"I'm sorry, your spouse is going to die...

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  • ThePhoenixRose
    ThePhoenixRose Posts: 1,985 Member
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    For those flaming me for starting this topic, and placing it in the chit chat section, I'm sorry. This topic doesn't pertain to weight-loss or fitness at all. That's the reason it's here. Not because it's fun and games. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Being on either end of this situation.

    i was seriously curious as to how people would/have handle(d) this situation. That's all. And no, I'm not going into specifics as to how he handled it. It's not fair to him. I'll just say it was not with the grace i'd have liked, and some of you have shared.
  • calvert6183
    calvert6183 Posts: 539 Member
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    If so many women are so unhappy and wouldnt feel a thing if their man died. That really scares the crap out of me. People ask me all the time why i never married, next time, im gonna show them this thread.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    Or they aren't defining their existance by their signficant other. Seriously, if my partner died, I would say goodbye and move forward. Everything in life is seasonal, ya'll, and nothing is guaranteed. It would hurt, but it sure as **** wouldn't shatter my world. Life and the world doesn't stop for grief or heartache, and I'm not going to stop for it either. Feel it, embrace it, let it go.

    Unlike most, I admire this viewpoint...however, how long have you been with your partner. And is it your partner or a higher defined level of love? "Partner", to me, is giving the impression that you may not truly know what a pure love is...or has become stale and expected. There is no pain in loss of love. there is no heartache...there is a detachment of that which fuels the soul.
  • ElizaRoche
    ElizaRoche Posts: 2,005 Member
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    well real or not its not something to joke about

    you go through something like that and then laugh about it

    sorry but i dont find this funny at all


    this...... Some ppl dont know how to separate jokes from a serious question I guess. But ´death´ is not a funny topic at all. Geeze...
  • AddA2UDE
    AddA2UDE Posts: 382
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    wow people. sad!

    Yep, ^^^this!^^^
  • SouthernSweetie74
    SouthernSweetie74 Posts: 844
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    I have heard those words, 12 years ago in april I lost my first love and the father
    of my children to cancer, he was 38 yrs old.
    What did i do ? I honestly don't remember I saw everything thru a haze and pondered
    why my neighbors were mowing there grass why kids were playing basket ball and
    laughing and birds were singing Didnt they know my Bill was dying ! I remeber a pic nic
    and a butterfly exhibit I remember screaming into a towel in my bathroom for god to
    take him cause i couldnt do it anymore and the guilt I still feel for that request.
    Fast forward almost 13 years my kids are grown and parents, my husband of almost 10yrs
    will be 44 and after surgery Chemo and Radiation over the past 10 months I now await those words again
    What if ? I hope you never get your answer........

    so sorry you had to go through this. i'll keep you in my prayers that you don't have to again!!

    I didn't have any time to prepare, they diagnosed him on Feb 17, 1997 and he was gone Feb 20th 1997...I was so damn angry that the world kept going...I remember making some bad mistakes and everything was a haze for me as well...

    I remember the anger and the careless bad choices, i know exactly how you felt

    I, too, made some very bad choices.
  • AddA2UDE
    AddA2UDE Posts: 382
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    Many of these replies are in poor taste. I would venture to guess that the miserable people who will be happy and rejoice, etc at their spouses death will actually continue to be miserable people afterwards as well.

    Well said my friend, well said.
  • SouthernSweetie74
    SouthernSweetie74 Posts: 844
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    ...there is a detachment of that which fuels the soul.

    EXACTLY
  • coachblt
    coachblt Posts: 1,090
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    Make sure she knows this:

    I'm not going to love her until the day she dies, but until the day I die.

    Then stay in each others arms until that day arrives. In the quiet moments, start preparations for her death.
  • kerrymh
    kerrymh Posts: 912 Member
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    In my personal life I'm thankful to say I have never experienced a situation like this.
    But in my professional life working in cancer care I do see couples in these situations. Or at least dealing with mortality. All I can think of is that if I ever am in this situation I know I will have loved well and deeply and I would take that week (or what ever time I'm given) to express my love to my family and my lover. I would live what ever time we had left with gusto and try to leave the grieving until afterwards.
  • SouthernSweetie74
    SouthernSweetie74 Posts: 844
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    If so many women are so unhappy and wouldnt feel a thing if their man died. That really scares the crap out of me. People ask me all the time why i never married, next time, im gonna show them this thread.

    It's not how all of us would feel... or have felt... I've experienced the death of my first husband, the father of my children. I was devestated. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and given to dogs to eat.

    As far as you remaining single, mister, you just haven't met your match yet... a woman who understands your needs and wants and desires, gets your jokes, knows what a geek you are and loves you anyway... the right girl might just be able to come through that barrier of yours...
  • Alzzak
    Alzzak Posts: 89 Member
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    If so many women are so unhappy and wouldnt feel a thing if their man died. That really scares the crap out of me. People ask me all the time why i never married, next time, im gonna show them this thread.

    same
  • ThePhoenixRose
    ThePhoenixRose Posts: 1,985 Member
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    Make sure she knows this:

    I'm not going to love her until the day she dies, but until the day I die.

    Then stay in each others arms until that day arrives. In the quiet moments, start preparations for her death.

    :heart: this answer. you, sir, win the thread. :flowerforyou:
  • mikeyboy
    mikeyboy Posts: 1,057 Member
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    My wife has been faced with this twice. Both times I survived. I am currently fighting the second time. We live everyday like it our last together, because you just never know. Great advise for everyone!
  • supertracylynn
    supertracylynn Posts: 1,338 Member
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    If my legal husband had a week to live, I wouldn't feel anything (hence the divorce process), but would expect him to spend some time with our kids before his passing so he could tell them.

    Now, if my guy told me this... Well. We actually talked a little about a similar "what if". I'd suck up my tears and fears while I was with him, do EVERYTHING that he wanted (yes, the all-inclusive *EvErYtHiNg*), travel, hike, spend time, be reckless, you name it. All of it with the agreement that we take pictures After whatever adventure we're on (or minimal pictures during) so we can truly experience it together while having some photographic evidence.
  • CassieReannan
    CassieReannan Posts: 1,479 Member
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    Since we are engaged, I would make everything possible for us to have our wedding. I would spend every waking moment with him. Trying to make memories that we couldnt have for our future and live our days to the fullest. I would do anything for him, and when he is gone I would fall apart. I wouldnt be anyone anymore. We have only been with eachother and I promised no body else, no matter what :brokenheart:
  • TadaGanIarracht
    TadaGanIarracht Posts: 2,615 Member
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    To the men and women who have gone through this, I have no words.

    For me personally, I can't imagine it. This man may drive me nuts from time to time but he is my soul mate. I don't even believe in soul mates but he is definitely mine. He makes me smile when I want to pout. He makes me laugh when I want to cry. His touch is magical and it always eases my pain, both emotional pain and physical. He has done so much for me and our family. He has shown me true love and the thought of losing that is unbearable to me.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,231 Member
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    For those flaming me for starting this topic, and placing it in the chit chat section, I'm sorry. This topic doesn't pertain to weight-loss or fitness at all. That's the reason it's here. Not because it's fun and games. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Being on either end of this situation.

    i was seriously curious as to how people would/have handle(d) this situation. That's all. And no, I'm not going into specifics as to how he handled it. It's not fair to him. I'll just say it was not with the grace i'd have liked, and some of you have shared.

    I experienced loss at a very young age, not a boyfriend, but a parent. I learned a long damn time ago that death is part of life.

    In saying that, I'm confused why you would post this particular topic if you're already familiar with how fragile life is?

    I'm also confused at your reaction. You had to know that some people will be offended, others will not be.

    Just like everyone grieves differently. Some of us keep all the anger and sadness all inside and don't talk to anyone. Others go to church and pray for strength. And some of us sit in the cemetary with our half empty whiskey bottle and remember the "good ol' days".

    Personally, I find some of the responses to this topic offensive.

    Life should be cherished and lived like it's your last day on earth.

    There's my 0.02.
  • SassyCalyGirl
    SassyCalyGirl Posts: 1,932 Member
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    Please say this is not a serious thread?

    This is serious. To a degree. I posted in the chit-chat section because it didn't pertain to anything weight-related.

    I'm curious as to if anyone else would handle it the way my husband did when they told him this news. 3.5 years ago. Clearly, i did not die. They were wrong.

    so you are curious if people would handle it the way your husband did but you won't share how he handled it? Hummmmm...
  • SouthernSweetie74
    SouthernSweetie74 Posts: 844
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    My wife has been faced with this twice. Both times I survived. I am currently fighting the second time. We live everyday like it our last together, because you just never know. Great advise for everyone!

    That is great advice! I will be saying a prayer for you!

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