4 years to live, I find this thread offensive. I shouldn't even have bothered to comment and I hope you all never have to deal with burying your spouse. If your not happy, get a divorce and make yourself and YOUR SPOUSE happy.

KaidaKantri

It's super sad and annoying to hear all you people say rejoice, and be happy,and booty call and crap. If you don't love who your with why stay with them? Why marry them in the first place? People take marriage super lightly these days, like it's a joke. -_-

I agree!! I've been with the same guy since I was 18, I'm 25 now. We've been friends for over 10 years. Have two kids together. We just barely got married a matter of months ago. I don't understand.

Yeah, I've been with my man since I was 18, I'm 22 now, and we are getting married 6 months after I turn 24 which is 1 year 10 and a half months from now. I know my man well enough to know I love him and he means everything to me. We know we can make it through anything and make it work. But I don't get these people who I hear getting engaged after 2 months of knowing eachother. I go WTF? You don't know who the hell that person is after only 2 months

Fieldsy

Some terrible *kitten* in this thread

LuckyLeprechaun

Some? I think most of them are, ether they are taking this as a game... or really don't know what it feels like to have their heart ripped out of their chest at a loved one's last breath

Or they aren't defining their existance by their signficant other. Seriously, if my partner died, I would say goodbye and move forward. Everything in life is seasonal, ya'll, and nothing is guaranteed. It would hurt, but it sure as **** wouldn't shatter my world. Life and the world doesn't stop for grief or heartache, and I'm not going to stop for it either. Feel it, embrace it, let it go.

flippant and idealistic.

You've never actually experienced death, huh?

calvert6183

This is why Im scared of marriage and women. I see too many people not care and replace them as soon as they die, break up, or become disabled the next day. Its so hard for me to understand how people are so replaceable in a day. People love their iPhones more than real people these days. Sad. If I lost a wife, it owuld take me years to get over the hurt and pain and my love for her would remain strong for years and years. I think most dont know what love really is.

I cant never tell you what you are going through and wont pretend I do but Im sorry you are having to go through this, ill keep you and your family in my prayers.

cheerforsteelers

If I got the news, I would make sure all the i's are dotted and the t's are crossed with all paperwork at hand dealing with assets. It's not a nice thing to think about, but it can cause you a world of trouble once that loved one is gone. Of course I would spend every waking minute with my loved one. I would do everything possible to make them comfortable. It's a different experience for everyone and people grieve differently too.

AmyFett

Considering the fact that the man I love has 2-4 years to live, I find this thread offensive. I shouldn't even have bothered to comment and I hope you all never have to deal with burying your spouse. If your not happy, get a divorce and make yourself and YOUR SPOUSE happy.

I'm so sorry you have to go through that I couldn't imagine. I have a hard enough of a time when doctors said my hubby will be blind by the time he's 30, he's 29 now, and getting closer and closer. He won't be able to drive much longer. What bothers me here though, is the people saying they'd be happy. My mom was abused nearly to death from my father, but I know a part of her would be a little bit upset hearing he's dead. I'm sure glad at the same time too, but still. People are heartless these days.

candice382

\
I'm curious as to if anyone else would handle it the way my husband did when they told him this news. 3.5 years ago. Clearly, i did not die. They were wrong.
[/quote]

Soo......what did he do????

saralynn594

You guys make me really happy to be single

if my exhusband passed...i would be sad for my children

elenathegreat

This scenario is unimaginable to me. My husband is my world. I would die for him.

nikinyx6

It's super sad and annoying to hear all you people say rejoice, and be happy,and booty call and crap. If you don't love who your with why stay with them? Why marry them in the first place? People take marriage super lightly these days, like it's a joke. -_-

I agree!! I've been with the same guy since I was 18, I'm 25 now. We've been friends for over 10 years. Have two kids together. We just barely got married a matter of months ago. I don't understand.

Yeah, I've been with my man since I was 18, I'm 22 now, and we are getting married 6 months after I turn 24 which is 1 year 10 and a half months from now. I know my man well enough to know I love him and he means everything to me. We know we can make it through anything and make it work. But I don't get these people who I hear getting engaged after 2 months of knowing eachother. I go WTF? You don't know who the hell that person is after only 2 months

I agree completely... I'm 25, been with my fiance since I was 12...over half of my life. I would no longer be ME without him.

wickedcricket

'but doctor, I can't possibly get party invitations out in time, can't you give him 3 weeks?'

RhonndaJ

~feels the need to add~

There are some people who face such news with what I've heard termed gallows humour. God knows at the point of diagnosis and the first year we freaked out more people with some of the things we said, and honestly still say from time to time.

It was, and remains, part of our way of coping, so I do understand why some of the flip comments have been made. Sometimes it's hard to seriously think about something that would be terribly painful so we joke it away. And sometimes there is the thought 'If we don't take it seriously, maybe it won't be'.

taso42

Many of these replies are in poor taste. I would venture to guess that the miserable people who will be happy and rejoice, etc at their spouses death will actually continue to be miserable people afterwards as well.

AmyFett

This is why Im scared of marriage and women. I see too many people not care and replace them as soon as they die, break up, or become disabled the next day. Its so hard for me to understand how people are so replaceable in a day. People love their iPhones more than real people these days. Sad.

I cant never tell you what you are going through and wont pretend I do but Im sorry you are having to go through this, ill keep you and your family in my prayers.

people are just awful! it's not all women :P it's guys too!

ThePhoenixRose

For those flaming me for starting this topic, and placing it in the chit chat section, I'm sorry. This topic doesn't pertain to weight-loss or fitness at all. That's the reason it's here. Not because it's fun and games. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Being on either end of this situation.

i was seriously curious as to how people would/have handle(d) this situation. That's all. And no, I'm not going into specifics as to how he handled it. It's not fair to him. I'll just say it was not with the grace i'd have liked, and some of you have shared.

calvert6183

If so many women are so unhappy and wouldnt feel a thing if their man died. That really scares the crap out of me. People ask me all the time why i never married, next time, im gonna show them this thread.

BigDaddyBRC

Or they aren't defining their existance by their signficant other. Seriously, if my partner died, I would say goodbye and move forward. Everything in life is seasonal, ya'll, and nothing is guaranteed. It would hurt, but it sure as **** wouldn't shatter my world. Life and the world doesn't stop for grief or heartache, and I'm not going to stop for it either. Feel it, embrace it, let it go.

Unlike most, I admire this viewpoint...however, how long have you been with your partner. And is it your partner or a higher defined level of love? "Partner", to me, is giving the impression that you may not truly know what a pure love is...or has become stale and expected. There is no pain in loss of love. there is no heartache...there is a detachment of that which fuels the soul.

ElizaRoche

well real or not its not something to joke about

you go through something like that and then laugh about it

sorry but i dont find this funny at all

this...... Some ppl dont know how to separate jokes from a serious question I guess. But ´death´ is not a funny topic at all. Geeze...

AddA2UDE

wow people. sad!

Yep, ^^^this!^^^

SouthernSweetie74

I have heard those words, 12 years ago in april I lost my first love and the father
of my children to cancer, he was 38 yrs old.
What did i do ? I honestly don't remember I saw everything thru a haze and pondered
why my neighbors were mowing there grass why kids were playing basket ball and
laughing and birds were singing Didnt they know my Bill was dying ! I remeber a pic nic
and a butterfly exhibit I remember screaming into a towel in my bathroom for god to
take him cause i couldnt do it anymore and the guilt I still feel for that request.
Fast forward almost 13 years my kids are grown and parents, my husband of almost 10yrs
will be 44 and after surgery Chemo and Radiation over the past 10 months I now await those words again
What if ? I hope you never get your answer........

so sorry you had to go through this. i'll keep you in my prayers that you don't have to again!!

I didn't have any time to prepare, they diagnosed him on Feb 17, 1997 and he was gone Feb 20th 1997...I was so damn angry that the world kept going...I remember making some bad mistakes and everything was a haze for me as well...

I remember the anger and the careless bad choices, i know exactly how you felt

I, too, made some very bad choices.

AddA2UDE

Many of these replies are in poor taste. I would venture to guess that the miserable people who will be happy and rejoice, etc at their spouses death will actually continue to be miserable people afterwards as well.

Well said my friend, well said.

SouthernSweetie74

...there is a detachment of that which fuels the soul.

EXACTLY

coachblt

Make sure she knows this:

I'm not going to love her until the day she dies, but until the day I die.

Then stay in each others arms until that day arrives. In the quiet moments, start preparations for her death.

kerrymh

In my personal life I'm thankful to say I have never experienced a situation like this.
But in my professional life working in cancer care I do see couples in these situations. Or at least dealing with mortality. All I can think of is that if I ever am in this situation I know I will have loved well and deeply and I would take that week (or what ever time I'm given) to express my love to my family and my lover. I would live what ever time we had left with gusto and try to leave the grieving until afterwards.